Your self-empowerment follows 4 predictable stages.
And while each step is better than the previous, your self-empowerment is only a total success once you reach the last stage.
1: naive, clueless, and loser; 2. starting to understand the game; 3. capable to play and win (skilled & high status). 4. Transcending and soaring higher (power rather than status, preference for win-win and no patience for takers and lose-wins)
Intro
Some recent events in the forum prompted me to publish this article as fast as possible.
Namely, there have been several power moves from a few TPM forum members.
And TPM is not a place for pulling uncalled-for power moves on others.
TPM has been saying this since our inception:
Self-empowerment entails learning about power moves, manipulation, games, and Machiavellian thinking for effective life strategies.
However, that’s not the end goal.
The end goal is NOT to be a better manipulator as a default approach to life (with other manipulators and in some specific circumstances maybe, but NOT as a default approach to life).
If that’s your goal, you don’t belong here.
The ultimate goal of self-empowerment is to know how to play the game, and play it whenever it’s needed.
But to develop higher trust circles and relationships that do not need power moves, manipulations, and games.
And, generally, to approach the world while seeking and preferring win-win and straight talk.
The first step is in the mindsets, and in the goals you have for yourself.
You cannot develop those circles and relationships unless you first think, behave, prefer, want, and admire game-free people, exchanges, relationships, and circles.
In this article, we will learn how to complete that self-empowerment process until you reach the ultimate and enlightened stage of “eagle-dom”.
🕊️ Level 1: Unaware & Incompetent (Dove)
This is the stage of unawareness and incompetence.
In manosphere terminology, you may call it “blue pill”.
Unawareness pairs with incompetence.
At the lowest level of competence, it’s life ineffectiveness.
An inability to gain any status, respect, or find a woman.
At the lowest level, this is the “lamb stage”.
But without knowing one is a lamb, and without knowing wolves exist.
A further issue is that naive and blind people invite abuse and loss.
As the Italian proverb says “it’s the opportunity that makes the man a thief”. And when it’s too easy to take from you, even good people can be tempted.
It’s Not “Good”
A common misunderstanding is to think that everyone at this level is “good”.
Well, yes, some “blind” people are indeed “too good”.
But not all: “naive” or “blind” doesn’t necessarily make one “good”.
Power-unaware folks can be envious, self-loathing, and angry with the world.
It’s just that they don’t even realize why they’re losing.
They don’t even know there’s a game.
Almost Everyone Is Partially Unaware
There are different degrees of unawareness and incompetence, of course.
However, few people are aware and competent in all the foundation power-related components.
Most people have at least some important gaps in social dynamics, manipulation, social strategies, etc.
Who’s Here
Here’s an idea of who’s here.
- Oblivious to the game of power: the majority of people reside here, at different levels.
Some categories:- Submissive: hopes people will treat him well and suffers when they don’t. He feels the effects of the game of power, but somehow never considered that he’s losing because of the game of power.
He fails to grasp that beyond the saying “people will treat you how you will let them treat you” lays the game of power that is the answer to many of his woes - Passive: “goes along” with the system thinking that’s what “good law-abiding citizens do”. Of course that ensures he stays at the bottom of that system.
Can get an OK of even “good” life in rich and socialist countries if he learns an in-demand skill, but he’ll never come close to his true potential (and he’ll do quite badly in poorer and more disorganized countries). - Semi-blind, is aware in some realms of life, but has blind spots in others.
It’s uncommon since awareness tends to carry over in any area of life, but it can happen in those who haven’t learned more systematically.
For example, my father had a sense for social power dynamics and status among men, but zero to pick up on manipulation and judge power dynamics
- Submissive: hopes people will treat him well and suffers when they don’t. He feels the effects of the game of power, but somehow never considered that he’s losing because of the game of power.
- Asperger’s spectrum: they’re also unaware, but while the “simply unaware” can “wake up” by themselves and actively seek information -often even catching up and surpassing the “naturals” very quickly-, guys on the spectrum may need someone to awaken them and, lacking the natural social intuition, need to learn more systematically
- Heavy mental limitation: only a tiny minority belongs here because the game of power is evolutionarily programmed, and probably not even highly linked to IQ.
Example: I dated a very un-bright woman, but she still applied basic techniques on how to be the prize, refraining from chasing too much, seeking better information from more experienced girlfriends, etc. etc. And while she had no interest or grasp for any higher-complexity topics, she always perked up when I mentioned they were playing games - “Too good for this world”: late Italian writer Ignazio Silone said that if one is “good”, it’s good. But if one is “good, good, good”, three times, then he’s stupid.
When I first read it, I thought it was genius. It’s indeed somewhat hard to distinguish stupidity from “being too good”.
But the main difference is that the “too good for this world” assumes the best in everyone, trusts others too much, and fails to realize that while this world has endless beauty and plenty of good people, life is also competition for scarce resources and competition for scarce high-value people to associate with
Level 2: Aware & Incompetent
At this stage, you start “seeing” the power dynamics.
In manosphere parlance, it’s the “red pill”.
And it’s a huge change.
Also read:
Risk: Depressively Cynical
Some get gloomy and depressed.
You see turkeys and manipulators everywhere.
And, if you’re a beginner, you barely see any eagles.
Because your frame of reference is so negative, you doubt everyone, even the good people.
You suddenly see all the manipulations and games, present and past.
And damn: everyone’s playing it, and everyone played it against you.
The world sucks!
You think you’re the only good one on the planet.
In truth, the issue is that:
- You’re coming from the naive stage where it was just too easy to take advantage of you: and as per basic laws of power dynamics, when it’s too easy to take advantage of someone, even normal people will -and even some good ones-. It’s simply a question of “too low barriers” so, in a way, in your reality, yes, you were surrounded by takers -albeit it was largely your fault-.
- You don’t yet know how to deal with others, and while many relationships can be “straightened out” into acceptable or even good relationships, you don’t yet know how
- You bundle together small-time everyday games with actual sociopaths: you’re still a beginner, after all, so you can’t yet tell which from which and everyone seems like a red-level power move to you.
Plus, when you’re unable to check power moves and enforce boundaries, you also can’t assess people by the uber-important way they respond to your assertiveness. Because while the good people will respect, the truly bent ones will increase their aggression or pretend to accept it, and increase their manipulation
This is the “overly cynical phase”.
It’s understandable and, within certain limits, even healthy to experience it.
Some people stay stuck here because they tell themselves, “it’s all rotten and disgusting anyway, what’s the point”.
They think that to win, you need to be an asshole.
Of course, it’s not true that “it’s all rotten”.
But to find out the gold, you gotta come down from that holier than though self-lie and get your hands dirty -for a while-.
Also read:
The Positives
On the plus side, with a healthier approach you:
- Start playing the game. Even without winning, now you’re in the arena. And it feels good
- Get some early wins thanks to TPM and PU’s superior firepower on your side
- Excited about the new possibilities and what you can do.
Early wins and excitement also create momentum for the next level…
Level 3: Power Skills – Applying The Game of Power
This is where personal power starts.
Seeing by itself does little for you.
And, without skills, seeing alone may even be harmful.
But with the skills, you finally start playing the game, and:
- You start winning more and more often. You get more respect and consideration, maybe more dates or a more submissive and admiring partner, and you’re finally considered “promotion material” at work.
You marvel at your power and your growing abilities to get things done, gain status, earn respect - You avoid lose-wins because you check power moves, better vet business partners, negotiate harder, avoid takers, cover your ass, etc. etc.
- You start gaining some win-loses, and you may think that’s cool, that you’re winning. Or that you’re getting your payback on life
You may not always win, of course.
But now you’re a proper player in the game.
And that, by itself, is empowering.
You can even feel good in some losses because you start getting empowering mindsets.
It’s less about you, less about feeding your ego.
You start internalizing that it’s a number game. And that, given enough chances, you can find a way.
With wins and better mindsets, your confidence soars.
The combination of higher confidence and higher competence creates a positively self-reinforcing cycle.
There are some risks though:
🐍 Risk 1: Forgets the end goal, turns into a manipulator
Some people get so lost in the game of power they forget what they were in it for.
You learn manipulation and start over-using manipulation.
But overdoing games, manipulation and power moves is inherently low quality.
Unless you also develop your character, you win more, but you struggle with higher-quality men and women.
Even the ones who are at your same level of personal value, they still keep you at arm’s length.
You want to learn the game, not get lost in the game.
Lucio Buffalmano
Remember the end game: achieving goals & win-win
The healthy approach is to seek power in order to achieve a goal.
When power becomes the end goal, you turn into an asshole and dickhead.
If you stay stuck at the second level, at best, you’re just becoming a manipulator yourself.
Yes, you can still be (relatively) successful spending a life manipulating, scheming, and even conning and taking advantage of others.
But you tend to lose in quality of life.
And that’s the best-case scenario.
If you lose sight that the end game is win-win, you end up with a string of lose-wins, win-loses and, as well, a lot of lose-lose.
Chances are you ruin your relationships.
And you won’t earn any great people in your life -or, if they do, they’ll only be there until they need you and leave once you once they don’t-.
High-quality people have no space for assholes.
There are many ways to take the game of power too far:
- Overplaying with good people –gets you branded as an asshole-.
Great people are for win-win, not for power games.
When you overplay the game with power-aware but good people they will brand you “not good enough for them” -and they’d be right-. - Power moves when you’re in the wrong -get you branded as a slimy manipulator with a thin-skin-.
Owning and apologizing when in the wrong is how high-quality men behave.
Gaslighting and word-salading is how manipulators behave -and it’s the most annoying thing you can do with an eagle-. - Playing too hard the game of power -get you branded a dangerous sociopath who can’t do win-win and teamwork-.
In groups, team assignments, or at work you’re also supposed to be a team player. When you make it too obvious that you’re only out for power and for yourself, you can easily get ostracized and kicked out.
Remember: balance. You can win while also sharing the spoils.
And the name of the game where both competition and teamwork are at play is subtlety. - Overplaying in petty situations -make you a low-level turkey-.
If you overplay the game for petty and inconsequential stuff, you’re both low power, and a turkey. - Overplaying obvious power moves -a magnifier of low-IQ turkey-ness-.
It sub-communicates low (social) intelligence and makes your turkey-ness more visible to anyone, even folks with low power-awareness - Bad and prolonged win-loses -make you an abuser-.
When your win-loses over-extend in intensity and time, you have turned into an abuser. And, often, you also get a toxic relationship for yourself (not exactly a win, is it)
It’s (sadly) funny that some people learn power dynamics to defend against assholes, and then they stop at this stage and become one.
Risk 2: Stuck with turkeys, you miss the eagles
We have this saying on TPM:
You can’t fly with the eagles when you’re busy scratching with the rukeys
TPM Proverb
It’s an important reminder because it’s easy to get dragged down if you’re surrounded by turkeys.
So scratch back whenever you need, get back to scratching any time life demands it… But keep your eyes up.
Eventually, you want to soar back up.
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.
– Nietsche
Level 3.2. – Life Winner
As you grow in competence, you win and achieve more and more.
Not just lower-levels technical wins, but you achieve bigger goals.
And you become a “life winner”.
🦅 Level 4: Eagle – Transcending The Game
Let us be clear to avoid naive self-help:
You rarely stop the game of power completely.
Level 3 includes also level 2 and level 1.
And you also stay high-power and high-warmth, keep a strategic approach to life, generally behave high power, and of course, you defend and attack back whenever needed.
And you also rarely completely stop manipulation and games.
HOWEVER…
The final goal is to transcend the game of power.
Especially to transcend the manipulative and game-playing aspects.
Here’s how:
- Establish great relationships free of games. You develop a few great relationships where you can be more of yourself.
Eagles flying with other eagles.
You can also do this because “your true self” IS naturally high power at this point. So just by being yourself, you still gain status, attraction, and all that good stuff. - Self-sufficiency. As you grow in power, experience, and wins, you also don’t need nearly as much from others -or even from the world-
- Abundance mentality, where you trust yourself and the process to the point of not caring of losing single battles
- Antifragile ego where losses don’t bother you. So you’re not reacting back because you need it to feel good about yourself
- “Full belly effect”. The more you win… The less you need more and new wins. This doesn’t apply to some “eternally hungry men”, but it applies to many others
- “Add value, or bye” approach. Since you don’t strictly need anything, you become naturally ruthless with your approach. It’s either people add value and can do win-win… Or you don’t need them. And don’t need to play games with them
Also read:
Get Rid Of Your Own “Inner Turkey”. Become A Straight Talking, Honorable Man
Level 1 & 2 are more about the external world.
But level 3 may require some more “inner self-development”.
To reach this stage you may need some introspection, self-awareness, a growth mindset, and an antifragile ego.
In a now unfortunately removed video, I shared this:
Lucio: (I was subconsciously manipulating my ex-girlfriend. The goal was to lower her self-esteem and her mate value self-assessment. The goal was to make it easier for me to control her)
The second part of Nietzsche’s famous quote becomes more relevant here:
And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you
– Nietsche
Yep, that abyss staring back at you is saying: you’re also a manipulator.
In the sense that you scheme to get what you want: you are. We all are.
And that’s OK… As long as you keep a balance.
And as long you and CAN be straight and ARE straight with the good, deserving, and important people in your life.
These last two are necessary for good self-development.
You may need to look deep into yourself
Be it for personality, culture, or learning from our family, some of us have ingrained in us some power moves or annoying games we don’t even realize we have (social climbing, teacher frames, uncalled-for one-upping, etc. etc.).
Or that we don’t even realize are power moves.
So we may go around acting like turkeys without even realizing we are.
I know well because I had some of those nasty tendencies, and still have some.
In the countryside where I live that continues into adulthood: neighbors “joking” about bald heads, “alpha male” posturers trying to put other men down and, in my case, also a gossiping, backstabbing manipulator too close for comfort.
I carried those behaviors for way too long.
And I’ve also seen them in several people that I’d generally consider “good people”.
So, no, it’s not always a question of a bent personality. In many cases, it is possible to learn and get rid of our own sneakiness.
You have to do that inner work.
Because those ingrained nasty habits are the ballast that keeps you from soaring.
4.2. Won At Life Stage: Contentment, Chilling, Charity
That “won” in the past tense is crucial.
You enter the last stage when you go from “life winner” to “won at life”.
It’s not just in the list of successes, but it’s a switch in mindsets that also changes how you see the world.
In that sense, this stage is magic.
Since you feel like an absolute winner, you’re content and naturally become a better person.
No more jealousies and frenemies because you don’t have any competitors.
No more need to react to anything, because you’ve already won.
You can instead focus on helping others, charity, and making the world a better place.
Power is still there, it just exudes in a different way.
You’re naturally chill, you move slower, you’re unreactive.
And you have inner poise and a different type of confidence. The confidence of the man who’s “arrived”.
And you even become comfortable with death.
Notes on The Stages
The stages aren’t perfectly linear, and they overlap.
For example, as you become aware, you also often start practicing the skills -stage 1 and 2 together-.
Some people also naturally start stage 3 because to them it’s a natural consequence of their personality.
They may have strong ethics and morals and/or grew up in households of straight-talking parents.
TPM helps them with the knowledge and skills, but they don’t need TPM to remind them of “being an eagle”.
And of course, some people will never make it to the eagle stage because they’re inveterate assholes or are born sociopaths.
However, many people can and will make it all the way.
Or, at least, have the potential to -it’s a lifetime endeavor, after all-.
We encourage you to be that eagle.
And those are the people we want on TPM.
