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PD mating season(Journal dating)
Thanks Lucio.
I've kept talking, teasing and speaking with this girl, lately we spend more time together and today the two of us studied in the library. We sat really close and progressively we ended up one right next to the other. At the moment it felt natural for me and I thought/felt that I really liked her. Even got to practice some physical escalation, although no kissing.
However at the same time these past days I have moments in which I feel I like her and moments in which I feel I don't. She's average and some would say slightly below average in looks, but we have lots of things in common: values, hobbies, chemistry.
Sometimes she looks really pretty to me, other times she doesn't look pretty but rather a bit ugly to me. It's the first time this happens to me in my life, and I feel stressed and overwhelmed because I don't even know if I want to keep going with this or not, sometimes I want sometimes I don't.
She's a cool girl, and currently she's going through though things and lots of changes:
I'm going to cut this, and for good, it may have something to do with my attachment style or not. Anyway, for me and for her I'm going to cut this, it'll look sudden and out of nowhere for her, but the stress and bad feelings I have to bear through the day because I don't know if I'm doing what I truly want are just too much. I need time to think, and I'm not going to hurt a nice girl because of my issues.
I'll tell her that I'm going through though sh*t I need to fix, and that currently I rather stay away from anything romantic. Even if that means not talking with her for some time. From now on everything romantic will be with girls outside of my degree.
I've already decided it I'll tell her in person that we won't see each other for some time, but that we could keep as friends in the future.
She's not "the one" because there isn't any "the one" to begin with. She's compatible and shares my values and worldview, something strange and remarkable for a 20 year old girl indeed, but that doesn't mean I have to force it. And if sometimes she does look attractive and I feel I like her, that doesn't make the stress go away, I'm not going to die because of a "lost opportunity", besides Ive already learned lots of valuable stuff.
I've made up my mind about this, the stress isn't worth it. I'll keep with the player phase to gain experience and to avoid this situation in the future.
I'll post about this whole situation again when I've calmed down and can see things from a different perspective. Will think about this for some days, still dating her is out of question.
Hello, Power Duck.
Looks like you’ve got your reasons to avoid stress for you and her, and it seems that you sincerely care about this girl’s feelings. For this reason, I’ll try to dissuade you from ending this abruptly. It’s a sure way to make this girl suffer.
Affective responsability is also an important skill to practice if we want to have better relationships, better friendships, better alliances, and even a better reputation. This starts with prevention:
Avoiding flirting with girls you’re not sure you’re attracted to, or that you know have different expectations regarding relationships than you (my personal opinion is that “practicing” does not justify this, and is detrimental to both you and her)
Telling yourself that, if you’re not sure, then it’s a no.
It’s also okay to change your mind after you’ve known more of her. But you can do it with attention to her feelings. Some ideas:
Since you’ve never made it official, not even kissed, there is no need to have “the talk” or remove you presence (temporarily or not), which will seem abrupt in any way I can think of
Spend time alone with her, but gradually take away the flirting and ambiguous touching
Slowly introduce time with her and other friends (without doing away with time alone with her. It’s still an ingredient of a healthy friendship)
Sharing values and hobbies makes it even more natural for you two to develop a friendship. Talk/do more of this and avoid anything romantic
Think of this as an opportunity to practice another crucial skill for your self development
Deep thanks Kavalier.
That'll make it easier both for me and for her. I will also have in mind the prevention part.
Cheers.
Hi Power Duck,
+1 to Kavalier's great advice!
There are also other reasons why you want to avoid "express talks about what you and her are".
The guideline in my opinion is: you never enter into explicit contracts with women you are not exclusive with.
If you state a position or intention relative to a woman before you are in a relationship with her, you:
- lock yourself into a "position" that binds both you and her mentally;
- lower her attraction, because she now is sure you were thinking of her romantically (otherwise you wouldn't have said anything);
- force her to make a decision prematurely, and the decision in most cases will be "no";
- make it more difficult to change tack if circumstances change in the future.
I got a number less go.
The other day I chatted with a girl on the bus, today met with her again and proposed to train with her sometime. She tactfully denied training alone with her ( "when I train in the gym I don't talk much I go my way"), but proposed going to train to her rugby trainings.
I proposed to exchange contacts, so she could notice me about the trainings, we exchanged contacts but she said she could lose messages.
I didn't like the vibe of the conversation at a certain point it turned quite "mechanical"/artificial. Still got a number, so a great learning opportunity.
She also laughs a lot to my jokes, although I get the feeling that she isn't into guys, plus her roomate is in my degree, so will have to be careful in order to not ruin my reputation.
Anyways in the worst case scenario I made a new friend and I can met people in said trainings. She'll stay in the city till February though.
P.S:
I was planning to talk to another girl that knew a guy I talked with before entering in the bus. Since this girl entered and I knew her more I focused on her, a bit of a shame, the other girl glanced at me a couple of times and she was quite pretty.
I've realized that in college a way to do cold approaches without running ones reputation is to ask simple things (the hour, when next bus comes, etc) and then see if the girl is interested in talking, it's smoother and one loses less power.
It's also waay easier to do it that way.
Today I met to study again with some college female friends.
I flirted yesterday with one of them, and as the examples I wrote in this post, she didn't took well me changing frames. Today I chose a different strategy after quite some time talking and did more power protecting and less flirting than usual, that and also not checking minor power moves pulled by her (teasing for the most part) since I had the feeling that the way I intended to check them could create resentment (If I win all the time she probably wont like it, so I left her have her way a couple of times, most of the time I won though :) ).
Also we talked about more "serious" stuff including how "most men can't have female friends, but only a few with certain mindsets and characteristics can" (indirectly saying I'm that kind of man, which isnt wrong)
After all that she stopped being so focused on power and was more friendly and power protecting. By the end of the night the other girl said:
Y: "we met you 3 days ago and it looks like we've known you more time."
Jackpot.
Being more power protecting after showing my power skills may have been the key here.
Will keep practicing and improving.
Since exceptional dating requires advanced power and social skills I will start with SU again and getting knowledge for when I start college classes again in February.
Since I don't plan on doing cold approaches due to the fact that my city and campus are small, I'll have to focus on improving several things:
- Perfecting my dominance, power and frame control skills.
- The awareness and skills to differentiate a girl that's into me/could be into me from a girl that's c*ck teasing or simply being friendly.
- Improving seduction skills. (Tasking, dominance, displays of high value, frame control, etc.)
Today I realized a cheat code for potentially looking more attractive: using shoes with bigger soles. Basically making me appear taller, since height is such a big deal for so many girls.
I might also have to start thinking about niches.
Going to clubs is out of question, although I considered it as an option in the past, going to clubs only to flirt -since I dislike going to clubs- is not something that aligns with my current identity.
I could try getting nice photos and creating a tinder account again, although I doubt it will give results, that is, probably, until I choose and stick to a niche.
Rereading a bit the niche section I think I've found some ideas to choose a lover role:
- Intellectual.
- Bodybuilder/jock.
Pairing intellectual dominance with muscles could be a good combination, showing both mental/intellectual and physical power.
Cold blooded dominance is extremely rare in guys my age, specially here in Spain, that would make me stand out, since it fits with my self identity, hobbies and the intellectual niche I may stick to it for the most part.
I dislike the idea of focusing only on one girl. Still, there's a friend of mine that I find cute and who used to be really into me.
Today I had an exam, before it I was waiting with some female friends. I saw B with her friends, but since I don't talk that much with them and I wanted to see if she would come to say hello I played dumb.
Later she came, pulled from my hoodie, said hello and we bantered a bit. Before the test I asked her if she could take me to my flat in car, she agreed. In the car we talked about stuff and this happened:
P.D: this teacher has to pay 1k to the students that help her with the investigation so she must earn quite some money.
We start talking about how the payment goes and whether or not she has to pay with her own money. She was right and I knew it.
.......
Her: it couldn't be her, if she earned that much money she wouldn't be working.
P.D: you're putting your teacher in quite a good light.
She justifies: I say that because she's like me, so if I were her I would do that, she also would only have two students investigating not the amount she has.
P.D: so you say she's mean too? Thank good you're her favorite as you say.
Her: yeah and you made her sad, she didnt even remember your name when you didn't go to class.
P.D: she cared enough about me to ask, she doesnt do that with you.
Her: I'm hating you so much right now.
Shows me the middle finger while smiling.
P.D: hands on the wheel.
I put her hand on the wheel.
After that we kept the bantering till the car arrived to my flat and we said goodbye.
I think I did really well, I noticed that she was right and that following her frame could ruin any possibilities of seduction so I switched the frame and started winning. Wouldn't have been able to do that so fast in the past.
Since I won't see her in two weeks I'll talk with her occasionally on WhatsApp and see where this goes.
