Your body language and subtle submissive behaviors often speak louder than any words, silently killing your status and power. If you’re wondering how to fix submissive behavior and stop being ignored, you’ve come to the right place.
As the leading resource on social dynamics, we’ve helped thousands of good men eliminate the signs of submission that undermine their value.
This guide breaks down the 9 low-status behaviors to avoid—from over-deferring to a leader to submissive body language signs—and shows you exactly how to assert power and gain the respect you deserve.
Contents
1. Over-Deferring To The Leader
Principle:
⚖️ High-power men act, submissive men re-act
Deferring is expected, normal, and often smart.
But over-doing it is disempowering (and dishonorable), especially with average leaders.
Principle:
⚖️ Your leader sets your upper bound. The more you defer to poor leaders, the more you disempower yourself
1.2. Sucking Up to The Leader
For example:
- Supporting him no matter what
- Excusing poor behavior
- Excessive laughter
Here’s a better approach instead:
🛠️ 🎓 Use the tight-lipped smile for non-funny jokes
Maintains rapport, and it’s high power:
📣🟰 “Wasn’t funny, but I’m showing a smile for support”
1.3. Monitoring the Leader
The APA Handbook of Nonverbal Behavior confirms that low-status men look more at leaders.
And they avert eye contact when looked at by high-status men (Ellsworth, Carlsmith, & Henson, 1972).
Let’s revisit the previous example from “The Wolf of Wall Street”.
Notice the pattern of eye contact and gaze.
Underling 1: (stares at the banker)
Underling 2: (looks at boss and banker)
(…)
Low-status: (…) that kind, that kind of stuff.. (looks at the leader, nervous smile, nod) <— 📣🟰 “I’m done, you high-status guys can take over
🛠️ 👉🏼 Learn and align, and there’s no need for monitoring
Understand your boss: what he expects and likes, and reduce monitoring because you won’t need to.
1.4. Turning Toward the Leader
Try to spot who and why displays submissive body language:
White lady: (turns towards the men, and “his” man) <— 📣 🟰 “I’m just supporting cast“
Blue lady: (engages her, without turning towards the men) <— 📣 🟰 “I don’t depend on him“
🛠️♟️ Stand beside your boss for political gains, turn towards the speaker for power
Don’t rotate towards your boss. Rotate towards the speaker. It’s a better mix of power and political strategy.
Also, read:
- Leadership and dating
- How to Become a Leader: step by step
2. Deferring to The Group
Classical Asch experiments tell us that many people conform to the majority even when they disagree.
However, not everyone conforms, though.
Social Psychologist Aronson explains that high self-esteem and high-status men are more likely to resist.
Meaning, low-status and submissive men are most likely to conform.
Principle:
⚖️ Empowered men lead, while submissive men follow the majority
For example:
- Over-seeking social support for trivial matters
⛏️ Example he looks around looking for social support. Better than fearful, but avoid it anyway
- Withholding opinions before others speak
- Fearful scanning after a joke or comment
🛠️ Look at others expecting good reactions instead
🔎 Leader Seeks Group Support to Isolate Enemy
Leader: (disempowering joke) What’s it with you man
Red-head: What
Leader: How much did you pay for this brown rock <— Wants to ridicule him
Red-head: What difference does it make <— Sees the trap 👍🏼
Leader: (looks away incredulous) <— 📣🟰 “You’re so dumb”
What difference does it make? Diamonds are supposed to be colorless <— Looks around for social support
(Laughs AT his friend) <— 📣🟰 “You’re so laughable dumb”
⬆️♟️🛡️ Keep it with individuals, never the group
The redhead loses because he attacks the group, instead of Dillon-only.
♟️Strong leaders handle it themselves
Using the group depletes social capital, and “siccing” the group for personal beefs is low-quality 🦃
2.3. Adapting to Others’ Mood
General principle:
⚖️ Leaders set the mood, followers adapt
And the faster you adapt, the more power you give away
Him: That guy was like “don’t let the door hit you on the vagina” <— His frame : “that’s funny”
Her: (distant and serious) Yeah I heard him <— Her frame: “it’s not funny”
Him: (decreasing laughter) I thought that was hilarious <— He adapts to her
⬆️ ♟️ He adapted slowly 👍🏼
🛠️ When you must adapt, adapting slowly is a great technique to maintain power.
⛏️ Training Day example of extreme and disempowering adaption
This also comes down to emotional power dynamics, and frame control.
See:
3. Defensiveness
In confident body language, we showed that submissive people close their bodies.
The same applies to socialization, including:
Her: (makes herself smaller) I… I have two questions
Trump: No it’s OK
Her: (hand on heart, arm over her body and crotch) But you pointed to me
Video here
⛏️ Extra analysis on the video
3.2. Sideways Body
Even with the audio on mute, it’s easy to spot the behaviors and body language of submissivness:
General: (walks towards him full frontal)
Cruise: (sideways body)
♟️👉🏼 Walk straight on when crossing path
Some men, especially in narrow aisles, angle away when crossing path with other men. Be mindful of it, don’t overdo it.
⛏️ Forum entry
4. Excessive Movement
The principle is:
⚖️ Submissive men move for dominant men
Including movement to physically accommodate higher status men, or out of social anxiety.
Him: (many and excessive head nodding, hand on heart, purpose-less gesticulation, reactive laughter, big “(too) nice guy” smiles)
4.2. Excessive Nodding
Compare:
Brad Pitt: (nods up, once 🗿)
Interviewer: (nods in bursts, frequently, too quickly, and with his whole body)The issues:
- Too fast
- Too often
- Whole-body rocking (VS head only)
5. Signs of Low Confidence
Any behavior that signals low confidence is associated with submissiveness.
Including:
- Insecurity
- Tentativeness
- Social fear
- …
5.2. Over-Compensating
Overdoing feels suspicious, suggesting underlying insecurities.
Common areas people overdo:
- Masculinity <— Confident men don’t overthink their masculinity
- Sexual innuendos <— Men comfortable around -and used to sex don’t over-joke about it
- Jokes about (being) “gay” <— Straight men who are comfortable in their hetero sexuality and have no issues with gays don’t over-joke about homoeroticism
- ‘Flaws’
Principle:
⚖️ Timely and limited remarks about flaws show confidence. Too many signal unresolved issues
🔎 Example from a dating coach:
Indian Dating Coach Tinder Bio:
Married to a white girl, with a half-brown baby on the way. Just joking, I’m single. <— His many Indian and ‘white guys/women’ references reek of inferiority complex. “Married” also signals ‘boyfriend type’
6. Lower Value Sub-Communication
Principle:
⚖️ Lower-value men over-invest to bridge the value gap
⚠️ Don’t over-invest 🙅🏼♂️
It signals lower personal value!
Ie.:
- Over-give give too much or without a reason
- Over-compliment without getting equal compliments back
- Chase, showing more interest than they show in you
6.2. Too Nice In Dating
There is a difference between nice, which is good, and servile, which is unattractive.
This is servile:
Her: (drops glasses)
Viktor: please, please, please please (cleans them against his shirt) <— Acts as her humblest servant
(Follows her) <— Chasing
🐣 Only in a Hollywood movie an attractive woman would ask him out
Also see:
6.3. Chasing
There are a million ways to chase, and they also apply to making and keeping friends.
An obvious and common form of chasing is to send too many texts:
7. Lower Status Sub-Communication
While being lower status in some contexts is perfectly fine, you may still want to avoid over-signaling it.
7.2. Averting gaze
Especially during tense exchanges:
Schumer: Yeah, lemme say something Mr. President (looks ahead and low, not at Trump) <— Trump stares heads on (predator). Schumer attacks verbally, but looks away.
♟️ ⬆️ Schumer did OK, looked at Trump a few times 👍🏼
Turning for eye-to-eye convo would be uncomfortable and high investment, but a few glances displayed confidence.
7.3. Begging nonverbals
Video example and picture:
8. Excessive Social Fear
8.2. Rushing Away
Godfather: Thank you so much, can I offer you something
Roberto: (rushes towards the door, anxiousness escalates into a panic and struggles to open it)
⬆️ 👉🏼 Apologize and make up for mistakes without over-submissiveness.
If you cross the wrong person be kinder the next time, bring a gift, and let your behavior be the apology.
Alternatively, straight talk: “I’m sorry (hands up palms outward), I made a mistake the last time. I respect respect-worthy men like you, and I didn’t know who you were“.
👉🏼 Move faster when needed, but with purpose
It’s good to be mindful of other people’s time. Rather than rushing, think ‘effective & purposeful’.
8.3. Backing Down A Social Challenge (Looking Down)
Man 1: It’s a free country (starts stare contest)
Man 2: (holds for a while, then lowers his gaze to sip, and angles his face away)
👉🏼 Strike a good balance of speed and purpose
It’s good to be mindful and respectful of other people’s time. But you can move faster and purposefully, without rushing.
9. Too Nice & People Pleasing
‘Kindness’ from a self-confident man is an attractive trait.
It makes you prestigious.
But a low-confidence, low-status man being too nice signals weakness and social fear.
| Too nice | Strategic higher power |
|---|---|
| Takes flyers because he can’t say “no” | Smiles confidently and says ‘all good’, without taking the flyer |
| Stands if only one seat is free | Invites older people to sit. If they don’t, he sits |
| Bears others despite wanting to go | Acknowledges, and empathizes, adds something uplifting, and says he must go |
| Agrees despite he disagrees | Validates, finds bridges, says he sees it differently, and then speaks his mind |
| Over-apologizes multiple times, overly servile | Apologizes once, looks in the eyes to make his point, and if needed makes it up |
Don’t Forget… Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is foundational.
It’s the internal grounding that allows you to project an honest aura of power and confidence.
And with that inner confidence, you’re congruent and remain true to yourself.
We address confidence and self-esteem in Power University.
Learn more
The original old video:
- Confident social behavior (do more of this)
- Confident speaking and conversations (say more of this)
- Unconfident conversation (stop saying this)
Our mission is to help good men become high status, confident men
