Gaslighting isn’t just lying—it’s psychological warfare.

In this guide we reveal how gaslighters and “crazy-makers” covertly twist your reality, make you doubt yourself, and keep you under their control.

As the #1 site on power dynamics, we’ll break down 13 covert tactics of gaslighting and crazymaking, explain the psychology behind them, and show you how to recognize (and stop) gaslighters before they harm you.

What’s Gaslighting

We define gaslighting as:

Gaslighting refers to psychological manipulation that leads the victim to lose sight of what’s true, relevant, fair, or in his best interest.

From our unique perspective, gaslighting is the ultimate frame control battle to frame what’s true and not true.
The psychopathic gaslighter’s goal is to constantly frame reality to their advantage, while the narcissistic gaslighter also adds their needs for self-enhancement.
The crazymaker’s goal instead is to frame reality as outside of your grasp.

Gaslighting is associated with interpersonal power dynamics, emotional manipulation, control, and toxic relationships.
It’s mostly about verbal manipulation, communication patterns, and frame control techniques.

At the most extreme level, gaslighting’s confusion and reality distortion go beyond a specific topic or issue and engulf the victim’s whole sense of reality (crazy-making).

Misunderstanding Around Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become a buzzword.

And, like many buzzwords, it’s often misused.
Specifically, it’s often misused as synonymous with “manipulation“.

But although gaslighting includes many forms of manipulations, it’s a specific and discrete pattern of behavior with specific goals and effects.

Gaslighter Psychology

Gaslighting’s ultimate goal is power.

The gaslighter is a power-hungry individual and, often, is high dark-triad traits.

Power is most often in the form of control, “winning”, being “right”, or refusing to concede.

Indeed, one of the main features of the gaslighter’s personality and psychology is that the gaslighter prioritizes power over anything else.

In any conversation, that means the gaslighter chooses power and “victory” over truth, trust, reputation, and, of course, fairness.

Some gaslighters, lost in their inability to concede, may destroy their own reputation and closest relationships just so they can “win”.

As a natural consequence, more often than not, the gaslighter is a taker.
Surely a taker from a social power point of view but, often, also in different forms -takes your time, emotional investment, mental well-being and, possibly, money-.

The gaslighter personality overlaps with other takers and win-lose personalities such as assholes, manipulators, power-hungry, and sociopaths.

Narcissistic Gaslighting: Fragile Egos

Many gaslighters have narcissistic traits, including big but fragile egos, and an endless need for self-enhancement.

Psychologist Roy Baumeister explains that people with big egos but fragile self-esteem attack out of self-defense to protect their own egos (Baumeister, 1997).
And although the need for self-defense is not an excuse, it explains why even some non-sociopaths may gaslight. And it’s because gaslighters with a fragile ego take things very personally and can’t own their sh*tty behavior without feeling like they must be sh*t.

That means that giving feedback to a gaslighter is a useless and potentially self-defeating effort because they may resent you and/or come to see you as an enemy.
The gaslighter is utterly unable to take any constructive criticism, no matter how nicely you frame it.

Power Is The Gaslighter’s Only Goal

All the gaslighter seeks to do is to:

1. Avoid ownership of his sh*tty behavior, including lies, manipulations, or his “less than ideal” intent
2. Avoid apologizing (“apologies withholding”).
3. Maintain power for not doing the 2 steps above.
4. Avoid making amends which for the power-hungry feels like a humiliating thread expansion on their defeat
5. Maintain the lose-win and his shitty behavior rather than change for the better

The craziest thing for people who are not well-versed with the gaslighter thwarted psychology is that this “power hoarding” game plan is “always on”, and not reserved for the “big stuff”.
The gaslighter gaslights for the smallest and most trivial stuff.

For us though it’s great news!
It’s great news because the inveterate gaslighter will give you plenty of opportunities to spot early red flags over the small stuff.

The only caveats are: you must be power-aware enough, and know what to look for.

Engaging With A Gaslighter

Arguing with a gaslighter is a maddening experience.

Power-aware people aren’t going to go crazy for a gaslighting turkey.
But it can still make you emotional, angry, and, potentially, overreacting.

We’ve seen it in our forums more than once.

The core of the issue is that you and the gaslighter have very different goals for an argument.

You may want to clarify, understand, patch things up, and improve.
But the gaslighter is out for power and winning.

Throw out your “communication skills” manuals

Most popular communication skills resources are useless with gaslighters.

Indeed, standard communication skills are harmful with a gaslighter because they’re based on sensible person standards.

You know, people who generally prefer doing “the right thing” -including what’s also good for them-.
But the gaslighter is not a sensible person.

Standard social and communication skills advice puts you at a marked disadvantage with gaslighters. And, in general, with anyone who’s not straight and out for win-win.

Signs of Gaslighting

Signs of gaslighting include:

• Lies, especially when it comes to anything that might incriminate or disempower them
• Spinning and reframing. The smarter gaslighter may not outright lie. But they always spin and reframe things to maintain power, control, and put you on the back foot
• Muddling the water: the gaslighter does not want things to be clear because that would highlight what a nasty person he is
• Blame shifting. Especially shifting blame on you
• Incapability of admitting guilt. A core red flag of power-hungry, high-dark triad personalities
• Covert power moves. if you find yourself getting angry with someone over and over, but not with other people, that’s another red flag of gaslighting
• Aggression. Especially when they’re being shown as the nasty and lying poor characters they are
• Word salads. Same as above

Best of all, see this article for the examples:

• Gaslighting examples and signs

Crazy-making vs. Gaslighting

In simple words, crazymaking is the most extreme form of gaslighting.

We can indeed recognize two levels of gaslighting:

• Lower-danger gaslighting (turkey behavior): not owning poor behavior, not apologizing, and confusing the victim to walk away scot-free and without re-empowering them
• Higher danger gaslighting (abusive behavior): also referred to as “crazymaking”, it’s associated with longer-term win-lose exchanges or toxic relationships and can make the victim go crazy and lose the sense of reality

Components of Crazymaking

• More malicious and/or skilled gaslighters, dark triad individuals with little or no empathy and conscience.
  Some crazymakers are naturally born dark psychologists.
• Closer relationships: crazymaking requires more interpersonal leverage, and that most often comes with closer relationships such as spouses, relatives, close friends, flatmates, judge roles, bosses, etc.
  • Emotionally, as in intimate relationships or close relatives
  • Physically, as in “same cubicle coworker”, for example
  • Repeat encounters
• Lower self-esteem victims
• Power unaware and unskilled victims in terms of (not) recognizing and handling gaslighting

Generally speaking, the empowered people we breed here at TPM wouldn’t let a gaslighter control them, their life, or their emotional well-being.

Crazymaking Process & Gaslighting Stages

The victim starts with a functioning mind and a healthy approach to the world.

This healthy approach is based on foundational self-preservation functions such as:

• Logic and rationality -at least to some degree-
• Instinctual feel for what are fair value exchanges, relationships, and win-wins
• Healthy “what’s in it for me”

Until the victim maintains those foundational self-preservation functions, win-lose relationships cannot work with her consent.
Hence the gaslighter must undermine all of them in order for his games, manipulations, and lose-win behavior to even seem acceptable -let alone “good”-.

Since self-preservation instincts are deeply rooted, the crazy-making process takes some time and repetitions and always starts from the top.
Crazymaking works its “dark” magic when the frame control that starts at the single interaction level moves deeper and deeper -until it undoes both the most basic instinct of self-preservation as well as logic-.

As the victim increasingly accepts what’s win-lose and illogical as fair and normal, she increasingly distrusts her ability to understand and operate in the world.
The crazymaker then becomes the only mediator and conduit for her reality.
Obviously, he’s going to present a reality that is good for him and, often, highly harmful to the victim.

Conviction & Eternal Doubt: The Specular Common Denominators

Gaslighting and, even more, crazymaking work in large part because of the gaslighter’s conviction.

You can see why from a frame control point of view: it requires strong conviction to make someone doubt what’s right or wrong, cool or not cool behavior, and what’s win-win or win-lose.

So conviction, paradoxically, is a warning sign.

Subjectivity & lack of “right” and “wrong”

Some gaslighters though prefer to seed doubt by constantly shifting positions, questioning everything, and appealing to “subjective experience”.

In that “subjective experience” there are no rights or wrong so, conveniently, the gaslighter also “cannot be wrong”.
These types of gaslighters often resort to psychologizing, including questioning their own motives and understanding.

It may look like this:

• “Are you sure?” / “I’m not so sure”
• “It really depends, who can really say”
• “We all have our own subjective opinion and preferences. There are no absolutes”
• “Give me feedback, I want to learn (and I’ll give you feedback back)”
• “It’s only you who doesn’t make mistakes?”

Crazymaking signs

• “Seek mental health therapy” type of advice
  • Example: “you should definitely see a psychiatrist”
• Ganging up. Such as, recruiting others to isolate the victim. Especially effective from higher authority who can easily get others to agree even when in the wrong
  • Example: the boss asks other employees “who here thinks Jack is not being open-minded enough”
• Double binds “damned if you do” and damned if you don’t
  • Example: assign tasks the gaslighter requires done to perfection, then complain he has to make them again and tell her to “leave it to him next time”. But he gets angry when she leaves it to him. She’s damned whatever she does

• Provoke & blame for the outburst
  • Example: flirting with another woman and when the partner gets angry saying “she’s always like this, unfortunately she’s not well”

• Private mistreat & public compliments, or vice versa
  • Example: demeaning the victim at home, then praising her during the event while saying that “she’s always in such a “low mood”

• Mistreat & normalization, pretend there’s nothing wrong with mistreatment
  • Example: writing nasty all-caps emails and justifying as “that’s just how I write to everyone, I respect you though”

• Deliberate sabotage & blaming
  • Example: move, hide or lose objects, and pretend hold that the victim was responsible

• Pathologizing
  • Example: your father was a cheating alcoholic, maybe he even abused you and you removed it. That’s why you’re so obsessively untrustworthy

• Trivializing, or framing the victim’s issues, beliefs, or complaints as “small stuff”, unimportant, or unjustified

• Reality distortion, denying real events and making up non-existing ones

• Harm & cover as “mistake”
  • Example: pretending to forget birthdays with the excuse of “not caring about birthdays” (but then maybe remember third-party birthdays)

• Endless criticism, including of non-existent faults or lacks

Severity and effects

Effects of low-danger gaslighting tend to be short-term, including:

• Anger
• Frustration
• Dislike for the gaslighter
• Loss of respect the gaslighter

The effects of more extreme, prolonged, or continuous gaslighting can be psychosomatic, meaning they affect both mind and body, including:

• confusion
• muscle pain
• digestive problems
• vertigo
• inability to sleep

In extreme cases, continuous gaslighting can drive a person psychotic (see, as an example, the 1971 movie “Family Life”), or even to suicide.

The effects are connected to the fight-or-flight response.

Humans have an innate gut mechanism to recognize (and get away from) abuse. Even if they don’t consciously understand what is happening.

Gaslight FAQs

Now some frequently asked questions about gaslighting and manipulation in general:

1. Is there a strategic use for gaslighting?

There is a strategic use for almost anything.

So, yes, gaslighting can be effective and good for you.
And may even be fair game.

See Power University for those use cases.

However, don’t make the rules with the exceptions.
And, generally speaking, gaslight has higher costs than benefits.

Generally speaking, the gaslighter gains by taking from the “bottom of the pyramid” people who have less awareness, fewer skills, and fewer options.

Overall, we aim for more here so we don’t recommend it.

And the downsides may still outweigh the upsides, even when it seems like you’re winning.

The gaslighter still turns many of his relationships into lose-loses, destroys social capital, and drives away all the highest-quality people from his life.

This is simple basic social exchange: no high-quality person wants to be close to a gaslighter.
They may be dealing with him out of self-interest, but never out of choice or pleasure and they’ll always keep a healthy distance.

This is a typical case of “ceiling behavior”.
Such as, it’s “effective” only up to a (modest) point, and it turns harmful when you try to go level higher:

Also, just to be clear: since this is a place for high-quality eagles, we don’t like gaslighting here.

2. Can gaslighters improve?

Everything is possible, but don’t count on it.

Gaslighting may be indicative of psychological issues (ie.: a way of being, rather than a way of doing), and cannot be easily changed by others at that root level.

So make sure you don’t over-extend the benefit of the doubt and remember the proverb:

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me

3. Can I improve my own gaslighting?

It’s possible.

The simple fact that one is asking that question is a great sign that you may be able to grow beyond it.

See Power University for the details.

4. Is gaslighting always conscious and premeditated?

Several sources say that gaslighting is always conscious and premeditated.

We don’t necessarily agree, though.

Bel says that after much researching and reflecting, he came to this conclusion: it starts consciously. Meaning, there is a decision point where someone uses it and sees that the results are better than the alternative (which is honesty and accepting consequences). And then continues using it.

But it can reach the point where it is almost an automatic reflex whenever shame is called into question. In that sense, while it continues to be a choice, it can be very difficult to change.

Lucio believes that some gaslighters learned it from their parents or environment and never realized how “not-cool” it is, and how much it’s costing them.
For these people it’s possible to improve and grow beyond gaslighting -they’ll have to consciously unlearn it-.

Some others may be “naturals” who are simply manipulative personalities and who “naturally” resort to gaslighting, without any consciousness needed.

5. Can I win against a gaslighter?

You can win against anyone.

The better questions though are if you can get through one -possible but unlikely- and if you should even engage one.

Sometimes, you may be better off distancing yourself.

Often, it’s one of those “exporting democracy” types of wars that you’re a lot better off not fighting in the first place.
Some places aren’t ready for democracy and some people aren’t ready -or even born- for win-win and straight behavior.

Be careful of “turkey spirals”

Finally, gaslighters are turkeys, and they only drag you down to turkey level while we prefer you fly here.

If you’re looking for the “how to”, consider joining Power University.

Power University students go to this lesson for practical techniques & strategies