10 Powerful Tips for Women to Exude Confidence at Work

Want to exude confidence and command respect at work?

Confidence isn’t just about how you feel; it’s about the signals you send.
At TPM, we specialize in decoding power dynamics and teaching how to adopt confident nonverbal communication so you can thrive—whether in the boardroom, meetings, or casual interactions.

These 10 powerful tips will help you project confidence, avoid common pitfalls, and leverage your presence to advance your career.

Let’s dive in.

1. Keep Your Head Straight

Tilting and chin lowering convey vulnerability.

Good for dating and looking ‘cutsy’ maybe.
But it also convey powerlessness, so avoid this pose at work.

Cute, friendly, and approachable. In a ‘girly’ way. Not execetuive material.

Of course, as for everything, there is a time and place to do something.
You can use the head tilt strategically when you want someone to open up or when you want to encourage someone to keep speaking.

Practical Advice:

• Keep your head straight when speaking: when speaking, especially when conveying an important message, keep your head straight
• When listening to someone talking about personal matters, feel free to tilt: it helps people open up, and it conveys you’re empathetic and you understand
• When people are sharing something difficult, searching for words, tilt: it helps to bridge an uncomfortable silence, it communicates “take your time, I understand it’s difficult”

Also read:

• Vulnerability is NOT power

2. Limit Your Smiling

Smiling is great.

Unless you’re smiling too much, or out of nervousness:

Him: (curtly drops a stack of paper)
Her: (turns around and forces a smile)

People, and women more often, smile excessively when they are nervous, self-conscious, or vulnerable.

Become more aware of your smiles and keep them only for:

• Entertaining situations
• When you truly feel like smiling
• Strategically, to appear more welcoming and kind

3. Ban the Word “Girl”, Use “Woman”

At work, never allow anyone to introduce you as a “girl”.

And the same is true for any woman in your team.
You can correct people indirectly, for example:

Colleague: That girl you sent me was super
You: Glad to hear, she’s one of the most competent women in my team

What if all else fails?
Then you can explain that it’s demeaning to call a professional a “girl”. To help grasp the concept, you can tell them “How would you feel if referring to you I’d say ‘That boy did a good job?‘”.
With that, they should get it.

4. Beware of The Nurturing Trap

Be aware if someone introduces you or recommends you with typically feminine traits, such as:

• Helpful
• Caring
• Kind

These are all good traits to have, but the receiver might subconsciously think “oh, here is a nice girl who will make a good supportive role”. And that’s not what you want them to think if you are ambitiously aiming at the top spots.

Also, be even more careful with adjectives such as:

• Self-effacing
• Humble
• Anything that resembles “nurturing”

The more feminine you look, the more you might want to be introduced with adjectives that highlight skills, drive, competence, and leadership qualities.

Don’t deflect praise!

Praises bump people up a notch in the hierarchy.

But women schooled in “power dead even” culture are uncomfortable with that, and will knock themselves back down by deflecting the praise or minimizing.
For example: “It was nothing,” “Mark did all the work,” or “It didn’t take all that much work.”

Or they might change the subject right away, for example: “Well, you did a great job on your project too!”

While sharing credit can be good, and it’s the best thing to do in certain situations, women need to be careful not to overdo it.
Especially to men, this might look like poor self-esteem -and no executive material-.

A better way to extend praise is to give credit, while taking some of that credit for yourself, too.
For example:

You: Thank you. The team did a great job, too. The data was much more difficult to analyze than expected, but they pulled a couple of all nighters. And yes, I’m glad it turned out so well.

5. Speak Louder (If You Speak Too Softly/Airy)

As a rule of thumb:

Soft and hairy voices are high in femininity but low in power.

Volume also impacts body language.
The louder you speak, the more gestures you tend to naturally use. By combining appropriate volume and gestures, you immediately convey a sense of authority.

As an example of too soft voice, listen to Marilyn Monroe:

Monroe: (speaks softly, airy, and ‘girly’)

Monroe’s style works great in entertainment and dating. But NOT to gain status, respect and influence in corporate and business environments

6. Avoid The “Hair Behind Ear”

You probably already know that lipstick and makeup should only be done in private.

What you might not be aware of are the subconscious “hair-flick” and “hair be the ear move”.
They both make you look more girly and less authoritative.

Now that I said “hair behind ear” you probably know what I’m referring to. If not, here is an example:

Her: (brushes her hair behind her ear after meeting an attractive man)

7. Play the Banter Game…

Men use banter and power moves to test each other and play the game status.

Albeit it’s mostly younger men who do it, many older men in corporate have not left their pimply adolescent selves behind.

Plus, they may resume the banter game just to test if ‘she’ can play with the boys.
You don’t necessarily need to play that same game. In frame control techniques for example we share the ignoring or shaming techniques, both of which work great.

However, if you show you can banter back, and maybe even put them back in their places, you will gain immediate respect.

8. … But Don’t Get Drunk With the Boys

Yes, the boys might order a pitcher of beer or do the rounds with the cocktails.

But you joining then makes you come across as a potentially loose woman. The night might end with nothing happening, but the rumor mill starts anyway.

So join them in the beginning and have one or two drink maximum, then leave early.
Or stay longer, but remain sober -and still leave if things may get inappropriate-.

8. Display Competence In Social Power Dynamics

Some men will touch women more freely than they do other men.

And some men will purposefully do it to one-up women.

Touching him back right away might betray that you’re out for power, and make you less liked.
A good way then is to make your touch a bit more feminine. Instead of a pat behind the back, touch the outside of his forearm.

Another option if he overdoes the touch is to highlight his impudence with social grace -and maybe throwing him under the bus-.
Looking at his hand, stop talking to draw attention to him, or reply “Hey, hello” with a tonality that says “What was that”.
The flinch is another option.
Angela Merkel tried the flinch when Bush sneaked on her from behind:

Bush: (sneaks from behind and places both his hands on Merkel’s shoulders, mimicking a massage)
Merkel: (flinches and raises both her hands) <— The over-reaction sub-communicates she’s not a passive recipient of men’s power moves

It wasn’t the best flinch, but the idea is good: draw attention to the touch being out of place, and sub-communicate you’re not passive or submissive.

9. Look Straight In The Eyes

Example with Doctor Birx:

10. Cut Preambles, Go Straight to The Point

A preamble is a concoction of words and nonwords used before getting to the main point.

As a rule of thumb:

Preambles serve to soften your message, and the more words you use, the “softer” your message will be.

Women are more likely to use preambles in fear of appearing too direct or aggressive, but some men fall for it as well.

An example of using too many preambles, adapted from Lois Frankl:

Preamble Speaker: You know, I was thinking about this issue. In fact, I’ve been talking to my colleagues, too. A lot of us share the same concerns over reduced productivity during the last two quarters, so I’m not alone in this.
Come to think of it, it might be even more than just those two quarters. It’s something we’ve known about for a long time but haven’t measured. Anyway, we’ve all been trying to find a way to address it and I think I may have come up with an idea. I’m not saying it’s the best idea or the only idea—just that it’s one idea.
Now, my idea involves…

That whole speech screams “defensiveness” and “fear of saying something stupid”.

Confident Without Preambles: Productivity has been an issue we’ve struggled with for some time. In the last two quarters, we measured it, so we’ve been able to quantify it. The numbers are in your brief, page 5.
The good news is: I have studies the issued, and I have two proposals for fixing this problem.

Again, preambles can be used strategically. A good preamble is like a good starter. It strokes people’s appetite for more, and it’s part of storytelling. But you must know what you’re doing. 
When you’re not sure, cut to the chase.

Bonus: And If A Man Stares at Your Breast…

When you’re speaking and a man stares at your breast, stop speaking.
It’s like a wake-up call to move his gaze up.

If he goes down again, stop speaking again.

And if he does it a third time, you can more directly tell him “up here”.
Like Nicole Scherzinger did to Conan:

Conan: (stares at her breast)
Her: Conan (points at her breast, then up to her face) up here

But please note this only works when you dress professionally. Otherwise, it will be used against you (like Conand did in the same skit).

Also read:

• How women can learn to play the men’s game at work
• How to combine career success with dating success