What I'm Doing, (Maybe Where 🙂 ) & Why

Quote from Kellvo on December 8, 2021, 1:14 am

Magnificent work, Ali! As a fellow overachiever who pushes himself too far, I give you my sincere promise - the burnout will pass. Even the hardest hustlers need to recover sometimes - and that's no ill credit on them. To the contrary, it says they're pushing their fucking limits to the point they need rest, instead of settling for it. I've also often found that when you push through it, you reach the other side - a place of higher achievement and fulfillment than imagined before. Keep going!

I am particularly intrigued in what went on with the refunds; I'm assuming that's the Alpha Evolution course you were talking about. Were both sellers as comprehensive and reputable as they claimed, or was it a lot of fluff and not much meat? And how did you honor them and their products while disentangling yourself from a potentially sticky situation?

I'm psyched to learn more about networking - especially since its such an important part of being a value-adding leader. The oncoming time between semesters will be great for doubling down on self-improvement, especially in the social realms I aim to master. Looking forward, when you are able, to seeing your next posts in action.

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 8, 2021, 4:31 am

Man, the more you post, Kellvo, the more I feel we have in common :).

Absolutely, your rest and recovery habit is something I could learn from and use myself.

And, hopefully, I can get those case studies out before too long (I'll be sure to answer all of your questions in each one).

Happy Holidays!

P.S.:

Glad you're psyched about networking, I think you'll love what I have planned for early 2022 :).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 8, 2021, 7:10 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 8, 2021, 1:03 am

(...)

Thank you so much for the mock-up, Ali!

Curious about those case studies, that networking project, as well as your thoughts on Jon Anthony's course.

But most of all, take care of yourself and rest up a bit. Heroes take time to rest as well. And if there's anything we / I can help with, just get in touch.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on December 8, 2021, 8:19 pm

If you hadn't mentioned about not feeling your best, I wouldn't have noticed!

Looks like you are still producing so much. And thanks for sharing your knowledge and experiences. Even if it's the snapshots.

And we all have our ups and downs.

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 29, 2021, 11:47 pm

My New Mindset System

 

- Antifragile Ego -

 

Before a Situation:

"I always go for it and give it my best effort no matter the situation because it's who I am. And, I'm proud of myself every time that I do."

"I am proud of myself every time I go for it and give it my best effort (no matter the situation) because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while raising my quality. And, that's a well-won victory on its own."

*High-quality men always reward themselves well for going for it and doing their best, no matter the situation.

 

After a Situation:

"The more it hurts, the more proud of myself I can be because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while raising my quality — every time I go for it and give it my best effort no matter the situation. And, that's a well-won victory on its own."

*Supplements are steroids for muscle growth. And, mistakes are steroids for personal growth.

*Failure is the food of high-quality men. The bigger the failure, the bigger the meal.

 

For Resolving Perfectionism:

"I take pride not in doing things perfectly, but in having the strength of character to go for it and give it my best effort (regardless of the situation) — even when it's far from perfect."

 

- Emotional Independence -

 

Life Rules:

1. "My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."
2. "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "How can I do even better right now?")
3. "I only need my own love."
4. "I am my own judge."
5. "I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others."

 

Self-Love Mindsets:

"I deserve some of the love I give out to others."

"It's OK to give myself the love I want and deserve from others."

 

- Social Independence -

 

"I only need myself to have a good time (because I only need my own love)."

 

- Core Confidence -

 

Assertiveness:

"I decide for myself what I will and will not do."

"I'm in charge of my feelings and others are in charge of theirs."

"It's not what they say, it's what you respond to."

 

---

If there any questions I can answer, feel free to drop them below.

Oh, and by the way, here's the reasoning behind the update to my system.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 8, 2022, 4:57 am

Ali, one random thing I wanted to share with you.

And you probably know better about this, but in the off-chance it might be useful:

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 3, 2022, 10:36 pm

I reach a lesson in Blog Money Blueprint advising me that the website I'm currently getting design work for isn't good for blogging. And, to use my other website.

Have you thought about getting a similar course from an actual marketer?

When someone has one blog and that blog gets some visits, but not a crazy amount of visits, it feels a bit like a "paradox of practice".

I felt as if I'd write a course on how to be a successful blogger.
And I might have some tips, but not nearly enough to consider myself a  top-tier authority.

There are some great marketers out there with very successful, top of the nice blogs, and really cutting-edge advice.

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 8, 2022, 5:09 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 8, 2022, 4:57 am

Have you thought about getting a similar course from an actual marketer?

Thanks for your note, Lucio, I hadn't thought about that.

I bought Jon Anthony's course more out of a respect for him and curiosity about what he could do for me. There were no high expectations for his course to "change my life."

But, that was quite a while ago. As I've gotten deeper into TheCleverConnector.com, I've become more passionate about it and what it might be able to do for myself and others. So, now, I'm considering investments in it such as another course (as you suggested).

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 25, 2022, 7:17 am

New Reviews

I just completed a networking program called Decision-Maker Meetings. It was a $1,044 investment and it was worth every penny for me. (You can see the review here.)

Plus, wanting to start the new year with a review for TPM as well, I joined and completed a negotiation course by Michael Franzese today. (You can see that review here.)

One or two more reviews coming soon before I dive into some other priorities.

Recent Updates to The New Mindset System

It's still managed to hold up since late December.

A few updates:

#1. Removed one of the Life Rules.

"I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others."

I've found that I haven't needed to remind myself of that.

After investing so much time, money, and effort into growing into the kind of person who's treated well by others, it feels like I've already subconsciously back-rationalized to myself that, if I didn't think I was worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication, I wouldn't have put myself through so much hard work and learning to get it. (After all, why fight to attain something you don't believe you're worthy of receiving in the first place? If you're fighting for it, on some level, it must be because you believe you're worthy of it.)

I want to be better at social skills because I know I'm worthy of fairness and respect. So, now, it's only a question of what I need to know to get it.

*Note: If you haven't already internalized this core belief yourself, it may be worth keeping it as a Life Rule until you have.

#2. Included the "provide reasoning" technique for self-persuasion.

Whenever you say one of your Life Rules to yourself, the idea is to know that, deep down, you're following that Life Rule because it's a non-negotiable rule you've chosen live by.

For example, knowing and saying to yourself, "I am my own judge (because it's one of my Life Rules)."

Though, I've found that what's been even more self-persuasive for me is combining that reason with a positive core belief.

For example, today, I say to myself, "I am my own judge because I deserve emotional independence from others." And then, I remind myself something like, "And, it's one of my Life Rules, so it's not negotiable for me to let others be my judge anyway."

#3. Added a new mindset.

An underlying belief of mine was that if more than one person thinks or feels a certain way about me, they're probably right.

I grew up thinking to myself in school, "I don't want to be 'that guy' who stubbornly holds his ground standing alone while others try to get it through his head that he's wrong. So, if multiple people say something, chances are, they're right."

This led to me feeling emotionally controlled by others who would make fun of me for my mistakes. And, I felt like they had some right to say what they were saying (even when it was said rudely) so long as one or more people agreed with their general point.

So, my new mindset is, "I decide for myself whether I'm right or wrong."

And, that's a core belief that may become a Life Rule later because:

• It supports assertiveness: especially the belief, "I make mistakes, but this doesn’t give others the right to control my life," because you don't know if you've actually made a mistake yet since "you decide for yourself whether what you did was right or wrong." So, until you've determined for yourself whether or not you've actually made a mistake, you're free to assertively enforce your boundaries, fairness, and respect.
• It supports the emotional independence of a high-quality attitude: because it gives you the patience to listen attentively to everyone while still knowing in your core that, ultimately, you build and accept only your own value system.

#4. Explored a new method of positive self-talk.

I've been doing some research on third-person self-talk and, I must say, it's had an effect on me that's exceeded my expectations.

The idea is that using your own name to refer to yourself during introspection, rather than the first-person pronoun “I”, increases your ability to control your thoughts, feelings, and behavior under stress (Moser et al., 2017). You can more easily control your emotions through third-person self-talk.

A tidbit here:

Research: "This prediction is motivated by the observation that people almost exclusively use names to refer to other people. Thus, there is a tight coupling between using proper names, and thinking about others—a coupling that is so tight that we expected using one’s own name to refer to the self would virtually automatically lead people to think about the self similarly to how they think about someone else. If this prediction is correct, and if it is indeed easier for people to reason calmly about other people’s emotions than their own, then third-person self-talk should be linked with reductions in emotional reactivity but not enhancements in cognitive control."

In other words, a linguistic shift (changing how you refer to yourself) promotes psychological distance from yourself and influences your emotional management — without reducing your ability to control your own behavior (since it's still you that you're talking about in your head).

I tried this with my Life Rules by using the following on myself:

1. "Ali's purpose always comes first and matters most — in his mind and in his life." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "Ali takes care of himself first and foremost, so he can take care of others — by only caring about thoughts that make his life better.")
2. "Ali doesn't care if he fails, he doesn't care about the outcome. Ali only cares about the effort." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "How can Ali do even better right now?")
3. "Ali only needs his own love." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "How can Ali feel even more loved on his own right now?")
4. "Ali is his own judge."

And, it's made me more emotionally independent and comfortable in social interactions which has further empowered my assertiveness and social skills.

So, here's an example. With my first Life Rule, I think to myself, "Ali's purpose always comes first and matters most — in his mind and in his life."

Then, I think to myself, "The only thought to focus on right now is, "Ali takes care of himself first and foremost, so he can (better) take care of others — by only caring about thoughts that make his life better."

So, in other words, negative thoughts don't add value to my life. So, by refusing to care about negative thoughts, I can take better care of myself which enables me to take better care of others and better advance my purpose.

So, the next logical thought becomes, "Is this thought that I'm thinking positive or negative?"

And, if it's negative, I simply choose to let it go. I choose not to care about it. And, I remind myself that I don't care because it's my Life Rule not to care.

More emotional empowerment with less emotional stress.

#5. Paused any further updates to the new mindset system.

It's been working so well for me, that I've found that I'm gaining more emotional control not from more updates to my mindset system, but more meditation and journaling.

So, I'm focusing more on developing the habits that support my emotional control while living in alignment with my new mindset system.

But, it's only a pause. There are a couple of courses by Tim Grover that I plan on taking and reviewing at some point this year, so I'll be making updates to my mindset system based on any valuable insights Grover shares.

New Milestone On the TPM Book

We've completed the core manuscript for the official TPM book!

Right now, the book is with a contact of mine who I trust. She's a bestselling author leading a skilled team of professional editors.

While the book is with the editing team, the book description is currently being crafted by a team of professional copywriters. And, once that's complete (we're projecting it'll be done by mid-February) we'll be able to get started on the fun part: designing the book cover and interior formatting.

In 2020, I was concerned that COVID would take my life. So, I cut corners on my own book to get it released as fast as possible. It led to the quick and meaningful impact that I was looking for and I've been able to release a V2 on my website for those looking for more.

But, I'm giving this book all of the TLC I wasn't able to give my own book the first time around.

And, let me tell you, it's going to be something special by the time you guys get your hands on it :).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 25, 2022, 9:30 am

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 25, 2022, 7:17 am

New Reviews

I just completed a networking program called Decision-Maker Meetings. It was a $1,044 investment and it was worth every penny for me. (You can see the review here.)

Plus, wanting to start the new year with a review for TPM as well, I joined and completed a negotiation course by Michael Franzese today. (You can see that review here.)

One or two more reviews coming soon before I dive into some other priorities.

Thank you Ali!

Both of them, updated in the resources list.