To save face means to “avoid embarrassment and humiliation”.

Good social strategists help others save face because it helps them achieve goals, and maintain better relationships.

This article will teach you how to save people’s faces with 6 simple techniques.

1. Relieve Them From Blame & Guilt

Here are 5 simple and effective techniques:

1. Normalize it: say that whatever “bad thing” happened, it happens frequently, or to many people
2. Relate: sharing something similar that happened to you, or someone you know
3. Thread-minimize it: quickly say “Sorry to hear“, and then move on
   ⛏️ Frame control basics and techniques
4. Blame-shift to external circumstances, third parties, or simply “life” and “questions of odds”
5. Remove “you” and go impersonal. For example: “people”, “when one does… ” or “it can happen that”

Let’s see an example for the last two:

🔎 Example: Not Saving Your Boss’ Face

Imagine your boss entered the wrong holidays.

And, to raise the stake, imagine he’s a little despot with a fragile ego.

This is the face-smashing format:

Disempowering: Hey boss, you put the wrong dates on my holiday, the dates are wrong

This can get thorny because:

1. You blame him for a mistake
2. You’ll be away longer than he expected

Not a good mix.
The boss may question your longer absence in the middle of the project just out of power considerations. He wants to re-empower himself, and he seeks an excuse to trip you.
Or he may escalate and blame you for the mistake.

1. Power protecting instead is an invaluable office politics tool here.
   It preserves rapport, and prevents any issues with your holidays.

Let’s see how:

2. Shift The Blame to A Third Party

Strategic: Hey boss, just wanted to let you know, I think the system had some issues <— The system is to blame

and my holiday dates are not correct <—- 🎓 Notice the switch from “wrong” to “incorrect”

You can also blame-shift to HR, or to “miscommunication along the chain”.
Anything but him, of course :).

🎓 PRO Tip: Say “We Made A Mistake”

It’s a good move to form an imaginary team and grow closer.

For example:

You: hey boss, I think we put the wrong date on my vacation, it’s supposed to start 2 days earlier and end 1 day later

Even if you had nothing to do with the mistake, it’s still a good move.

3. Keep It General, Don’t Point Finger

Easy and smooth:

You: Boss, there was a mistake in my holiday <— Impersonal, generic… Nobody made any mistake

If there’s a way to fix it myself I can do it <— Bosses love this attitude. It shows you’re willing to do extra work to avoid inconveniencing him

4. Take The Blame Yourself

You: hey boss, I finished the report you asked me, here it is <— Approach with value-giving first, always a good idea

Oh, and one thing about the holiday, maybe I told you the wrong dates for my vacation, but it’s not correct now. <— Takes the blame

If it’s important to fix it… <— Lets him decide whether it’s even important to officially amend

Some other formats of taking the blame include:

• Maybe I didn’t get something, but…
• Maybe it’s me, but…
• I’m new so still learning the ropes…

When it’s OK to take the blame

Of course, don’t go around taking blame for everyone.

Promote yourself instead of over-taking blame :).

But this approach is effective when:

• Dealing with fragile-ego superiors
• It’s obvious it’s not your fault, so you lose nothing concrete but you get brownie points for power-protecting
• The mistake is inconsequential, so there’s no major loss in a showy “ownership”

And, to be straight and eagle-like, don’t forget:

• Take the blame when it is your fault

See an example from the forum while I was preparing this article:

Me: (Replies in a new thread) my bad for starting the off-topic there

5. Demean the Source of Their Failure / Pain

This is the general principle:

⚖️ The better they are compared to what they lost, the better they feel.

And the inverse is also true: the worse what they lost is compared to them, the better they feel.

So you can either pull them up… Or demean whatever they lost.
However, pulling them up in these situations is trite. And it feels fake.

So it’s often better to “attack” the source of their displeasure.

Here is a new example:

Her: I got fired
You: Can I be honest? Finally! That company and that boss you had sucked. Now you have an opportunity to… (talk about future opportunities)

She expected a “sorry fest” and lame excuses to maintain self-esteem and reputation.
Instead, you turn it into a positive attacking the source of the “face loss”.

This works even if she wants to defend her company.
Just by defending the company, she can display agency and magnanimity.
Or she can pile up on them without feeling like she’s a bitter b*tch. All because you gave her permission with your first move.

Whatever she chooses, you saved her face and re-empowered her.

And here is one more:

Her: We broke up
You: Look, I wanna hear everything and I want to know how you feel. Just lemme get this off my chest first: I always felt there was something off with that guy.

Same as before.

Here you help her overcome the “embarrassment of rejection and failure” by blaming the boyfriend.

👉🏼 Note: only do it if it’s true (especially with empowered folks)
Strong people prefer owning up, rather than shifting blame. So if it’s not true, it feels weak excuse-making.

6. Ignore It, Keep Moving

Westerners go crazy in face-saving cultures.

They take face-saving lies at face value, and accept the “no”.
Instead, she often just didn’t understand:

You: I’m looking for X
Her: (ashamed to admit she didn’t understand) Oh, sorry no stock sir

Here is what you do instead:

You: I’m looking for X
Her: Oh, sorry no stock sir
You: Oh I see, it’s like a type of foreign beer. Where do you keep beers here, there, there, there (point in different directions)

The trick is simple: ignore and rephrase.

Now she may tell you they don’t have foreign beers, where they have them, or where else you can find them.

I can’t count the time someone said “no” the first time, only to get things done after doing the above.

This is especially useful with admin stuff.
It’s way too easy for clerks to send people away -or to other offices-. Instead, stick longer. Rephrase, make excuses for their ignorance:

• “I know it’s a bit of a special case, but… “
• “Yeah, it’s complicated I know, maybe your colleague knows it, she looks older, maybe she’s seen something similar”

If all else fails, it’s time to “grease the wheels”.

Even there you want to be strategic though.

We teach how in Power University.

Calibrating Face-Saving

General principle:

⚖️ The more you focus on face-saving, the lower power you become

Why?
Because winners focus on getting things done, not on saving face.

Ouch, so… What’s even the point of these articles?
Well, one, you’re doing it for others.

And two… You CAN save face and still be a higher power “alpha type“.

Wrong: too much

Over-doing it sub-communicates you get distracted by “feelings” instead of achieving goals.

Plus, it doesn’t even work to spare their feelings.

Paradoxically, the more you do it, the less you save face.

Why?
Because prolonged face-saving draws attention to the issue.
We call it “thread expanding”.

You remain stuck on the issue, spend more time on it, draw more attention to it… And lose even more face.

Wrong: too low power

You want to help others out… But without losing yourself.

Power awareness is crucial here, but here’s an example of low-power face-saving:

Her: (makes a mistake and forgets a loophole to save taxes)
You: (he knows full well it’s a mistake) I’m not the expert here, I’m just suggesting an idea. Don’t you think that may be we could apply the XWZ ruling to this case?

These are the issues:

• Unnecessarily lowers your authority. If you know there is a mistake, don’t pretend you’re clueless. You have a job to do, and that must be your priority
• Magnifies her mistake because if you’re not an expert and you caught her mistake… Then she must be an absolute idiot. As per power dynamic principles, your lower status makes her mistake bigger, not smaller
• Lingers on the mistake. Now she mulls it over “is it a mistake?”, “is he right?”
• Turns it into a possible debate where she may even defend her mistake just to save face

To maintain her dignity, she may even avoid you going forward!
I know, crazy animals the humans.

But this was a case study from our forum, and it’s exactly what happened to our alumnus.

So, what’s the solution?

How to save-face, smoothly and high-power

We share it in Power University.

See Power University

Why It’s Good to Save Face

When people “lose face”, they feel humiliated and “bad”.

But…

Why should you care?

Well, here’s is why:

People blame you for their negative emotions.
And their resentment weakens your leadership, decreases your leverage, and leads to poorer negotiations.

Instead, the skilled social strategist gets the opposite.
When you safe face you preserve or improve your leadership, leverage, and negotiation outcomes.

Plus… You’re also doing the honorable thing and spreading good vibes :).

Saving face is a subset of “power-protecting“.
So make sure you check that article as well:

• Respecting others with power-protection

❗ This is a preview from Power University. Alumni click here for high-power face saving❗