Get Anyone to Do Anything is a book on social skills that teaches readers the “laws of interpersonal relationships” that will help them to influence people.

Contents

Bullet Summary

Summary
Review

Bullet Summary

To make people forgive you, give them back power saying you accept their decision over you
When someone’s being rude keep it about them. They are having a bad day, don’t give them power over you
Tell people a piece of false news to see if they’re lying: quick answer, they’re honest; delayed answer, lying

Summary

David Lieberman says that the core of each relationship, and the core of getting people to do something for you, is getting them to like you.

It doesn’t happen randomly whether people like you or not, but there are 9 laws that make it happen.

#1. Law of association

The law of association says that whatever people feel around you, will be passed on to you.

So if someone is booking a vacation and they’re all giddy about it and you happen to be around, then those positive feelings will be passed on to you.

If on the other hand, someone is having a stomachache and you happen to be around, the same principle applies: the bad feelings will also be passed on to you.

It’s not all random though, you have a huge amount of power.

Indeed it’s all about how you make them feel when they’re around you.

You probably know the feeling: how nice it is to be around someone who’s complimentary and sincere about it.
And how annoying are people who find faults in other people?

#2. Law of repeat exposure

As also highlighted by Jack Schafer in The Like Switch, the more you interact with someone, the more they will come to like you -as long as the initial reaction is not negative of course-.

#3. Law of reciprocal affection

If we know that someone likes us and thinks highly of us, we feel the same towards them.

So let them know that you like them and respect them.

#4. Law of similarity

We might find someone different interesting, but we like people who are like us.

#5. Law of appearances

We like people who are like us.

People who have similar gestures, use similar words or even have a similar posture.

#6. Law of favors

David Lieberman, rightly, says that people like people they do a favor for.

But often we do the opposite and make favors to ingratiate someone.
And while we appreciate the kindness, we don’t necessarily like people doing favors for us.

Also because, I’d add, we think they might have some second motives.

#7. Law of self-deprecation

We don’t like self-absorbed people.

Seeing someone as human or doing something clumsy will also make them likable.
This is the same concept in Vanessa’s Captivate of letting us be seen as imperfect humans -just like everyone else-.

#8. Law of positivity

David Lieberman says that we seek out and admire people with a positive attitude toward life.

Very interestingly he also adds that misery loves company and people who feel miserable tend to flock together.

BUT… As soon as one snaps them out of misery they’ll forget all about their miserable friends and follow the positive fella instead.

How to get people to find you attractive

David Lieberman also goes into seduction:

1. Do emotionally arousing activities

When our bodies produce adrenaline attraction and sexual desire skyrocket.

scary movies, amusement parks, or even physical exercise release adrenaline which will be passed on to the people around.

Very interestingly David Lieberman says that in couples where one of the two is visibly more handsome, chances are they met in circumstances where arousal was high.

2. Appear young

In these days of almost suffocating political correctness Get Anyone To Do Anything reminds us that appearing young is important.

3. Gaze into people’s eyes

Holding eye contact helps to build rapport and liking.

4. Low Self Esteem

Very interestingly, David Lieberman says that if someone’s self-esteem is temporarily low they’ll find you more attractive.

My Note:
And that’s one of the reasons why early pick-up artists tried to lower women’s self-esteem, also read “The Game” and “The Mystery Method“.

Recognizing lies

David Lieberman says that to recognize lies we can create a conundrum for them.

For example, ask them if they have been to the movies.

Once they say “yes”, tell them “I heard the traffic was all backed up because of a car crash”.

Now they’re in a conundrum: they weren’t really at the movies, should they confirm or deny?

If they hesitate, they’re lying.
And they’ll probably agree.

Take control

To get people to do what you want:

1. Law of Expectation

People will do what you expect them to do. Example: start walking expecting they’ll come

2. Multitasking VS Single-tasking

The things we like, we internalize them in one or two steps.

Hence to encourage you to do something, make the steps smaller. To encourage not to do something, make it a long list.

3. Confirm their decision

To make it more likely someone will follow up on what you decided and confirm the decision.

For example, if they say they’ll come Saturday, first get them to repeat it by saying

“you really mean it, are you serious”,

then move to a time frame similar to:

“great, what time, how long might it take”.

Finally, you might add you’ll change your plans to accommodate them, and add how helpful it’ll be.
For example:

awesome, I will cance my other appointment and I will see you Thursday then

My Note:
I wouldn’t do this early in dating as it signals that they are already a high priority for you and you might not want to show all your cards too soon.

How to make people forgive you

You need to follow different techniques depending on whether you were responsible or not.

Misdeeds outside of your control:

Show people it was outside of your control AND add you took steps but it was just too much.

Example:

I did leave early as I knew it was important for you and there might have been traffic, but the traffic was waaaay worst than it usually is and I could have anticipated

Make your apology sincere and specific and you’ll be fine.

Misdeed within your control:

David Lieberman The key to forgiveness lies in restoring balance in the relationship

if you hurt someone’s feelings by your own volition “sorry” is not enough because it doesn’t give back dignity. Indeed you need to give the person their power back and bring them back to the psychological level existing before your misdeed took place.

so you do:

Apologies, responsibility, and sincerity. apologize and take full responsibility: shifting blame will make you look weak and will exasperate things. Also, if you shift blame, only the person to blame will have the power back to your partner: not good, because you want to be the one who will fix this.
Apologies for your behavior clearly. Just say: “I am sorry”
Make sure your sincerity shines through
Remorse. You give the power back by giving your partner the authority of punishment. “I know what I did was wrong, you have every right to be angry and I’m willing to accept responsibility for my actions”
Explain how the circumstances which happened will never happen again, a total anomaly. This is the WHY, a plausible explanation.

BUT don’t defend yourself:

Say it was fear “I feared because things were going so well” or “I feared that you would fire me” or “I lied because I feared you would hate me if you found out the truth”
Show that your actions didn’t produce anything good. “I felt guilty” “the sex was lousy, I felt so miserable and filled with guilt afterward”

This is an incredible, incredible interpersonal Jedi move to learn.

When someone’s being rude

Don’t react right away annoyed like “how dare you talk to me like that”.

When you do that, you are giving a lot of power to him to make you feel angry and you are taking over his problem.

And if you use the word “I” it becomes a problem between you two. By using the word “you”, you keep the issue in his court.

Try saying:

“you seem to be having a rough day”

“this seems to have upset you”.

Some more reading for you on the topic:

Or watch:

Give the harshest criticism

David Lieberman says that the key to giving criticism is to protect your ego.

Here’s how you do it:

Give the criticism while you are removed from the environment (example: don’t criticize love-making right after making love)
Mix it with a compliment
You criticize the act, not the person
Approach it as if they’re not doing it willingly: don’t assume or insinuate they’re doing it on purpose
Share your responsibility if you can (you and him against this thing) example “I should have been more specific when.. “

Also, read:

How to power protect

My note:
Ideally, you want to surround yourself with people who can take the harshest criticism because they decoupled their ego from being good. Then, as Ray Dalio recommends, you can experience full transparency.

Find out how values are met

Once you find out the value of people always ask “how do you know when you are X?” “how do you when you have achieved Y?”

It will give you a much bigger understanding of the person.

Broaden definitions

To make someone do something they never did before, broaden the definition of what’s permissible. People believe things in context, not in isolation, so re-frame the whole “permissible” field.

For example, a threesome can become something she does for you to make you happy and at no cost to her.

Real-Life Applications

Get Anyone to Do Anything is all practical applications. I think two things that can add the most value to you are:

Give people the power to make them forgive when you’ve done something wrong
Do not pick up fights with people being rude to you but keep it about them being terrible -VS them being terrible to you-.

Review

There are a few genius pearls in “Get Anyone to Do Anything“.

I would say the biggest takeaways are:

“giving power back” when you did something wrong is critical in romantic relationships
When someone is being rude don’t get involved in “I VS You” but keep it about them, otherwise you give them power over you

Read further book summaries and get buy Get Anyone To Do Anything on Amazon.

About The Author

Lucio Buffalmano