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#711 · December 31, 2023, 2:16 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 31, 2023, 2:16 pm
Bel, John,
Extra points to Kavalier's.
I spoke to both, but I will stick to what I've seen in the forum.
Let's start with the smaller one:
JOHN
To write first after Kavalier, intended or not, was a power move.
It framed the mods' note as "in your favor".
That may have been the case.
But it's still a non-welcome power move.
It sets a frame of "you AND moderation VS Bel".
It's a form of "ganging up frame" power move.
It pulls moderation down to playing faction politics and it makes the environment toxic.
NOT what we do, NOT what we want.
More personal note:
Successive posts and ideas for TPM feel suspicious after that -ie.: let's give, chat, get closer to the admin to strengthen my case-.
Even if pure coincidence, it still feels like playing politics.
And I don't want that.
Yes, it can be a good strategy, in moderation, with certain people.. but shouldn't work with the type of men you'd want as leaders, and not here.
Moderation is and wants to stay "super-partes".
Bel,
You addressed the older post in your reply.
That was quoting me BTW, and yes it felt sneaky.
But let's leave that aside.
Looking at forum patterns there seems to be a dislike with John.
For example, John wrote several times in your journal.
Not many likes or replies that I recall.
No like/reply to John's post on this same Feedback & clarification thread -albeit he spoke directly to you, and he liked your reply-.
If one can't like a reply that sounds like a resolution, the feeling is that a lot was left unsaid from you.
Then John replied to that same topic that he raised here as a covert attack to him.
Unless you saw ulterior motives or a power move, that was a clear olive branch.
But no reply, no like.
To snub it IS a form of covert power move -cover attacks can include INactions-.
Then, there was another post that raised even more eyebrows.
Stewing & Covert Warfare
Past personal grievances may have had valid reasons.
And not speaking up may have led to stewing.
Maybe back then there wasn't enough awareness, or enough assertiveness.
The reasons don't matter now.
But to keep acting it out in covert fashion, today... it's looking bad - on you -.
In the past we flagged some actions as gaslighting.
I had the same feeling with these couple of last posts.
And I was neither the only nor the first to notice it with Ali and Kavalier.
But beyond any more subjective label, the feel is still there.
And it feels passive-aggressive, sneaky, and too much.
Most of all, it makes the forum worse.
I do NOT want that.
So please, no more.
Going forward
We had agreed with Ali and Kavalier to let it go for now.
But I woke up convinced we had to address it.
Not sure what will happen to the forum -and situations like this don't help me decide in its favor-.
But if the forum stops (for a while), it will NOT be on a low.
TPM's forum, wants to be a place for eagles, ending on the low of faction politics and covert power moves?
No thank you!
You may have had your issues.
That's normal in any social group.
If you wanna talk it out "offline", we can exchange your contact.
If you wanna talk it out here, go ahead.
If one of you doesn't want to talk, then don't.
But in that case, I expect that personal grievances will not spill out into the forum.
So going forward no more of anything that feels like playing politics, or a nasty power move.
And I expect more high-power, respectful, straight talk.
It's an honor to have you both here.
And it's also because you are who you are -high-value, high-status, smart men- that we want to see better.
Cheers :).

Bel, John,

Extra points to Kavalier's.

I spoke to both, but I will stick to what I've seen in the forum.

Let's start with the smaller one:

JOHN

To write first after Kavalier, intended or not, was a power move.

It framed the mods' note as "in your favor".

That may have been the case.
But it's still a non-welcome power move.

It sets a frame of "you AND moderation VS Bel".

It's a form of "ganging up frame" power move.
It pulls moderation down to playing faction politics and it makes the environment toxic.

NOT what we do, NOT what we want.

More personal note:

Successive posts and ideas for TPM feel suspicious after that -ie.: let's give, chat, get closer to the admin to strengthen my case-.
Even if pure coincidence, it still feels like playing politics.

And I don't want that.
Yes, it can be a good strategy, in moderation, with certain people.. but shouldn't work with the type of men you'd want as leaders, and not here.

Moderation is and wants to stay "super-partes".

Bel,

You addressed the older post in your reply.

That was quoting me BTW, and yes it felt sneaky.

But let's leave that aside.

Looking at forum patterns there seems to be a dislike with John.

For example, John wrote several times in your journal.
Not many likes or replies that I recall.

No like/reply to John's post on this same Feedback & clarification thread -albeit he spoke directly to you, and he liked your reply-.
If one can't like a reply that sounds like a resolution, the feeling is that a lot was left unsaid from you.

Then John replied to that same topic that he raised here as a covert attack to him.

Unless you saw ulterior motives or a power move, that was a clear olive branch.
But no reply, no like.
To snub it IS a form of covert power move -cover attacks can include INactions-.

Then, there was another post that raised even more eyebrows.

Stewing & Covert Warfare

Past personal grievances may have had valid reasons.

And not speaking up may have led to stewing.

Maybe back then there wasn't enough awareness, or enough assertiveness.

The reasons don't matter now.

But to keep acting it out in covert fashion, today... it's looking bad - on you -.

In the past we flagged some actions as gaslighting.
I had the same feeling with these couple of last posts.
And I was neither the only nor the first to notice it with Ali and Kavalier.

But beyond any more subjective label, the feel is still there.
And it feels passive-aggressive, sneaky, and too much.

Most of all, it makes the forum worse.

I do NOT want that.

So please, no more.

Going forward

We had agreed with Ali and Kavalier to let it go for now.

But I woke up convinced we had to address it.

Not sure what will happen to the forum -and situations like this don't help me decide in its favor-.
But if the forum stops (for a while), it will NOT be on a low.

TPM's forum, wants to be a place for eagles, ending on the low of faction politics and covert power moves?

No thank you!

You may have had your issues.

That's normal in any social group.

If you wanna talk it out "offline", we can exchange your contact.

If you wanna talk it out here, go ahead.

If one of you doesn't want to talk, then don't.

But in that case, I expect that personal grievances will not spill out into the forum.

So going forward no more of anything that feels like playing politics, or a nasty power move.

And I expect more high-power, respectful, straight talk.

It's an honor to have you both here.
And it's also because you are who you are -high-value, high-status, smart men- that we want to see better.

Cheers :).

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and 4 other users have reacted to this post.

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#712 · December 31, 2023, 5:37 pm

Quote from John Freeman on December 31, 2023, 5:37 pm
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 31, 2023, 2:16 pm
JOHN
To write first after Kavalier, intended or not, was a power move.
It framed the mods' note as "in your favor".
That may have been the case.
But it's still a non-welcome power move.
It sets a frame of "you AND moderation VS Bel".
It's a form of "ganging up frame" power move.
It pulls moderation down to playing faction politics and it makes the environment toxic.
NOT what we do, NOT what we want.
You're totally right, my apologies. As for the context: I had a short break at work and did not want to wait until my shift was over. For me it was a huge relief. My mistake: to follow my emotions instead of using my reason. I somehow felt that it was a case of emotion vs logic and followed my emotions wrongly. For me, it's not about having people on my side or not, it was about the truth. So as soon as the truth came out (or at least that my perception was shared and acknowledged), I felt relieved. Next time I'll keep it to myself.
More personal note:
Successive posts and ideas for TPM feel suspicious after that -ie.: let's give, chat, get closer to the admin to strengthen my case-.
Even if pure coincidence, it still feels like playing politics.
I felt relieved so I continued to post as I usually do. I felt like after my message and Bel's message it was over and done and business as usual. So here it's about intentions and hypotheses on intentions. Of course within the context and from the outside I am now aware how it can look like. It did not cross my mind that posting after that could be interpreted like that (I'm writing down more post ideas that I have time to post, so I'm "behind" on my own list). I totally understand it can (and has) be perceived like that and I accept it.
So to be clear, it's not a coincidence. For me, it's 2 independent events: here and my posts. I don't see why I should hold on on posting in this instance. If there is something I'm missing I'm curious to know. Yesterday I did not see any correlation and I still don't. I can see it from your perspective though: from an authority perspective it's not always easy to tell if someone is kissing your ass or being genuine. So yeah, my responsibility if my actions lead to a suspicion.
For transparency's sake: when an idea pops in my head and I have the time to write it on the forum I do. Otherwise I write it down on my list.
And I don't want that.
Yes, it can be a good strategy, in moderation, with certain people.. but shouldn't work with the type of men you'd want as leaders, and not here.
Was not a strategy as said above. I felt believed and understood on something that bothered me for quite some time now and I expressed it with an inapropriate timing. I'm ok to deal with the consequences.
Moderation is and wants to stay "super-partes".
Yes and I agreed. That's why I wrote that I understood that it was about the community and forum. I learned here in the past to differentiate between the personal and the non-personal and that's what I did here. It was about the group rules in my mind. I firmly believe that it's important for the moderators to be beyond individual parties and I respect it. Otherwise it's not possible for you to operate and everyone would lose. Hence my message.
Thank you very much for your message, I learned and I'll be more socially intelligent. I felt the need to express my emotions and did not self-regulate. Lesson learned.
@bel: I read Lucio's answer after having written what is above. I'm open and willing to talk with you on the phone/videocall if you wish so. And just to be clear: for me what happened in the past has been in the past for quite some time now.
Edit: multiple edits.
Cheers.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 31, 2023, 2:16 pm
JOHN
To write first after Kavalier, intended or not, was a power move.
It framed the mods' note as "in your favor".
That may have been the case.
But it's still a non-welcome power move.
It sets a frame of "you AND moderation VS Bel".
It's a form of "ganging up frame" power move.
It pulls moderation down to playing faction politics and it makes the environment toxic.
NOT what we do, NOT what we want.

You're totally right, my apologies. As for the context: I had a short break at work and did not want to wait until my shift was over. For me it was a huge relief. My mistake: to follow my emotions instead of using my reason. I somehow felt that it was a case of emotion vs logic and followed my emotions wrongly. For me, it's not about having people on my side or not, it was about the truth. So as soon as the truth came out (or at least that my perception was shared and acknowledged), I felt relieved. Next time I'll keep it to myself.

More personal note:
Successive posts and ideas for TPM feel suspicious after that -ie.: let's give, chat, get closer to the admin to strengthen my case-.
Even if pure coincidence, it still feels like playing politics.

I felt relieved so I continued to post as I usually do. I felt like after my message and Bel's message it was over and done and business as usual. So here it's about intentions and hypotheses on intentions. Of course within the context and from the outside I am now aware how it can look like. It did not cross my mind that posting after that could be interpreted like that (I'm writing down more post ideas that I have time to post, so I'm "behind" on my own list). I totally understand it can (and has) be perceived like that and I accept it.

So to be clear, it's not a coincidence. For me, it's 2 independent events: here and my posts. I don't see why I should hold on on posting in this instance. If there is something I'm missing I'm curious to know. Yesterday I did not see any correlation and I still don't. I can see it from your perspective though: from an authority perspective it's not always easy to tell if someone is kissing your ass or being genuine. So yeah, my responsibility if my actions lead to a suspicion.

For transparency's sake: when an idea pops in my head and I have the time to write it on the forum I do. Otherwise I write it down on my list.

And I don't want that.
Yes, it can be a good strategy, in moderation, with certain people.. but shouldn't work with the type of men you'd want as leaders, and not here.

Was not a strategy as said above. I felt believed and understood on something that bothered me for quite some time now and I expressed it with an inapropriate timing. I'm ok to deal with the consequences.

Moderation is and wants to stay "super-partes".

Yes and I agreed. That's why I wrote that I understood that it was about the community and forum. I learned here in the past to differentiate between the personal and the non-personal and that's what I did here. It was about the group rules in my mind. I firmly believe that it's important for the moderators to be beyond individual parties and I respect it. Otherwise it's not possible for you to operate and everyone would lose. Hence my message.

Thank you very much for your message, I learned and I'll be more socially intelligent. I felt the need to express my emotions and did not self-regulate. Lesson learned.

@bel: I read Lucio's answer after having written what is above. I'm open and willing to talk with you on the phone/videocall if you wish so. And just to be clear: for me what happened in the past has been in the past for quite some time now.

Edit: multiple edits.

Cheers.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#713 · January 2, 2024, 6:28 am

Correction: “I read Lucio’s answer to you after having…” of course.

#714 · January 2, 2024, 9:55 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 2, 2024, 6:28 am
Correction: “I read Lucio’s answer to you after having…” of course.

What was the point of specifying this?

#715 · January 2, 2024, 10:39 am

For transparency and clarity. That means my intention is to disclose to you information so you understand why this stands at the end of the message. Also I want this message to be correct. If I re-read a message and see a mistake I always correct it as you may have noticed. So it’s out of respect and exactitude to have a message without mistakes. Especially if the communication is important as it is here. I want to prevent any ambiguity/doubt. So doing my best to communicate well here.

Please accept my apologies if I’ve been awkward (again). I really need to drill in my head priorising relationships/social intelligence over exactitude.

#716 · January 5, 2024, 7:10 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 5, 2024, 7:10 am
Hello Ali,
I want to respect your thread, so I changed my mind and finally I decided to write here. I want to say thank you for the respect for your intention not to magnify it though, it's an honour. On my end I want to respect your thread, so I write it here. Not going to edit it anymore (slept 3 hours, no more brain power), so please don't mind the possible duplicates.
---
Hello Ali,
thank you so so much for your feedback! My apologies for that.
Also, a small feedback for you man, I was hesitant to like your posts because of a couple of power moves I saw. I was glad to read that my case against networking had increased your respect for me and raised my credibility with you. However, when you said, "I think you're right on the money to read anything and everything on the topic," it felt like you had begun speaking from a teacher role, judging what course of action would be right or wrong for me. Another way of phrasing it could've been, "I like (and agree with) your approach of reading anything and everything on the topic."
Yeah, I totally agree, there is a teacher tone and it probably came from the inside, the mindset behind the writing: probably an age bias. I'll be more attentive to that. Did not identify it before, thank you. I took note of your feed-back and I thank you for that. I admit I have a little confusion here: I thought that saying "I like/appreciate/love..." was a judge power move. Sometimes I use it but only if I cannot use the format: "I think that... is [adjective]" (as learned from Power Duck, thought it was foolproof: talking about me).
I re-read my post before posting it checking for power move and I could feel something but could not pinpoint a specific sentence. Maybe it's the tone. Like teacher tone? If I say that my opinion is more favourable about networking now, it hints that it was not before. Is that it?
Regarding "couple of power moves": I unfortunately could not identify the others. If you feel like it I'm happy to know about them.
A clarification:
witnessing you genuinely look at the negative of networking increased my respect for you and your credibility as an expert-in-the making in networking.
I meant: I think that if someone is witnessing someone else being objective regarding their profession/field, it increases one's respect for this person. I should have phrased that in the impersonal as I think it's awkward.
With that said, I'm still prone to overanalyzing, so feel free to disagree on this one. (And I kept this out of the "feedback & clarifications" thread to avoid magnifying/expanding on it.)
I think it's very relevant and I would have missed it. As said above I felt (power feel) something re-reading my post but could not identify what it was so thought it was ok to post it as is in the end. In my mind I was expressing respect and admiration. Maybe I could have "verbalised" the word "admiration".
Also, I want to respect your time, so feel free to ignore with that in mind.
/OFF-TOPIC
Again thank you!
Edit: multiple edits.

Hello Ali,

I want to respect your thread, so I changed my mind and finally I decided to write here. I want to say thank you for the respect for your intention not to magnify it though, it's an honour. On my end I want to respect your thread, so I write it here. Not going to edit it anymore (slept 3 hours, no more brain power), so please don't mind the possible duplicates.

---

Hello Ali,

thank you so so much for your feedback! My apologies for that.

Also, a small feedback for you man, I was hesitant to like your posts because of a couple of power moves I saw. I was glad to read that my case against networking had increased your respect for me and raised my credibility with you. However, when you said, "I think you're right on the money to read anything and everything on the topic," it felt like you had begun speaking from a teacher role, judging what course of action would be right or wrong for me. Another way of phrasing it could've been, "I like (and agree with) your approach of reading anything and everything on the topic."

Yeah, I totally agree, there is a teacher tone and it probably came from the inside, the mindset behind the writing: probably an age bias. I'll be more attentive to that. Did not identify it before, thank you. I took note of your feed-back and I thank you for that. I admit I have a little confusion here: I thought that saying "I like/appreciate/love..." was a judge power move. Sometimes I use it but only if I cannot use the format: "I think that... is [adjective]" (as learned from Power Duck, thought it was foolproof: talking about me).

I re-read my post before posting it checking for power move and I could feel something but could not pinpoint a specific sentence. Maybe it's the tone. Like teacher tone? If I say that my opinion is more favourable about networking now, it hints that it was not before. Is that it?

Regarding "couple of power moves": I unfortunately could not identify the others. If you feel like it I'm happy to know about them.

A clarification:

witnessing you genuinely look at the negative of networking increased my respect for you and your credibility as an expert-in-the making in networking.

I meant: I think that if someone is witnessing someone else being objective regarding their profession/field, it increases one's respect for this person. I should have phrased that in the impersonal as I think it's awkward.

With that said, I'm still prone to overanalyzing, so feel free to disagree on this one. (And I kept this out of the "feedback & clarifications" thread to avoid magnifying/expanding on it.)

I think it's very relevant and I would have missed it. As said above I felt (power feel) something re-reading my post but could not identify what it was so thought it was ok to post it as is in the end. In my mind I was expressing respect and admiration. Maybe I could have "verbalised" the word "admiration".

Also, I want to respect your time, so feel free to ignore with that in mind.

/OFF-TOPIC

Again thank you!

Edit: multiple edits.

Ali Scarlett has reacted to this post.

#717 · January 5, 2024, 4:11 pm

Thank you for taking the feedback positively, John!

Of course, this longer response wasn't needed because we're all good, but happy to read you saw the feedback in a positive light.

Cheers!

Lucio Buffalmano, John Freeman and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#718 · January 6, 2024, 11:26 am

Yes, I’m grateful!

Will be more attentive and careful.

Cheers!

John

Ali Scarlett has reacted to this post.

#719 · January 22, 2024, 5:38 pm

Quote from John Freeman on January 22, 2024, 5:38 pm
Hello Emily,
I'm taking the liberty to clarify here instead of inside the thread to stay on-topic. First, I will say that I might be wrong about my interpretation. Also, my apologies regarding my tone as I feel it was a bit curt. I also want to say that my goal here is to improve our communication and our relationship. I'll be as transparent as possible as my goal here is win-win.
Quote from Emily on January 21, 2024, 9:43 pm
I find this discussion useful for me as I've been wondering if my friends are "low-value" and not suitable for my own self-development - the input from all you guys makes me see that other people are OK and they provide social value nonetheless. I also feel my friends, family, acquanintances are not ambitious, not doing more, not achieving more etc. etc. but then I tire myself out by my endless pursuits and dissatisfaction. For example, last week I was feeling pretty weighed down by my projects like eating healthier, career development stuff and music hobbies. I did go out with a friend for trivia and was actually able to enjoy it although it was kinda silly but we won a prize. So connecting can happen at different levels. For deeper/more intelligent conversations, it really depends on the other person, I am expanding professionally to reach out to more ambitious people in that regard. I also have people in my circle who are very mindful/spiritual and I resonate with them at a higher level for sure.
Alright, I see now that I read too fast this part of the text. So my bad: it was misinterpretation from me on this part.
For me the part that made me write what I wrote is this:
Hope this helps.
How I view it: the message is addressed to me and ends with hoping this is helping. In my mind this frames me as needing help. This is not the case as in that thread I'm proposing ideas. I'm not asking for help in this thread. So as it's been said before I'm not too fond of the frame of abnormally intelligent people having problems. I think it's disempowering. It frames them as problematic in my mind. I prefer "challenges". So yeah choice of words but still. Taking it globally, saying that the person shares my "problems" and then says "hope it helps". I found it disempowering.
If the message had not been addressed to me personally, I would have interpreted it differently as in "Hope this helps the community" and I would have felt it to be softer. That being said, generally speaking I still feel that "hope this helps" fits more when there is a request for help.
In other threads I sometimes felt the tone was a bit condescending towards me. So it reminded me those instances.
I'm curious to know your perspective on all of that if you feel like sharing it.
Best regards,
John
edit: couple edits

Hello Emily,

I'm taking the liberty to clarify here instead of inside the thread to stay on-topic. First, I will say that I might be wrong about my interpretation. Also, my apologies regarding my tone as I feel it was a bit curt. I also want to say that my goal here is to improve our communication and our relationship. I'll be as transparent as possible as my goal here is win-win.

Quote from Emily on January 21, 2024, 9:43 pm
I find this discussion useful for me as I've been wondering if my friends are "low-value" and not suitable for my own self-development - the input from all you guys makes me see that other people are OK and they provide social value nonetheless. I also feel my friends, family, acquanintances are not ambitious, not doing more, not achieving more etc. etc. but then I tire myself out by my endless pursuits and dissatisfaction. For example, last week I was feeling pretty weighed down by my projects like eating healthier, career development stuff and music hobbies. I did go out with a friend for trivia and was actually able to enjoy it although it was kinda silly but we won a prize. So connecting can happen at different levels. For deeper/more intelligent conversations, it really depends on the other person, I am expanding professionally to reach out to more ambitious people in that regard. I also have people in my circle who are very mindful/spiritual and I resonate with them at a higher level for sure.

Alright, I see now that I read too fast this part of the text. So my bad: it was misinterpretation from me on this part.

For me the part that made me write what I wrote is this:

Hope this helps.

How I view it: the message is addressed to me and ends with hoping this is helping. In my mind this frames me as needing help. This is not the case as in that thread I'm proposing ideas. I'm not asking for help in this thread. So as it's been said before I'm not too fond of the frame of abnormally intelligent people having problems. I think it's disempowering. It frames them as problematic in my mind. I prefer "challenges". So yeah choice of words but still. Taking it globally, saying that the person shares my "problems" and then says "hope it helps". I found it disempowering.

If the message had not been addressed to me personally, I would have interpreted it differently as in "Hope this helps the community" and I would have felt it to be softer. That being said, generally speaking I still feel that "hope this helps" fits more when there is a request for help.

In other threads I sometimes felt the tone was a bit condescending towards me. So it reminded me those instances.

I'm curious to know your perspective on all of that if you feel like sharing it.

Best regards,

John

edit: couple edits

#720 · January 23, 2024, 9:35 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 23, 2024, 9:35 pm
Hi John,
I spoke to Kavalier and Lucio, and I’d like to say what I’ve seen in the forum lately.
The Recent JB Post
In the case of your first post here, I don’t see a clear right or wrong.
Your first message in the group chat felt like a social scalping move actually:
John: If you're looking for an excellent cheap hairdresser (44 haircut + beard + shampoo) and very available. I can recommend one to you (building up the barber and then separating that you can recommend him this way feels like dangling the carrot of this great barber in front of others). And yes all that (this unneeded emphasis feels like credit inflating). Without talking about the exchange (pointing out that you’re not going talk about getting anything in return only makes it come across like you’re probably thinking about getting something in return. And after building up the barber so much, it comes across more like social exchange talk bean counting). Hence this message. And a coffee! 🙂 (the final move: you don’t share the barber, so now you’re forcing people to have to come to you to get access which further entrenches the notion you were just out to social scalp)
Note: If you want to share any thoughts or comments on this analysis, to avoid getting off-topic, please do so in the “I'm the ‘good tip guy’” thread.
At that point, after all those power moves, one could say it’s more fair for someone to comment with a joke since it helps alleviate some of the awkwardness of a person trying to social climb on the entire group. (It helps keep the group chat moving.)
Also, putting Lucio’s name in there with that post feels like recruiting him to your side in that “not-so-cool” behavior.
So, we still see some (unwitting) power moves.
Forum Posting
A few days ago, you published 16 posts back to back with no interruption from other members.
I’ll be straightforward man, that was too much.
As a suggestion, since five of them were for the “My Journey to Love” thread and another five were for the “My Journey to Power” thread, one option could be to wait before publishing in case you have those future thoughts and then publishing everything in only one or two posts. (With good formatting, it’s not as big of an issue if the posts end up being a bit longer.)
Feel free to write as much as you feel like, but keep in mind that quality is most important.
Some Off Behavior
When you recommended the Jocko Willink course, that was a nice thing to do.
And it gives value to TPM as an added resource if it turns out to be valuable.
But, that’s an “if” since, like the mistake I made a few years ago with my first book, until people get inside, they don’t know how valuable it actually is. (This is referred to as “high-opacity value” in PU.)
So, when Lucio proposed the idea of you sharing any notes, he was politely suggesting you do some credit revealing, so TPM would know if it’s worth priorizing or not.
And since this thread is in the forum, it’s implied that it would be better to publish it in the forum so it gives value to many rather than only one (the enlightened collaborator approach).
Finally, your last post takes an unneeded professional tone (which comes across as distant) and adds the “thank you for your understanding” power move (see PU).
Some More Off Behavior
Only two examples, mentioning Bel when it's clear the issue has not been solved.
Or the reaction to Emily that also felt off.
Teacher Frames and Therapist/Analyst Frames
This is a newer concept we’ll be adding soon.
But suffice it to say that this was the other power move I saw in your posts a little while back and have seen with other members as well.
That thread was about networking, the challenges of networking, and how to overcome them.
Your post diverted off into analyzing my approach to the deconstruction of networking and then judging it.
It’s a pattern we’ve noticed with a few members now and leans on a teacher frame. It’s fine when it’s requested but in most situations we’ve seen here in the forum, it wasn’t.
Tendency to Be Nicer to Higher-Status People
It’s another pattern we’ve noticed.
Now, it’s a completely normal thing but, as with everything, there needs to be balance.
Sometimes we felt the treatment with certain members at certain times was too large a difference.
And this is something we definitely don't like to see (kiss up, power move down is not "eagle's behavior").
Moving Forward
John, if you respond, I’ll ask you to please keep it short.
The main focus here is to learn and move forward, and to be frank, I’d prefer to avoid a long discussion about this.
Also, we invite some reflection on this, also because it affects the whole forum.

Hi John,

I spoke to Kavalier and Lucio, and I’d like to say what I’ve seen in the forum lately.

The Recent JB Post

In the case of your first post here, I don’t see a clear right or wrong.

Your first message in the group chat felt like a social scalping move actually:

John: If you're looking for an excellent cheap hairdresser (44 haircut + beard + shampoo) and very available. I can recommend one to you (building up the barber and then separating that you can recommend him this way feels like dangling the carrot of this great barber in front of others). And yes all that (this unneeded emphasis feels like credit inflating). Without talking about the exchange (pointing out that you’re not going talk about getting anything in return only makes it come across like you’re probably thinking about getting something in return. And after building up the barber so much, it comes across more like social exchange talk bean counting). Hence this message. And a coffee! 🙂 (the final move: you don’t share the barber, so now you’re forcing people to have to come to you to get access which further entrenches the notion you were just out to social scalp)

Note: If you want to share any thoughts or comments on this analysis, to avoid getting off-topic, please do so in the “I'm the ‘good tip guy’” thread.

At that point, after all those power moves, one could say it’s more fair for someone to comment with a joke since it helps alleviate some of the awkwardness of a person trying to social climb on the entire group. (It helps keep the group chat moving.)

Also, putting Lucio’s name in there with that post feels like recruiting him to your side in that “not-so-cool” behavior.

So, we still see some (unwitting) power moves.

Forum Posting

A few days ago, you published 16 posts back to back with no interruption from other members.

I’ll be straightforward man, that was too much.

As a suggestion, since five of them were for the “My Journey to Love” thread and another five were for the “My Journey to Power” thread, one option could be to wait before publishing in case you have those future thoughts and then publishing everything in only one or two posts. (With good formatting, it’s not as big of an issue if the posts end up being a bit longer.)

Feel free to write as much as you feel like, but keep in mind that quality is most important.

Some Off Behavior

When you recommended the Jocko Willink course, that was a nice thing to do.

And it gives value to TPM as an added resource if it turns out to be valuable.

But, that’s an “if” since, like the mistake I made a few years ago with my first book, until people get inside, they don’t know how valuable it actually is. (This is referred to as “high-opacity value” in PU.)

So, when Lucio proposed the idea of you sharing any notes, he was politely suggesting you do some credit revealing, so TPM would know if it’s worth priorizing or not.

And since this thread is in the forum, it’s implied that it would be better to publish it in the forum so it gives value to many rather than only one (the enlightened collaborator approach).

Finally, your last post takes an unneeded professional tone (which comes across as distant) and adds the “thank you for your understanding” power move (see PU).

Some More Off Behavior

Only two examples, mentioning Bel when it's clear the issue has not been solved.

Or the reaction to Emily that also felt off.

Teacher Frames and Therapist/Analyst Frames

This is a newer concept we’ll be adding soon.

But suffice it to say that this was the other power move I saw in your posts a little while back and have seen with other members as well.

That thread was about networking, the challenges of networking, and how to overcome them.

Your post diverted off into analyzing my approach to the deconstruction of networking and then judging it.

It’s a pattern we’ve noticed with a few members now and leans on a teacher frame. It’s fine when it’s requested but in most situations we’ve seen here in the forum, it wasn’t.

Tendency to Be Nicer to Higher-Status People

It’s another pattern we’ve noticed.

Now, it’s a completely normal thing but, as with everything, there needs to be balance.

Sometimes we felt the treatment with certain members at certain times was too large a difference.

And this is something we definitely don't like to see (kiss up, power move down is not "eagle's behavior").

Moving Forward

John, if you respond, I’ll ask you to please keep it short.

The main focus here is to learn and move forward, and to be frank, I’d prefer to avoid a long discussion about this.

Also, we invite some reflection on this, also because it affects the whole forum.

Lucio Buffalmano, John Freeman and Kavalier have reacted to this post.