Get Anyone to Do Anything is a book on social skills that teaches readers the “laws of interpersonal relationships” that will help them to influence people.
TPM Take: Poor title, but some good insights
Lieberman is a classic example of the Best-Seller Quality Tradeoff™. He bundles high-level strategic insights (like his power-restoration model for forgiveness) with entry-level pop-psychology ‘laws model’ to ensure the book appeals to the mass market. At TPM, we strip the filler to focus on the 20% of his work that actually provides a tactical edge
Bullet Summary
- To make people forgive you, give them back power saying you accept their decision over you
- When someone’s being rude keep it about them. They are having a bad day, don’t give them power over you
- Tell people a piece of false news to see if they’re lying: quick answer, they’re honest; delayed answer, lying
Summary
David Lieberman says that the core of each relationship, and the core of getting people to do something for you, is getting them to like you.
It doesn’t happen randomly whether people like you or not, but there are 9 laws that make it happen.
1. The Strategic Floor: 8 Laws of Basic Liking
In Get Anyone to Do Anything, Lieberman uses the popular ‘laws format’ like Robert Greene does in The 48 Laws of Power and outlines several “laws” of attraction.
While these are foundational for social beginners, for the TPM strategist, they represent the baseline of social exchange:
Law of Association: People link your presence to their current emotional state. To win, anchor yourself to their peaks (vacations, wins) and minimize presence during their troughs (illness, stress).
Law of Repeat Exposure: Familiarity breeds comfort. Consistent, non-threatening interaction naturally lowers defensive barriers, provided the initial impression wasn’t “red-level” negative.
Law of Reciprocal Affection: Humans are socially “lazy”; we tend to like people who have already done the work of liking us first. Signaling respect often triggers a mirror response.
Law of Similarity: We possess an evolutionary bias toward the familiar. We trust those who share our background, values, or niche interests.
Law of Appearances (Mirroring): This is the physical extension of similarity. Subtly matching gestures, tempo, and posture creates a “subconscious echo” that builds rapid rapport.
Law of Favors (The Benjamin Franklin Effect): Counter-intuitively, asking for a small favor can make someone like you more than if you did one for them. It forces them to justify their effort by deciding you must be worth the help.
Law of Self-Deprecating Vulnerability: Perfection is intimidating and socially isolating. High-status individuals use a “sprinkling” of clumsiness or admitting small flaws to appear human and relatable.
Law of Positivity: While “misery loves company,” winners follow the light. People will wallow with miserable friends but will pivot to follow anyone who provides an exit strategy through a positive frame.
TPM Note: Remember to add power and strategy
If you rely solely on these, you risk becoming a “people pleaser.” True social success that gives you status, respect and attraction requires you to balance and calibrate these laws with positive dominance, strong body language, and good strategy.
See:
Social Skills vs Power Skills: Why Likability Alone Won’t Get You Ahead
2. How to get people to find you attractive
David Lieberman also goes into seduction:
1. Do emotionally arousing activities
When our bodies produce adrenaline attraction and sexual desire skyrocket.
scary movies, amusement parks, or even physical exercise release adrenaline which will be passed on to the people around.
Very interestingly David Lieberman says that in couples where one of the two is visibly more handsome, chances are they met in circumstances where arousal was high.
2. Appear young
Appearing young boosts mate value.
TPM Note: This tactic really depends on age and context
Young folks who look young may not need to behave young, and this approach generally works more for women than for men.
3. Gaze into people’s eyes
Holding eye contact helps to build rapport and liking.
4. Low self-esteem is a risk factor
Very interestingly, David Lieberman says that if someone’s self-esteem is temporarily low they’ll find you more attractive.
My Note: PUA techniques are based on this, it may work, but it comes from a lower value frame
Early pick-up artists use tactics like ‘the neg’ to try and lower women’s self-esteem (see “The Game” and “The Mystery Method“). But, just like ‘passing shit-test mindset’, it comes from the frame of a man who is lower value, instead of a high-value man‘s frame.
3. Spot the lies
David Lieberman says that to recognize lies we can create a conundrum for them.
For example, ask them if they have been to the movies.
Once they say “yes”, tell them “I heard the traffic was all backed up because of a car crash”.
Now they’re in a conundrum: they weren’t really at the movies, should they confirm or deny?
If they hesitate, they’re likely lying. And they’ll probably agree with what you said.
TPM Note: It’s a good tactic, but NOT a surefire way to spot a lie
Research suggests that there is no single surefire way to spot a liar. Reading characters is a foundational skill for ambitious men, but it needs more than a few tells and cues.
4. Take control of the interaction
To get people to do what you want:
1. Lead and expect others will follow
People will do what you expect them to do. Example: start walking expecting they’ll come
2. Break down your requests into smaller steps
The things we like, we internalize them in one or two steps.
Hence to encourage you to do something, make the steps smaller. To encourage not to do something, make it a long list.
3. Confirm their decision
To make it more likely someone will follow up on what you decided and confirm the decision.
For example, if they say they’ll come Saturday, first get them to repeat it by saying
“you really mean it, are you serious”,
then move to a time frame similar to:
“great, what time, how long might it take”.
Finally, you might add you’ll change your plans to accommodate them, and add how helpful it’ll be.
For example:
awesome, I will cance my other appointment and I will see you Thursday then
My Note: this is ‘frame cementing’, but it must be calibrated
I wouldn’t do this early in dating as it signals that they are already a high priority for you and you might not want to show all your cards too soon.
Learn more:
5. Regain trust and make others forgive you
You need to follow different techniques depending on whether you were responsible or not.
- Misdeeds outside of your control:
Show people it was outside of your control AND add you took steps but it was just too much.
Example:
I did leave early as I knew it was important for you and there might have been traffic, but the traffic was waaaay worst than it usually is and I could have anticipated
Make your apology sincere and specific and you’ll be fine.
- Misdeed within your control:
David Lieberman says that the key to forgiveness lies in restoring balance in the relationship
if you hurt someone’s feelings by your own volition “sorry” is not enough because it doesn’t give back dignity. Indeed you need to give the person their power back and bring them back to the psychological level existing before your misdeed took place.
so you do:
- Apologies, responsibility, and sincerity. apologize and take full responsibility: shifting blame will make you look weak and will exasperate things. Also, if you shift blame, only the person to blame will have the power back to your partner: not good, because you want to be the one who will fix this.
- Apologies for your behavior clearly. Just say: “I am sorry”
- Make sure your sincerity shines through
- Remorse. You give the power back by giving your partner the authority of punishment. “I know what I did was wrong, you have every right to be angry and I’m willing to accept responsibility for my actions”
- Explain how the circumstances which happened will never happen again, a total anomaly. This is the WHY, a plausible explanation.
BUT don’t defend yourself:
- Say it was fear “I feared because things were going so well” or “I feared that you would fire me” or “I lied because I feared you would hate me if you found out the truth”
- Show that your actions didn’t produce anything good. “I felt guilty” “the sex was lousy, I felt so miserable and filled with guilt afterward”
This is a valuable insight into interpersonal power dynamics and it’s based on the re-empowering principle of respecting others (‘power protecting’ in TPM’s sytem).
6. When someone’s being rude stick with ‘you’
Don’t react right away annoyed like “how dare you talk to me like that”.
When you do that, you are giving a lot of power to him to make you feel angry and you are taking over his problem.
And if you use the word “I” it becomes a problem between you two. By using the word “you”, you keep the issue in his court.
Try saying:
“you seem to be having a rough day”
or
“this seems to have upset you”.
Some more reading for you on the topic:
Or watch:
Power-protect to give strong criticism
David Lieberman says that the key to giving criticism is to protect your ego.
Here’s how you do it:
- Give the criticism while you are removed from the environment (example: don’t criticize love-making right after making love)
- Mix it with a compliment
- You criticize the act, not the person
- Approach it as if they’re not doing it willingly: don’t assume or insinuate they’re doing it on purpose
- Share your responsibility if you can (you and him against this thing) example “I should have been more specific when.. “
Also, read:
My note:
Ideally, you want to surround yourself with people who can take the harshest criticism because they decoupled their ego from being good. Then, as Ray Dalio recommends, you can experience full transparency.
Find out how values are met
Once you find out the value of people always ask “how do you know when you are X?” “how do you when you have achieved Y?”
It will give you a much bigger understanding of the person.
Broaden definitions
To make someone do something they never did before, broaden the definition of what’s permissible. People believe things in context, not in isolation, so re-frame the whole “permissible” field.
For example, a threesome can become something she does for you to make you happy and at no cost to her.
Real-Life Applications
Get Anyone to Do Anything is all about practical applications. I think two things that can add the most value to you are:
- Give people the power to make them forgive when you’ve done something wrong
- “giving power back” when you did something wrong is critical in romantic relationships
- When someone is being rude don’t get involved in “I VS You” but keep it about them, otherwise you give them power over you
Review
Despite the gimmicky title, “Get Anyone to Do Anything” shares valid foundational principles of social skills and mixes several more advanced insights and tips.
Read more basics on social power:
Interpersonal Power Dynamics: The Traffic Light Sytem for Mastering Status & Respect
