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PD mating season(Journal dating)

#11 · October 23, 2023, 8:04 pm

Rock on, Power Duck!

Saw your comment on another thread and wondered "I hope he did do what he promised he would do before posting again".
And you didn't just do it, you smashed it!

Well done man, I'll allow myself a potentially slightly judge-y expression (but meaning it in the best possible way): proud of you man.

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#12 · October 23, 2023, 8:47 pm

Thanks Lucio :)

Yeah it went pretty well, definetely a huge step forward . I can't get comfortable, now that I've just started I have to keep going and gain momentum till I can talk to any girl with ease. Indirect openers seem easy, direct ones not so much, anyway I'll just keep chatting with pretty girls I don't know yet till it becomes 2nd nature. Strangers are friends we haven't met yet after all.

Cheers.

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#13 · October 23, 2023, 8:49 pm

Hello, Power Duck! It seemed a really good interaction! I personally don't see not getting her number as a mistake if you felt there was not enough chemistry, specially if you are still struggling with attachment (it's a way to signal to yourself that it doesn't matter).

Thanks for the response Kavalier. Noted, less focus on the number, more on getting to know the other person. I think it's a good idea, it shows that one has standards even if it's just a hookup.

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#14 · October 24, 2023, 10:10 am

Quote from John Freeman on October 24, 2023, 10:10 am
Hello Power Duck,
Congratulations! To be honest, was quite sure you would do it. :) But that does not mean it's not an achievement.
Regarding the number, that's why I think the frame is key. As you noticed, in the thread it was talked about "getting her number."
So here it depends on the stage you are training at. There are many different aspects, so I think it's important to focus on one at a time, depending on your learning style.
Some ideas:
Exchanging contacts (not getting her number): the frame is important and that's why I insist as it says she can contact you as much as you can contact her. It also means that you both have to gain: setting a win-win frame.
People exchange contacts for a reason: so it depends for what reason you exchange contact. The goal is to do something with the person in the future: continue the conversation, invite her to a party you think she might like (WIIFT), talk about something, getting to know one another better, doing an activity, etc. It can be a token excuse but still it's social lubricant.
What is important is not getting the contact but getting into the habit of exchanging contacts: this is to grow your social network. Same for guys. If you meet a cool guy that could be a good friend and you forget to exchange contacts then it's too bad. So if exchanging contacts with people is natural and easy, then it's not even a thing anymore.
Then at later stages, you can go with: "give me your number" if she's very attracted and the number is just a formality (and she's the one who will be gaining the most). But as long as it's a thing, I think it's important to get it out of the way by doing it so often that exchanging contacts is just like saying good bye.
In a later stage it's important to make it low pressure and enjoyable the process of exchanging number. But as I said it's a later stage. At this stage it's about getting the habit of exchanging contacts with girls. Even if you're not attracted. Automatic as tying your shoes. That's my take on it.
It's not about focussing on it. It's about making it a part of your process: you leave -> you exchange contacts. You don't even have to call her if you don't want to but at least you have the possibility. Also, she can become someone in your social circle who can introduce you to other people. So it does not have to always be romantic interest. You can friendzone girls.
I'm stopping here as I said there are many concepts branching from there. But you got my point. I would focus on making it part of the end of the interaction as long as it's a "high pressure high stake" moment. And yes sometimes we forget so making it a habit helps.
My 2 cents.

Hello Power Duck,

Congratulations! To be honest, was quite sure you would do it. :) But that does not mean it's not an achievement.

Regarding the number, that's why I think the frame is key. As you noticed, in the thread it was talked about "getting her number."

So here it depends on the stage you are training at. There are many different aspects, so I think it's important to focus on one at a time, depending on your learning style.

Some ideas:

Exchanging contacts (not getting her number): the frame is important and that's why I insist as it says she can contact you as much as you can contact her. It also means that you both have to gain: setting a win-win frame.
People exchange contacts for a reason: so it depends for what reason you exchange contact. The goal is to do something with the person in the future: continue the conversation, invite her to a party you think she might like (WIIFT), talk about something, getting to know one another better, doing an activity, etc. It can be a token excuse but still it's social lubricant.
What is important is not getting the contact but getting into the habit of exchanging contacts: this is to grow your social network. Same for guys. If you meet a cool guy that could be a good friend and you forget to exchange contacts then it's too bad. So if exchanging contacts with people is natural and easy, then it's not even a thing anymore.

Then at later stages, you can go with: "give me your number" if she's very attracted and the number is just a formality (and she's the one who will be gaining the most). But as long as it's a thing, I think it's important to get it out of the way by doing it so often that exchanging contacts is just like saying good bye.

In a later stage it's important to make it low pressure and enjoyable the process of exchanging number. But as I said it's a later stage. At this stage it's about getting the habit of exchanging contacts with girls. Even if you're not attracted. Automatic as tying your shoes. That's my take on it.

It's not about focussing on it. It's about making it a part of your process: you leave -> you exchange contacts. You don't even have to call her if you don't want to but at least you have the possibility. Also, she can become someone in your social circle who can introduce you to other people. So it does not have to always be romantic interest. You can friendzone girls.

I'm stopping here as I said there are many concepts branching from there. But you got my point. I would focus on making it part of the end of the interaction as long as it's a "high pressure high stake" moment. And yes sometimes we forget so making it a habit helps.

My 2 cents.

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#15 · October 24, 2023, 10:35 am

Thanks for the note John.

Will keep that in mind, I'll probably apply it with something like this:

PD:...... It was cool talking to you, how about we exchange numbers (saying exchange contacts sound weird in Spanish).

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#16 · October 24, 2023, 10:47 am

Yeah sounds good.

If you want to sound higher power you can add « it was cool talking to you I gotta go, let’s exchange numbers ». And you can use low investment from her and lead her by telling her: I don’t know if you know this but there’s an easy way in WA. And scan her QR code.

Then you can send her a text with your first name there and then. +/- a funny/cute note.

Power Duck.

Power Duck :)

Power Duck was cool :)

Power Duck see you :)

Depending

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#17 · October 24, 2023, 10:48 am

Quote from Power Duck on October 24, 2023, 10:48 am
Today right before going out of the bus the driver was mean to the students that were going to exit it, since we were two he addressed me, he was in the wrong but I didn't pay much attention to him. Right after exiting it I commented it to a girl I didnt know and we talked for about 15 seconds, not too much just a couple of words. Still it's good to get used to talking to strangers.
#2 Approaching a girl in my class
Right before the first class I went to talk with a girl I had spoken to a couple of times, the first time I spoke with her a couple of weeks ago she laughed at my comments (weren't that funny if I recall correctly) and slightly tapped my arm when I said something about her (can't remember) while laughing.
Here's how the conv went:
PD:(while smirking) A what happened?
A: I arrived late (while smiling a bit), I got in the bus at x hour and it was full of people but, blablabla.
PD: did you take it in x?
A: no I took it in y, I live there.
PD: Hmm
PD: so you took it in y and it was full of people? So it took you around x time to get here.
A: yeah
PD: it's kind of funny I would've entered in the class the same way, not saying anything so the teacher wouldn't reprimand me, unfortunately you got caught.
A: yeah, if I had asked for permission he would had reprimanded me either way so I didn't say anything and entered.
PD: by the way yesterday what happened? You didn't come to stay sleeping? Maan what a lazy girl, you better sleep well then. (What I could've said)
A: yeah didn't come because blablabla
PD: yeah, I like sleeping too.... Nah I'm messing with you, haha. Anyways gotta go bye.
(She gets up from her seat and I go in the direction to the door, the same she was going but I was in front of her)
PD: well, bye.
I'm not sure if she said goodbye.
So it's three things here, she isn't interested anymore, wasn't interested in the first place, or I sucked at the conv.
Will have to improve my conv and flirting skills, I used to flirt more with girls in the past, but it was mostly one upping them while teasing them. I believe my mindset has to do something with it, I probably like her looks but not her personality, it's true that I don't know her that much, but she doesn't catch my attention.
Still I did something, it was pretty easy to overcome doubt though.

Today right before going out of the bus the driver was mean to the students that were going to exit it, since we were two he addressed me, he was in the wrong but I didn't pay much attention to him. Right after exiting it I commented it to a girl I didnt know and we talked for about 15 seconds, not too much just a couple of words. Still it's good to get used to talking to strangers.

#2 Approaching a girl in my class

Right before the first class I went to talk with a girl I had spoken to a couple of times, the first time I spoke with her a couple of weeks ago she laughed at my comments (weren't that funny if I recall correctly) and slightly tapped my arm when I said something about her (can't remember) while laughing.

Here's how the conv went:

PD:(while smirking) A what happened?
A: I arrived late (while smiling a bit), I got in the bus at x hour and it was full of people but, blablabla.
PD: did you take it in x?
A: no I took it in y, I live there.
PD: Hmm
PD: so you took it in y and it was full of people? So it took you around x time to get here.
A: yeah
PD: it's kind of funny I would've entered in the class the same way, not saying anything so the teacher wouldn't reprimand me, unfortunately you got caught.
A: yeah, if I had asked for permission he would had reprimanded me either way so I didn't say anything and entered.
PD: by the way yesterday what happened? You didn't come to stay sleeping? Maan what a lazy girl, you better sleep well then. (What I could've said)
A: yeah didn't come because blablabla
PD: yeah, I like sleeping too.... Nah I'm messing with you, haha. Anyways gotta go bye.
(She gets up from her seat and I go in the direction to the door, the same she was going but I was in front of her)
PD: well, bye.
I'm not sure if she said goodbye.

So it's three things here, she isn't interested anymore, wasn't interested in the first place, or I sucked at the conv.

Will have to improve my conv and flirting skills, I used to flirt more with girls in the past, but it was mostly one upping them while teasing them. I believe my mindset has to do something with it, I probably like her looks but not her personality, it's true that I don't know her that much, but she doesn't catch my attention.

Still I did something, it was pretty easy to overcome doubt though.

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#18 · October 25, 2023, 11:45 am

Half an hour ago I caught a girl staring at me in the cafeteria, when I realized I looked at her but she kept staring. She was about 2 meters from me, I didn't do anything, from now on when I catch an unknown person staring I'll say hello with a nod up while smirking. That would make the approach easy and natural.

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#19 · October 25, 2023, 8:22 pm

Today I met a girl from 1st year, talked with her from the bus stop before getting in the bus till we arrived to the city and we had to part ways. The conv went great, talking the whole time and it went pretty natural, I also introduced some "us" frames I positioned myself at the judge at one time and teased her, right before entering the bus this happened:

Her: you can enter
PD: you can go first (with a subtle smile)
(she looks a bit surprised)
Her looks down while going in, and in a lower tone of voice: thank you

In the bus:

PD: a pub is gonna be built near our homes.
.......
PD: so in highschool you weren't of those who smoked to appear cool?
Her: no, I wasn't
PD: so you actually were?
Her laughing: no I wasn't
PD: haha, I don't know if I can believe you
Her: yes, believe me, I wasn't.
PD: hmm, I'm not sure if I can.
Her: yes believe me (something similar than before)
PD: alright, I believe you
Her (I believe she was giggling): you actually shouldn't, after all, you just met me today.
PD: naah, it's not good to be so mistrustful with people, we should trust more in people, i'll trust in you.
Her: right right (giggling)

After exiting the bus:

PD: do I know you? (With a obviously fake tone and face that made it obvious)

Since the conv went pretty good I thought about asking her number, but, given that I will se her tomorrow it would be better to go slowly.

I think I did pretty good, will keep practicing, I'll revisit SU in the weekend.

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#20 · October 26, 2023, 8:41 am

Met with the girl on the way to class again, and again talked in the bus the whole ttime.She seems to like me given how the conv goes, we even stopped to talk for about 5 min before entering in separate classes.

I think I'll have to start introducing different themes in the conv, more related to hobbies, and more personal topics, basically what I would talk with a friend. In a couple of days will probably invite her to study in the library, since I'm more advanced than her in maths I can help her both adding value and positioning as the teacher.

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