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"Perfect!" power move

#31 · January 30, 2022, 5:35 pm

Quote from John Freeman on January 30, 2022, 5:35 pm
Quote from Transitioned on January 29, 2022, 2:04 am
So every time I went great/nice/perfect/wonderful on top of and if she was being really annoying I'd say Ok/fine by me. She seemed a bit irritated at the end but tough shit lady nobody appointed you judge.
This proves that people feel that it's a power move when it's used. Now I make it a habit to counter it, even if not perfect. I make it a reflex. If an equal or subordinate uses it against me, I use it right away back ("Perfect" me: "Nice!") and add "Thanks!" so something like that:
Her (subordinate/equal): Perfect!
Me: Nice! ("Very Good" is a bit too much for my current level of authority) Thank you! Talk to you later
The "thank you" is great because:
It cements the dynamics as you thanking her for doing something for you. Like you said, they wanted to play PM, so tough luck.
It is an olive branch and a collaborative friendly gesture. Nobody can accuse you of thanking them. You build back rapport.
So this combination of counteracting a judge power move from a subordinate/equal and building back rapport is very eagle-like I think.
If the person is a fair player or is politically astute or aware of social-exchange law (some power-unaware people use the "Perfect!" power move unknowingly by imitation of their colleagues), it goes something like that:
Her (subordinate/equal): Thank you!
Me: Thanks to YOU! See you later
So it's a balanced relationship and there is no power-loss on either side. Mutual exchange. The YOU emphasises, is not shouted, it's an emphasised sense gratitude. Later on, as you said Lucio, as an executive it will become more of a neutral "thank you" as you don't need to expand as much emotional energy towards subordinates.
I also make it a priority to use power move to defend and not to attack to stay an eagle. I will use positive judge power moves when I'm legitimate to do so. When people can accept my warm dominance because I have the skills and authority to do so. People actually expect recognition coming from a legitimate authority. It's when it's undeserved that it does not fly (I'm not talking about entitled narcissists who feel like nobody is above them).

Quote from Transitioned on January 29, 2022, 2:04 am
So every time I went great/nice/perfect/wonderful on top of and if she was being really annoying I'd say Ok/fine by me. She seemed a bit irritated at the end but tough shit lady nobody appointed you judge.

This proves that people feel that it's a power move when it's used. Now I make it a habit to counter it, even if not perfect. I make it a reflex. If an equal or subordinate uses it against me, I use it right away back ("Perfect" me: "Nice!") and add "Thanks!" so something like that:

Her (subordinate/equal): Perfect!
Me: Nice! ("Very Good" is a bit too much for my current level of authority) Thank you! Talk to you later

The "thank you" is great because:

It cements the dynamics as you thanking her for doing something for you. Like you said, they wanted to play PM, so tough luck.
It is an olive branch and a collaborative friendly gesture. Nobody can accuse you of thanking them. You build back rapport.

So this combination of counteracting a judge power move from a subordinate/equal and building back rapport is very eagle-like I think.

If the person is a fair player or is politically astute or aware of social-exchange law (some power-unaware people use the "Perfect!" power move unknowingly by imitation of their colleagues), it goes something like that:

Her (subordinate/equal): Thank you!
Me: Thanks to YOU! See you later

So it's a balanced relationship and there is no power-loss on either side. Mutual exchange. The YOU emphasises, is not shouted, it's an emphasised sense gratitude. Later on, as you said Lucio, as an executive it will become more of a neutral "thank you" as you don't need to expand as much emotional energy towards subordinates.

I also make it a priority to use power move to defend and not to attack to stay an eagle. I will use positive judge power moves when I'm legitimate to do so. When people can accept my warm dominance because I have the skills and authority to do so. People actually expect recognition coming from a legitimate authority. It's when it's undeserved that it does not fly (I'm not talking about entitled narcissists who feel like nobody is above them).

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#32 · January 31, 2022, 7:57 am

I knew this topic was familiar. I asked it before off the back of one of John's posts here - at the bottom of the page. Mentioning because on the next page @lucio gives some higher power tactics for dealing. Lucio has your thinking on this shifted? Is the simple more rapport building approach discussed on this thread more refined or are there still circumstances (e.g. if an out and out enemy was saying) that those techniques would be better?

Taking the judge role with one word - Page 2 - Taking the judge role with one word - Page 2 - Power Forum - Power Dynamics (thepowermoves.com)'

#33 · July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm

Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm
Hello guys,
so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.
As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.
First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.
With persons who uses it as a power move:
Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.
After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.
This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.
From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.
So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."
Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.

Hello guys,

so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.

As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.

First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.

With persons who uses it as a power move:

Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.

After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.

This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.

From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.

So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."

Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.

Lucio Buffalmano, Growfast and B have reacted to this post.

#34 · July 26, 2022, 3:15 pm

Quote from Growfast on July 26, 2022, 3:15 pm
Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm
Hello guys,
so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.
As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.
First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.
With persons who uses it as a power move:
Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.
After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.
This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.
From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.
So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."
Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.
I like your idea of dealing with people who make power moves and make everything a game of Dominance.
The reasons are.
1) For them it's all about win-lose, they will have a dog eat dog world view and any response which is a high power eagle like and not bludgeoning them will be seen as weak by them and they will likely continue.

2) As far as the onlookers most will not be aware of power dynamics and eagle like approach. (People studying social skills and power awareness is very low).
They will confuse eagle like behavior with weakness.

Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm
Hello guys,
so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.
As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.
First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.
With persons who uses it as a power move:
Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.
After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.
This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.
From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.
So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."
Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.

I like your idea of dealing with people who make power moves and make everything a game of Dominance.

The reasons are.

1) For them it's all about win-lose, they will have a dog eat dog world view and any response which is a high power eagle like and not bludgeoning them will be seen as weak by them and they will likely continue.

2) As far as the onlookers most will not be aware of power dynamics and eagle like approach. (People studying social skills and power awareness is very low).

They will confuse eagle like behavior with weakness.

Lucio Buffalmano, John Freeman and B have reacted to this post.

#35 · July 26, 2022, 9:11 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 26, 2022, 9:11 pm
Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm
Hello guys,
so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.
As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.
First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.
With persons who uses it as a power move:
Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.
After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.
This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.
From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.
So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."
Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.
Great, John.
The risk I see is that if you never stop it or surface it, one may get dragged into turkey spirals.
Curious to hear how it went if you implemented it already in real life.

Quote from John Freeman on July 26, 2022, 12:24 pm
Hello guys,
so here is my current approach regarding the (inadequately used) "Perfect/Very Good" power move.
As a reminder, it comes at the end of the interaction and establishes a tasker/taskee relationship. With the (virtual) tasker establishing his leadership/dominance via a judge power move judging the performance/task by the (virtual taskee). If your boss or superior "Perfects" you, then the dynamics is right and there is nothing to correct as it is his role to judge your performance. A simple "thanks" is enough.
First, it depends on the person. I realized that it's when the power dynamics is not yet cemented or that the person tries to invert it. Others just learned through observation. However, if one is power aware enough there is definitely a power element in there. That means that with people who like to deal with you as an equal or who accept your leadership, they won't use this.
With persons who uses it as a power move:
Then it depends on the timing. It's about the first one to use "Perfect/Very good" that sets the power dynamics. So one attitude is to be the first one to perfect the other. I don't do this with people I don't know yet if they're power players.
After the counterpart has emitted a "Perfect", I say a couple more words, thank them and "Perfect" them back.
This is where it gets interesting and we see that people don't do it innocently. Most of the times, they will use another "Perfect". So they know what's up and the game is on.
From now on, the game is to be on top. That means to add one more judge power move than them. They want to play "who's on top?". Alright, let's play and let's finish on top. It's childish and stupid but it's a social game so it's worth winning.
So what I will do is go for the 2nd Perfect. If they perfect me back. I use other words like: "Super", "Very good" and make sure to sprinkle a few "thanks" in between as to soften this and still keep the "I'm the dominant, not you". My frame is: "I'm happy to play equal with you. However if you don't want to deal with me as an equal, I'll make sure that I'm winning this game."
Again it's stupid. But if people want to play "who's smarter", now that I understand what's going on, I'll make sure I'm smarter than them.

Great, John.

The risk I see is that if you never stop it or surface it, one may get dragged into turkey spirals.
Curious to hear how it went if you implemented it already in real life.

B has reacted to this post.

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#36 · July 26, 2022, 9:35 pm

It's a great remark as it good go this way. Thanks to you I can understand why it does not go this way.

The secret is warmth (positivity). I say it warmly in an upbeat manner, so it stays in the "thanks" semantic/tonal range.

If I experiment and see limits and drawbacks, I'll keep you guys updated.

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#37 · July 27, 2022, 7:23 pm

Correction: It's a great remark as it could go this way (Turkey spiral).

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#38 · August 1, 2022, 1:01 pm

Hi Guys,

the context of this post is a business/work exchange.

A client asked my opinion on a legal matter. I provided it and then received this email from the person who made the request:

Good day Bel,
perfect! thanks a lot, clear and precise as everytime!
Good holidays

I see here:

judge move ("perfect!")
gratitude ("thanks a lot")
compliments, but somewhat in a judge tonality and on things that are somewhat unrelated to the contents of my legal opinion ("clear and precise as everytime!")
holiday wishes

Still, to me the overall tone was "more good than bad", as if this case falls more on the side of "responding to compliments" than on "dealing with perfect! power move". Probably because they are the client, as per Lucio's post here above, and also in light of past interactions.

So I sent this response suggested by Lucio in the thread about how to respond to compliments, which I felt would not only acknowledge the thanks, but also re-empower (I also read John's first post opening this thread as an indication that one can deal with "perfect!" by thanking or saying "it's a pleasure", as it reframes the "perfect!" from "judge move" into "providing value"):

Good day X,
thank you (formally thanks for the compliments, but also deals with the "perfect!"), happy to read your words (thread expands on the compliments, but also retakes back judge role).
Good holidays to you,

Do you think I am reading it right? Would be curious to read your thoughts.

#39 · August 4, 2022, 10:19 am

I have received another email from a different person saying

Hi Bel,
perfect! Thanks a lot as always!

These “perfects!” I am starting to see from clients are a bit puzzling to me.

Still the feeling I have is they are trying to be kind, not trying to power move.

I’m thinking of responding with:

Hi X,
it’s a pleasure, talk soon.

Perhaps I should deal with it a bit more strongly:

Hi X,
great! It’s a pleasure, talk soon.

This second communication here seems less professional though, so I’m leaning toward the first.

A related point is that these communications are directed in copy to other higher people, so when I respond I’m thinking to keep these people in copy.

#40 · August 4, 2022, 10:49 am

I don't see that as a power move you need to check.

It's just like how many folks speak, me included -I wanted to say "how many doers who cut to the chase speak, but didn't want to be too self-referential :D-.

You agree on something, and "perfect" serves as a positive confirmation of "agreement reached" and/or as confirmation of satisfaction (in which case it's a way of giving as well).

EDIT:
Sure, it may be a slight judge way of confirming, but it's how many high power people behave.
You can just behave the same and be on par with them.
So addressing the mindsets here I'd say: focus more on being high-power than defending against high-power -and in terms of actual words, "great" works-.

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