Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Power duck's journal
When talking with a girl I'm interested in, I tend to put the responsibility on me to navigate through her possible insecurities and childishness.
E.g: doing certain things becuse she could get bored and lose interest, trying not to come across as too feminine, etc.
And while learning the skills to improve one's results and adapt to others is valid, it isn't something that has to affect one's mood, it's a matter of priorities for me:
- Constantly playing games vs being more chill and mentally relaxed
- Putting the onus on myself to deal with people with lower levels of consciousness vs Letting interactions happen "naturally" and not worry too much.
It all comes down to standards and self worth, even when one doesn't have options: is he able to say no and prioritise calmness and mental stability over the possibility of getting an attractive girl?
Subconsciously thinking that I need to prove myself doesn't benefit me: between me and others, our standards of whats valuable or not could differ, and also, those with value and skills that few possess aren't in the mental state of proving themselves to others.
There's one thing I need to integrate in my personality: aggressiveness.
The ability to look to people in the eyes with the look of I'm going to fuck you up. The attitude of no one messes up with me, the belief that I'm big shit, conscious narcissism, self brainwashing myself whatever. Believing that I'm the toughest mfo in the room.
There's a certain effect that running has on me that the gym doesn't. Running makes the evil voices louder, they have to be louder to stop you from putting your body to the test: "You're going to hurt yourself" , "we stop in that place instead of the other one, I can't do it, its okay, you can't do it, you already did enough, take your time".
That's the moment when one has to strike, when one has to desire for his body to crumble and wishes for more pain, when one reminds himself what a tough mfo he is and pushes through.
And right there you remove their masks, the voices start having familiar faces, in familiar environments. It's no longer an unknown voice coming from a pitch black place. A highschool class, your aunts home, a volleyball match in the beach, the tv..... You're no longer fighting against a voice in your head, the voice now has name and age.
Anger arises, towards the voices, the people that could or could not be looking at you all exhausted, your past decisions.... You swear that no matter what happens theres only one ending, either you crumble and faint, or you accomplish the mission. With pride high, you keep running, looking to the ground because of exhaustion from time to time, but you put your head up right away, you are a tough motherfucker, you want the pain to keep going, now the roles are reversed, the voices are now trapped with you, and there's no escape.
People glance at you, and you glance back, they may not harbor any bad thoughts about you, but it doesn't matter, it's not about what they think anymore, it's about how much discomfort you're willing to bear, mental and physical.
You get to the end, your blood pumping, legs hurt like crazy, you walk like a zombie at first, but, eventually most of the pain goes away, you walk differently, you look at people differently, people look at you differently, you think differently, you are different.
You beat the voices, you pushed through the pain, you went to hell and back, and it won't be the last time.
Hi Power Duck,
it's funny: I was having similar reflections yesterday.
I'll post them in my journal not to spam on yours.
I had an epiphany this morning. The root of many of my problems regarding socialisation is that: I care more about what others think of me rather than what I think of myself.
That and also that I have several unconscious beliefs that hindered my progress all rooted in not accepting myself:
- I'm not high power/high quality
- I'm awkward.
- I'm not good enough.
Simply asking question is easy to get to the root of the problem, a lack of self belief and acceptance:
why do I think that I'm not high power/high quality? Because some people don't treat me as I would like.
Why do I suppose that's the reason? Because of past trauma and because it confirms deep rooted beliefs.
All of the rest of beliefs go to the same thing, it's either past experiences/beliefs/trauma.
The thing is that I've already had plenty of experiences that confirms that lots of my beliefs aren't true and, even if they were, in the end all that matters is how I view myself: There's no clear definition for good enough. In the end what matters are my values and life aspirations, that's what should determine my worth, not my muscles, success with women, or status. It's strength of character and spirit what determines the quality of a person for me.
So overall those two things to solve:
- Replace limiting beliefs with positive and empowering ones.
- Care more about what I think rather what others think.
I get why dark triad traits were useful for me in some ways:
Ego, selfishness and arrogance made me care more about what I think rather than what others think. Being dominant also hid insecurities even more so they only appeared after failures and after being power moved while showing a confident front most of the time.
