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Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 5:39 amSo this does not feel confrontational to you?:
Just out of curiosity, may I ask why are you trying to undermine a poor value-taker, rather than simply ignoring him, and spending your valuable time in making new valuable friends?
Is he your colleague or a core in your social circle?
That is called an accusation.
Yeah, that first question might have been value-taking in some part, as it implies that you wanted to undermine the guy.
That frame can make you the one who is being aggressive, rather than defending and/or dealing properely with a disturbed character.
However, taken as a whole, I didn't see it as an accusation.
And in other parts, it was building you up.
The suggestion as a whole frames you as superior.
And it suggests that a high-value guy like you shouldn't waste time on a worthless game player.
So no, I don't see it as an accusation as a whole.
Maybe one could say it's misguided because he doesn't know the whole story, but otherwise it raises a possible good point: is it a possibility to act like he doesn't exist, and to give him less attention and less mental real estate?
Maybe not.
And maybe you don't want.
And if you do, you'd also lose an opportunity for personal growth.
But still, it's a fair question to ask.
Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 5:39 amI'm not sure it's quite fair towards me. This feels uncomfortably familiar to me. Like a pattern, don't you agree?
I don't know yet if I can agree, what type of pattern are you sensing?
Thanks for the clarification. When selffoe will explain further what he means I will have enough information to answer his questions adequately.
Well, now it's been the second time that you side with another forum member. That is why I put the definition to "fairness". Fairness is no favouritism nor partiality. I understand and respect your interest to having more forum members though.
Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 5:39 amThanks for sharing your perspective: I wouldn't necessarily agree with all of it. I believe that it is important to let people answer for themselves. Otherwise it can feel to them as it is patronising as well.
So this does not feel confrontational to you?:
Just out of curiosity, may I ask why are you trying to undermine a poor value-taker, rather than simply ignoring him, and spending your valuable time in making new valuable friends?
Is he your colleague or a core in your social circle?
That is called an accusation. Then I'm asking for clarification and I'm being framed as hitting on the new guy? I'm not sure it's quite fair towards me. This feels uncomfortably familiar to me. Like a pattern, don't you agree?
EDIT: Also, you know the history, so I really don't even understand your answer in the first place. You confuse me Lucio! You confuse me! ?
May I ask what is the "pattern" you are mentioning?
There are a lot of other forum out there, but this one is by far the most rational and value-adding one. Most other forums are full of haters and one-upping. Here, everyone has a win-win cooperative mindsets. You or the leader of this forum have to do nothing to keep me here. It is me who needs to learn to be more value-adding to other forum members.
Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 6:27 amWell, now it's been the second time that you side with another forum member. That is why I put the definition to "fairness". Fairness is no favouritism nor partiality. I understand and respect your interest to having more forum members though.
This pattern. Lucio: I was in a bad mood, it's not that important. Justice is a very important value for me, though. I'm sure you know that by now. Cheers!
Selffoe, I'm glad you share this mindset. This is great so we can learn and grow together.
Since we're in the clarification part: why "selffoe"?
Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 9:21 amQuote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 6:27 amWell, now it's been the second time that you side with another forum member. That is why I put the definition to "fairness". Fairness is no favouritism nor partiality. I understand and respect your interest to having more forum members though.
This pattern. Lucio: I was in a bad mood, it's not that important. Justice is a very important value for me, though. I'm sure you know that by now. Cheers!
Selffoe, I'm glad you share this mindset. This is great so we can learn and grow together.
Since we're in the clarification part: why "selffoe"?
Quote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 9:21 amQuote from John Freeman on March 26, 2021, 6:27 amWell, now it's been the second time that you side with another forum member. That is why I put the definition to "fairness". Fairness is no favouritism nor partiality. I understand and respect your interest to having more forum members though.
This pattern. Lucio: I was in a bad mood, it's not that important. Justice is a very important value for me, though. I'm sure you know that by now. Cheers!
Selffoe, I'm glad you share this mindset. This is great so we can learn and grow together.
Since we're in the clarification part: why "selffoe"?
My worst enemy is myself. Also from Shakespeare's sonnet I: "Thy self thy foe".
Though I think this name might be not really good, as its subconscious communication says "foe" which raises negative emotion subtly.
My thoughts exactly. Please allow me this reframe: self-friend. You are your best friend and your best ally. Who’s dressing you up? You. Who brushes your teeth? You. Who feeds you? You. You get my point.
I’m not sure this is what your worst enemy would do.
You do not wish yourself harm, no? So you’re not your own worst enemy.
Like me and all other humans, you have biological and psychological biases that are to be overcome in order to reach higher levels of existence. You make mistakes and make poor decisions sometimes, like all of us.
That does not make you your worst enemy.
I changed from that mindset to this one years ago and I’m very glad I did. Maybe this speaks to you as well.
Cheers!
This is indeed a great mind-set! It is great to see that you are not take the "sayings" of famous people as granted. I was kind of naive to believe in the words of famous people without deeper thoughts.
Are there any other mindsets you find useful so I can learn more?
I also wrote a brief self-exposing post here:
https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/what-did-an-average-guy-learn-in-the-first-few-weeks/
Would be grateful if you have time to further bring me up.
We all make this mistake. And I did as well.
Your thirst of knowledge and growth is admirable. I would recommend you to check out this section about mindsets. Especially the learner mindset thread.
I think we’re off topic now.
Cheers!
Hi John,
On this thread, I intended to convey that it was quite a sensitive and private discussion between you and me.
Even though this is a public forum.
I would prefer that my name is left out in quotes of content in the future to illustrate examples for areas where we potentially have diverging views.
Would you be comfortable with doing that?
If my name is inside, we may have a different perspective of the discussion, and that may give rise to a different interpretation of the context.
This may give rise to misunderstandings for people who are not active followers of all the threads on this forum.
If my name is not inside, then it's less personal, and you are discussing the thread from your perspective with the quoted content.
I understood just now: you still view it as tasking. Ok, my bad. I thought we were on the same page on this topic. I thought the matter was cleared. So I'm not exactly sure you will agree with the content on the thread linked. Since the content is about talking when there is a misunderstanding based on the words and not on the context and or intentions (that is why I used it as an example, because it was a learning experience for me: "Ah someone can interpret it this way"). Alright, so we do have a different perspective on the matter.
