Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 4, 2022, 10:55 am

Quote from Bel on August 4, 2022, 10:53 am

Thank you Lucio, that’s very helpful.

My confusion stemmed from seeing the exact same words used with different intentions. This confirms that everything is situational.

 

Exactly.

Also, I amended the message while you replied in case you wanna check the added info.

Quote from B on August 4, 2022, 11:04 am

The concept that “high-power behavior not meant to disempower is to be dealt with high-power” is enlightening. As per the other thread, it avoids the “gap”.

That’s why in another case you suggested to reply to a colleague who said “let me know your availability” with “call me at x”.

This means that in cases where I am unsure, I can assume the other person is just high-power and not trying to power-move, and behave high power back (in the example here above, re-task back).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 4, 2022, 12:04 pm

Quote from Bel on August 4, 2022, 11:04 am

The concept that “high-power behavior not meant to disempower is to be dealt with high-power” is enlightening. As per the other thread, it avoids the “gap”.

That’s why in another case you suggested to reply to a colleague who said “let me know your availability” with “call me at x”.

This means that in cases where I am unsure, I can assume the other person is just high-power and not trying to power-move, and behave high power back (in the example here above, re-task back).

Yeah, and thank you for the note Bel.

I realized it might be an important note while writing it.
One of those things that become obvious only once you say it / make it explicit, but that until then... It might be one of those important missing pieces.

Quote from John Freeman on August 26, 2022, 9:24 am

Here is my current way of dealing with undue "Perfect!" (equals or subordinate to you)

I "Perfect" them back right away, as simple as that.

Caveat: you need to be sure of your dominance and have high dominance, it's all in the tone.

Basically, the one "Perfect-ing" (or "Very good-ing" or "Super-ing") last in the interaction is the dominant (judge role).

Me: so this and this

Nurse (ascending tone): Perfect! (power change to her)

Me (lower tone, descending tone, same volume as her): Perfect. (power changes to me)

Me: Thank you very much

Her: Thank you

As Lucio said, it's about the "feel" of power. You feel when power is transferred to the other person and you can feel when it transfers back to you.

It does not even have to make sense as I previously thought. It's all about the subtext. For instance, when you say to someone:

Person: this and this

You (exclamative tone): For real??

It's not about the content. Of course what the person say is real! It's all about the subtext: "I'm amazed of what you're telling me".

Same thing with "Perfect", because actually it's not even perfect, what is perfect anyway? It's about communicating: "I'm happy with your work/what you're telling me you did".

People are totally aware of the subtext of the "Perfect" power move. So they try to get above you. If you set back the correct power dynamics, they accept it because they know they've been power moving and you checked them. Like many things related to power, it's an insider thing.

If you're not aware it's going to be used against you. If you're aware, you're one of them, meaning you know what's up. And therefore you check it.

Following-up on Lucio's way of checking power moves, we can even imagine:

Me: so this and this

Nurse (ascending tone): Perfect! (power change to her)

Me (lower tone, descending tone, same volume as her): Perfect. (power changes to me). Ok. (I checked it, let's move on)

Me: Thank you very much

Her: Thank you

Quote from John Freeman on August 26, 2022, 10:07 am

Update: I learned this from observing my mentor/supervisor.

Quote from John Freeman on September 5, 2022, 9:05 pm

Hello everyone,

Thanks to all your feed-backs, I now understand that this could be a power move or not. Some people can intend it as a way to get to the point. To me, it is still feels a bit strange as it is a new idea to me. I'm opening my mind to it though.

I also think it's a matter of communication style. We don't always like/are comfortable with other people's way of communicating if they resonate with negative ideas within us. I'll experiment with being more flexible about the use of this word by other people.

Quote from Transitioned on September 6, 2022, 4:01 am

I treat these tiny things like red flags.  If I see one ignore.  If I see many default to kill with kindness be light, be warm, say how wonderful they are publicly.  Privately check my sword and shield.

'Perfect' could be neutral.  The ones I mentioned.  'Correct, That's fine/OK' seem more judgey to me.

Quote from John Freeman on September 6, 2022, 11:11 am

Thanks, Kevin!

I agree with your attitude about this. It also demonstrate that there is a difference in interpretation of these "tiny things" as you say from person to person and regarding cultural context. In my context, the "correct" and "that's fine" are very rare. Whereas "Perfect": I hear it 10-20 times a day. All day, every day: "Perfect", on the phone, in person, in email.

So I also see that the tone matters. In my case it's a descending tone, like authoritative. This could be what is so irritating to me. I'll be also more observant of the tone being used in these interactions.

Quote from John Freeman on July 28, 2023, 11:07 am

I had an idea, since the general dynamics is:

1. Subordinate/equals asks me if something is done
2. I answer "yes"
3. They go "Perfect" as in "Good job!" which is a power move

For instance, yesterday my colleague (equal peer) via WA:

1. "For the birth (newborn), is it planned this blood exam?"
2. "Yes it's planned resident knows about it"
3. "Perfect"

So it's a dynamics that once set in motion is done. If I go:

1. "For the birth (newborn), is it planned this blood exam?"
2. "Yes it's planned resident knows about it"
3. "Perfect"
4. Me: "Very good/Cool"

It's a bit weak as it shows a weak attempt to take back leadership and it's already too late. So I thought about preventing it with a counter-tasking before the good job as in :

1. "For the birth (newborn), is it planned this blood exam?"
2. "Yes it's planned resident knows about it. I let you check the results out."
3. "Perfect"

So I counter task before the perfect which weakens the effect of the "Perfect" I believe.

Another option, is to go like this:

1. "For the birth (newborn), is it planned this blood exam?"
2. "Yes it's planned resident knows about it"
3. "Perfect"
4. Me: Yeah, there's an indication to do it.

The "Yeah" refuses the tasker/taskee frame. Like in refusing a compliment when you think the person cannot be the judge of it:

1. Person: you did great
2. Me: Yeah, it was not too bad (refuses the judge frame)

Instead of:

1. Person: you did great
2. Me: Thanks (accepts the judge frame for emotional reward)

I'm happy to know if you have any comments on this.