Cannot relate to the majority of people/opposite perspectives and temperaments
Hey guys.
I want to share a topic that is very pertinent to me. I am a person who through my personality profile and life experiences has a certain perspective on things that is extremely opposite to the majority of people.
I am all about empowerment and improvement. I am somewhat radical, extreme and some could say unbalanced. I learned to embrace my "unbalanced" nature as I realised being full throttle and hard working of a "lets do this" mentality and spirit achieved alot for me and saved my life. I have become more balanced though, but my personality profile just leans towards being more intense and proactive than most in regards to my beliefs, work ethic, action taking, mindse etc. I am an understanding person and always seek to see the value in what other people are saying so I'm not an egoist and I want to hear other peoples perspectives and I let them talk and listen but I will never compromise my viewpoint. I will collaborate with that person on an emotional level and say I understand their perspectives because I have developed my social skills and I'm still greatly developing and I've got far better here. But I stand on my beliefs if they are questioned or criticized as I wholeheartedly believe in the powerful and productive viewpoints I carry and I have the reason to back it.
I know it is healthy to have friends and socialise and have conversations and maybe even open up to people. I know I'm gonna get hurt along the way (but not show it) because coming across some human beings who are pretty ignorant in the face of someone being truthful is kinda disheartening to my spirit and faith in people. Like the enlightened collaborator concept.
I open up to people and find them softly criticize and judge and I'm just like "wow, you people profess to be so open minded but you are just as closed minded as others, you cannot entertain another viewpoint". Usually a debate ensues and I win most of the time, and its just like wow, I know im not changing these people as people really dont change their viewpoints in debates. And If I try and create and deepen the friendly vibe, its like I have to become vulnerable to do that as there is an element where the other person can reject it by taking a judge frame and trying to be the one to judge your viewpoints, and then the debate ensues. I literally love debating and championing causes, however I dont love debating when I'm trying to connect with someone and then a debate ensues. It never ends bitter, maybe a little but we are usually in good times after. I just kind of say im gonna close off to people which is wrong and not healthy.
I'm not a fan of "small talk". I can see small talk is an element of social skills and I have learned small talk and can really vibe with people if I want but it's like I'm a fan of deeper topics. I have read a post in another forum section about not turning every social situation into a debate but I believe this post I am making is asking a different question.
Are there places I can meet people who are likeminded to me? What strategies can I do here and what are powerful mindsets to embody? Where can I meet passionate and fiery people similar to myself?
I'm reading through ultimate power and nearly done, its an amazing book and i freaking love it. I added that part because I am learning alot of mental power from this book which may be relevant to this particular post.
Thanks and I look forward to the wonderful input here.
Do you live in a city, underdogexceptional?
If so, it's already an empowering thought to know there are many, many like you around, and hence it's "only" a matter of meeting them -might take some effort and time, but they're there, and it's doable-.
If not, there might still be some, but it's still empowering to know you can travel anywhere and meet some.
You seem to be the highly driven type, so starting from the most obvious, have you thought about:
- Entrepreneurs meetups
- Self-development groups
- Self-development activities
- Public speaking / toastmasters
- Gyms
- Training facilities for most types of sport
Quote from underdogexceptional on October 3, 2022, 10:22 pmI'm not a fan of "small talk". I can see small talk is an element of social skills and I have learned small talk and can really vibe with people if I want but it's like I'm a fan of deeper topics.
Same here, neither am I.
Have you ever thought of small talk as a form of appetizer though?
It's like when you walk into the ocean: you rarely get to the deep end, and you instead walk into shallow water for a bit, progressively getting deeper.
Some oceans have their deeper end way too far, some swimming pools have none.
But it won't take you long to find out.
And if there's no deeper end, you can always cut your interaction short the next time.
Thanks Lucio
I loved that ocean analogy. Beautiful. And yes, I live in a city.
Small talk can be an appetizer, I will embrace that from now, I like it. It makes sense. This is motivating me to do some small talk from now on and think of it right.
I am a person who's in the gym a ton, near daily and I was around competitive environments in sport a ton, and I have met another person who funnily enough happens to be very similar to myself recently, we have become friends. I am going to actively go to self development meetups and activities from now on and find people like this. It's a nice thought to even connect with a woman like this (this is kind of rare in my head finding women who are of a disposition like that, but very attractive to me).
I definitely need someone to keep me accountable though in actively seeking these people out. I'm a highly driven person who is all action in working hard and getting results, building improving etc. but when it comes to seeking connections with people, I can sometimes put it off and just go about building myself like a lone wolf and this is definitely not healthy and its bringing down the quality of my life, even though I know its so important. It's like I need someone there to keep me accountable and hold me like "Hey, did you do that? Why not, GO DO IT, RIGHT NOW"
Yeah, you may even recruit that drive and turn social circle building as your next goal.
After all, it's got its own challenges and mountains to climb as some people who made it a priority here can testify -finding good people, arranging meets, developing friendships and trust, handling power moves, maintaining the group cohesive and value-adding against the assholes that may sneak in etc. etc.-
Quote from underdogexceptional on October 3, 2022, 11:37 pmIt's a nice thought to even connect with a woman like this (this is kind of rare in my head finding women who are of a disposition like that, but very attractive to me).
Yeah, that's even more challenging as women like that are indeed rarer.
And of those who are very driven, for some it's a different drive than men.
Some work hard on dating and social skills and also on themselves, but sometimes with the goal to find a man who then in turn builds things, makes things happen (and amasses resources :), which is a bit different.
See for example the YouTube channel Ali recently shared where she's basically teaching other driven women who to be 'elegant and classy' to roam around the upper society, and enjoy the wealthy lifestyle.
But hey, they may be even more outliers than super-driven men, but the good news is that they also exist.
This is the channel Lucio means.
Anna teaches women how to be classy. This is not the same as being driven, independent, and 'go-getters.' It may overlap but not necessarily. I wish there was a channel that shows women how to be 'high quality.'
She teaches things like "Classy women are not cheap."
Some women cultivate that appearance of being classy, but this only skin deep. They may live in a trashcan shared apartment and look like a million bucks (I've dated some. And they are the same ones that scan you to estimate your worth on the first few seconds of a date).
FWIW, I'm also on your camp of feeling 'different' when people around me are not driven. With time, I've learned to accept different takes on life more. For a great book on the topic, check out Derek Sivers 'How to live'
Back to the topic of where to find driven women. There are not that many of them, and if you find them they usually have problems dating because they are high power (and it could be they didn't cultivate their femininity to get there). Which might be a good thing because many men disqualify themselves. And they tend to like accomplished men, which gives you an advantage.
Here are some more points to add to Lucio's list:
- Non-profit organizations (usually poorly run, so people who like effectiveness run away from them after a while. But there are so many of them that it's worth listing here!)
- Galas/social events in places that are 'doing good' (Watch out for gold diggers; avoid purely 'high class' socials like the plague. If it costed a lot of money to be there, risk is high)
- Managerial, mostly mid-level, roles at tech companies
- CEOs of startups (female CEOs are rare, but they do exist; dating them could be difficult as they will have no time and will prioritize their 'baby' -startup- over you any day)
- Successful artists. I had to add successful because the 'wannabe artist' species is so widespread, and they are usually not high quality people, they just want a tag they can wear to justify their 'good for nothing' lifestyle (see hipsters; they copy the looks and lifestyle of artists, but produce no original art, nothing that aims to be world-class, and they are perhaps the most popular tribe in 2022)
- Anyone who is, or aims to be, world-class at anything: dancing, sports, science
Wow, I was about to start a thread like this myself. I have felt disappointed in the past about society and other people, about the quality of work they do, and their drive to be excellent. I would like to balance out this perfectionism, but I also realize that it has helped me achieve a lot of things.
I can relate so much to this, and I am a woman. I also learnt through Lucio and TPM that many of the biological needs of women clash with this mentality, and growing up I realized that I don't blend in well with most women. Yes I can vibe well while doing the stereotypical "girly" things, but I have very little interest in them. I do intellectually engage with men all the time.
Yes it is a lonely place to be, and it eats at my self-worth at times because I have faith that I can build, improve and make contributions, but it has been a struggle. I was disillusioned with typical corporate environment and have ventured into the world of non-profit as well. I agree with LOF that any group/profession where a personal brand would shine might be greatly rewarding for people with this kind of mindset.
One might say it's the dual curse and blessing of being driven.
Or, as someone said, "it can be lonely at the top".
In part, I agree.
Still, albeit that's certainly true in terms of percentages, there are still plenty of people who are similar to you, so I think it's more about finding them.
There probably also exists some app, club, or social network for people who are driven and seek excellence (and, if not, or if it's not very efficient, there's a good business idea for you guys 🙂 ).
That should be the first step as it's important to have someone to relate with.
Then, once you find that someone, you can focus on also enjoying and appreciating those who are different, despite the differences (the lazy ones, those who don't train, read or learn new things, those who don't care about advancing, making money, etc.)