Want to know how to gain respect from dominant people?

One showdown can make or break it all—lose, and you’re dismissed; win, and you’re unstoppable.

At The Power Moves, we’ve guided thousands of men to master respect, status, and attraction.
For example:

PU alumnus: … not only with strangers, friends, and colleagues, but even my family members are treating me with more respect now

So here’s how to turn high-stakes escalations into your power play.

The High-Stake Respect Negotiation

Showdowns are escalations of disagreements resulting in complete losses or complete victories

Usually, the initiator is very assertive, dominant, or overstepping his authority.

But the victim isn’t submitting and relinquishing his rights.
So, as both parties stick to their preferred course of action, an escalation follows.

The results of those escalations have outsized effects on status, “pecking order”, and respect.
And, whenever possible mates are involved, also on attraction.

Often, they also have significant mental effects.

The loser feels “broken”, loses confidence and self-esteem.
And the winner feels strong, confident, and dominant.

How to Win a Showdown

We’ll walk through the steps with a real-life example:

1. Pick The Right Fight

Including:

1. Importance, and what matters to you
2. Odds of success, so that you can reasonably win
3. Honorable causes. This is also a CYA approach. Even if you lose defending what’s honorable, you still look good
   • Your own self-respect is included in “honorable causes”. So you can always escalate on blatant disrespect

In this example, it’s about an important value for me:

If I’m not well-placed to make an informed decision, I don’t give my vote.

2. Spot The First Push

I explained my values to the person right above me.

She reported the situation, and the lady up the chain intervened:

📣 Sub-communication: “stop fuc*ing around, just do it”.

Now it’s not only about values.
But also about status and respect.

If I gave up here, I’d look like a pussy-footer who gives in as soon as a higher-up speaks dominantly.

3. Stop The First Push

As usual:

Calibration.

Be strategic in formal environment with written communication.

In this case, I chose the least effort path:

Me: I’m sure it’s not difficult. My question is if it’s mandatory

Notice how strategic this is:

That question is key.
I’m pretty sure it’s not mandatory.
So I can choose not to vote, and she can’t force me.

Plus, my question “surfaces” that she pushed out of authority and dominance. Without respect for my right to choice.

4. Stand Your Ground…

They may try to push you around again.

Disrespect you more, make up some new “reasons why”, get louder, or simply insist.

Whatever they do, you remain steadfast.
Stand your ground with each subsequent push, no matter how often they try.

Here’s a good approach:

1. Describe The Event

For example:

• You’re still using the same aggressive tone that I say I’m not cool with
• You’re insisting on this
• I see you feel strongly about this
• Seems like we see things very differently

2. Re-state Your Point

For example:

• Maybe I wasn’t clear, so let me try again…
• Let me say this again…
• What truly matters to me is…

3. End On A (Power-Protecting) Positive

Or help them save face while conceding to you:

• … I hope you can see my point
• … And if we can find a way, happy to do my part on this
• … If X and Y happy, we can go back to collaborating again
• … On my part, I’m always willing to treat you with respect

For example:

You: Look, I felt your tone the first time out was borderline rude, and I appreciate respectful communication.
But maybe, it wasn’t clear enough.
So let me make it clear it now and hopefully we can go back to collaborating like the respectful people I believe we can be.

🧠 Mindset: strong, and respectful

Remember the principles:

Make friends and allies.
And avoid unneeded wars.

Your goal is not to push as hard as possible.
Your goal is to achieve your goal -be it respect, a deal, more money, or whatever-.

And it’s best to achieve your goal by ending that escalation as soon as possible, and in the friendliest terms possible.
Whenever possible, power protect, offer olive branches, and propose win-win “early exits” during escalations.

5. … Until Their U-Turn Moment

They U-turn when they drop the dominance game and instead:

• Justify
• Apologize
• Use a respectful tone
• Propose a win-win
• …

In our example:

📣 Sub-communication: OK, you’re not the type of man to roll over and I can’t win this one. And it’s probably better to have you as a friend and ally. Let me be warmer

6. Re-empower Them

Now don’t go from defense, to attack.

In most situations, you don’t want to browbeat others.
Or “rub your factory in their faces”.

Instead, once you win or achieve your goals, you want to rebuild goodwill.

And the bigger your win, the more you want to rebuild them up.

The mindset is:

🧠 Give me shit, and I escalate to give you shit back. But change your tack and treat me nicely, and I’ll be even nicer.

How to Re-Empower

Examples:

• “Glad we could clarify this” to frame it as a misunderstanding -instead of them trying and losing the dominance game-

• Be warmer right after. For example:
  • Cool cool, how are things with you by the way
  • Awesome, now we get it. By the way, I heard about X, congratulations :).
  • Looking forward to seeing you again
• Change topic for some rapport-rebuilding chit-chat and to avoid ending on a negative
• Thank them for their role in the resolution: “Great, thanks man, appreciate your understanding/kindness/explanation on this, it always helps when someone can be so open-minded”
• Take some blame: “Great, thanks, I know sometimes I can be a bit touchy/annoying/stickler for the rules… “
• Revist the events with a stronger win-win ending: “Yeah, glad we could clarify, to me X was bad, but then you understood my point and when you said Y it was all good. Appreciate that man“
• Show them it’s now win-win. “So now we can both enjoy X. Aren’t you glad about that (smile to frame it as cheeky/fun because “aren’t you glad” can be a power move)“

7. Enjoy The Respectful Relationship

Showdowns’s effects can be everlasting.

Here is her next email, a week after:

The full email here.

She became extra nice in person as well.
And said great things about me to others.

Funny how people find a new respect for you when you don’t put up with their bullying ways, eh?

Like Harriet Braiker says referring to manipulators:

If he/she is going to come around to a healthier, happier relationship, you will see it happen in response to your strength, not to your weakness.

Mindset: not about the person, but the principle

For me this was not a question of “dominating” or “winning”.

It was a question of principle.
Beginning with the vote: I can’t give a vote of trust without knowing facts and people.
And I don’t appreciate bossy behavior to “browbeat me” into compliance.

Once she started behaving well, I was cool with her.
And even respected her: she’s a smart woman and a go-getter.

But to reach this point, I HAD to push thorugh the showdown.

High-power go-getters sometimes need to be reminded you’re not a pushover :).

⚠️ Beware Manipulation, Frames, & Beliefs

Our example was about authority and dominance.

The most obvious showdowns are about power and dominance.
In some environments, they may even entail physical escalations.

Those, of course, are the most obvious and easier to stop.

However, be careful.
There is more than pure, direct dominance.

As Bel correctly notes much of showdowns come down to mindsets, values, beliefs, frames, and conviction.
Most notable are the beliefs around:

• What’s fair or unfair (in the specific event, or in general)
• Who’s right or wrong (in the specific event, or in general)
• Who’s “good” VS who’s a SOB (in the specific event, or in general)

And, with gaslighters, also:

• What’s real VS what’s not real

A manipulator may be high in dominance and use it.
But he may have even better weapons.

If a manipulator can influence what’s right, fair, or “true”, he may not even need a shodown.
And if it escalates, he can win it far more easily -or frame you as “bad” even when losing it-.

See more on manipulation here:

• Manipulation power dynamics

Showdown Principles

General principles;

1. Longer and more intense escalation = bigger consequences
2. Longer and more intense escalation = bigger rapport break and relationship damage (dating exceptions apply)

#2 is why we advice to re-empower after winning a showdown.

Characters: Who Corners You Into Showdowns

Expect more showdowns with:

• Dominant individuals
• Disrespectful ones
• Takers testing for easy targets to take advantage of

🔎 For example, I knew I had to be ready for escalation with this personality:

👉🏼 In most cases dominant individuals just need the reminder…
… The reminder that you’re not another submissive schmuck.
Your reminder sub-communicates “I’m no less than you. Treat me respectfully, and we can get along (and both gain)”.
After that, they’ll treat you well and you can go win-win.

When To Expect Showdowns

Showdowns tend to happen during the most power-significant junctures.

For example:

1. Beginning of relationships, including “tests”
2. Changes in established relationships
   • ⚠️ When you empower yourself and people want to “put you back in your place”
3. Task assignments
4. Arguments for diverging opinions or interests
5. End of relationships, including former mentors who cling to their “teacher role” (example)
6. …

Also see:

• Power phases during relationships

❗ This is a preview from Power University. Our students enjoy status, respect, and attraction ❗