Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Small doings
I was putting the case studies in the wrong place. Now in work folder on the forum
https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/case-study-calling-out-an-idea-stealer-at-a-meeting/
Started working on this one.
Case study 13 - Manager who is not my boss trying to task me
Interesting one because of the underlying games and that in spite of the competing agendas this talk went OK - no shootout. Since they were above me in the zoo, I'm looking to do with this one is try and find some WIIFM, and add power protecting and collaborative framing. While still representing the opposing position my multiple other bosses took. No easy day in project land.
I'll have a go and drop it into the forum when there's a lull.
Reminder: add some questions too. It was too ping pong her making statements and me making statements.
Awesome, let us know, that's an interesting a tricky one.
I think one big variable would be how close this manager is to those who matter more to you.
If he's not close, then you might even openly tell him he has no authority. If he's close, you might want to be more strategic.
Thanks @Lucio
I struggle a bit with making these case studies concise and focused without losing the context and nuances.
That one for example. Context was: Mgmt consultancy trying to takeover the program to place more consultants and billing max. Technique was to push fake agile. Place lots of scrum masters agile coaches etc. And push all the work through scrum machinery as they control that.
My problem is without that context the agendas don't make sense. But who wants to read a big TDLR on the forum
Back to the future. Week1 in new old job.
Lots of biz process and project material to learn. Focus will be too good to fuck with for a couple of weeks.
Kept my meagre PD skills alive by chipping in on the forum where I can. Forum s great now so many smart people having a go.
Wrote this one up for the forum: Case study 13 - Manager who is not my boss trying to task me
Going to chunk it into posts to avoid the TDLR. @lucio I know it should go under work and happy to move it there at the end. I found when I posted in there I did not get much post traffic.
As to how it might play out, I think there's basically two branches:
- You realise what she's up to going in and you can try a frame override at the beginning
- You get a bit blindsided and have to play defense and then re-frame (maybe through questions)
Got ganged on by some permie product owners who were trying to force me to act out of role and take accountability that they should own. Took some damage that will cause me some grief but nothing I can't handle. Keep playing this in my head from 'Office Poker'
sometimes bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. So when rejection occurs, remember:
- Teflon Rhinos don’t get angry or frustrated.
- Teflon Rhinos don’t dwell on it.
- Teflon Rhinos laugh it off. (Seriously, they do. I’ve seen this in the wild.)
- Teflon Rhinos LEARN from it.
I've written down the red flags and mistakes while the wound was fresh. Will case study it when time permits.
Rock on Kevin, the scars are the only true medals of honor.
Looking forward to that case study.
Hello Kevin,
yes, sometimes it hurts when we get taken advantage of. I would like to comment on the "Teflon Rhino" concept. It's the concept of emotional invulnerability. I'm not too fond of this kind of concept as I believe it can hinder our progress.
What I mean is that when we get hurt, I think it's more productive to understand why we were hurt. That allows us to differentiate between our responsibility (our insecurities, our past traumas, our cognitive distortion: I'm worthless, etc.) and the other's responsibility (abuse and hurtful behaviour generally speaking).
The moment we get hurt less is when we are able to take some distance because we understand what is being at stake ("it reminded me of my father", "he disrespected me because he felt threatened", "I have this insecurity of an excessive need of being approved").
About this:
- Teflon Rhinos don’t get angry or frustrated.
- Teflon Rhinos don’t dwell on it.
- Teflon Rhinos laugh it off. (Seriously, they do. I’ve seen this in the wild.)
Everyone gets angry and frustrated: it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes we spend too much time ruminating on some past experience, but self-reflection is useful. It is a matter of balance. Laughing it off can either mean it's not important to me or I pretend it's not important to me.
I like this part: learn from it.
I think you understand what I meant: there is a danger of creating a false "indestructible" persona. It can also have the risk of "the alpha male posturing".
It's normal to be hurt, it's a human emotion. It does not make us less of a man.
As usual, I'm open to feed-back on my feed-back.
