The Mystery Method is Erik von Markovik first and most popular book on dating advice for men.
It had some good idea for the time, but it’s an overly complicated system. Especially for anything outside of clubs.
- Attract in the beginning
- Build comfort in the middle
- Escalate to sex in the end
Erik von Markovik, in art “Mystery”, says that the purpose of life is to survive and replicate.
To survive people learn martial arts (The Art of War). To replicate, they can learn Venusian arts (the art of love).
The mystery method is divided into three phases with three phases within each. For a total of 9 steps.
The Mystery Method 1st Phase: Attraction
Approach the group and make yourself the center of attention
Here are a few key characteristics of this phase:
- Peacocking: or using flashy and attention grabbing clothes and feature to attract
- 3 second rule: approach within 3 seconds of seeing someone you like or you talk yourself out of it and/or lose you chance (Mel Robbins somewhat copied this rule for her The 5 Second Rule)
- Neg: a backhanded compliment or a light insult to lower your target’s self esteem and show that you are not impressed
- Canned opener: the PUA of the days relied heavily on canned openers and opinion openers (ie.: asking questions about weird stuff)
- False time constraint: say that you can only stay for a bit to avoid coming across as clingy and/or like you’re going to hound them
- Body rocking: bob back and forth to give people the idea that you might be leaving soon
A2: Female-to-Male Interest
Create attraction with one of the following techniques:
- Demonstrate high value: stories, magic, routines, humor
- Cocky funny: the style of David DeAngelo
- AMOGing: deal with the alpha male of the group if tries to undermine you
- Push and pull
A3: Male-to-Female Interest
Here you want her to show interesting for you -check here what are the signs of interest-.
Once she shows interest in you, you want to qualify her and show that you also appreciate her for something beyond her looks.
Mystery Method 2nd Phase: Comfort
The goal of comfort is to make her comfortable with your presence.
You want to start the comfort phase when you are alone with her.
C1 – build rapport
Create rapport and a sense of common understanding.
C2 – build emotional and physical connection
Create an emotional connection and start getting more physical by touching her more -and calibrate depending on how she reacts to your touches-.
Mystery Method, again, focuses on a lot of routines to use such The Cube, Esp Routine and, as invented my Neil Strauss author of The Game, the “evolution phase shift routine” -which always sounded rather corny to me-.
In this step, you must create a emotional connection with the target at first. Here are some routines to create a emotional connection:
Here you want to be in a sex location.
Start making out and ramping out the fire.
The Mystery Method’s 3rd phase: Seduction
S1 – Foreplay
Before you begin with the heavier sexual stuff, make sure you have build enough comfort or you will have face either lots of LMR (last minute resistances) or full out rejection.
S2 – LMR
Some popular ways of dealing with last minute resistance from Mystery or the guys back were the “freeze out”, which basically means: ignoring her and pretending you don’t care anymore about her.
The idea is to have her come once you stop pursuing her.
And another on was the (see here one example of false takeaway), such as pretending to leave to make her chase you even harder. Obviously, this is highly risky.
Personally I’m not a big fan of either, but especially not of the false takeaway: too big of a risk once you’re basically at the finish line.
S3 – Sex
This one is self-explanatory.
The Mystery Method Criticism
There are several drawbacks to the Mystery Method in my opinion.
- A big, unwieldy system
I am not a big fan of schematic systems that try to simplify a complex reality. For the same reason I’m not a big fan of the Maslow’s pyramid, but at least Maslow’s pyramid does add some value by simplifying a complex topic.
My main gripe with the Mystery Method’s system is that it doesn’t simplify seduction: it makes it more complicated and less clear.
For example the author used to say it takes “eight hours for a woman to be comfortable enough to sleep with you”, which of course is nonsense.
It can happen much quicker with a simple glance (or it can never happen at all, of course).
Approaching seduction with a whole list of consequential steps also makes it somewhat unnatural and doesn’t well describe reality.
- Some bad ideas
Some ideas in my opinion are actually bad. For example “demonstrating higher value” through stories or “body rocking” which can easily make you look like an idiot with ADHD.
- Some non-generalizable ideas
Some ideas are good in principle or in some situations, but not good to adopt as your baseline behavior.
For example being the center of attention in a group can work great sometimes.
It will certainly get you lots of, well, attention, but attention does not equate results.
Often it’s best to be the silent guy who only focuses on the girl he likes.
- Lots of game which can make you move slower
The whole Mystery Method is also fully based on games and hiding interest. There is little room for being direct or simply liking each other and/or just having a strong sexual chemistry.
Acting on that chemistry or verbalizing your liking for someone when it’s obvious you both like each other can be much more powerful than hiding your intentions.
- Some good ideas taken to the extreme
Some ideas might be good somehow, like peacoking, but Mystery often took it too far to be effective with many high quality women:
- And a few good concepts..
Some other social dynamics principles are very good instead. Like for example having her to show interest in you and you being interested in her for something more than pure look.
The time constraint is another idea I like.
And even the neg can work well. However, not to be used at all times as your baseline behavior.
Indeed if you are an obviously cool guy, there is no point in telling women you’ll leave soon if they are happy that you’re there. And it’s even more damaging to neg someone if they think you’re a high value man: that would create too big of a gap between you two.
Furthermore, high value people build others up, they don’t tear them don.
But I see where Mystery is coming from: he used to be a club guy. And in that environment women almost always have an advantage over men. Furthermore, Mystery might not have been the coolest guy, most popular or richest guy when he started, and negging might have served him well under those conditions -albeit I still believe he might have lost a few girls for negging too much-.
One thing that always annoyed about many -but not all!- dating books is the pseudo-science that goes into it. Most of all, of course, evolutionary psychology.
The Mystery Method is no exception.
It’s possible that the author might have some self-esteem issues and narcissistic tendencies. Make sure you’re in a big enough space as you open the book: you’ll need a lot of space to contain all that ego coming out :).
For its time, it was eye opener for many readers. And I suppose it can still be, for some.
Some good idea but in my opinion not a good system to follow: it overcomplicates things.
I would give it 3 stars for some good idea, but since overall I think it’s more likely to put guys on the wrong course, I need to take one star away.