How to Be Feminine: 12-Steps Guide (With Examples)

By / 15 minutes of reading

I’m glad you’re looking at how to be more feminine.

This world needs more women who know how to be feminine.

By the end of this article, you will know the exact moves, body language and expressions that make women more feminine.

example of femininity

So let’s start:

1. Remove Markers of Masculinity

The first step to being more feminine is to avoid masculine expressions.

Have you noticed most men make a point of avoiding pink and doing anything effeminate?

You might agree or not agree with that attitude, but you should probably start considering the same approach.

Example:

One evening I cajoled one of the most feminine woman I’ve ever dated to play football table with me.

She was very reluctant though because, later I understood, she didn’t want to play typically male games.

When I high-fived her across the table –a typical male behavior– she drew the line and with a touch of baby talk and pouting face told me:

Her: “don’t high five me, I’m not a guy”.

Boom!

There she was.
In a country where 95% of women pretend there are no differences between genders, she’s a feminine woman who wants to be treated as a feminine woman.
I respected her more after that, treated her more like a woman, and even liked her somewhat more.

That girl made a point of being feminine by outright refusing male behavior.

If you are interested in how to be feminine –very feminine- I recommend you take the same approach.
And actively remind men that “you are not one of the guys”.

Let’s see now more masculine traits to eliminate so that you can troubleshoot yourself:

Shake Hands Like A Woman, Not Like A Man

Are you a businesswoman?

Great!
In business, shake hands like a man.

Outside of business, shake hands like a woman.

This is the business handshake:

woman shaking hands male style
Very common for American women, but avoid it outside of business

And this is how women greet men when they haven’t been instructed to behave like men:

how to have a feminine handshake
Use this one: rest your hand on his hand

A woman shaking hands as if it were a business transaction can be off-putting.
Especially to more experienced men, who will think “here’s another woman who thinks that proper socialization means acting like a man”.
Avoid most of all in dating and socialization for potential dating, where it sends a message of cold distance.

Needless to say, you can keep the business style in business, and then revert to the female style outside of business.

Also read:

Feminine AND Powerful: 9 Tips For Women Bosses

Refuse Unfeminine Behavior

One could write a book about what are typical mannish behaviors, but here are some

  • High-fiving (you’re not one of the guys)
  • Cussing (leave that to the truck drivers)
  • Speaking too loudly (leave that to show-off men)
  • Spreading out (few things are more unfeminine than this)
  • “Bro hugs”

About the latter, keep in mind also that little distance is very high class.

If you need to be close to someone, put your body close to them instead (Marilyn video below, very arousing for men) or go arm in arm.

Purge Unfeminine Body Language

We could write a book about masculine body language, but here are some examples:

This video exaggerates everything about how a woman should not move. Stay away from anything that looks even mildly similar:

The braggart entrance, the swaying of arms, the bounce of the feet… That’s how men move (and not even the well-refined ones).

To understand un-feminine body language you can also watch how many female UFC fighters behave.

Compete While Looking As Unaggressive As Possible

Ronda Rousey, a former MMA fighter, always tried her hardest to look and sound like a man.

Even saying she would beat men of equal weight.
Do the opposite, and avoid direct competition with men as that makes you more like a man.

Competition is a male trait.

And of course, if you are reading here you want to go places and you must compete.

However, to be feminine, you must compete without looking overly aggressive, overly ambitious, or too overpowering.
Not easy, I know.
Nobody said being feminine is easy.

Also, avoid competing with the men you are dating.
Trying to be better than the partner is typical low-quality male behavior, so it’s a huge no-no.
That’s not your role, let him compete with the other boys. And let him compete to win you over.

Read more:

Remove Unfeminine Clothing

Avoid neutral clothing as well.

It’s popular among hipsters these days to wear shapeless body bags: please stay away.
They’re the death knell of anything feminine.

unfeminine woman clothes
Avoid shapeless, straight-line clothing

You can see one more example of bad female style here.

Here are two simple litmus tests:

  • Would a gender-neutral person wear it? If yes, don’t wear it
  • Would a stereotypical lesbian wear it? If yes, don’t wear it

And now let’s start with the proper traits of femininity:

2. Be More Vulnerable

Vulnerability is crucial.

Why?

Because, once you get it correctly, then you can be as courageous, go-getter and strong WITHOUT being mannish.

Why?
The answer is in the difference of how men and women display courage and boldness.

Men’s Courage
Men do it as a display of strength, with stress on display. And they do while hiding their emotions and fear.

Women’s Courage
Instead, the most feminine way of courage is to admit fear and showing up anyway, humbly and without bombast.

Here’s a good example from “Dating in the Dark”:

She openly speaks about her fears while also having the courage to show up. Notice the unassuming way she opens the door, too.

Also notice the different reactions. The guy defends his ego with bragging and boasting:

Braggard man: “I’ll go ahead and close some more women like I usually do”.

When the moderator tells her “she’ll find someone” she doesn’t flaunt her options like he did.
And instead vulnerably replies:

Vulnerable woman: “hopefully yeah”.

Finally, notice that in all her humbleness and vulnerability, she puts the bragging guy to shame, which is a powerful reminder that femininity does NOT have to mean “less powerful”.

3. Be Modest

Males are naturally showier and more braggart.

That’s where the terms “peacocking” and “cocky” come from. It’s about showing off.

But femininity is often the opposite of mannishness.
And that’s why while humbleness is good for everyone, it’s particularly good to be more feminine.
See an example from Monroe here:

A touch of coyness and self-consciousness, a well-placed insecurity… All very feminine.

Notice how unassuming Marilyn is when she says “I hope it will be a good picture”. Impossible not to like her.

4. Display Coyness

Notice how Angelina Jolie plays it coy by turning her face away. Super attractive to men:

Notice the similarities?

5. Learn to Move “Smooth & Flowing”

Nothing says feminine like flowing, smooth movements.

Dance and yoga classes can be very useful here.
Here’s an example from Margarita Levieva:

Notice the way she sits in the chair. She doesn’t pull the chair up, she uses it as an occasion to put her body on display instead.
Perfect.

6. Develop A Feminine Walk

Body language research says that women who want to appear more appealing sway their hips more.

Indeed there are two major traits of a feminine walk:

  1. Hip swaying
  2. Small strides

High heels can help with both (Morris et. al., 2013).
See Marilyn Monroe, in high heels, displaying both signs of feminine walk:

Also notice how she has a bit of a “jump” in her steps, visible through her fur movements.

That’s exactly how an ex of mine used to walk by the way, and I could never resist sneaking up from behind and (jokingly) spank that sexy swaying ass.

Warning:

The wider the angle and the more pronounced the sway, the more “sex” it will scream.
And too wide can go from “feminine” to “whorish”:

Unless you are doing it strategically, for example as a coquettish move to dare a man to rail you hard, avoid being the lady who screams “sex” too obviously.

Here is a good example of being sexy in a feminine way without looking like a whore:

The secret is that you have to look like it’s just natural to you and you are not trying to draw attention.

7. Speak With A Purring Voice

Go back to the “flowing movements video examples” (N.5).

Have you noticed Levieva’s voice?

She purrs on the words “late”, “ever” and “forgive”.

It’s not so much about what she says, words are an excuse to exhibit her feminine purr.
Wonderful.

8. Adopt Feminine Body Language

When you make feminine body language part of your repertoire you’ll always be seductive.

Even when you don’t want to seduce.
Here’s an example:

Some more feminine body language:

  • Head tilt (video above)
  • Sway back (video above)
  • Neck show (video above)
  • Glancing over raised shoulder
  • Leg twine (examples 1 & 2 are feminine because men cannot do it, and N.3 is sexy for its coyness and submissiveness)

You can of course combine femininity with a more aggressive sexual stance for an explosive mix of feminine lust:

attractive feminine woman

Check out:

Feminine & High Power Body Language

In the foundational laws of power, we explain the “return on investment” concept, which says that:

The less effort you expend, the higher power you are.
Powerful and feminine women will achieve the same goal with less words, and more body language.
Notice how she invites him to leave not by saying “you should go”, but simply by looking at the door:

Her: I’m really tired (intonation that sub-communicates disappointment)
(long pause)
can we talk about this tomorrow? (look at the door, sub-communicating that he should leave)

9. Pick Feminine Careers & Hobbies

Your environment matters.

Your environment shapes you and encourages you (or discourages you) to find your femininity and bask in it.

For example, a female executive at Lockheed Martin (an arms producer) or at Jeep (a typical male car) will have more difficulties embracing her femininity than a woman owning a hair salon or a design agency.

The latter will be around more women, more feminine women, and is immersed in an environment that screams femininity.

The former will have to play down her feminine side, play up her masculine side, and is constantly immersed in a high testosterone environment.
Indeed, if you read the best business and career books teaching women how to be successful in a male organization, they are all about teaching how to play the game the man’s way.
It can be hard for you to are more masculine traits at work, and then unplug every day at 6pm and every week on a Friday, ready to embrace your femininity.

Sure, you can be successful and feminine in male-dominated organizations. And you can unplug whenever you want.
But you’re not choosing the easier path.

And to make it easier on yourself, you can pick more female-dominated environments.
If you’ve already chosen your job, here are a few more hobbies to consider:

  • Ballet
  • Painting/drawing
  • Languages
  • Fashion
  • Music
feminine girl playing violin

There is nothing more feminine than a woman who can sing or play

I remember many years ago I was hitting it off with a woman at a social function.
Then she went to play the piano… And hordes of men clustered around her.

And if you wanna take it 3 steps farther, pick a languid song and go Jennifer Connelly on it:

Also notice her clothes and her movements

10. Play Up Typically Feminine Qualities

Typical -and sometimes stereotypically feminine- traits and qualities include:

  • Caring
  • Listening
  • Helping others shine
  • Seeking middle ground
  • Tending and befriending

If you’re on a date, you can rest assured men will like nothing more than you asking questions and making them feel great about what they have to say.
Another smart move to be more feminine is to avoid talking too much, too loudly or taking too extreme positions. Prioritize bridge-building and harmony, instead.
You can see here a great example:

11. Go For “Strategic Submissiveness“

When it comes to being more feminine the “little girl looking for protection” takes the most flack (see below).

But a hint of insecurity, admitting your shortcomings, and letting him lead are very feminine traits.

If you’re not comfortable with this one, think of it this way: don’t do the heavy lifting when you can let a man do it.

Notice Marilyn Monroe resting her head against him. As if to communicate he’s the leader of her world.

You don’t need to make yourself a full subordinate, but it’s the little details that make the difference:

Your hand on your neck, covering your belly, closing your jacket as if you sought protection… These are also very feminine poses that make men want to protect you and take care of you.

feminine body language
Self-hug and neck-massaging: both very feminine

Pro tip:
At the intersection of coy and submissive and extremely seductive is being naked and covering your private parts with your hand.
This is also a favorite of mine.

A Note on Submissiveness
Some women will recoil at the word “submissiveness”.
The word has indeed taken negative connotations. In a way, it requires you to give away power, but it also gives you a different form of power back.
Furthermore, sexual and dating submissiveness is a matter of choice. It’s not about being submissive to everyone. It’s about choosing who to be submissive to.

Read more:

12. Advanced Level: Simpering Moves

Some of the most feminine and attractive women engage in what reminds me of a cat-like behavior.

Here’s a perfect example (click, it’s a video):

Notice that instead of repeating herself she leans in and prods him with her head -similarly to how a cat or feline would do-.
Powerful AND feminine at the same time.

I remember one woman before we had sex.
Laying on the bed, she told me how she wanted to be a cat in her next life.
“She does this, and then this”, she said about her cat while she copied some of the moves.

It was a real pleasure making love to that cat-woman :).

How Not to Be Feminine

As much as there are low-quality expressions of mannishness, there are also low-quality expressions of femininity.

And much as it’s true for men when too much manliness becomes a drawback, extreme expressions of femininity can also become a drawback.

Here are some examples:

See an example of too childish from “How I Met Your Mother”:

Notice that some men will still appreciate that over-the-top attitude, but it’s a minority.

Why Being More Feminine

Why would you want to be more feminine?

Pat Heim, a female career coach who helps businesswomen become more successful, says this about femininity:

Your gender is a large part of who you are. You can’t feel good about yourself and not feel good about your femininity. To be comfortable with her power, a woman must be both powerful and feminine.

Frankly, I don’t 100% agree with that.
I don’t build my ego and self-esteem around being “a mannish man”, either.

But there are many practical advantages to a woman being feminine, including:

  1. You will gain a huge advantage in the dating marketplace
  2. You will reduce the backlash against powerful women: both men and women cut more slack to powerful women who retain their femininity
  3. You will be more charming, which results in more social power as well

Finally, learning to become more feminine can be a great opportunity for you: since so few women are feminine these days, you will gain a huge comparative advantage.

Femininity: Does it Bother You?

Femininity as a topic annoys some women, who lash out in anger at articles like this one.

Some women get angry for a variety of reasons, including:

  • Fear of competition (women fear more feminine women because they tend to be more successful, and attacking articles like this one is a manipulative strategy of intra-sexual competition, also see “pro-group feints” as manipulation strategies)
  • Culture & feminism: in some societies feminism has become so widespread to be the cultural norm for many women, who now feel pressure at rejecting feminity as an outdated, “patriarchial” value
  • Wanting to have one’s cake and eat it too: some women want to accrue power, and it bothers them that they have to lose out in dating

But in part, the push-back against femininity also reflects a truly difficult position for women in today’s society.
Many women today are expected to work and fend for themselves in a male world while they are also expected to be feminine when it comes to dating.
It’s not easy to successfully combine the two.

But it’s paramount that you purge yourself of jealousy and bitterness:

Mindset: Drop Resentment

The fact that someone could point at another woman and say “see? She’s more feminine than you” hurts them, and anger is a defensive reaction.

It’s the same for men.
And it’s understandable.

Some of these women are smart professionals who had to adapt to male-dominated organizations by dropping more typical feminine traits and acquiring more masculine ones.

And after they’ve done so much to prove their worth, the idea that their male colleagues might want to date a woman who plays girly in need of help maddens them.

Albeit understandable, you are still better off dropping the resentment.
It communicates insecurity and spite and it hurts yourself first and foremost.
Plus, look, deep down you already know the truth: men (and women as well) will still prefer more feminine women.

Femininity Is Power

Part of the animosity towards femininity also stems from a misconception.

The misconception is that femininity means dumbing yourself down, becoming less independent, or becoming weaker.

And albeit marrying power and femininity is not easy, femininity and intelligence, success and power are NOT antithetical.
And we could argue that women who master femininity are actually better able to get what they want, which is a definition of power.

Just watch the examples of femininity above and ask yourself if any of those women are “weak” or “dumb”.
To me, they seem the opposite: high-quality women and human beings who also manage to be feminine.

Summary

I see very few women these days who can get femininity right.

And the number seems to be dropping further and further.

And that’s great news for you!
It’s a huge opportunity to stand out and make yourself a super high-class woman.

Further Reading:

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