How to Argue & Win Every Time is a book in which author Gerry Spence shares his strategies and mindsets on winning court cases.
TPM Takeaway: Courtroom Persuasion, Upgraded with Power Awareness
Gerry Spence focuses on authenticity, storytelling, and emotional connection. At TPM, we build on that foundation by integrating power awareness, frame control, and strategic foresight because persuasion is not only about being understood, but about controlling the frame and guiding decisions in your favor.
Takeaways
- Speak with power: assertive, direct, and truthfully
- Allow others to reject and disagree (power protect)
- Control the frame
Notes
About the Author:
Gerry Spence was a trial lawyer indicted in the Trial Lawyers Hall of Fame. His own website not-so-humbly reads “the greatest trial lawyer in history”.
1. Ask For What You Want
People don’t want to say no, not to our face, and even less so when we ask what’s just and reasonable.
Ask respectfully, yet assertively, directly, and high power.
The first trick of winning an argument is the trick of abandoning trickery
2. Pick Your Battles
Pick your battles because you can’t convince everyone, and neither should you try.
Gerry Spence says that you will likely not “win an argument” against a creationist who really believes that God literally created the Earth on the 7th day.Â
And that’s OK, you shouldn’t try to convince him otherwise.
3. Use Simple But Emotional Words
Use simple words that create emotions.Â
Any word that doesn’t create emotion or visual content must be discarded. The author even says that “words that appeal to the sterile intellect should be abandoned”.
4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Empathy is Key
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and see the argument from their point of view.
To win the argument, you must see the argument from their point of view.
For example, when you ask for a raise, you must keep in mind that a corporation wants to see a return on its investments.
And you will always lose if you ask for a raise without having the corporation’s profits in mind.
TPM Note: This is basic ‘what’s in it for them‘. But in truth, the advanced level requires strategic intelligence. See ‘how to be a good Machiavellian.’
5. Avoid Sarcasm: Don’t Make Others Feel Inferior
Scorn, ridicule, and sarcasm are a no-no. But also use humor cautiously, since it can be misunderstood.
Humor is powerful when it reveals the truth. But the big risk is that of trying to be funny and failing.
When in doubt, if there is a chance that the other party might be offended, avoid it.
And remember: always give basic human respect to everyone.
Also read:
6. Inform, Don’t Make Them Feel Stupid
If you are an expert in a subject and your “opponent” doesn’t know squat, your aim shouldn’t be to win or crush them, but to inform them.
TPM Meaning: avoid ‘teacher’s frames’ that always annoy others
7. Take the Initiative
Counterpounchers lose.
The winners take full control of the action instead. They don’t defend when they can attack, and after they attacked, they attack again.
TPM Note: remember that people respect high power people. So some interpersonal dominance is crucial. You certainly must respect others and, as a lawyer, avoid being disliked. But you can’t just be a too-nice guy who fails to get respect.
Also see:
8. Lead With Your Weaknesses: Rob Your Opponent of An Easy Win
You can tell your weaknesses much better than your opponent will.
So take charge of them and admit them at the very beginning. Admitting your weaknesses not only will increase your credibility, but it will also leave your opponent with little to say.
9. The 7 Basics of Winning Arguments
The basics are:
- Prepare well
- Envision your argument
- Listen to the other
- Find common ground
- Be credible
- Tell stories
- Tell the truth
TPM Note: to combine truth with winning, see ‘how to be honorable‘.
10. Learn The Laws of Arguing
And these are the laws of arguing according to Gerry Spence:
- Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.
- Winning is getting what we want, which also means helping “others” get what they want.
- Learn that words are a weapon, and can be used hostilely in combat.
- Know that there is always a “biological advantage” of delivering the TRUTH.
- Assault is not an argument.
- Use fear as an ally in public speaking or in argument. Learn to convert its energy.
- Let emotions show and don’t discourage passion.
- Don’t be blinded by brilliance.
- Learn to speak with the body. The body sometimes speaks more powerfully than words.
- Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the vision within ourselves.
Real-Life Applications
- Allow Others to Disagree
For me, this was the biggest takeaway and something that took me a while to realize.
The best way to avoid arguments that go nowhere and end up in combative intimate relationships is to allow our partners to disagree and reject our arguments.
CONS
- Terrible Audiobook
The audiobook feels like one of those old, stodgy, grey old-school audiocassette recordings.
- Some Generalizations
The author says that “if you step into a kitchen where an argument is raging, all the noise is evidence of a desperate need of being heard”.
Fair enough.
But that still sounds like a generalization. He even mentions Van Gogh who cut his ear because nobody heard. But Van Gogh likely also had psychological issues, some say borderline personality disorder.
- Few examples
“How to Argue and Win Every Time” doesn’t have many examples.
It’s more discursive than based on techniques and case studies.
Review
“How to Argue & Win Every Time” shares some valid points but lacks a framework and advanced insights that one could expect from such a successful author.
It feels like diluted content, lacking practical examples, and even with some naive self-help advice.
That’s the truth, despite I respect that Gerry Spence, the author, proudly represents “the little people”.
On his website, he says:
He fights against oppression and injustice in courts across US.
In a way, I think of him as a kindred soul for what we’re doing at The Power Moves.
Note:
Power-intelligence is a force multiplier for lawyers. Beyond arguments and evidence, outcomes are shaped by a strategic mix of power-signaling, warmth to boost likability, and frame control.
Many lawyers use Power University to sharpen these edges and gain an advantage in court, negotiation, and client interactions.
👉 For a more complete, power-aware approach to persuasion, see Power University:
