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Power duck's journal

#21 · July 2, 2023, 11:38 pm

PRODUCTIVITY:

Removing internet-connected devices from my bedroom was a really good idea, now I'm productive 90% of the time I spend studying.

My next step is to SET A TIMER EVERY TIME I STOP TO REST, as I tend to waste a lot of time when I stop to rest.

#22 · July 16, 2023, 11:31 pm

Quote from Power Duck on July 16, 2023, 11:31 pm
So after some weeks off the forum while studying power university and traveling abroad I would say I've discovered lots of things, both very very useful forgotten ol' knowledge and new stuff.
MINDSETS:
So, I've realized one of the causes for me being unable to be as high power as I would want to and that is:
Self limiting beliefs.
Basically I didnt believe in myself or how I would say: I didn't believe in my ability to be a f*cking badass.
7/8 months ago I used to be high power (and a social climber btw), and one of the reasons I used to be this way was because of I had a huge ego, I believed I was better than all the guys around me and I cultivated the ability to remain calm in almost any situation as well as unwavering confidence. The end result was basically getting respect from peers as well as lots of female peers being attracted to me.
However solving my high ego and trying to put into use Robert Greene's "accept your feminine side" rule, basically made me a low power pushover again :( . That's the problem of basing your social power on a shaky foundation, if you solve your issues it all goes crumbling. Plus I stopped applying lots of things that got me there, such as:
Considering freedom (from society, social rules, fear, etc) as my core value. Inspired by this guy. Now I know that his speech appeals to intrinsic motivation as means to manipulate however part of it's message is true. Still his message was a turning point in my life and the beginning of my self improvement journey.
Considering myself almost a godlike being. (Narcissistic stuff but pretty useful in order to acquire unwavering confidence if you get to believe it yourself, it has the downside of a high ego and being too hard on yourself whenever you fail, as well as considering others less than you)
Now I replaced it by: I have limitless potential, and so do others, its up to them to realize it.
Getting pleasure out of pushing beyond my comfort zone. Usually by purposefully putting myself in uncomfortable situations for no other reason than to test my determination to face discomfort.
Being proud of feeling bad emotions about situations in which I messed up. While telling myself "most people feel bad when they do something wrong, I instead rejoice in the feeling of embarrassment, shame, anger, etc. Nothing will stop me". I would say this seems like a form of growth mindset.
Lowering my tone of voice at the end of phrases, while speaking in a relaxed and low effort tone. As well as speaking slower.
Moving slower.
Controlling my emotions almost the whole time, and even controlling when I smile or not.
However I discovered new things :) :
Practice self acceptance.
Trying to remain in the present. And don't identify yourself with your feelings/thoughts. As well as trying to concentrate in physical sensations whenever you feel an uncomfortable unnecessary feeling. While telling myself that "feelings actually are nothing but physical sensations that we interpret in a certain way"
You should wear your power goggles or at least try to behave high power whenever it isn't counterproductive.
A good/easy way to be high power is aiming to be as direct and honest as possible without fear of offending others.
Or- other feelings are none of my business as long as I behave respectfully.
Quite a lot of things, including some "self-induced lies" that do work really well.
To end with the list for now, I would finish it with:
Develop a high ego.
Now this sounds sketchy as it doesn't follow the law of optimum balance, but what if one could force oneself into feeling great about himself and better than others while being aware of the deceit? I'll give it a try, but in case it doesn't work I would replace it with:
Believe that you are f*cking amazing.
A bit cringey and cliche but it does the trick to get me into the desired emotional state of feeling great about myself.
And lastly another thing I realized and that I think deserves its own separate post is that:
Some beliefs that are used to cope with unsolved issues can serve you well in the short run but most likely won't take you far and high. And if they do you will have bad relationships.
I like to call them cheat beliefs. A good example is a very high ego, which usually is what turns people into assholes.
P.S:
As a reminder, I still have some doubts about the definition of power and warmth so I'll make a post about it in the future.

So after some weeks off the forum while studying power university and traveling abroad I would say I've discovered lots of things, both very very useful forgotten ol' knowledge and new stuff.

MINDSETS:

So, I've realized one of the causes for me being unable to be as high power as I would want to and that is:

Self limiting beliefs.

Basically I didnt believe in myself or how I would say: I didn't believe in my ability to be a f*cking badass.

7/8 months ago I used to be high power (and a social climber btw), and one of the reasons I used to be this way was because of I had a huge ego, I believed I was better than all the guys around me and I cultivated the ability to remain calm in almost any situation as well as unwavering confidence. The end result was basically getting respect from peers as well as lots of female peers being attracted to me.

However solving my high ego and trying to put into use Robert Greene's "accept your feminine side" rule, basically made me a low power pushover again :( . That's the problem of basing your social power on a shaky foundation, if you solve your issues it all goes crumbling. Plus I stopped applying lots of things that got me there, such as:

Considering freedom (from society, social rules, fear, etc) as my core value. Inspired by this guy. Now I know that his speech appeals to intrinsic motivation as means to manipulate however part of it's message is true. Still his message was a turning point in my life and the beginning of my self improvement journey.
Considering myself almost a godlike being. (Narcissistic stuff but pretty useful in order to acquire unwavering confidence if you get to believe it yourself, it has the downside of a high ego and being too hard on yourself whenever you fail, as well as considering others less than you)
- Now I replaced it by: I have limitless potential, and so do others, its up to them to realize it.
Getting pleasure out of pushing beyond my comfort zone. Usually by purposefully putting myself in uncomfortable situations for no other reason than to test my determination to face discomfort.
Being proud of feeling bad emotions about situations in which I messed up. While telling myself "most people feel bad when they do something wrong, I instead rejoice in the feeling of embarrassment, shame, anger, etc. Nothing will stop me". I would say this seems like a form of growth mindset.
Lowering my tone of voice at the end of phrases, while speaking in a relaxed and low effort tone. As well as speaking slower.
Moving slower.
Controlling my emotions almost the whole time, and even controlling when I smile or not.

However I discovered new things :) :

Practice self acceptance.
Trying to remain in the present. And don't identify yourself with your feelings/thoughts. As well as trying to concentrate in physical sensations whenever you feel an uncomfortable unnecessary feeling. While telling myself that "feelings actually are nothing but physical sensations that we interpret in a certain way"
You should wear your power goggles or at least try to behave high power whenever it isn't counterproductive.
A good/easy way to be high power is aiming to be as direct and honest as possible without fear of offending others.
- Or- other feelings are none of my business as long as I behave respectfully.

Quite a lot of things, including some "self-induced lies" that do work really well.

To end with the list for now, I would finish it with:

Develop a high ego.

Now this sounds sketchy as it doesn't follow the law of optimum balance, but what if one could force oneself into feeling great about himself and better than others while being aware of the deceit? I'll give it a try, but in case it doesn't work I would replace it with:

Believe that you are f*cking amazing.

A bit cringey and cliche but it does the trick to get me into the desired emotional state of feeling great about myself.

And lastly another thing I realized and that I think deserves its own separate post is that:

Some beliefs that are used to cope with unsolved issues can serve you well in the short run but most likely won't take you far and high. And if they do you will have bad relationships.

I like to call them cheat beliefs. A good example is a very high ego, which usually is what turns people into assholes.

P.S:

As a reminder, I still have some doubts about the definition of power and warmth so I'll make a post about it in the future.

sillygoose9845 has reacted to this post.

#23 · July 16, 2023, 11:53 pm

Another really important habit/thought pattern I stopped applying is:

Thinking of myself as a man instead of a grown teen. And behaving and acting as how I considered a man would behave/do. (Changing my identity to change behaviour)

sillygoose9845 has reacted to this post.

#24 · July 19, 2023, 11:39 am

I realized some time ago that my mother has the judge position over me, I didn't know which power moves she pulled on me to get into the judge position but today while we argued I noticed one:

She looks at me as if saying wtf are you talking about. Or the inquisitive look.

Right after noticing it I called it out and told her to stop looking at me that way, and went meta, not only she didnt deny that she was looking at me as if I were crazy but she also looked at my father as if saying both give me a and here and are you seeing how crazy this guy is?

To be honest I don't care if I was right or wrong in the argument Im angry at the fact that she pulls those moves on me.

And now that I think about it she pulls judge moves on my sister under the excuse of "it's for your own good" frame which I bought too. I still have to think about this though.

It seems like my father pulls power moves too, such as one upping from time to time to social climb.

I'm grateful for what they have done for me, but that doesn't excuse them to behave like that.

#25 · July 19, 2023, 11:59 am

Quote from Power duck on July 19, 2023, 11:39 am
I realized some time ago that my mother has the judge position over me, I didn't know which power moves she pulled on me to get into the judge position but today while we argued I noticed one:
(...)

Well, for one, she made you.

And taught you all the basics from toilet training to putting food and water in your mouth :).

Parents are natural judges, so it's not like she had to do much to get there.

It's up to you to re-negotiate that as you mature.

Still:

Some parents overdo it, instead of encouraging (emotional) independence
It's up to you to re-negotiate the power dynamics as an empowered adult now

So besides "how did she do it", which is not even the most important part, all the rest you add is correct: it doesn't mean it has to stay that way.

As a matter of fact, it shouldn't.

So go ahead with the re-negotiation :)

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#26 · July 21, 2023, 8:54 pm

MINDSETS¿?

I'm begining to realize that certain things that appear to be power moves can actually have positive connotations depending on who says/does them.

I think I could have a problem with "black and white thinking" as I would say in Spanish. I usually tend to think that almost everyone that pulls power moves/one ups on me can't be a trustworthy/value adding person, no matter how few.

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#27 · July 21, 2023, 9:08 pm

Yes, context matters a lot.

For your second thought I think it happens when we have been burned by assholes/manipulator. So we sometimes put up defenses that are indiscriminated in order not be hurt again. The downside is that if no one can get in it also means that the good people cannot get in as well. And also I think no one is either all good and all bad. So it takes time to see the flaws and qualities and adapt to them. Moreover, if we behave in a way that invites abuse without being aware of it then even the so-called “good people” might lash out on us sometimes. I don’t have all the details, I’m speculating here.

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#28 · July 23, 2023, 2:54 am

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
Lately after social situations I end with the feeling that I'm being disempowered and I don't like it a bit:
The other day being friendly with what I thought was a shy Muay Thai colleage. I don't want to take risks here he has already pulled some power moves on me and last day he left laughing at me for making a "weird" posture while practicing. I don't appreciate it.
Today with my family, I was laughed at after pointing out that a kitten that (that lives where my aunts cottage is) smelled badly and was visibly ill probably had an anus infection. I really don't get where's the funny detail, is looking at google to see which illness could a kitten that isn't being vaccinated/brought to the vet have and pointing it out to my family that funny? Anyways I don't care if it was funny or not the way they laughed was really disrespectful, and of course they thread expanded the fact that I tried to clean the kitten mucus (because my aunt isn't willing to bring the poor thing to a vet) as well as thread expanding me pointing out the "hilarious" anus infection, then they proceeded to framed me as being a "vet" or someone who should've chosen to study medicine to become a vet. Not only that but my mother later framed me as being "angry/upset" by asking me if I was upset and right after tasked me to "go and sit with the family" she said it with warmth but to me it felt like "come on don't be silly it was just a joke come on sit here with us and stop being angry" which is really really disempowering specially if I obeyed. I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.
To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole. However deep inside I know this isn't the right path, since I was a kid I wanted to have good relationships and friendships, being an asshole is definitely who I shouldn't be if I want to have meaningful relationships, plus it isn't the right thing to behave like a jerk with people that don't deserve it:
I should behave like an asshole with social climbers and leave good qualities and behaviour to respectful folks.
I can't take off my power googles with nobody.
I shouldn't be so friendly with people in general. First asses if they're friend/foe/indifferent, then choose to befriend/attack back/show indifference.

Lately after social situations I end with the feeling that I'm being disempowered and I don't like it a bit:

The other day being friendly with what I thought was a shy Muay Thai colleage. I don't want to take risks here he has already pulled some power moves on me and last day he left laughing at me for making a "weird" posture while practicing. I don't appreciate it.

Today with my family, I was laughed at after pointing out that a kitten that (that lives where my aunts cottage is) smelled badly and was visibly ill probably had an anus infection. I really don't get where's the funny detail, is looking at google to see which illness could a kitten that isn't being vaccinated/brought to the vet have and pointing it out to my family that funny? Anyways I don't care if it was funny or not the way they laughed was really disrespectful, and of course they thread expanded the fact that I tried to clean the kitten mucus (because my aunt isn't willing to bring the poor thing to a vet) as well as thread expanding me pointing out the "hilarious" anus infection, then they proceeded to framed me as being a "vet" or someone who should've chosen to study medicine to become a vet. Not only that but my mother later framed me as being "angry/upset" by asking me if I was upset and right after tasked me to "go and sit with the family" she said it with warmth but to me it felt like "come on don't be silly it was just a joke come on sit here with us and stop being angry" which is really really disempowering specially if I obeyed. I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.

To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole. However deep inside I know this isn't the right path, since I was a kid I wanted to have good relationships and friendships, being an asshole is definitely who I shouldn't be if I want to have meaningful relationships, plus it isn't the right thing to behave like a jerk with people that don't deserve it:

I should behave like an asshole with social climbers and leave good qualities and behaviour to respectful folks.
I can't take off my power googles with nobody.
I shouldn't be so friendly with people in general. First asses if they're friend/foe/indifferent, then choose to befriend/attack back/show indifference.

John Freeman and Gguwad have reacted to this post.

#29 · July 23, 2023, 7:32 am

Quote from Gguwad on July 23, 2023, 7:32 am
Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
Lately after social situations I end with the feeling that I'm being disempowered and I don't like it a bit
I can say I am in exactly the same situations. People, even family disrespecting and tasking right and left when you are in good mood so it's unexpected and you keep up the smiles and end up disempowered.
Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole. However deep inside I know this isn't the right path, since I was a kid I wanted to have good relationships and friendships, being an asshole is definitely who I shouldn't be if I want to have meaningful relationships, plus it isn't the right thing to behave like a jerk with people that don't deserve it
It's undeniable there's this feeling of "fuck you all" to grow resentful so people won't dare to touch you. And also a feeling that this is not an optimal solution.
But this also highlights that this is what most people do, they turn mean, sarcastic, snarky, agressive to battle others people attacks and that in turn shows that road to an eagle is tough as nails but if we reach it, we will rock.
What's the optimal solution then? I personally think that it's not being an asshole to assholes and nice person to nice people, but that's already great step forward and with constant improvement is a good path to become an eagle.
The optimal solution is to be a good, yet still powerful person, elevating both others and yourself, and every asshole, person that doesn't give value or takes it from you, is to be dealt with professionally, with respect to yourself and to them, but demanding good behaviour directly. Everyone has some problems but you don't have the time to deal with them if they can't work them out to at least be respectful to others, so show you don't have time or mood for them, or if you don't care, tactically keep them far from you, only coming when you have some deal to make.
That's overall what I think, but if you have any additions or adjustments to "optimal mindset" feel free to give it.
Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
Today with my family, I was laughed at after pointing out that a kitten that (that lives where my aunts cottage is) smelled badly and was visibly ill probably had an anus infection. I really don't get where's the funny detail, is looking at google to see which illness could a kitten that isn't being vaccinated/brought to the vet have and pointing it out to my family that funny? Anyways I don't care if it was funny or not the way they laughed was really disrespectful, and of course they thread expanded the fact that I tried to clean the kitten mucus (because my aunt isn't willing to bring the poor thing to a vet) as well as thread expanding me pointing out the "hilarious" anus infection, then they proceeded to framed me as being a "vet" or someone who should've chosen to study medicine to become a vet. Not only that but my mother later framed me as being "angry/upset" by asking me if I was upset and right after tasked me to "go and sit with the family" she said it with warmth but to me it felt like "come on don't be silly it was just a joke come on sit here with us and stop being angry" which is really really disempowering specially if I obeyed. I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.
You want to not thread expand on less lovely details but if the others are hell bent on thread expanding, you escalate ( for example by owning that it annoys you ), by exactly the thoughts you gave here, if you didn't have them there yet, give yourself a time to think of articulation and use Silver Bullet Technique to surface it a bit more and get some time to think of response.
I agree completely that she tried to make you look like you can't take a simple joke and she has to cool you down like you are some child that can't control his temper. What she really does is try to take away your options to fight back by shaming and as we see, it's quite effective, because you felt like you couldn't addres it and not addressing the move is making the frame stay, which in turns make it easy to use the same move again.
And if you show boundaries and giving a frame of "not fond of disrespect" she will probably keep the frame "calm down, why are you so angry" and that's completely okay, because as of now, the view of outsider on who is right or wrong is neutral ( if she does it to others then that changes things ), but every time she does it and every time you check it, the frame "you're annoying" is becoming easier and easier to use and her "calm down, no need to be angry" gets weaker and weaker.

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
Lately after social situations I end with the feeling that I'm being disempowered and I don't like it a bit

I can say I am in exactly the same situations. People, even family disrespecting and tasking right and left when you are in good mood so it's unexpected and you keep up the smiles and end up disempowered.

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole. However deep inside I know this isn't the right path, since I was a kid I wanted to have good relationships and friendships, being an asshole is definitely who I shouldn't be if I want to have meaningful relationships, plus it isn't the right thing to behave like a jerk with people that don't deserve it

It's undeniable there's this feeling of "fuck you all" to grow resentful so people won't dare to touch you. And also a feeling that this is not an optimal solution.
But this also highlights that this is what most people do, they turn mean, sarcastic, snarky, agressive to battle others people attacks and that in turn shows that road to an eagle is tough as nails but if we reach it, we will rock.
What's the optimal solution then? I personally think that it's not being an asshole to assholes and nice person to nice people, but that's already great step forward and with constant improvement is a good path to become an eagle.

The optimal solution is to be a good, yet still powerful person, elevating both others and yourself, and every asshole, person that doesn't give value or takes it from you, is to be dealt with professionally, with respect to yourself and to them, but demanding good behaviour directly. Everyone has some problems but you don't have the time to deal with them if they can't work them out to at least be respectful to others, so show you don't have time or mood for them, or if you don't care, tactically keep them far from you, only coming when you have some deal to make.
That's overall what I think, but if you have any additions or adjustments to "optimal mindset" feel free to give it.

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
Today with my family, I was laughed at after pointing out that a kitten that (that lives where my aunts cottage is) smelled badly and was visibly ill probably had an anus infection. I really don't get where's the funny detail, is looking at google to see which illness could a kitten that isn't being vaccinated/brought to the vet have and pointing it out to my family that funny? Anyways I don't care if it was funny or not the way they laughed was really disrespectful, and of course they thread expanded the fact that I tried to clean the kitten mucus (because my aunt isn't willing to bring the poor thing to a vet) as well as thread expanding me pointing out the "hilarious" anus infection, then they proceeded to framed me as being a "vet" or someone who should've chosen to study medicine to become a vet. Not only that but my mother later framed me as being "angry/upset" by asking me if I was upset and right after tasked me to "go and sit with the family" she said it with warmth but to me it felt like "come on don't be silly it was just a joke come on sit here with us and stop being angry" which is really really disempowering specially if I obeyed. I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.

You want to not thread expand on less lovely details but if the others are hell bent on thread expanding, you escalate ( for example by owning that it annoys you ), by exactly the thoughts you gave here, if you didn't have them there yet, give yourself a time to think of articulation and use Silver Bullet Technique to surface it a bit more and get some time to think of response.

I agree completely that she tried to make you look like you can't take a simple joke and she has to cool you down like you are some child that can't control his temper. What she really does is try to take away your options to fight back by shaming and as we see, it's quite effective, because you felt like you couldn't addres it and not addressing the move is making the frame stay, which in turns make it easy to use the same move again.

And if you show boundaries and giving a frame of "not fond of disrespect" she will probably keep the frame "calm down, why are you so angry" and that's completely okay, because as of now, the view of outsider on who is right or wrong is neutral ( if she does it to others then that changes things ), but every time she does it and every time you check it, the frame "you're annoying" is becoming easier and easier to use and her "calm down, no need to be angry" gets weaker and weaker.

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#30 · July 23, 2023, 11:03 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 23, 2023, 11:03 am
Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole.
Yep, this may be a very deep truth.
Not by chance that 80% are not high power enough, 15% are a takers/assholes high power, and only a minority are more eagle-types.
However, here's a few 2 cents on this:
You may be drawing a far bigger line between "asshole" and "eagle"
If someone misbehaved with you, it may be fair to behave more like an asshole.
Also, there are shades of grey.
As much as a swallow doesn't do spring, you're still overall on a "high-quality" self-development path if you have a few instances of asshole behavior in an overall personality who seeks win-win and prefers treating good people well.
Or one may have zero tolerance for disempowerment and power moves and immediately turn into an asshole, or one can be vengeful and "never forget slights", while still overall wanting to add value to others good people around him.
Not saying those are good, but when I first read your message, I had a feeling you were more talking about a too nice guy, than a high-power man with great character to match.
How to handle your family disempowering you after the anal infection comment
Man, frankly, I read that and thought "you're already ahead of your environment".
So, in a way, that was great news that you're doing great already.
The thing you could have improved there is this:
Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.
This is another case where addressing the issue straight on may have been better.
Since you were showing more maturity than everyone, I'd have played that:
You: What's so funny about, anal infection is a relatively common disease when there is a lack of proper hygiene.
You know, you're supposed be the older folks and show more maturity. Sometimes I'm not sure who are the children around here
Basically, you:
hold the strong line that "there is really nothing to laugh about it"
take the judge position that they're being immature (and not "good enough" as good role models)
self-frame yourself as a better role model than them
The only issue here is that some people may just not be able to see what's a better alternative.
So yes, you may "win" that, but still end up being isolated.
So, in my opinion, what's truly better is to just not to expect great behavior from certain environments, and just meet them where they are, and make the best out of it.
This is a superior approach because it allows you to grow and develop, while also keeping a good (or "good enough") relationship with family and older friends.
From that point of view, this is also a superior approach to deal with that specific situation:
The more advanced "understand & maintain rapport" approach of high-warmth/high-power
You may want to consider that it's relatively normal for people to find some topics funny.
Or to "use" them for scoring a point and leading the "hilarious charge" (which also means one-upping you).
In many cases, people also use laughter to discharge some nervousness they feel around some topics.
So to do it very smoothly, you may want to laugh along a bit first, and then slowly get serious / high-power again.
There is a good real-life audio example for that in PU.
If you search for "rats" or "stale" you should find it.
In that example, I realized that my question COULD come across as weird and that many may find it funny.
Going high power without first aligning would have been a huge rapport-break and I'd have soured the whole environment (it's OK to do it with your family, but not with social circles).
So I align with the laughter before re-framing myself as someone you give attention and respect (and an answer to).

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
To be honest I don't want to become an asshole again but it's hard not to want to be one, most high power folks I know are assholes and they aren't doing that bad. When I behaved like an asshole some people disliked me sure but I got respect and girls were attracted to me. Now I get neither of them. Heck it's even easier to be high power when youre an asshole.

Yep, this may be a very deep truth.

Not by chance that 80% are not high power enough, 15% are a takers/assholes high power, and only a minority are more eagle-types.

However, here's a few 2 cents on this:

You may be drawing a far bigger line between "asshole" and "eagle"

If someone misbehaved with you, it may be fair to behave more like an asshole.

Also, there are shades of grey.

As much as a swallow doesn't do spring, you're still overall on a "high-quality" self-development path if you have a few instances of asshole behavior in an overall personality who seeks win-win and prefers treating good people well.

Or one may have zero tolerance for disempowerment and power moves and immediately turn into an asshole, or one can be vengeful and "never forget slights", while still overall wanting to add value to others good people around him.

Not saying those are good, but when I first read your message, I had a feeling you were more talking about a too nice guy, than a high-power man with great character to match.

How to handle your family disempowering you after the anal infection comment

Man, frankly, I read that and thought "you're already ahead of your environment".

So, in a way, that was great news that you're doing great already.

The thing you could have improved there is this:

Quote from Power Duck on July 23, 2023, 2:54 am
I played dumb, didn't sit there and stayed where I was.

This is another case where addressing the issue straight on may have been better.

Since you were showing more maturity than everyone, I'd have played that:

You: What's so funny about, anal infection is a relatively common disease when there is a lack of proper hygiene.
You know, you're supposed be the older folks and show more maturity. Sometimes I'm not sure who are the children around here

Basically, you:

hold the strong line that "there is really nothing to laugh about it"
take the judge position that they're being immature (and not "good enough" as good role models)
self-frame yourself as a better role model than them

The only issue here is that some people may just not be able to see what's a better alternative.
So yes, you may "win" that, but still end up being isolated.

So, in my opinion, what's truly better is to just not to expect great behavior from certain environments, and just meet them where they are, and make the best out of it.

This is a superior approach because it allows you to grow and develop, while also keeping a good (or "good enough") relationship with family and older friends.

From that point of view, this is also a superior approach to deal with that specific situation:

The more advanced "understand & maintain rapport" approach of high-warmth/high-power

You may want to consider that it's relatively normal for people to find some topics funny.

Or to "use" them for scoring a point and leading the "hilarious charge" (which also means one-upping you).

In many cases, people also use laughter to discharge some nervousness they feel around some topics.

So to do it very smoothly, you may want to laugh along a bit first, and then slowly get serious / high-power again.

There is a good real-life audio example for that in PU.

If you search for "rats" or "stale" you should find it.

In that example, I realized that my question COULD come across as weird and that many may find it funny.
Going high power without first aligning would have been a huge rapport-break and I'd have soured the whole environment (it's OK to do it with your family, but not with social circles).

So I align with the laughter before re-framing myself as someone you give attention and respect (and an answer to).

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