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"How to contact Lucio directly": the "time & relationships are life" business approach

Quote from briaralex on May 9, 2021, 12:26 am

I have a question for you, but wanted to ask privately. I tried messaging you on facebook using Messenger, but it looks like it failed to send. I just created an account on your website and not sure how to contact you directly. Please let me know how I may reach you. Thanks! Alex B.

From this thread. is a niche website.
But, so far, niche is still 6-7.000 visitors a day.
And, maybe because it has solid content, several people seek to reach out directly.


Some small businesses hire a "screen" between founder(s) and audience.

That positions the business/brand as more established and powerful.

Then, some small businesses seek to turn audience reach outs into customers with various sales scripts that the customer reps go throguh.

Nothing wrong with that.
And, who knows, TPM might eventually go down that road if it needs to.

But so far it doesn't need to, and I don't want to do that.

Why TPM's "Founder" Maintains Personal Engagement

First, because I like the speed, simplicity, and effectiveness of a solopreneur's one-man-show.

That also helps TPM staying true to the original vision, plus financially resilient to business crises (which I'd be naive to think will never happen).

And second, because I want to keep the personal engagement with people.
That's for:

  • Keeping/developing relationships: the personal relationships with some members can only develop with personal engagement. As much as "time is life", also "relationships are life".
  • Research effectiveness: some of the most advanced members of the community actively contribute to advancing power dynamics
  • Personal growth: I hadn't foreseen this one, but I gladly realized the forum turned into a major self-development opportunity. That ain't gonna happen with direct screeners & 1:1 channels

And I believe it's possible to have it both ways: to maintain the personal involvement, while keeping it time-effective.

So I have purposefully taken steps to maintain engagement -this forum-, while making it more difficult to reach out privately.

Why such a dogged focus on reducing personal reach outs?


Because the usual saying of "time is money" is wrong.

Time is far more than money.
Time is life -and the other way around-.

So the first reason is because of time.

And, linked to time as well, it's also a question of:

  • Life/work effectiveness: the more personal messages, the less time I can spend living, experiencing, and advancing a power and strategy-first approach to self-development (or "advancing power dynamics" as we've often called it)
  • Life enjoyment: same as above
  • Value exchange: most personal reach-outs are either win-lose (if I reply I give without getting anything back), or lose-lose (I don't reply, they waste time)

Given the above, most personal reach-outs are value-imbalanced, asking to take without giving. And most personal reach outs turn into lose-lose since I don't reply.

Note for clarity: the above doesn't apply to long-standing members because with time there is a personal relationship. Plus those members give plenty.
And it doesn't apply to those who reach out with a value proposition.

BUT, the majority of reach outs have no value (some can be seen in "WIIFM fails").

So, that's why.

This website strives to seek a balance with maintaining personal involvement, while also keeping it efficient.
Cutting out channels for direct communication is a way of keeping it efficient and saving time for life.

Edit: @briaralex

Matthew Whitewood and Serena Irina have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodSerena Irina
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks for sharing this!
I feel that this post aligns very well with the enlightened individualism concept.
The article has kept me thinking for quite a bit about my own mindsets.

It outlines how you should view your time and the people around you in pursuit of your life goals.
I resonate that being careful with time & attention has a tremendous effect on personal effectiveness.
Usually, this results in giving more value on a larger scale.

It makes sense on an emotional level.
You can harness your innate drives to maximise your self-interest.
If you direct these self-interests towards positive, pro-social goals, this quite naturally leads to win-win relationships.

I think if there are more enlightened individuals, we can have much fewer big corporates and more solopreneurs & small businesses.


I have a few thoughts on converting the private content of a personal reach out into a public post for a win-win situation (asker, founder, community).
Primarily it's about promoting discussion that builds the knowledge base on power dynamics while getting the specific answers that help one's own situation.

Effective forum communication has been discussed numerous times.
But maybe some may not see how these points can help to ask a private question publicly.

On Privacy

  • Use usernames that do not tie to your real life
  • Paraphrase the context, anonymise the names
  • I agree with Lucio that most people will not find out about your post on this forum given the niche nature of the site
  • For sensitive posts, get the membership to post in the private area of the forum


This is a bit of a re-hash on forum guidelines.
To make this thread standalone, we can write the main points:

  • Study the relevant content on this site (articles, Power University, Dating Power Dynamics, etc)
  • Make It Win-Win
    Think about how you can get your answer while giving interesting insight to the community
  • Front-load value through your own insights, perspective, etc.
    Summarising key concepts from other threads, articles, and Power University concepts are also valuable.
Lucio Buffalmano, Sam Wellington and Serena Irina have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoSam WellingtonSerena Irina

Yes, I agree, you could see it as an extension of goal-focused "enlightened individualism".

And yes, it can mean you'll provide more value at a larger scale. In that sense, 1:1 channels are a distraction to a larger goal that subtracts value from anyone.

In a way, direct reach-outs are like trying to skip the queue: the queue skipper gains while everyone else loses.

Matthew Whitewood and Serena Irina have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodSerena Irina
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?