Being more feminine can be a huge opportunity for you. Since so few women are, you will immediately stand out -and be more attractive to both men and women-.
This post deals with the concrete external aspects of how to be feminine.
1. Eradicate Masculinity
The first step to be more feminine is to avoid masculine expressions.
Have you noticed most men make make a point of avoiding pink and doing anything effeminate? You should probably start thinking about the same approach.
One evening I pushed the most feminine woman I’ve ever dated to play football table with me. She was very reluctant though -and later I understood why-.
When I high-fived her across the table –a typical man behavior– she drew the line and with a touch of baby talk and pouting face told me:
“don’t high five me, I’m not a guy”.
Let’s take a leaf our of her book and see how you can be more feminine by eliminating masculine traits:
Refuse Unfeminine Behavior
One could write a book about what are typical mannish behavior, but here are some cues:
Refuse high-fives. Delicately put a hand on his arm instead so he doesn’t feel rejected.
- “Bro hugs”
A little distance is very high class. If you need to be close to someone, put your body close to them instead (Marilyn video below, very arousing for men) or go arm in arm.
Purge Unfeminine Body Language
We could write a book about masculine body language, but here are some examples:
- Akimbo pose (unless it’s sexy akimbo)
- Walking with spread legs
- Arms far from their body
- Leaning against objects
- Jutting chin forward (an aggressive indicator)
Avoid Unfeminine Clothing
Avoid neutral clothing as well. It’s popular among hipsters these days to wear shapeless body bags: please stay away. They’re the death knell of anything feminine.
Here’s a simple litmus test:
- Would a a stereotypical lesbian wear it? If yes, don’t
And now let’s start:
Vulnerability is key because, once you get it correctly, then you can be as courageous, go-getter and strong WITHOUT being mannish.
The answer is in the difference of how men and women display courage and boldness.
Men do it as a display of strength, with stress on display. And they do while hiding their emotions and fear.
Chicken games, pep talks to rally the troops and defiance for defiance’s sake are typically male.
Instead the feminine way of courage is to admit fear and showing up anyway, humbly and without bombast.
Here’s a really really good example:
She’s honest about her feelings and has the courage to show up. Notice the unassuming way she opens the door, too.
Also notice the different reactions. The guy defends his ego with bragging and boasting:
“I’ll go ahead and close some more women like I usually do”.
When the moderator tells her “she’ll find someone” she doesn’t flaunt her options and vulnerably replies:
Finally, notice that in all her humbleness and vulnerability, she puts the bragging guy to shame.
As we’ve seen from the above man’s reaction, men’s nature is braggart. That’s where the term “peacocking” and “cocky” comes from. It’s about showing off.
But femininity is often the opposite of mannishness. And that’s why while humbleness is good for everyone, it’s particularly good to appear feminine:
Notice how unassuming Marilyn is when she says “I hope it will be a good picture”. Impossible not to like her.
A touch of coyness and self-consciousness, a well placed insecurity… All very feminine.
Notice how Angelina Jolie plays it coy by turning her face away. Super attractive to men.
5. Flowing Movements
Nothing says feminine like flowing, smooth movements. Dance and yoga classes can be very useful here.
Here’s an example from Margarita Levieva:
Notice the way she sits in the chair. She doesn’t pull the chair up, she uses it as an occasion to put her body on display instead. Perfect.
6. Feminine Walk
Body language research says that women who want to appear more appealing sway their hips more.
Indeed there are two major traits of a feminine walk:
- Hip swaying
- Small strides
Marilyn Monroe uses both at the same time here:
Also notice how she has a bit of a “jump” in her steps, visible in her fur movements.
And that’s exactly how my ex from the first example walked, and I could never resist from sneaking up from behind and (jokingly) spank that sexy swaying ass.
Warning: The more you exaggerate here, the more “sex” it will scream (example here). So watch out that the situation matches your sway angle :).
Watch another example of Marilyn’s doing it to perfection: no whor-ish but sexy and feminine as hell.
7. Purring Voice
Notice in the flowing movements video (N.5) how Levieva’s purrs on the words “late”, “ever” and “forgive”. It’s barely about what she says, all about the feminine purr.
8. Feminine Body Language
When you make feminine body language part of your repertoire you’ll always be seductive. Even when you don’t want to seduce.
Here’s an example:
Some feminine body language:
- Head tilt (video above)
- Sway back (video above)
- Neck show (video above)
- Glancing over raised shoulder
- Neck touching
- Leg twine
9. Simpering Moves
Using less words and more body language is a major sign of high social understanding (and sometimes dominance).
I have noticed that some of the most feminine women engage in what reminds me of a cat-like behavior.
Here’s a perfect example:
Notice that instead of repeating herself she leans in and prods him with her head -similarly to how a cat or feline would do-.
Powerful AND feminine at the same time.
10. Feminine Hobbies
Environment shapes us and encourages you (or forbids you) to find and act along your femininity.
A female executive at Lockeed Martin (an arms’ producer) or at Jeep (a typical male car) will have more difficulties embracing her femininity than a woman owning an hair salon or a nail shop.
The latter will be around more women, more feminine women, and is immersed in an environment that screams femininity.
The former will have to play down her feminine side, play up her masculine side, and is immersed in a stereotypical male environment.
Some very feminine hobbies and professions:
- Painting / drawing
11. Yielding Little Girl
When it comes to being more feminine the “little girl” takes the most flack (see below).
But a hint of insecurity, admitting your shortcomings and letting him lead are very feminine traits.
If you’re not comfortable with this one, think of it this way: don’t do the heavy lifting when you can let a man do it.
Notice Marilyn Monroe resting her head against him. As if to communicate he’s the leader of her world.
You don’t need to make yourself a full subordinate, but it’s the little details that make the difference:
Low Quality Femininity
As much as there are low quality expression of mannishness, there are also low quality expressions of femininity.
One of the biggest indicator of low quality femininity is: extremism.
Here are some examples:
- Over the top emotions
- Shrill expressions of excitement
- Too early, too deep emotional attachment
- Too much make up / skimpy clothes / surgeries
- Lopsidedly demands (that he pays he pays and invests for example, read: how to use mutual investment)
- Too childish / baby-like behavior
Femininity: Does it Bother You?
Femininity as a topic annoys some women who lash out in anger –example on Quora-.
Part of the push-back against femininity is cultural, with feminism which possibly went too far and it’s not helping women anymore.
Part of it runs deeper and it’s a consequence of the growing female participation in the workforce dominated by male culture.
And another part is simply fear, jealousy and bitterness:
Mindset: Drop Resentment
Some women are jealous and resentful towards feminine women.
The fact that someone could point at another women and think “see? She’s more feminine than you” hurts them and anger is a defensive reaction.
Some of these women are sometimes go-getters who had to adapt to male dominated organizations, dropping feminine traits and acquiring more masculine ones.
And after they’ve done so much to prove their worth, the idea that their male colleagues might want to date a woman who plays girly in need of help maddens them.
See Robin’s example from How I Met Your Mother.
I can understand it, but if it’s you, you gotta change it. It communicates insecurity and spite and it hurts yourself first and foremost.
Part of the animosity towards femininity also stems out of a misconception.
The misconception is that femininity means dumbing yourself down, becoming less independent or becoming weaker. Let’s be clear here: some men will prefer a woman like that.
But the general rule is that femininity, intelligence and capabilities are NOT antithetic. And we could argue that women who muster femininity are better able to get what they want, which is a definition of power.
Just watch the examples above and ask yourself if any of those women is “weak” or “dumb”.
I see very few women around who can get femininity right.
And the number seems to be dropping further and further. And that’s great news for you. It’s a huge opportunity to stand out and make yourself a super high class woman.
I omitted in this article the typical stuff you can find in every other article. Things such as hygiene, fashion, makeup, long hair etc. It’s not that those don’t matter, they do: they’re the basics. But they’re also obvious. And you can read them everywhere else.