Cannot relate to the majority of people/opposite perspectives and temperaments

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 3, 2022, 11:18 pm

Do you live in a city, underdogexceptional?

If so, it's already an empowering thought to know there are many, many like you around, and hence it's "only" a matter of meeting them -might take some effort and time, but they're there, and it's doable-.

If not, there might still be some, but it's still empowering to know you can travel anywhere and meet some.

You seem to be the highly driven type, so starting from the most obvious, have you thought about:

• Entrepreneurs meetups
• Self-development groups
• Self-development activities
  • Public speaking / toastmasters
  • Gyms
  • Training facilities for most types of sport

 

Quote from underdogexceptional on October 3, 2022, 10:22 pm

I'm not a fan of "small talk". I can see small talk is an element of social skills and I have learned small talk and can really vibe with people if I want but it's like I'm a fan of deeper topics.

Same here, neither am I.

Have you ever thought of small talk as a form of appetizer though?

It's like when you walk into the ocean: you rarely get to the deep end, and you instead walk into shallow water for a bit, progressively getting deeper.

Some oceans have their deeper end way too far, some swimming pools have none.
But it won't take you long to find out.
And if there's no deeper end, you can always cut your interaction short the next time.

Quote from underdogexceptional on October 3, 2022, 11:37 pm

Thanks Lucio

I loved that ocean analogy. Beautiful. And yes, I live in a city.

Small talk can be an appetizer, I will embrace that from now, I like it. It makes sense. This is motivating me to do some small talk from now on and think of it right.

I am a person who's in the gym a ton, near daily and I was around competitive environments in sport a ton, and I have met another person who funnily enough happens to be very similar to myself recently, we have become friends. I am going to actively go to self development meetups and activities from now on and find people like this. It's a nice thought to even connect with a woman like this (this is kind of rare in my head finding women who are of a disposition like that, but very attractive to me).

I definitely need someone to keep me accountable though in actively seeking these people out. I'm a highly driven person who is all action in working hard and getting results, building improving etc. but when it comes to seeking connections with people, I can sometimes put it off and just go about building myself like a lone wolf and this is definitely not healthy and its bringing down the quality of my life, even though I know its so important. It's like I need someone there to keep me accountable and hold me like "Hey, did you do that? Why not, GO DO IT, RIGHT NOW"

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 4, 2022, 10:48 pm

Yeah, you may even recruit that drive and turn social circle building as your next goal.

After all, it's got its own challenges and mountains to climb as some people who made it a priority here can testify -finding good people, arranging meets, developing friendships and trust, handling power moves, maintaining the group cohesive and value-adding against the assholes that may sneak in etc. etc.-

Quote from underdogexceptional on October 3, 2022, 11:37 pm

It's a nice thought to even connect with a woman like this (this is kind of rare in my head finding women who are of a disposition like that, but very attractive to me).

Yeah, that's even more challenging as women like that are indeed rarer.

And of those who are very driven, for some it's a different drive than men.
Some work hard on dating and social skills and also on themselves, but sometimes with the goal to find a man who then in turn builds things, makes things happen (and amasses resources :), which is a bit different.
See for example the YouTube channel Ali recently shared where she's basically teaching other driven women who to be 'elegant and classy' to roam around the upper society, and enjoy the wealthy lifestyle.

But hey, they may be even more outliers than super-driven men, but the good news is that they also exist.

Quote from leaderoffun on October 10, 2022, 8:08 am

This is the channel Lucio means.

Anna teaches women how to be classy. This is not the same as being driven, independent, and 'go-getters.' It may overlap but not necessarily. I wish there was a channel that shows women how to be 'high quality.'

She teaches things like "Classy women are not cheap."

Some women cultivate that appearance of being classy, but this only skin deep. They may live in a trashcan shared apartment and look like a million bucks (I've dated some. And they are the same ones that scan you to estimate your worth on the first few seconds of a date).

FWIW, I'm also on your camp of feeling 'different' when people around me are not driven. With time, I've learned to accept different takes on life more. For a great book on the topic, check out Derek Sivers 'How to live'

Back to the topic of where to find driven women. There are not that many of them, and if you find them they usually have problems dating because they are high power (and it could be they didn't cultivate their femininity to get there). Which might be a good thing because many men disqualify themselves. And they tend to like accomplished men, which gives you an advantage.

Here are some more points to add to Lucio's list:

• Non-profit organizations (usually poorly run, so people who like effectiveness run away from them after a while. But there are so many of them that it's worth listing here!)
• Galas/social events in places that are 'doing good' (Watch out for gold diggers; avoid purely 'high class' socials like the plague. If it costed a lot of money to be there, risk is high)
• Managerial, mostly mid-level, roles at tech companies
• CEOs of startups (female CEOs are rare, but they do exist; dating them could be difficult as they will have no time and will prioritize their 'baby' -startup- over you any day)
• Successful artists. I had to add successful because the 'wannabe artist' species is so widespread, and they are usually not high quality people, they just want a tag they can wear to justify their 'good for nothing' lifestyle (see hipsters; they copy the looks and lifestyle of artists, but produce no original art, nothing that aims to be world-class, and they are perhaps the most popular tribe in 2022)
• Anyone who is, or aims to be, world-class at anything: dancing, sports, science

 

Quote from Emily on October 25, 2022, 12:19 am

Wow, I was about to start a thread like this myself. I have felt disappointed in the past about society and other people, about the quality of work they do, and their drive to be excellent. I would like to balance out this perfectionism, but I also realize that it has helped me achieve a lot of things.

I can relate so much to this, and I am a woman. I also learnt through Lucio and TPM that many of the biological needs of women clash with this mentality, and growing up I realized that I don't blend in well with most women. Yes I can vibe well while doing the stereotypical "girly" things, but I have very little interest in them. I do intellectually engage with men all the time.

Yes it is a lonely place to be, and it eats at my self-worth at times because I have faith that I can build, improve and make contributions, but it has been a struggle. I was disillusioned with typical corporate environment and have ventured into the world of non-profit as well. I agree with LOF that any group/profession where a personal brand would shine might be greatly rewarding for people with this kind of mindset.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 26, 2022, 2:02 pm

One might say it's the dual curse and blessing of being driven.

Or, as someone said, "it can be lonely at the top".

In part, I agree.

Still, albeit that's certainly true in terms of percentages, there are still plenty of people who are similar to you, so I think it's more about finding them.

There probably also exists some app, club, or social network for people who are driven and seek excellence (and, if not, or if it's not very efficient, there's a good business idea for you guys 🙂 ).

That should be the first step as it's important to have someone to relate with.
Then, once you find that someone, you can focus on also enjoying and appreciating those who are different, despite the differences (the lazy ones, those who don't train, read or learn new things, those who don't care about advancing, making money, etc.)