Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 25, 2021, 9:09 am

It's insecurity sometimes that fuels high-value - but it doesn't have to be

I was listening to this interview with this high-value guy.

And then he says:

https://youtu.be/bLYy-mjfhFE?t=1468

Alex: you even saying the 35 million thing, I literally feel pangs of insecurity, that's not much money.
(...)
My god it's not oever a 100, I'm such a poor person, I hope nobody hears this

I reflected a bit why it's so different for me, and how I feel about finances.

When I open my bank account the mortgage still drags me into the net-negative.

And I feel wealthy.

BUT, I don't feel wealthy all-around.

Antifragile personal finance

I feel wealthy when income is lower than the expenses while living normally.

But if my expenses were to outstrip income, then I wouldn't feel nearly as good about finances.

So I don't have yet an "antifragile" approach to finances.

Something to think and work on maybe :)

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 25, 2021, 9:40 am

Not getting social debt for a good cause: little Machiavellian power move

Germans LOVE protecting the environment.

At least, on paper.

And, pun intended, when it comes to actual paper, they LOVE printing and sending paper "confirmation" for every stupid thing as well.

Sometimes, there isn't even an option to avoid the paper deluge.

I asked my bank to stop sending periodic mail that I trash right away.
And they "have to" send it.
I asked the electrical company to stop sending mail that I trash right away.
And they "have to" send it.
I asked the property management to stop sending huge folders of paper with all the details of the owners' meetings that I do not attend.
And they "have to" send it.

Luckly, at least for the last one, the new property managers might be able to stop it.

The guy seems pretty cool, but his reply framed it as if the favor was for me.
The way I see it, throwing the paper away doesn't cost me all that much time. I'm doing it for the environment mostly, and to avoid wasting resources. A more efficient word is better for everyone -and much better for them as well-.

So this was my reply:

Him: ("favor for you" frame)
Me: From myself and from the environment, thank you! :)

I think that adding in there that they are also saving time and some costs would have been too much (bean counter). Especially considering that the actual costs are low.

Much better instead to just mention the "higher" goal, and leave it at that.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on October 25, 2021, 1:59 pm

Antifragile personal finance

I feel wealthy when income is lower than the expenses while living normally.

But if my expenses were to outstrip income, then I wouldn't feel nearly as good about finances.

So I don't have yet an "antifragile" approach to finances.

Something to think and work on maybe 🙂

I think it's very normal that one feels not as good when expenses outstrip income.

The people who don't care or even feel good are those that rack up credit card charges.

I suppose you mean feeling emotionally comfortable if the circumstance arises for having expenses to outstrip income.

In the future, you can do a VC-backed business and expand quickly with huge expenses outstripping income.
I think it will train one to be comfortable with the prospect of running out of cash.

Another way would be to live like a bankrupt for a while.
To be comfortable with the worst-case scenario of expenses outstripping income.

Another thought arose in my mind.
What if we suddenly have only a year left to live?
I have not planned for that and would feel uncomfortable.
Still planning to live for quite a couple more years.

I would probably do a shorter form of my goals.
Maybe I would drop the vocal practice and long-horizon learning.

I feel that these scenarios are about discomfort/fear of uncertainty and lack of control.
At least personally, I feel that way.
When my income is above expenses, I feel that I have a degree of certainty and control over my future.
When I have sufficient time to work on my goals, I feel the same way.

---

So this was my reply:

Him: ("favor for you" frame)
Me: From myself and from the environment, thank you! 🙂

I think that adding in there that they are also saving time and some costs would have been too much (bean counter). Especially considering that the actual costs are low.

I would not have thought of this reply.
Using the goal to thank the person.

Thinking of other applications:

Him: Here are the papers you specifically requested for your charity project.

Me: I and the beneficiaries thank you for your contribution.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 25, 2021, 2:46 pm

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on October 25, 2021, 1:59 pm

I think it's very normal that one feels not as good when expenses outstrip income.

The people who don't care or even feel good are those that rack up credit card charges.

I suppose you mean feeling emotionally comfortable if the circumstance arises for having expenses to outstrip income.

True, nice reframe :D.

Yeah, I meant that my tendency to be happy and comfortable keeping expenses below income is a tad too much, possibly leading to live (slightly) below one's means.

But even more than that, I want to make rational decisions that include saving for rainy days, and then being happy and comfortable no matter what, including periods when you draw down some more.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 16, 2021, 2:18 pm

Falling trap of "maximizing"... Again -but this time, put a stopgap to it-

Yesterday I spilled the full half-liter cup of almost boiling tea on my laptop.

I was even thinking it was risk.
Little space, cup on the right side with the hand I move in and out of the keyboard the most, the cup that was far taller than large... But I took no action.

And as I got immersed more and more in the work, between thinking and typing, eventually it happened.

Today I had to buy a new one.
And I hated the idea of over-paying at the store because I couldn't wait.

So AFTER I bought, I spent almost an hour looking at prices online to make sure I hadn't overpaid.
One website offered an offer that made it cheaper to buy online.
It was a wait time of "8-10 days or longer because of Covid delays", which I couldn't have allowed myself. And I STILL started going through the checkout process just to make sure that option was real.

Eventually, I managed to force myself to stop it.

Negotiation strategies

At the shop:

Me: do you know if I can claim VAT charges for this?
Him: I don't know that
Me: (thinking) hhmmmm OK

I actually think I can claim VAT, but also expected they didn't know that.

That one set a "negative" condition for buying which empowered me.

Little later, in front of the price charts:

Me: OK, could you make a discount on this one?
Him: (hemming and hawing) this is the best price already
Me: hmmm OK, and what are the aspects on this one (changes topic, shows he's not convinced yet)

Little later:

Me: could you make a discount if I buy right now?
Him: I could do... (takes 67 euros off)
Me: Hmmmm

Little later:

Me: OK, it's still quite a big price. Could you add something small, like a mouse?

So walked away with that small discount and a mouse.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 16, 2021, 4:25 pm

That has always been one of the dreaded things in life.
Spilling liquids on the laptop.
Hope you have a backup of all the essential data.

I very much hate overpaying at the store as well.

Counterfactual Thinking

*Note: Incomplete Research & Understanding of Counterfactual Thinking*

I read a bit about rumination and how counterfactual thinking (imagined alternative possibilities of events) affect feelings of regret and relief.
It also affects feelings of envy: "it could have been me" thoughts like how I could have done better to gain more status.

One good article is this:
Why Second-Guessing Yourself Can Be So Harmful

Types of counterfactual thinking:

1. Upward and downward
   • Upward - imagining how the outcome could have been better
     (If I walked a bit faster, I could have been less wet)
   • Downward - imagining how the outcome could have been worse
     (If I walked a bit faster, I could have slipped and fall)
2. Additive and subtractive
   • Additive - imagining something should have happened
     (I should have brought my umbrella)
   • Subtractive - imagining something should not have happened
     (I should never have left the house. I wouldn't have been caught in the rain)
3. Self vs other
   • Self - what actions you could have done differently
     (I should have brought my umbrella)
   • Other - what actions others could have done differently
     (the government should have built more sheltered walkways so citizens don't get wet)

Usually, more upward, self counterfactual thinking would cause more regret because you think that you could have done better.

One could introduce more downward counterfactual thinking to feel less regret.
One may even gain feelings of relief.

I have a sense that the jargon may be unnecessary confusing though.
One could say imagined better or worse outcome.
It would be more intuitive.

Applying to this Particular Context

Coffee Spilling on Laptop

• You could have split coffee which is more acidic and cause more stains
• The boiling water could have spilt on your arm and you would have to go to the hospital for second-degree burns
• There could have been a guest at your flat, and it would have been more embarrassing.

Buying the Laptop Physically

• A laptop is an important, relatively expensive piece of equipment.
  As such, looking and buying physically is best.
  You may have bought the laptop online and the laptop showed up with defects, incurring a lot of time for returns and shipping to get a new one
• COVID delays were worse than expected taking up to 2 weeks for your laptop to arrive
• Delivery man leaves the parcel outside your doorstep and someones steals your parcel containing the laptop
• You wouldn't have been able to use your negotiation skills online as much

Maximising Time or Convenience

A helpful viewpoint to counter maximiser thinking could be to maximise time or convenience.

In this case, buying the laptop physically could get you back to your working arrangements in the shortest possible time.

Thought Patterns

I read your reviews on Learned Optimism and How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable.
I am still exploring how to use cognitive behaviour therapy (or REBT) to counter unhelpful thought patterns.

I think the maximiser thinking has certain automated, thought patterns.
And we may be able to counter that through CBT/REBT whether by ourselves or with the help of a therapist.

I came across this comprehensive book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:
Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Third Edition: Basics and Beyond by Judith S. Beck

Still in the process of reading it.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 17, 2021, 2:07 am

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 16, 2021, 4:25 pm

Maximising Time or Convenience

A helpful viewpoint to counter maximiser thinking could be to maximise time or convenience.

In this case, buying the laptop physically could get you back to your working arrangements in the shortest possible time.

This is good, Matthew!

It leverages the maximizer's tendencies rather than trying to change them.

You only have to switch between "money-maximizing" to "value-maximizing".
Or, actually, from "right-now money" to "future, long-term money".

The amount of work you can do in 8-10 (or more) can add up over time and more than make up the short-term overpayment (especially true in this specific case while working to ship a course within the month).

But also, generally speaking, the long-term view is how the winner of this world thinks.
Spend money for time and productivity, rather than saving a small amount and waste time and stay idle (I didn't grow up with that mentality so it doesn't come natural to me).

Thank you for the ideas, Matthew!

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 17, 2021, 7:57 am

The amount of work you can do in 8-10 (or more) can add up over time and more than make up the short-term overpayment (especially true in this specific case while working to ship a course within the month).

I totally see what you mean.
You are essentially shipping a whole product.
And a few sales would probably make up for any cost differences.

The community probably gains a lot of value from your work in these 8-10 days too.

The value of innovation is also probably non-linear in some sense.
Maybe extending your life of active innovation for 8-10 days could produce one more unexpected breakthrough.

But also, generally speaking, the long-term view is how the winner of this world thinks.
Spend money for time and productivity, rather than saving a small amount and waste time and stay idle (I didn't grow up with that mentality so it doesn't come natural to me).

It doesn't come naturally to me too.
I think people who have grown up in entrepreneurial households will find that more natural.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 17, 2021, 1:24 pm

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 17, 2021, 7:57 am

I think people who have grown up in entrepreneurial households will find that more natural.

Yeah, I agree, if I had to guess, I'd say that explains a good chunk of it (and some of it might be genetics).

In any case, the good news is that we can change that, or override it rationally :).