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Short Thank You's and Feedback

#171 · September 4, 2022, 1:58 am

I want to thank Kavalier for the recent fruitful exchange.

I am now more aware, careful and more sensitive not to disempower or offend people based on the category they belong to in public situations.

What I learned by experimenting with this at a party tonight is that some people don't care while others will. So it's important to distinguish who you're talking to.

I think it has two levels of reading: power-protection AND anti-fragile ego/learner/growth mindset.

So it goes back to the basic: you want to power-protect more with some people and with others you don't need as much precautions.

PS : I see your post above now, Lucio. Thanks for the credit! :)

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#172 · September 4, 2022, 8:56 pm

Thank you, John! It's always a pleasure to exchange with you. I also want to thank you for the many good ideas that you share with us everyday. Looking at how driven you are in the pursuit of self-development is inspiring for me!

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#173 · September 5, 2022, 10:40 am

Thanks for the compliment! We’re in this together to learn and grow! :)

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#174 · September 11, 2022, 1:49 pm

Quote from John Freeman on September 11, 2022, 1:49 pm
Hello everyone,
I want to express my gratefulness in alphabetical order to: Growfast, Kavalier and Lucio.
Growfast, Kavalier and Lucio: thank you very much for your help in helping me recognising my defensiveness. It was an unconscious pattern that I was not aware of. Since you guys helped dig through it I am a better man for it now. It was a bit painful and cumbersome to navigate through this learning process for me and you guys were right on my side as brothers in arm. I'll write a post to talk about more in details about the phenomenon. Thanks to you, since only a week my relationships improved a lot (in my eyes). I am now aware in moments where I could have defended and don't do it as it is unnecessary and to be fair a bit of an aggression or could be perceived as such.
Thanks to Kavalier, I am now more aware of my tendency to play the role of a professor/authority. I won't go into details about the origins of this. I'll go into the power dynamics of this. There is a dark side to teaching people and there's a context to teaching as well of course.
If you teach people things and they feel like you're one-upping them, even if that is not the intention, the teaching opportunity is lost. Just as there is a when, how and why to give (an art to it), there is when, how and why to share your knowledge. You could have all the best intention in the World, be enthusiastic about it, your friend could need/want the knowledge and you could still fail in the social exchange process due to inadequate context/poor communication. I got some feed-back IRL on this just yesterday by the way. I was talking about male-female dynamics and was wanting to share what I learn about the statistics of it (so not my own opinion but something I had to accept as I learned it) and they were resisting this info. They all said: "It's the way you say it". So my enthusiasm and conviction becomes a perception of frame imposing. Even if my intention is only to present information to have a conversation around it. So much to learn I still have.
I'm very very grateful to you guys as I could have not perceived this without you!

Hello everyone,

I want to express my gratefulness in alphabetical order to: Growfast, Kavalier and Lucio.

Growfast, Kavalier and Lucio: thank you very much for your help in helping me recognising my defensiveness. It was an unconscious pattern that I was not aware of. Since you guys helped dig through it I am a better man for it now. It was a bit painful and cumbersome to navigate through this learning process for me and you guys were right on my side as brothers in arm. I'll write a post to talk about more in details about the phenomenon. Thanks to you, since only a week my relationships improved a lot (in my eyes). I am now aware in moments where I could have defended and don't do it as it is unnecessary and to be fair a bit of an aggression or could be perceived as such.

Thanks to Kavalier, I am now more aware of my tendency to play the role of a professor/authority. I won't go into details about the origins of this. I'll go into the power dynamics of this. There is a dark side to teaching people and there's a context to teaching as well of course.

If you teach people things and they feel like you're one-upping them, even if that is not the intention, the teaching opportunity is lost. Just as there is a when, how and why to give (an art to it), there is when, how and why to share your knowledge. You could have all the best intention in the World, be enthusiastic about it, your friend could need/want the knowledge and you could still fail in the social exchange process due to inadequate context/poor communication. I got some feed-back IRL on this just yesterday by the way. I was talking about male-female dynamics and was wanting to share what I learn about the statistics of it (so not my own opinion but something I had to accept as I learned it) and they were resisting this info. They all said: "It's the way you say it". So my enthusiasm and conviction becomes a perception of frame imposing. Even if my intention is only to present information to have a conversation around it. So much to learn I still have.

I'm very very grateful to you guys as I could have not perceived this without you!

Lucio Buffalmano, Transitioned and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

#175 · September 11, 2022, 6:06 pm

Thank you so much for the heartfelt mention, John!

I have (and I'm each day closer to say that I "had", also thanks to the TPM community) the same obstacle to socialization. So this is really a case where we both are helping each other to overcome challenges we both share, like true brother in arms.

In fact, this was one of the first things I asked in the TPM forum. Lucio and Matthew helped me, and, looking at this thread now, I can say that I haven't thanked them nearly enough. So thank you, Lucio, and thank you Matthew! It was truly a big obstacle that you guys have helped me to overcome.

I also thank you, John, because your threads never fail to help me in a way or another. Countless times I logged in to ask something in the forum and discovered a thread that had the exact same situation, and you were the author.

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#176 · September 12, 2022, 12:32 pm

Thank you, guys! Both for the "thank you", and the notes on the learning/learning opportunities -also very helpful to understand what's most useful to highlight in PU, as well as for my own personal learning-.

John Freeman, Kavalier and leaderoffun have reacted to this post.

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#177 · September 17, 2022, 6:19 pm

Quote from John Freeman on September 17, 2022, 6:19 pm
Quote from Kavalier on September 11, 2022, 6:06 pm
I also thank you, John, because your threads never fail to help me in a way or another. Countless times I logged in to ask something in the forum and discovered a thread that had the exact same situation, and you were the author.
You honour me. This encourages me to share my journey and ideas with this community.
Actually I came on this thread to thank you for the concept of "leaderS in a group of friends" (you might do a thread on it as you have ownership of it maybe?)
I think it's a key concept as it had a major impact on my relationships within my group of friend. And now I see it, it's a matter of timing.
Phases of building a social circle:
Be the leader, invite people left and right hardcore
Once you have a stable close group of friends, take a back seat and become ONE of the leaders
Sail smoothly (more to come here of course as I learn more)
I'll put back this idea where it belongs all at once as I grow and have a valuable contribution to make on expanding one's social circle. I'm growing towards a new level and I need some perspective on it to have high quality intel instead of half-baked info.
Edit: the advantage is that it removes the "who's the leader" competitive frame which I was suffering from and which you righty identified.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 12, 2022, 12:32 pm
Thank you, guys! Both for the "thank you", and the notes on the learning/learning opportunities -also very helpful to understand what's most useful to highlight in PU, as well as for my own personal learning-.
Yes, that is thanks to your good communication. You communicated your expectations clearly: "if you guys can tell me when you think something is PU worthy, let me know" and we happily oblige.
Also you gave a feed-back to Kavalier that when he thanked you his feed-back was on in what way it was helpful to him. A much higher quality feed-back of course as it closes the loop of learning elegantly. So of course you noticed that I learned from him and emulated him.
Edit: see above

Quote from Kavalier on September 11, 2022, 6:06 pm
I also thank you, John, because your threads never fail to help me in a way or another. Countless times I logged in to ask something in the forum and discovered a thread that had the exact same situation, and you were the author.

You honour me. This encourages me to share my journey and ideas with this community.

Actually I came on this thread to thank you for the concept of "leaderS in a group of friends" (you might do a thread on it as you have ownership of it maybe?)

I think it's a key concept as it had a major impact on my relationships within my group of friend. And now I see it, it's a matter of timing.

Phases of building a social circle:

Be the leader, invite people left and right hardcore
Once you have a stable close group of friends, take a back seat and become ONE of the leaders
Sail smoothly (more to come here of course as I learn more)

I'll put back this idea where it belongs all at once as I grow and have a valuable contribution to make on expanding one's social circle. I'm growing towards a new level and I need some perspective on it to have high quality intel instead of half-baked info.

Edit: the advantage is that it removes the "who's the leader" competitive frame which I was suffering from and which you righty identified.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 12, 2022, 12:32 pm
Thank you, guys! Both for the "thank you", and the notes on the learning/learning opportunities -also very helpful to understand what's most useful to highlight in PU, as well as for my own personal learning-.

Yes, that is thanks to your good communication. You communicated your expectations clearly: "if you guys can tell me when you think something is PU worthy, let me know" and we happily oblige.

Also you gave a feed-back to Kavalier that when he thanked you his feed-back was on in what way it was helpful to him. A much higher quality feed-back of course as it closes the loop of learning elegantly. So of course you noticed that I learned from him and emulated him.

Edit: see above

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#178 · September 18, 2022, 12:25 pm

I want to thank @transitioned.

Hello Kevin,

thank you very much for having taken into account my feed-back on the written expression. From my perspective, now your posts are much more agreeable for me to read in the sense that they are much easier to read and understand for me.

So thank you very much for your humility, trust and openness!

As you know I'm open to any feed-back if you feel like it at any point in time.

Sincerely,

John

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#179 · September 24, 2022, 4:24 am

Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 24, 2022, 4:24 am
A big thank you to Lucio and the TPM community before TSS takes off:
A next step in my author career
Sometimes people ask me if writing The Clever Connector was difficult.
While I feel a natural inclination to say "yes" out of humility, my honest answer is always "no".
I'd written that book without any writer's block, tirelessly typing until my wrists hurt with long days and little sleep that I can remember because I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
More specifically, I knew exactly what the young me who didn't yet have The Power Moves needed to hear.
And, while I was glad to see the positive reviews come in from those who my story and work also resontated with, whether the reviews were positive or negative didn't matter to me because I knew that what I'd said (written) was enough to save that young 16-year-old boy's life that the world had left to fend for itself. And, saving him was enough for me.
Fast forward two years later and here I am, writing a book alongside Lucio (the man, the myth, the legend :), who empowered that young boy to better navigate this world of unwritten rules, takers who prey on the naive, and unforgiving power negotiations that don't always allow for a second chance when you make mistakes.
While I'm grateful for many things that Lucio has given me, I'd have to say that the greatest gift he's ever bestowed upon me has been his patience.
Patience when I behaved like a less-than-ideal version of myself in the forum.
Patience when I made mistakes in our WhatsApp conversations.
Patience when I simply didn't know better.
Thankfully, Lucio saw in me what I also saw in myself. A willingness to do better if given the chance to learn from my mistakes and be guided toward a better path.
And, whenever I was still showing signs of that room for improvement, Lucio was there to be that invaluable, irreplaceable guide.
In a way, that's also one of the (very) few drawbacks about this project...
Losing the chance for more feedback from forum members
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 26, 2022, 3:53 pm
Hey Ali,
I think since it involves both you and I, it's normal that some people may be more hesitant to give a (no-holds-barred) feedback (albeit I wish it weren't so and I may have missed much good feedback because of it, being the forum on TPM and me still being the only admin does affect the dynamics a bit).
(...)
I've been giving this message from Lucio some thought over the last few days.
I still see myself as someone with a long way to go before I can consider myself truly advanced.
So, the idea that forum members might look at me as "different" from them (even if in the sense of being farther ahead) saddens me a bit.
Especially, since I know I still have a long journey ahead and that journey is much quicker with raw, honest feedback from people on the same (or a similar) path as me.
So, with that said, here's to hoping you guys will still be tough on me :).
And, even before this latest book has officially launched, despite any drawbacks, there's still plenty (and, I'd argue far more) to celebrate today.
For example:
TSS's first "image added" review is from a TCC subscriber
When I first saw this review, I assumed it was from a loyal subscriber of Lucio's email list.
Then, not long after this review went live, I got this email in my inbox:
Turns out this review was one of mine :D.
It feels good to know that with the social and communication skills that Lucio has taught me I'm now nurturing a community of readers that are as loyal as TPM's (at least, that's my hope, we've got an incredible tribe here).
So, Alex, if you ever read this, cheers to being the first reviewer to leave an image, and good luck in the contest :).
And, Lucio, if you ever want to write more books together, it would be my honor.

A big thank you to Lucio and the TPM community before TSS takes off:

A next step in my author career

Sometimes people ask me if writing The Clever Connector was difficult.

While I feel a natural inclination to say "yes" out of humility, my honest answer is always "no".

I'd written that book without any writer's block, tirelessly typing until my wrists hurt with long days and little sleep that I can remember because I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

More specifically, I knew exactly what the young me who didn't yet have The Power Moves needed to hear.

And, while I was glad to see the positive reviews come in from those who my story and work also resontated with, whether the reviews were positive or negative didn't matter to me because I knew that what I'd said (written) was enough to save that young 16-year-old boy's life that the world had left to fend for itself. And, saving him was enough for me.

Fast forward two years later and here I am, writing a book alongside Lucio (the man, the myth, the legend :), who empowered that young boy to better navigate this world of unwritten rules, takers who prey on the naive, and unforgiving power negotiations that don't always allow for a second chance when you make mistakes.

While I'm grateful for many things that Lucio has given me, I'd have to say that the greatest gift he's ever bestowed upon me has been his patience.

Patience when I behaved like a less-than-ideal version of myself in the forum.

Patience when I made mistakes in our WhatsApp conversations.

Patience when I simply didn't know better.

Thankfully, Lucio saw in me what I also saw in myself. A willingness to do better if given the chance to learn from my mistakes and be guided toward a better path.

And, whenever I was still showing signs of that room for improvement, Lucio was there to be that invaluable, irreplaceable guide.

In a way, that's also one of the (very) few drawbacks about this project...

Losing the chance for more feedback from forum members

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 26, 2022, 3:53 pm
Hey Ali,
I think since it involves both you and I, it's normal that some people may be more hesitant to give a (no-holds-barred) feedback (albeit I wish it weren't so and I may have missed much good feedback because of it, being the forum on TPM and me still being the only admin does affect the dynamics a bit).
(...)

I've been giving this message from Lucio some thought over the last few days.

I still see myself as someone with a long way to go before I can consider myself truly advanced.

So, the idea that forum members might look at me as "different" from them (even if in the sense of being farther ahead) saddens me a bit.

Especially, since I know I still have a long journey ahead and that journey is much quicker with raw, honest feedback from people on the same (or a similar) path as me.

So, with that said, here's to hoping you guys will still be tough on me :).

And, even before this latest book has officially launched, despite any drawbacks, there's still plenty (and, I'd argue far more) to celebrate today.

For example:

TSS's first "image added" review is from a TCC subscriber

When I first saw this review, I assumed it was from a loyal subscriber of Lucio's email list.

Then, not long after this review went live, I got this email in my inbox:

Turns out this review was one of mine :D.

It feels good to know that with the social and communication skills that Lucio has taught me I'm now nurturing a community of readers that are as loyal as TPM's (at least, that's my hope, we've got an incredible tribe here).

So, Alex, if you ever read this, cheers to being the first reviewer to leave an image, and good luck in the contest :).

And, Lucio, if you ever want to write more books together, it would be my honor.

Lucio Buffalmano and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#180 · September 24, 2022, 4:41 pm

Thank you so much for the kind words, Ali.

And my big thank you back.
If it wasn't for you, from the idea to the project management to the writing to the launch -ie.: from A to Z :)-, TPM wouldn't have any of its content out in book form for who knows how long -maybe even "ever"-.

About the patience, also, thank you for the patience for always reminding me when something was needed, when we had to decide something, when there was a timeline, or when an email had to be sent.
And for the patience, willingness, but even ability/skills to make it work with someone whom, I know, it can be difficult to work with -few people can manage to drive a complex project forward as autonomously as you did, and you truly made it all seem like a piece of cake-.

Ali Scarlett, Kavalier and leaderoffun have reacted to this post.

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