25 Ways to Win with People by John Maxwell is focused on making the people around you feel good. The main idea is: make people feel good and they will help you feel good as well.
- Exec Summary
- Full Summary
- Start With Yourself
- The 30 Second Rule
- Let People Know You Need Them
- Create a Memory and Revisit It Often
- Compliment In Front Of Other People
- Give Reputation to Uphold
- Encourage their Dreams
- Pass the Credit on to Others
- Share a Secret With Someone
- Do For Others What They Can’t Do For Themselves
- Find the Keys to Their Hearts
- Be the First to Help
- Remember a Person’s Story
- Point Out People’s Strengths
- Real Life Application
- Start With Yourself: to help greatly, become great first
- Listen to their dreams, encourage their dreams and help them with their dreams
- Share a secret -or personal details- with someone you trust to bond more closely
Start With Yourself
I love that John Maxwell leads with “start with yourself”.
You can’t give what you don’t have and your relationships will only be as healthy as you are. So to make the people around you feel great, become a great human being first.
This is basically one of the overarching tenets of my life.
John Maxwell suggests to solve as many problems in your life first and to look for improvement areas in yourself first.
The 30 Second Rule
In the first 30 seconds you’re in a conversation with someone, tell them something encouraging. Once it becomes a habit for you people will light up when you will walk in any room.
And here’s a nice way to make it a habit: open your calendar every day, look at the people you will meed during the day and plan something encouraging to say. It can be something they’ve done for you and you thought was great or amazing, or that you are really thankful for it. Or something they have recently done well, or something they achieved.
Let People Know You Need Them
People like to feel needed and helpful.
Think right now in your life who could be able to help you, and go tell them how much it would mean for you.
Create a Memory and Revisit It Often
Make something memorable with the people around you to create memories. Then immortalize those moments with pics, show them the pictures and give them the pictures.
Then relive those stories together, talk about them and laugh about them. And ask them to tell those stories.
Compliment In Front Of Other People
A compliment is fantastic to make people feel great, but a compliment in front of others is even more powerful. And it’s super helpful so that people keep behaving in line with that compliment, ie.: uphold that compliment:
Give Reputation to Uphold
Giving a reputation to uphold leverages the commitment and consistency principle as explained by Cialdini in Persuasion.
John Maxwell says that a great way to do it is to actually find a nickname for the person that will emobody a quality they possess. And then use that nickname or repeat their quality often so that it will get associated with them.
Encourage their Dreams
Ask people to share their dreams with you, ask what challenges they’ll need to overcome and at that point offer your help or give some helpful tips.
My note: I find this is extremely powerful indeed. If you do it well it’s a strong connection guaranteed and people will love you. Only do it though with the ones you really wanna connect deeply. It’s also a good technique with women.
Pass the Credit on to Others
Your probably heard this one before. It’s true indeed that top leaders take the blame when things go wrong and give credits when winning.
If the subject of leadership is interesting to you, also take a look at Extreme Ownership and Leaders Eat Last.
When you share a secret with someone it will make them feel special and closer to you. You can make it even more powerful if you add you only shared your secret becaue you trust them.
Do For Others What They Can’t Do For Themselves
Helping others reach their goals will cement your relationship. And if you do so in a way they couldn’t have done by themselves, they will be even more thankful to you.
Find the Keys to Their Hearts
What to they dream, fear, love, or believe in? And establish some common ground on those key values.
Be the First to Help
Serving someone first in their time of need will make you remembered for ever.
And I fully support this one: guaranteed you will never forget the people who tendered their hand when nobody else did.
Remember a Person’s Story
Asking a person’s story says “you could be special”, remembering says “you are special”, reminding him the story says “you are special to me”, repeating to someone else says “you should be special to them”. the result? You become special to the person sharing the story to you.
I do keep a word file with notes on important people in my life.
Point Out People’s Strengths
Everyone has some special ability. Find it and point it out to them.
Real Life Application
The two major foundational elements for me are:
- Start With Yourself: become a great human being to help greatly
- Care About People: If you care about people, most of all these “rules” will come natural
A few of the 25 rules will seem like common knowledge, but I would be surprised if it were otherwise. And the real question is always: maybe you know it. But are you applying it?
25 Ways to Wing With People is an easy and pleasant read. But, most of all, it’s a useful read. You will most likely find some golden nuggets you can use and implement in your life to become a better person.
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