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Social Skills

Home » 11 Good Conversation Starter Working Every Time

11 Good Conversation Starter Working Every Time

The best conversation starters do three things:

  • Make your entrance seamless and natural
  • Add value without demanding too much (easy on the receiver)
  • Makes you look positive and confident

Contents

  • Best Conversation Starters
  • Keep The Conversation Going
  • End The Conversation
  • Terrible Conversation Starters
  • Summary

Best Conversation Starters

People on their own are always your best bet.
Walks to someone on his own and:

  • Hi, I’m Lucio

If you someone near with a drink momentarily on his own raise your drink for a toast and say:

  • Cheers!

In line for the drinks or as you’re side by side against the bar:

  • How you doing

To approach a group, hover a few secs on the periphery. If nobody turns, keep moving. If the group stops:

  • Hey guys, I’m Lucio, hi (shake hands in circle)

When you want to impose your presence without waiting for anybody, step in the group and say:

  • Hey, do you mind me joining, I’m Lucio

Or even simpler, which is confident while also building them up at the same time. Put a mischievous smile on and say:

  • Hi guys, I wanted to join you 🙂

At buffets with high tables, any table is an easy island to plant your flag on. Then you’re a micro-host of your table-island.
As soon as you see someone interesting passes by, start talking:

  • Hey, how are you enjoying the event

If the table is busy but there’s enough space for one more go for it. Nobody can refuse space: they are shared.
Put on a warm smile and put them in front of your fait accompli intrusion:

  • Hi, I hope you don’t mind me sharing the table 

Compliments are another fantastic way of starting a conversation.
Approaching someone who spoke at an event:

  • I loved your speech. Especially the courage of putting yourself out there: so open and vulnerable

To anyone who put effort in his appearance:

  • I love your style man

To the host:

  • Hey, thank you for organizing and great job, it’s such a great even

Here’s a few tips to keep the conversation going after you’ve delivered your conversation starter

Keep The Conversation Going

Always go for open ended questions that get people talking:

  • How did you end up here
  • How come you chose this event

I particularly love to re-open people you spoke to earlier either as part of a group or from a previous conversation.
Also notice the finessing of saying “I heard it’s a competitive field”, so if it’s not going well you already offer him an excuse to say it’s not exactly flying 🙂

  • How’s that VR company you launched going, I heard it’s a competitive field

Look for interesting bits where to dig deeper:

  • Oh wow you two were in a relationships and now you go out together as friends? Respect, how did that work out for you 

Look for commonalities:

  • Oh you’re also in tech, cool. What kind of tech start up are you in.

P.S.: you can use the above even when you’re not in the same field or have the same interest. Maybe you worked there in the past, have friends who work there or you’re just interested in it.

End The Conversation

Always end the conversation on a high.
For example:

  • I see, sounds like a great plan. Hey, I wish you all the best with it, I’ll take a walk and see you around

Or if you exchanged contacts and agree to meet again:

  • Cool, I admire your determination. Kate, it was a pleasure! I’ll write you later to schedule something then

And here are’s the bonus on the conversation starters you want to avoid:

Terrible Conversation Starters

I scoured around the web a little bit and I found some conversation starters which I believe are terrible.
Some example:

  • Which [speaker / panel] are you most excited for?

Get real folks!
Few if any really gives a flying F about the speakers.
They’re there to network, enjoy the free food, show their new dress and possibly meet some girl/man. They’re all focused on themselves and asking about the speakers shows a lack of understanding of their world.

  • Tell me about you

What’s wrong with this?
It asks for major investment right off the bat and socially aware people don’t like that (same as for dating).
This is, effectively, a power move as it asks people to jump through your hoops before you give anything.
It works well if it’s a dating situation and a man wants to get a woman invest quickly, but otherwise, avoid!

  • What’s your story?

Just imagine someone walks up to you and asks you what’s your story. How do you even reply that?
The only fair reply I can think of is “and who the hell are you“.
Never start telling your story to someone you’ve just met!

  • What personal passion project are you working on 

This the equivalent of Trump describing the way he meets women: grabbing them by their private parts.
Openers like there indeed are equivalent of conversation starters’ rape.
Open neutrally first, and build up as you go deeper.

Summary

Here’s a step by step to make your conversation starter work well:

  1. Nonverbal comes first: warm smile, open body language
  2. Start easy: the most receptive people, the wallflowers etc.
  3. Say “hi, how is it going, my name is“
  4. Talk a bit, then move: socialization is like a snowball: the more momentum you get the better you perform

Tag:best conversation starters, conversation starters, conversation starters for events, excellent conversation starters, good conversation starters, great conversation starters, what's a good conversation starter

author avatar
Lucio Buffalmano

The author holds a master's degree from La Sapienza, department of communication and sociological research, and is a member of the American Psychology Association (APA).

He studies psychology, persuasion, social & dating strategies, and anything related to people and power dynamics.

Lucio's approach combines science, critical analysis, and a continuous quest for first-hand experience & observation.
He loves all three aspects, and believes that to effectively teach social strategies, the three must go together.

You can learn it all in one fell swoop with Power University.

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    2 Comments

  1. Lyn
    July 4, 2018

    Awesome stuff, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication as they say. love your website

  2. No Name
    May 27, 2018

    Just stumbled upon your website, great stuff!

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