Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 22, 2023, 1:00 pm

Rock on man, just a quick comment that I loved the humor/pun in the title :D.

So maybe just to add some possible value rather than just an empty comment:

Humor does work great in dating.

 

Quote from Power Duck on October 22, 2023, 2:16 pm

Thanks for the note Lucio :).

just a quick comment that I loved the humor/pun in the title :D.

Hahaha, thanks.

Humor does work great in dating.

Agree, been giving some thoughts to the matter while working out and I think I've got some things.

Reframe #1: Cold approaches are opportunities to:

• Prove to yourself and showcase that you have incredible levels of confidence.
• Stand out from the overwhelming majority of men, both from present and past.
• HAVE FUN (most important part) and meet girls, potential gf, new female friends.
• Get a girlfriend. (This mindset makes you outcome dependent, don't take the interaction seriously)
• Don't take yourself seriously, the goal is to have fun and have some laughs, if she reciprocates your energy or not isn't your problem.

The reasons for me not having done any cold approaches yet:

• Fear of coming across as thirsty/creepy/weird. Both to the girl and to bystanders.
• Fear of not knowing what to say and making it uncomfortable (Fixed with #1reframe, another mindset is: "let's see if this turns out into a funny situation/conv")

I'm sure there's some form of mental obstacle/mindset that is telling me that I won't cold approach. Maybe approaching a random girl and starting a conv. even if it's just to ask her if I know her would suffice.

Start simple then see where the conversation goes. Actually I did a thing like that in the past, the girl stopped and even smiled when I asked her if we knew each other, didn't get that far from that.

I'm sure that now I know different.

CURRENT GOAL:

• Talk to a random girl and ask her if you know her, whether you keep talking or not doesn't matter.

In order to push myself I won't post anything in the forum till I do it.

I don't believe I will, but in case I don't keep my word feel free to shame me for being a coward, my future self will appreciate the tough love for sure.

Quote from Power Duck on October 22, 2023, 3:08 pm

OFF TOPIC:

Note: (since post can't be edited)

in case I don't keep my word feel free to shame me for being a coward, my future self will appreciate the tough love for sure.

I feel that this is an "indirect request" and frames the requested as wanting/possibly wanting to shame the other guy for being a coward. Just realized it, it does sound higher power but it isn't a frame I'd like to stablish, so I'll leave it in:

• I'll appreciate the tough love in case I don't keep my word.

Since directly asking for tough love sound weird for me.

END OFF TOPIC

Quote from John Freeman on October 22, 2023, 9:49 pm

Hey Power Duck,

boom boom boom. Challenging your current beliefs and identity. I think it shows determination, grit and courage. Not an easy endeavour.

So I think that challenging yourself to cold approach is a great way to learn psychology and social skills. And yes the results do not matter.

in case I don't keep my word feel free to shame me for being a coward, my future self will appreciate the tough love for sure.

On this I think it's the "inner critic" speaking. I don't think you would deserve to be shamed. I think empathy, encouragement, support and congratulations (also self- all of the above) are more productive.

Quote from Power Duck on October 23, 2023, 2:29 pm

Thanks for the note John.

On this I think it's the "inner critic" speaking. I don't think you would deserve to be shamed. I think empathy, encouragement, support and congratulations (also self- all of the above) are more productive.

Hmm, I wrote it with the intention of creating some form of peer pressure but it could totally be what you're stating for sure.

#1st Cold approach:

Well, guys to sum things up I sat next to an Italian girl in the bus and chatted with her:

• Wasn't a flirty conversation, a bit of humor, only asking for things about her being here in Spain.
• The conversation wasn't flowing as I would've like to, still it was really good.
• Didn't ask for her number 🤦‍♂️, since I believed that there was not that much chemistry.
• I was really relaxed and calm, she was pretty so I can say that pretty girls are not a problem for me.
• The conversation actually went better than I thought at the moment, we spoke in a mix of spanish and english, so it was kind of a joke that we made during the bus ride. Actually we made a couple of jokes, not flirty though.
• There's a high chance I might see her again, since she's studying in a near building to the one I'm at and she also lives in the same city, it wouldn't be strange to find her again in the bus.
• Cold approaches are better made acting as if you already knew the other person, we are the ones that make things awkward, if you have good vibes people are more likely to respond to them, just go to anyone and talk as if you knew them. This is actually a form of frame shocking and the surprise makes them more likely for them to enter it.

So I've made up my mind, I will keep making cold approaches, it's just amazing how you feel after man, and the fact that I didn't ask for her number, maan what a fail, since she's new here I would've actually given value to her, a cool guy that knows the city, can teach her spanish and with whom could have a short romance. If I see her again I'll ask for her number to have a coffe, that's an opportunity I won't miss again.

So overall it's surprising how easy it was, and the fact that I know I'm able to pull it off being really chill, that makes the difference.

Cold approaches are so easy if you have the right mindset.

Quote from Power Duck on October 23, 2023, 2:50 pm

P.S:

She was also smiling and laughing from time to time so all good.

Quote from Power Duck on October 23, 2023, 3:49 pm

Next milestone:

• Attempt to get a number.

Will do it before tomorrow night

Quote from Kavalier on October 23, 2023, 5:16 pm

Hello, Power Duck! It seemed a really good interaction! I personally don't see not getting her number as a mistake if you felt there was not enough chemistry, specially if you are still struggling with attachment (it's a way to signal to yourself that it doesn't matter).

Also, if you have a good chance of meeting her again, that's good. My personal experience is that, when you have a good interaction, and don't ask for her phone number, from time to time you'll notice this happening:

• Women volunteer their numbers when they meet you for the second time
• They ask friends in common for yours
• Look for you in the social media
• Become extra excited when you finally ask for it

I believe the reason is that it sets you apart from other men who were only talking to her because they wanted something. Also, because it subcommunicates that you are not "easy" and if she likes you she has to invest. This helps filtering women that really like you from the ones that are on the fence or don't like you (at least not in a romantic fashion), keeps you from overinvesting, keeps you from being labelled as a skirt-chaser, and catalyzes attraction by itself.

That said, when you have an interaction and it was not just good, but great, and you've spoken about doing specific things together, do get her number!

Quote from B on October 23, 2023, 5:22 pm

Quote from Kavalier on October 23, 2023, 5:16 pm

Hello, Power Duck! It seemed a really good interaction! I personally don't see not getting her number as a mistake if you felt there was not enough chemistry, specially if you are still struggling with attachment (it's a way to signal to yourself that it doesn't matter).

Also, if you have a good chance of meeting her again, that's good. My personal experience is that, when you have a good interaction, and don't ask for her phone number, from time to time you'll notice this happening:

• Women volunteer their numbers when they meet you for the second time
• They ask friends in common for yours
• Look for you in the social media
• Become extra excited when you finally ask for it

I believe the reason is that it sets you apart from other men who were only talking to her because they wanted something. Also, because it subcommunicates that you are not "easy" and if she likes you she has to invest. This helps filtering women that really like you from the ones that are on the fence or don't like you (at least not in a romantic fashion), keeps you from overinvesting, keeps you from being labelled as a skirt-chaser, and catalyzes attraction by itself.

That said, when you have an interaction and it was not just good, but great, and you've spoken about doing specific things together, do get her number!

Interesting. In this vein, I found that proposing an "insta-coffee", even if impossible due to the situation or the time constraints of the man and the woman, increases the chances that the woman may find the "number request" coming immediately after as justified due to liking her - and not by "wanting her number".

Sometimes the woman actually proposes to exchange contacts if she has to refuse the insta-coffee - probably due to a reciprocity principle, provided of course she likes the man asking.