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If You Think Ohters Are Shallow... Stop! (The Social Skills Guidebook)

A great golden nugget I took away from The Social Skills Guidebook.

As an introvert, a world traveler, a big analyzer and reader and, let's not fake modesty here, higher than average IQ, I sometimes fall into the mental trap of thinking some people around me are shallow.

If you are reading here, chances are you might feel the same at times (introverts, highly sensitive people and smarter than average individuals are more likely to experience it).

McLeod explains that a big part of this "superiority fallacy" is perception.

We have access to our own thoughts and thinking patterns. And when we talk about something shallow like the weather, for example, we know that we can also be deeper.

But when others are talking about the weather we don't know that. All we see is someone talking superficially and we generalize that instance to his whole persona (and that's why first impressions are crucial BTW: it's a question of over-generalization).

The problem with that?

The problem with that is that when we believe that we are "deeper" than others we create a huge disconnect.
When we feel like others are "too shallow" we create our own loneliness, we enjoy life less, we don't connect and bond with others and we even make ourselves less persuasive.

People who actively act on that feeling of superiority come across as socially awkwardsocial climbers and, frankly, quite idiotic.

I told the story of one of them in the video below.

The solution?
Every time you feel people around you are shallow:

  • Stop immediately
  • Remind yourself that a shallow topic doesn't make a person shallow
  • Remind yourself that, in the greater scheme of things, "depth" doesn't really count for shit
  • Remind yourself that a "shallow" approach to life is, in many ways, superior: there is beauty in shallowness as well
  • Embrace the shallowness as a tool for connection
  • Embrace shallowness as a time for good time's sake

Because that's what people who are good with people do: they treat shallowness as a time to bond and connect or as an opportunity to have a good laugh.

People who are good with people embrace social shallowness as part of the social dance.

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rachel
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