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I’m glad you’re looking at how to be more feminine.
This world needs more women who know how to be feminine.
By the end of this article, you will know the exact moves, body language and expressions that make women more feminine.
- How to Be More Feminine
- #11. Strategic Submissiveness
- How Not to Be Feminine
- Femininity: Does it Bother You?
How to Be More Feminine
Why would you want to be more feminine?
Well, if embracing your gender is not a good motivation for you, maybe dating results are.
When you learn how to be more feminine you will gain a huge competitive advantage on the dating marketplace.
And you will be more charming, which results in more social power as well.
And since so few women are feminine these days, you will immediately stand out.
So let’s start:
#1. Eradicate Masculinity
The first step to be more feminine is to avoid masculine expressions.
Have you noticed most men make a point of avoiding pink and doing anything effeminate?
You might agree or not agree with that attitude, but you should probably start considering the same approach.
One evening I cajoled one of the most feminine woman I’ve ever dated to play football table with me.
She was very reluctant though because, later I understood, she didn’t want to play typically male games.
When I high-fived her across the table –a typical male behavior– she drew the line and with a touch of baby talk and pouting face told me:
Her: “don’t high five me, I’m not a guy”.
There she was.
In a country where 95% of women pretend there are no differences between genders, she’s a real woman.
A rare gem.
I respected her more after that, treated her more like a woman and even liked her more.
That girl made a point of being feminine by outright refusing male behavior.
If you are interested in how to be feminine –very feminine- I recommend you take the same approach.
And actively remind men that “you are not one of the guys”.
Let’s see now more masculine traits to eliminate so that you can troubleshoot yourself:
Shake Hands Like A Woman, Not Like A Man
Are you a businesswoman?
In business, shake hands like a man.
Outside of business, shake hands like a woman.
This is the business handshake:
And this is how women greet men when they haven’t been instructed to behave like men:
A woman shaking hands as if it were a business transaction can be off-putting.
Especially to more experienced men, who will think “here’s another woman who thinks that proper socialization means acting like a man”.
Avoid most of all in dating and socialization for potential dating, where it sends a message of cold distance.
Needless to say, you can keep the business style in business, and then revert to the female style outside of business.
Refuse Unfeminine Behavior
One could write a book about what are typical mannish behaviors, but here are some
- High-fiving (you’re not one of the guys)
- Cussing (leave that to the truck drivers)
- Speaking too loudly (leave that to show-off men)
- Spreading out (few things are more unfeminine than this)
- “Bro hugs”
About the latter, keep in mind also that little distance is very high class.
If you need to be close to someone, put your body close to them instead (Marilyn video below, very arousing for men) or go arm in arm.
Purge Unfeminine Body Language
We could write a book about masculine body language, but here are some examples:
- Hands on hips (AKA akimbo, exceptions for playful akimbo and sensual akimbo)
- Walking with spread legs
- Arms far from the body’s trunk
- Leaning against objects
- Jutting chin forward (an aggressive indicator)
This video exaggerates everything about how a woman should not move. Stay away from anything that looks even mildly similar:
The braggart entrance, the swaying of arms, the bounce of the feet… That’s how men move (and not even the well-refined ones).
To understand un-feminine body language you can also watch how many female UFC fighters behave.
Avoid Aggressive Competition
Ronda Rousey, a former MMA fighter, always tried her hardest to look and sound like a man.
Even saying she would beat men of equal weight.
Do the opposite, and avoid direct competition with men as that makes you more like a man.
Competition is a male trait.
And of course, if you are reading here you want to go places and you must compete.
However, to be feminine, you must compete without looking overly aggressive, overly ambitious or too overpowering.
Not easy, I know.
Nobody said being feminine is easy.
Also, avoid competing with the men you are dating.
Trying to be better than the partner is typical low-quality male behavior, so it’s a huge no-no.
That’s not your role, let him compete with the other boys. And let him compete to win you over.
Remove Unfeminine Clothing
Avoid neutral clothing as well.
It’s popular among hipsters these days to wear shapeless body bags: please stay away.
They’re the death knell of anything feminine.
You can see one more example of bad female style here.
Here are two simple litmus tests:
- Would a gender-neutral person wear it? If yes, don’t wear it
- Would a stereotypical lesbian wear it? If yes, don’t wear it
And now let’s start with the proper traits of femininity:
Vulnerability is crucial.
Because, once you get it correctly, then you can be as courageous, go-getter and strong WITHOUT being mannish.
The answer is in the difference of how men and women display courage and boldness.
Men do it as a display of strength, with stress on display. And they do while hiding their emotions and fear.
Instead, the most feminine way of courage is to admit fear and showing up anyway, humbly and without bombast.
Here’s a really good example from “Dating in the Dark”:
She openly speaks about her fears while also having the courage to show up. Notice the unassuming way she opens the door, too.
Also notice the different reactions. The guy defends his ego with bragging and boasting:
Braggard man: “I’ll go ahead and close some more women like I usually do”.
When the moderator tells her “she’ll find someone” she doesn’t flaunt her options like he did.
And instead vulnerably replies:
Vulnerable woman: “hopefully yeah”.
Finally, notice that in all her humbleness and vulnerability, she puts the bragging guy to shame, which is a powerful reminder that femininity does NOT have to mean “less powerful”.
Males are naturally showier and more braggard.
That’s where the terms “peacocking” and “cocky” come from. It’s about showing off.
But femininity is often the opposite of mannishness.
And that’s why while humbleness is good for everyone, it’s particularly good to be more feminine.
See an example from Monroe here:
Notice how unassuming Marilyn is when she says “I hope it will be a good picture”. Impossible not to like her.
A touch of coyness and self-consciousness, a well-placed insecurity… All very feminine.
Notice how Angelina Jolie plays it coy by turning her face away. Super attractive to men:
#5. Flowing Movements
Nothing says feminine like flowing, smooth movements.
Dance and yoga classes can be very useful here.
Here’s an example from Margarita Levieva:
Notice the way she sits in the chair. She doesn’t pull the chair up, she uses it as an occasion to put her body on display instead.
#6. Develop A Feminine Walk
Body language research says that women who want to appear more appealing sway their hips more.
Indeed there are two major traits of a feminine walk:
- Hip swaying
- Small strides
High heels can help with both (Morris et. al., 2013).
See Marilyn Monroe, in high heels, displaying both signs of feminine walk:
Also notice how she has a bit of a “jump” in her steps, visible through her fur movements.
That’s exactly how an ex of mine used to walk by the way, and I could never resist sneaking up from behind and (jokingly) spank that sexy swaying ass.
The wider the angle and the more pronounced the sway, the more “sex” it will scream.
And too wide can go from “feminine” to “whorish”:
Unless you are doing it on purpose to dare a man to rail you hard, avoid being the lady who screams sex too obviously.
Here is a good example of being sexy in a feminine way without looking like a whore:
The secret is that you have to look like it’s just natural to you and you are not trying to draw attention.
#7. Purring Voice
Go back to the “flowing movements video examples” (N.5).
Have you noticed Levieva’s voice?
She purrs on the words “late”, “ever” and “forgive”.
It’s not so much about what she says, words are an excuse to exhibit her feminine purr.
#8. Feminine Body Language
When you make feminine body language part of your repertoire you’ll always be seductive.
Even when you don’t want to seduce.
Here’s an example:
Some more feminine body language:
- Head tilt (video above)
- Sway back (video above)
- Neck show (video above)
- Glancing over raised shoulder
- Leg twine (examples 1 & 2 are feminine because men cannot do it, and N.3 is sexy for its coyness and submissivness)
You can of course combine femininity with a more aggressive sexual stance for an explosive mix of feminine lust:
#9. Simpering Moves
Some of the most feminine and attractive women engage in what reminds me of a cat-like behavior.
Here’s a perfect example (click, it’s a video):
Notice that instead of repeating herself she leans in and prods him with her head -similarly to how a cat or feline would do-.
Powerful AND feminine at the same time.
I remember one woman before we had sex.
Laying on the bed, she told me how she wanted to be a cat in her next life.
“She does this, and then this”, she said about her cat while she copied some of the moves.
It was a real pleasure making love to that cat-woman :).
#10. Pick Feminine Hobbies
Your environment matters.
Your environment shapes you and encourages you (or discourages you) to find and act along with your femininity.
A female executive at Lockeed Martin (an arms’ producer) or at Jeep (a typical male car) will have more difficulties embracing her femininity than a woman owning a hair salon or a design agency.
The latter will be around more women, more feminine women, and is immersed in an environment that screams femininity.
The former will have to play down her feminine side, play up her masculine side, and is immersed in a stereotypical male environment.
Just a few of the many feminine hobbies and professions to consider:
- Painting / drawing
#11. Strategic Submissiveness
When it comes to being more feminine the “little girl looking for protection” takes the most flack (see below).
But a hint of insecurity, admitting your shortcomings and letting him lead are very feminine traits.
If you’re not comfortable with this one, think of it this way: don’t do the heavy lifting when you can let a man do it.
Notice Marilyn Monroe resting her head against him. As if to communicate he’s the leader of her world.
You don’t need to make yourself a full subordinate, but it’s the little details that make the difference:
Your hand on your neck, covering your belly, closing your jacket as if you sought protection, these are also very feminine poses which make men want to protect you and take care of you.
At the intersection of coy and submissive and extremely seductive is being naked and covering your private parts with your hand.
This is also a favorite of mine.
A Note on Submissiveness
Some women will recoil at the word “submissiveness”.
The word has indeed taken some terrible connotation, but I use it in the more sexual expression here.
Furthermore, submissiveness is a matter of choice. It’s not about being submissive to everyone.
It’s about choosing who to be submissive to (and feel free to be assertive with everyone else).
- Strong women VS submissive women (who wins at dating)
How Not to Be Feminine
As much as there are low quality expressions of mannishness, there are also low quality expressions of femininity.
And much as it’s true for men when too much manliness becomes a drawback, extreme expressions of femininity can also become a drawback.
Here are some examples:
- Over the top emotions
- Shrill expressions of excitement
- Too early, too deep emotional attachment
- Too much make up / skimpy clothes / surgeries
- Lopsidedly demands (that he pays he pays and invests for example, read: how to use mutual investment)
- Too childish / too baby-like behavior
See an example of too childish from “How I Met Your Mother”:
Notice that some men will still appreciate that over-the-top attitude, but it’s a minority.
Femininity: Does it Bother You?
Femininity as a topic annoys some women who lash out in anger.
Part of the push-back against femininity is cultural and linked to feminism.
But part of it is understandable and reflects a truly difficult position for women in today’s society.
Many women today are expected to work and fend for themselves in a male world while still play having to be feminine.
But it’s paramount that you purge yourself of jealousy, and bitterness:
Mindset: Drop Resentment
Some women are jealous and resentful towards feminine women.
The fact that someone could point at another woman and think “see? She’s more feminine than you” hurts them, and anger is a defensive reaction.
Some of these women are smart professionals who had to adapt to male-dominated organizations by dropping more typical feminine traits and acquiring more masculine ones.
And after they’ve done so much to prove their worth, the idea that their male colleagues might want to date a woman who plays girly in need of help maddens them.
Albeit understandable, if it’s you, you need to change it.
It communicates insecurity and spite and it hurts yourself first and foremost.
Femininity Is NOT Weakness
Part of the animosity towards femininity also stems out of a misconception.
The misconception is that femininity means dumbing yourself down, becoming less independent or becoming weaker.
And albeit marrying power and femininity is not easy, femininity and intelligence, success and power are NOT antithetical.
And we could argue that women who master femininity are actually better able to get what they want, which is a definition of power.
Just watch the examples of femininity above and ask yourself if any of those women is “weak” or “dumb”.
To me, they seem the opposite: high quality women and human beings who also manage to be feminine.
I see very few women these days who can get femininity right.
And the number seems to be dropping further and further.
And that’s great news for you!
It’s a huge opportunity to stand out and make yourself a super high class woman.
I omitted in this article the typical stuff you can find in every other article such as hygiene, makeup, nails etc.