Making friends is simple.

I’ve traveled all around the globe, and made friends wherever I went, in all possible ways.

Anyone with these basics can do it:

1. Acceptable social skills
2. Somewhat likable
3. Not a net-negative, and can add some value

If you have the above, this is all you need to do:

Rinse and repeat, until you have a small circle. Then, you can cross-meet everyone in it

The rest of this article spells out the details for you.
And by the end of it, you will be able to make friends at will, wherever you are.

1. Go Out, Socialize, Organize (Get Leads)

1. Join Meetup events
2. Join clubs
3. Talk to strangers. Yes, you can “cold approach” for friendships, not just dating. I’ve done it several times.
   To make it easier, approach:
   • People with a striking resemblance. Ie.: same dress style, ordered same food, etc.
   • Regulars at your favorite spots
   • Other foreigners or expats when traveling
   • People doing what you’re doing. For example, in line for a massage or at a go-kart track. Or if you see a guy approaching women and you’re also into that.

Use Internet As Well

Avoid the mindset that online is for geeks.

The Handbook of Relationship Initiation says that the Internet for socially competent people is a case of “rich getting richer”.
Such as, just an extra opportunity for more cool friends.

And one level above joining pre-existing groups:

Why join others’ events, when you can organize and be the star?

2. Become A Regular & Gain Status At Your Favorite Events

Go back often and:

• Start talking to loners and lower-status people to warm up
• Talk to many & move around to look sociable and avoid looking clingy or ‘lone and desperate’
  • Enter new groups but keep it briefer than with 1:1s
• Approach organizers and leaders. Initially, you may ask a question. Then:
  • Thank them during breaks or at the end
  • Compliment them on their unique qualities
• Talk more & more often to those you vibed best during the event, and as you go back

We dig deeper into gaining status in our course, but you know you’re doing this well when others seek you out, and reach out to you.

Either because you missed an event:

Me: (misses an event)
Him: I didn’t see you last night <— Checks in, sign of caring and enjoying your company

Or better yet, to go for a 1:1:

Him: Let’s get food or drinks
Me: (declines with power-protection to preserve rapport)

3. Start Your Event

What’s better than just socializing?

High-power socializing, of course.

And nobody is higher power than the organizer and host.

Organizing events is easier than most people think.
Countless people want to socialize and make new friends, but only 0.1% takes the initiative.

So be brave, and take that first step :).

I organized a few meetups during my travels.
And even in smaller cities, at least a handful of folks showed up.

Funny story
There was a girl who wanted to go to the lake during summer. But she didn’t know anyone and couldn’t find any group for it.
She organized one herself… And more than 100 people showed up!

4. Approach With An Uplifting Spirit

General principle:

⚖️ The more you need friends, the needier and more taking you are
🟰 The best way to make friends is with a giving approach, being sociable and uplifting

Needing friends projects desperation.
An uplifting spirit sub-communicates “happy with life”, a high-value trait that draws others in.

Some tips:

• Happy beats serious
• High-energy beats low-energy on first approach, especially at night
  • Initially open many topics
• Listening and asking beats talking -but share about yourself!-
• Initially it’s vibe over depth. Deeper later or when you’re both very interested.
• Show sparkles of value -drop hints, let them ask more-

You don’t need to become extroverted to make friends.
But it’s helpful to learn to act like one.

🛠️ High value technique

Move from group-level to “1:1 on the side”, then back to group level.

Example:

1. Display value at the group level
2. Look at the speaker (so he looks back at you)
   • Interject: ask questions, joke, or challenge if appropriate
   • Laugh along to other people’s good jokes
3. Take your turn to speak and give value
4. Start side conversations with someone close by
5. Go back to group-level

Now you come across as high value and sociable: the type of guy who easily makes friends.

Also see:

• Group conversation 101

Avoid the “let’s be friends approach”

General principle:

⚖️ Just like in dating you never say you want a relationship, in socializing you never say “let’s be friends”.

Only dorks say that.
Cool people let things develop naturally.

5. Go Deeper If There’s Chemistry

You start with a socializing attitude.

But if the social butterfly is all you do… All you get is a socializing event.
No friends.

So the smart socializer does this:

Talk to all, dig deeper with the best.

Think of group events like a buffet.
You sample everything and then eat more of the best.

A good article:

• How to bond

6. Talk Next Steps & Exchange Contact

How do you move forward?

How do you exchange contacts?

Well, lemme share you a secret now:

Advanced socialites don’t ask, they get asked.

Cool guys get asked more than they ask

But until you reach that point, maybe with our Power University, here are some tips:

Schedule next steps

• ONLY plan on first meet if the vibe is 10/10. Otherwise, it’s premature. Remember your frame: I’m high-value and busy
• Don’t propose but INVITE to join. Remember the frame: you’re going to do X anyway, and they get the opportunity to join you

Ie.:

You: hey mate, going to try X restaurant later today, if you wanna join would be cool to catch up, just let me know

If you have no plans to invite to, no problem.
You can then exchange contact:

How to exchange contacts

• 🗨️“Let’s exchange contact“ <—- Better than “Let’s keep in touch”, which is “chasier”
• 🗨️“Maybe we can do something in the future“ <—- ‘Maybe’ is strategic: doesn’t come across as overly eager
• 🗨️”Let’s exchange contact so I can let you know if I do X” -where “X” is an activity you mention that you both enjoy

Also a good tip if you’re interested in dating: exchange contact with many people.
That way, it doesn’t look like you’re “hunting”.

See:

• Social calibration

7. Keep The Best Only: Spot Green & Red Flags

You’re not reading TPM to make “some friends”.

Go to WikiHow for that :).

You’re here to make high-quality friends and connections.

Here are some quick tips on judging characters:

1. Split of questions VS talk & self-talk. You want friends who can listen when you want to share something
2. Empathetic or callous? You can do business with callous men or cooperate if interest align. But empathy is important for friendships
3. Honorable or not? You have no place in life for dishonorable men, aholes, and turkey

See more in:

• Toxic people
• How to recognize takers

🙋‍♂️ The Secret to Quality Friends Is…

Lucio:
People make friends both strategically, for evolutionary reasons (Buss, 2024), and for pleasure.
For strategic reasons, value matters most.
For the pleasure of it, quality matters. Turkey behavior repels eagles.
So the “secret” is: YOU be a high-value, high-quality, honorable man first. And then you get the best of both worlds.

8. Follow Up The Day After

Here is a general rule:

⚖️ Fast progress goes places while slow-moving never progress at all

That’s an important principle of dating.
In friendships, you have more leeway. But, generally speaking, faster is better. And the more randomly you met and least you spoke, the faster you wanna go.

Here’s a template for you:

1. Text “good meeting you” right after the event
2. 2 days later text if they want to join you for something

A more strategic approach is to text the day after without inviting, and see if they propose it.
But it’s not strictly necessary.
Power shouldn’t be your main concern if you’re out to find great people.

9. Organize a second meet (1:1s or smaller group)

If you organized, you have two options:

• Organize a follow-up with a smaller group
• Meet 1:1

From a power dynamics point of view, you maintain “top dog status” with the smaller group followup.
But again, you’re not out for power now.

If someone else organized, you can:

• Invite a few people you liked out
• Meet 1:1

And of course, they’re not mutually exclusive and you can do both.

Example with smaller group followup:

For the 2nd meet I picked the best guys, went to my favorite restaurant, and we deepened the friendship

My general rule for 1:1 VS group followups is this:

• Cool and similar for 1:1
• Cool but different in group

🛠️ Technique: the “half propose”

You may wanna tread carefully in business or at work.

In these cases, you can “half propose”.
Such as, you don’t go the full distance but instead dangle your “bait” for them to take.

Ie.:

Cool man, thanks, it was a pleasure doing business.
And you seem a cool guy, if you’re up for a drink one of these days, happy to invite you.

Pressure-off attitude

And I’m personally a huge fan of “pressure off”.

High power, and respectful of others.
And the polar opposite of the guilt-tripping emotional manipulation turkeys go for.

Here’s another example of “pressure off” attitude:

Him: spent a little too much money these past 2 dasy. We could meet tomorrow tho
Me: No pressure mate mate, if you’re up for it we can find a cheap place, and if not, next time

I’m not jumping to “tomorrow” because I preferred the same day -and didn’t wanna commit to the day after-.
So I address his concern with a casual “cool whatever way” attitude.

And we ended up meeting that evening.

That’s it, fellas.

Now you can make friends.

A few advanced moves:

10. Invite New Guys To Your Forming Social Groups

Keep up the “meet more” phase as you form your social circle.

Why?

Because:

• Inviting people to newly forming groups is easier and more natural compared to established groups. That’s because established friends prefer to meet just you, rather than strangers
• You’re cooler and higher value to both the forming group, and the incoming new friend. You come across as sociable and “making things happen”
• Inviting to social gatherings is higher power and smoother compared to 1:1s. It feels a bit “gay” to invite a random guy to a 1:1, but not to invite him to a small group

Of course, it’s largely on you to present your new group as ‘cool’.
Look at this example:

I put together a boxer from diner cold approach, a huge weightlifter from mall cold approach, and 2 guys from a previous meetup I organized

Bonus: Maintain Friends With Win-Win

And we go back to social exchange foundations again.

For example:

Offer advice and/or personal experience

This is where your self-development work pays out dividends.

Expertise makes your advice very valuable, while costing you nothing.

However, you don’t need to be an expert.
Simply by living you have a ton of value you can give if you just know how to look and present it.
It can be as simple as having done paperwork he’s looking into, or having tried a restaurant.
Or sharing a similar experience, or a funny story.

Lend an ear

Sometimes all a friend needs is someone to talk to.

And that may be one of the most important aspects and benefits of a friendship.

Crazy enough, it’s so simple, and yet so few people can do this.
70% of it is this:

1. Sit with him
2. Ask questions
3. Let him talk it out

That’s all.
And these are bonuses:

1. Share something similar IF you have
2. Share advice IF you can
3. Help him process and reach a decision

Of course, there are levels to it.
If you can ask good questions, better.
If you can help me feel better, much better.
And if you can offer solutions, that’s next-level gold.

But if you’re beginning, just sitting down and listening makes you an invaluable friend.

Offer concrete support if possible

Machiavelli would say that the best help to offer is whatever is easiest for you.

BUT…

You may instead want a few close friends you’d be happy to help, despite the costs.

And “higher cost help” is also an honest signal of caring.

Often, it doesn’t have to be anything crazy.
For example, concrete help with expats and singles can be as simple as offering food if they’re sick.

Example:

Me: (offers to bring some groceries if he needs it)
Him: I am so so happy to hear it. Let’s meet soon my friend!

Also see:

• Practical takeaways from social exchange theory

🎓 Optional Bonus: Get A Few Circles Going

It’s not a must, but the benefits are:

• It’s higher value to have “other friends” they know about, and that you can mention
  • You’re naturally scarcer, and you can even play up the mystery. As a teenager, different circles of gear-heads, ‘users’ and schoolmates made me “cool(er)”
• Higher confidence. You’re subconsciously clingier when you depend on one single source of anything. Options give you confidence.
• Open-mindedness especially if the groups are different. A great antidote to groupthink, tribalism, and various cult-like dynamics