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Power duck's journal

#11 · June 23, 2023, 11:26 pm

PRODUCTIVITY

3/7 day,

It looks like I lose less time/am more productive using the previous tips, specially changing subjects, it does indeed help when Im tired. However I still waste more time than I would want to, I have to be tougher on myself.

I tend to forget about the value adding inner judge, I will write a reminder about it.

SOCIAL SITUATIONS

These past days I have realized that some of my relatives tend to make lots of one upping jokes/babying power moves on me that I don't like a bit. (They do one upping jokes on each other too, but I think that babying is almost exclusively directed towards me)

I don't like certain one upping jokes either but I can endure them, answering with another one up seems to do the trick most of the time. Don't think that this is the best strategy, I'll have to revisit the microaggressions and self defense lessons earlier than expected.

I am realizing that my awareness does outweighs my ability to respond properly.

POWER NOTEBOOK

Today I've been revisiting the first lesson, writing it on a paper does help to retain more information.

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#12 · June 24, 2023, 12:23 am

Rock on, Power duck.

Quick note on this:

Quote from Power duck on June 23, 2023, 11:26 pm
I am realizing that my awareness does outweighs my ability to respond properly.

It's normal, and also good news in many ways.

Means there is some quicker room for growth and training (as opposed to having to fist acquire the awareness, which is something that many never even do in the first place).

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#13 · June 25, 2023, 12:39 am

PRODUCTIVITY

4/7 day,

To be honest, I would rather write a lie and say that today I have been productive. But that would be stupid and would make writing in my journal pointless, so I'm going to be tough on myself here, maybe writing this could help to make the message stay a bit longer in my head.

Today I have probably wasted around 3 hours watching youtube...... And I'm growing a bit tired of this behaviour of mine that seems to never disappear, of losing time on instant gratification activities as a means to avoid feeling bored or to fill a void caused by a lack of meaningful social relationships. I have to stop behaving like a kid, I have to stop always trying to make hard things easy/enjoyable, yes, it's true, it does indeed help to learn how to enjoy doing hard things, but it's not going to be like that always. You have to man up and START DOING THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO, because if you always leave things for tomorrow, that tomorrow will amount to years of your life wasted.

I supose this is what "punishing yourself emotionally" consists of.

SOCIAL SITUATIONS

So, today I have realized that my mother tends to make babying power moves towards me. If she pulls another power move of those I'll talk with her about it.

I see lots of people in my surroundings pulling power moves/one ups towards each other/me too, no wonder why I ended the way I did given that I wasn't power aware. I'm starting to get a bit nihilistic again, but well I guess this is part of the process.

MINDSETS

Well not all are bad news :)

I have been about two weeks internalizing the belief that "I deserve fair treatment and I am worthy of respect".

And it's doing wonders, from making it easier to respond to power moves to making me not question my worth when somebody one-ups me/ridiculizes me. It's also making me take myself more seriously and helping me to be productive, not as much as I would want to though.

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#14 · June 25, 2023, 8:16 am

Hello Power Duck,

Nice going with the mindsets and keeping yourself accountable!

Quote from Power duck on June 25, 2023, 12:39 am
I have to stop behaving like a kid, I have to stop always trying to make hard things easy/enjoyable, yes, it's true, it does indeed help to learn how to enjoy doing hard things, but it's not going to be like that always. You have to man up and START DOING THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO, because if you always leave things for tomorrow, that tomorrow will amount to years of your life wasted.
I supose this is what "punishing yourself emotionally" consists of.

Just some thoughts on this from an outside perspective. You know better of course so feel free to disregard if you don't agree:

While I like your approach of being tough on yourself, in my experience one can easily go too far. For example, I used to set goals for the day and if I failed them I would punish myself in the same way you describe. In the short term this led to good results, but in the long term it just created bigger problems of self-loathing. That's not to say it's a guarantee of course, and maybe some tough love from yourself is exactly what you need.

Still, I'd say that it's generally more important to develop some self-love before setting out to reach other self development goals, otherwise you run the risk of thinking that achieving the other goals will lead to self-love, which is highly unlikely. This also ties into the mindset of deserving fair treatment: you absolutely deserve fair treatment, but you deserve it from everyone, including yourself.

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#15 · June 25, 2023, 11:19 am

Quote from Mats G on June 25, 2023, 8:16 am
Just some thoughts on this from an outside perspective. You know better of course so feel free to disregard if you don't agree:
While I like your approach of being tough on yourself, in my experience one can easily go too far. For example, I used to set goals for the day and if I failed them I would punish myself in the same way you describe. In the short term this led to good results, but in the long term it just created bigger problems of self-loathing. That's not to say it's a guarantee of course, and maybe some tough love from yourself is exactly what you need.
Still, I'd say that it's generally more important to develop some self-love before setting out to reach other self development goals, otherwise you run the risk of thinking that achieving the other goals will lead to self-love, which is highly unlikely. This also ties into the mindset of deserving fair treatment: you absolutely deserve fair treatment, but you deserve it from everyone, including yourself.

Man, this is next-level advice.

I had similar thoughts reading that part.

This can be the part of the "potential toxicity of some self-help".
It hooks ambitious people in who alreayd place high demands on themselves, and 10x it with guilt though impossible high demands that one is bound to fail -sometimes even fake examples of self-defeating extreme behavior-.

Needless to say, this is not to say one shouldn't work on himself, but that one should do so walking that line between high standards for himself, seeking development, while also avoiding toxic self-help extreme gurus and accepting and loving himself.

I think this could make for a great article.

Potentially, a foundational one.

Since you experienced it yourself Mats and potentially already overcome, let me know if you'd be interested in making an article on it.

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#16 · June 25, 2023, 12:47 pm

Quote from Power Duck on June 25, 2023, 12:47 pm
Hello Lucio and Mats,
I fully agree with both of you on that. Self loathing when one doesn't accomplish certain goals(specially when those goals are hard to accomplish, as well as trying to be perfect and to be grinding 24/7) , and when one hasn't build his self-estem/self love properly, is definetely damaging for one's mental health, in fact this kind of behaviour could stem from trying to compensate low self esteem issues, I know this very well as I've been as Mats describes my whole life, trying to get self-love out of accomplishments.
However I comitted a fatal mistake some time ago when trying to solve this issue, I shifted towards the opposite mindset: "It's ok to fail we aren't perfect after all, tomorrow you'll try again and hopefully things will go different"(of course I adopted other mindsets that improved my mental health and self esteem too), this caused me to lose lots of progress I had made (not watching porn, not playing videogames, studying hard) after all "It's ok to relax a bit from time to time isn't it?".
Hence the reason for writing this:
And I'm growing a bit tired of this behaviour of mine that seems to never disappear, of losing time on instant gratification activities as a means to avoid feeling bored or to fill a void caused by a lack of meaningful social relationships. I have to stop behaving like a kid, I have to stop always trying to make hard things easy/enjoyable, yes, it's true, it does indeed help to learn how to enjoy doing hard things, but it's not going to be like that always. You have to man up and START DOING THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO, because if you always leave things for tomorrow, that tomorrow will amount to years of your life wasted.
I wanted to force myself into feeling bad, so I would take action and reflect about what I did, instead of trying to alleviate feelings of guilt like I usually do in regards to studying.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 25, 2023, 11:19 am
Needless to say, this is not to say one shouldn't work on himself, but that one should do so walking that line between high standards for himself, seeking development, while also avoiding toxic self-help extreme gurus and accepting and loving himself.
I agree on that. Plus I would add that being wary of self-manipulation is extremely important, or at least certain personalities should be more careful to not self-manipulate than others.
Cheers.
P.S:
A good example of this could be what the body-positivity movement has become, an excuse for lots of people that aren't healthy/ are obese because of bad habits to not change.
Btw I get the feeling that saying "I agree" could potentially be a judge power move, it does feel a bit off, kind of like saying "I approve this opinion".
I would find an article in regards to this matter really interesting :).

Hello Lucio and Mats,

I fully agree with both of you on that. Self loathing when one doesn't accomplish certain goals(specially when those goals are hard to accomplish, as well as trying to be perfect and to be grinding 24/7) , and when one hasn't build his self-estem/self love properly, is definetely damaging for one's mental health, in fact this kind of behaviour could stem from trying to compensate low self esteem issues, I know this very well as I've been as Mats describes my whole life, trying to get self-love out of accomplishments.

However I comitted a fatal mistake some time ago when trying to solve this issue, I shifted towards the opposite mindset: "It's ok to fail we aren't perfect after all, tomorrow you'll try again and hopefully things will go different"(of course I adopted other mindsets that improved my mental health and self esteem too), this caused me to lose lots of progress I had made (not watching porn, not playing videogames, studying hard) after all "It's ok to relax a bit from time to time isn't it?".

Hence the reason for writing this:

And I'm growing a bit tired of this behaviour of mine that seems to never disappear, of losing time on instant gratification activities as a means to avoid feeling bored or to fill a void caused by a lack of meaningful social relationships. I have to stop behaving like a kid, I have to stop always trying to make hard things easy/enjoyable, yes, it's true, it does indeed help to learn how to enjoy doing hard things, but it's not going to be like that always. You have to man up and START DOING THE THING YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO, because if you always leave things for tomorrow, that tomorrow will amount to years of your life wasted.

I wanted to force myself into feeling bad, so I would take action and reflect about what I did, instead of trying to alleviate feelings of guilt like I usually do in regards to studying.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 25, 2023, 11:19 am
Needless to say, this is not to say one shouldn't work on himself, but that one should do so walking that line between high standards for himself, seeking development, while also avoiding toxic self-help extreme gurus and accepting and loving himself.

I agree on that. Plus I would add that being wary of self-manipulation is extremely important, or at least certain personalities should be more careful to not self-manipulate than others.

Cheers.

P.S:

A good example of this could be what the body-positivity movement has become, an excuse for lots of people that aren't healthy/ are obese because of bad habits to not change.

Btw I get the feeling that saying "I agree" could potentially be a judge power move, it does feel a bit off, kind of like saying "I approve this opinion".

I would find an article in regards to this matter really interesting :).

Lucio Buffalmano, Kavalier and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#17 · June 26, 2023, 12:03 am

PRODUCTIVITY:

4/7 day,

Today I've been more productive than yesterday. I've wasted a bit of time, but I'm definetely making progress. My main obstacle towards being productive right now is a lack of control in regards to controlling my urge to watch youtube videos each time I'm tired or Im studying a hard subject. So I will try to PAUSE AND COUNT UP TO 5, EVERY TIME I FEEL LIKE WATCHING A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

POWER NOTEBOOK:

I just finished taking notes about PU first lesson, maybe I should make shorter summaries, the one I made occupies 3 pages.....

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#18 · June 27, 2023, 12:04 am

PRODUCTIVITY:

#19 · June 28, 2023, 11:35 pm

PRODUCTIVITY:

5,6/7 day.

I've realized that the best way to avoid wasting time is simply to remove all electronic devices from my bedroom. And disconnect the ones I use from the internet.

SOCIAL SITUATIONS:

I think I'm beginning to understand how behaving high-power and high warm feels. It's a bit strange, to naturally behave in such a way I usually mix:

Confidence.
Depth of voice? (When I speak "from the chest" I notice that I naturally behave higher power and high warmth)

I get:

More sense of satisfaction after social interactions.
I feel (kind of) as if I were living to my fullest.
I behave in a more "extroverted way" naturally.

It does sound a bit wishy washy I know.

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#20 · July 2, 2023, 11:32 pm

Quote from Power Duck on July 2, 2023, 11:32 pm
THE BEST SELF DEFENSE IS SOMETIMES TO DUMP YOUR FRIENDS:
Certain self defense techniques can sometimes be counterproductive in certain situations (example by DGX37 in his journal), and sometimes defending against assholes can be complicated (explained by Lucio in DGX37 journal) due to the possibility of thread expanding the nastiness thus disempowering yourself.
This video that John posted made me realise a thing: if a group of people doesnt see you as worthy of respect then youre better off dumping them.
The thing is that on certain ocassions the best decision one can make in situations like the one the video portrays is to: dump your "friends"/stop hanging with social climbers. One can get "respect" from those people indeed, but why would one want to have close relationships with people that will attack you as soon as they think they have the upper hand?
I've experienced this myself, from being respected and liked in a group of 5 people, to being constantly one-upped, laughed at, mocked and even gas-lighted (two times) when going assertive.

WHY SURFACING DOESN'T WORK (most of the time) AGAINST ASSHOLES:
I find really interesting as well as funny the video that John sent, I'll use it as an example:

In the video, the guy that does the surfacing ("Key"), ends up winning but that's, well..... because it's scripted. In a real life scenario unless the asshole was clueless about power dynamics he could've won easily, how?:
Key could easily be framed as a tryhard/thin-skinned for getting so worked up because of a "joke", the main problem I percieve in the video isn't his message but rather is tone. He could've been also framed as "thinking to much" over a "joke".
The asshole, ("Peele") has support from the group. The aim of self defence is to: protect your self-image/ protect your status in a group/both of them. In this scenario Key defends from Peele, but if Peele (or the character he plays as) were intelligent enough he could've simply power-borrowed from the other members and bring Key down. You've protected your self image indeed, but now the group hates you and or you're even lower status in that group.
To sum up, Key "applies" the 42th law of power, "Strike the sheperd and the sheep will scatter", which is a really good strategy in a group like the one in the video (one asshole, two low power guys). However if it were a group of more than a single asshole, I believe the defender would be most likely overpowered, and the dynamic could even be cemented even more.
As I said earlier this is precisely what happened to me, a group of multiple social climbers, one self amusing frenemy, and one high power emotional manipulator, made me feel powerless as any attempt to self defense directly (without playing one upping games) would be framed as exagerated.

P.S:
I'll keep this as a really good lesson for my future self. Anyone that reads this can feel free to disagree :) .
By the way I dumped this group of "friends" some time ago, and after some of them proved themselves to be nastier than I thought:
One of the female members, said she couldn't go to a farewell meeting they had been planning (for weeks) the same day the meeting was. Apparently she "had a big problem" and didn't feel like doing something she didnt want to do "in order to satisfy anyone". Basically framing a meeting with friends/keeping a promise as a suckers trade, high quality behaviour at its finest :). The next day she didn't have any problem to hang out with other female friends though....

THE BEST SELF DEFENSE IS SOMETIMES TO DUMP YOUR FRIENDS:

Certain self defense techniques can sometimes be counterproductive in certain situations (example by DGX37 in his journal), and sometimes defending against assholes can be complicated (explained by Lucio in DGX37 journal) due to the possibility of thread expanding the nastiness thus disempowering yourself.

This video that John posted made me realise a thing: if a group of people doesnt see you as worthy of respect then youre better off dumping them.

The thing is that on certain ocassions the best decision one can make in situations like the one the video portrays is to: dump your "friends"/stop hanging with social climbers. One can get "respect" from those people indeed, but why would one want to have close relationships with people that will attack you as soon as they think they have the upper hand?

I've experienced this myself, from being respected and liked in a group of 5 people, to being constantly one-upped, laughed at, mocked and even gas-lighted (two times) when going assertive.

WHY SURFACING DOESN'T WORK (most of the time) AGAINST ASSHOLES:

I find really interesting as well as funny the video that John sent, I'll use it as an example:

In the video, the guy that does the surfacing ("Key"), ends up winning but that's, well..... because it's scripted. In a real life scenario unless the asshole was clueless about power dynamics he could've won easily, how?:

Key could easily be framed as a tryhard/thin-skinned for getting so worked up because of a "joke", the main problem I percieve in the video isn't his message but rather is tone. He could've been also framed as "thinking to much" over a "joke".
The asshole, ("Peele") has support from the group. The aim of self defence is to: protect your self-image/ protect your status in a group/both of them. In this scenario Key defends from Peele, but if Peele (or the character he plays as) were intelligent enough he could've simply power-borrowed from the other members and bring Key down. You've protected your self image indeed, but now the group hates you and or you're even lower status in that group.

To sum up, Key "applies" the 42th law of power, "Strike the sheperd and the sheep will scatter", which is a really good strategy in a group like the one in the video (one asshole, two low power guys). However if it were a group of more than a single asshole, I believe the defender would be most likely overpowered, and the dynamic could even be cemented even more.

As I said earlier this is precisely what happened to me, a group of multiple social climbers, one self amusing frenemy, and one high power emotional manipulator, made me feel powerless as any attempt to self defense directly (without playing one upping games) would be framed as exagerated.

P.S:

I'll keep this as a really good lesson for my future self. Anyone that reads this can feel free to disagree :) .

By the way I dumped this group of "friends" some time ago, and after some of them proved themselves to be nastier than I thought:

One of the female members, said she couldn't go to a farewell meeting they had been planning (for weeks) the same day the meeting was. Apparently she "had a big problem" and didn't feel like doing something she didnt want to do "in order to satisfy anyone". Basically framing a meeting with friends/keeping a promise as a suckers trade, high quality behaviour at its finest :). The next day she didn't have any problem to hang out with other female friends though....