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Power duck's journal
FOLLOWING OTHER'S LEAD AND NOT CHECKING MINOR POWER MOVES DOES LEAD TO LOW POWER BEHAVIOUR AND LESS EMOTIONAL CONTROL.
My parents have been out for about 2 weeks till yesterday, during that time I became more emotionally grounded, more dominant and feeling better and higher power in general. However, my mother arrived yesterday and today I realised while talking with both my sister and my mother that:
- It was hard for me to not laugh or smile for the most stupid things.
- I was exhibiting very low power behaviour.
As I realised this I started behaving more dominantly and taking control of the frame of the conversation, and guess what, the need to smile and the low power behaviour disappeared. This dawned to me this night as I was exhibiting this same behaviour. And the fact that all this happens precisely after my mother arrives is too much of a coincidence. The thing is that she only pulls minor power moves like not listening to me, tasking, leading, and some judge power moves. So this is very likely an almost death by a thousand cuts.
Great going Power Duck, you're growing lots of self-awareness there
Quote from Power Duck on September 8, 2023, 11:50 pmFOLLOWING OTHER'S LEAD AND NOT CHECKING MINOR POWER MOVES DOES LEAD TO LOW POWER BEHAVIOUR AND LESS EMOTIONAL CONTROL.
My parents have been out for about 2 weeks till yesterday, during that time I became more emotionally grounded, more dominant and feeling better and higher power in general. However, my mother arrived yesterday and today I realised while talking with both my sister and my mother that:
- It was hard for me to not laugh or smile for the most stupid things.
- I was exhibiting very low power behaviour.
As I realised this I started behaving more dominantly and taking control of the frame of the conversation, and guess what, the need to smile and the low power behaviour disappeared. This dawned to me this night as I was exhibiting this same behaviour. And the fact that all this happens precisely after my mother arrives is too much of a coincidence. The thing is that she only pulls minor power moves like not listening to me, tasking, leading, and some judge power moves. So this is very likely an almost death by a thousand cuts.
Hi Power Duck,
To Lucio's post, I want to add that this story underlines the importance of getting distance from people to understand things.
From your story, it seems to me that you getting distance for two weeks was the most important element that led you to have these realizations.
Only when one has time apart from one person (who may or may not have been pulling moves), one has the time to understand why certain things happened, and what effect they had.
It's (among other things) precisely for this reason (ie to not allow reflection) that most power movers keep people busy with drama.
Thanks for the note Bel.
Funnily enough, with my toxic group of friends around May the same happened, although it was way more extreme. I went from stressed and having bad mental health, to calm and enjoying being alone as soon as I stopped attending to classes. In this case however, I didn't expect that minor power moves like tasking, teacher frames, etc. could have such an effect in personality and behaviour.
Cheers.
Those are revelations with the potential of changing the direction of your life, Power Duck (in the positive).
If you weren't already, I'd start at least considering getting your own place -even if that may mean looking for a side job-.
I've considered getting a place as soon as I finish my studies.
Fortunately when college classes start again, my sister and I will go live to a rental apartment.
However although sometimes their power moves can be a bit annoying, as long as I check them I'm good. Maybe I didn't explain myself well, but I don't think that they're behaviour is that bad, still, I remember Bel mentioning in a post that when we are dependant from our parents we tend to not see how much they manipulate, that and the fact that people raised in manipulative environments don't know how healthy parenting looks like.
I will definetely make a post about it, as my case could be the latter....
Thanks for pointing that out Lucio, you've made me realise certain things.
The fear of coming across as weird for having deep eye contact:
Some time ago I used to have social anxiety, and eventually overcame it.
However since I got power university and became more concerned about power dynamics I had this strange fear of coming across as weird as a result of having eye contact: "What if they tell me: hey what's the problem?" Or "why are you staring at me?" However today an experience I had made me realize that the fear of awkward social situations is something rather easy to overcome:
We were playing a game in a class of 40 people, of which I knew about 13, if you lost the game you had to get up from your seat and state two truths and one lie about yourself then others had to guess which one is the lie. A strange game so we present ourselves. I eventually lost one time:
I stated aloud: "well I lost" and got up.
Actually I hadn't lost, I hadn't understood the rules correctly. When the guy next to me started laughing and telling me that I was mistaken I didn't thought about the awkwardness, I didn't thought about others opinions, I remained in my standing position and I told the woman that was leading the class, "I offer myself voluntary". If I stand up to say those things then I'm saying them, there's no other way around. So I said them, and I sat down. The guy next to me started one upping me, and the girl on my left started smirking and looking at me too. But... I didn't care, I simply hadn't understood the rules correctly.
And right then it dawned me:
- I feared awkward social situations yet, precisely because I took the leadership I moved beyond awkwardness. Not only that but not once I thought about what others would think or about how awkward I was. I just did what I thought was necessary to avoid a bigger status loss. That's all that was in my mind: "what is the best course of action"
- I feared how people would react to me behaving awkward in a certain moment, but I actually didn't care when the time arrived, the correct thought patterns in this situation is already built in my mind so when somebody laughs at me I automatically think: " if you weren't an idiot you wouldn't be laughing at me. I don't care"
It isn't deep eye contact what scares me that's just one example, it's awkward social situations. But if they're so bad and unbearable how come I went throw multiple ones today and didn't even care?
I fear something that doesn't harm me in the slightest.
Escapism and the fear of the unknown in my life:
I've been off the forum for quite some time (I consider the time I haven't been checking the forum/studying PU more than I would've liked). During that time I haven't done anything productive regarding self improvement: in my free time I either watched anime or I read comics and manga, not to talk about the week before starting college again, hours and hours of videogames, messing up my sleep schedule and not progressing a lot in other areas of my life.
However this experience has made me realise several things:
- It's really easy for me to change bad habits that used to be hard to change in the past.
- My current self perception doesn't allow me to procrastinate in those ways for too long before I start taking action.
- I procrastinated because I thought that increasing my power and social skills wouldn't give me the healthy relationships I want.
- I'm afraid to meet people and go through bad experiences (being cheated, laughed at, being left out, etc).
- When I watch anime and/or play videogames, I use them as means to escape the current reality I live in and seek the experiences and relationships I wish I had in real life.
Funny enough, this summer I've made lots of changes that are obvious to me and that have contributed to increasing my wellbeing, self esteem, emotional independence and discipline:
- Changed my self image and beliefs.
- Increased A LOT my power skills with visible results with college mates, it's way easier for me to defend against others if I truly concentrate in conversations, identifying assh*les and turkeys is now childs play, my fear of being dominant when needed has disappeared.
- Changed bad habits and started figuring out what I want my mission in life to be.
Still my mind craves healthy relationships: a girlfriend, good friends, that would be nice. Paradoxically the first two days in college I realised (again) that to truly find good friends/relationships one shouldn't care about it that much, the less I care, the simpler it is to have a good time with people and make new friends for me. So maybe the solution is simply to forget about friends and about getting a gf and start grinding and working to become the individual I want to be: a man with an unbreakable will, with the skills, knowledge and wisdom needed to make his will and dreams a reality.
I want to see how far I can go, I want to see what it feels to have an unbreakable mind, or as I like to call it, to be a god in mind.
I've had enough of hiding from the things I don't like, and from the things I wished were different. I will become a person that instead of chasing the people he wants to be with, he attracts them, and that instead of hiding from fear and challenge he embraces them and enjoys the struggle:
"What the mind can concieve and believe, it can achieve"
P.S:
Glad to be back guys.
I've thanked you many times for this John, but thanks for telling me about affirmations and shadow work. The determination, character and discipline my current self has wouldn't be possible if it weren't for listening to Nightingale and Rohn daily as well as subliminals.
This post is also a personal reminder of the things I've achieved, I'm aware that it can come across as bragging, although those things are probably nothing compared with the things many folks here may have accomplished.
Rock on Power Duck.
Unrequested advice on this:
Quote from Power Duck on October 1, 2023, 12:27 am=Still my mind craves healthy relationships: a girlfriend, good friends, that would be nice.
I'd consider seeking a "player phase" before a girlfriend.
Such as, to put it bluntly and somewhat very non-mainstream, don't look for a girlfriend now, look to get laid.
Even more unpopular, I'd even say that before looking for great friends, it may not be bad to have a "party phase" where you look for friends to go out, meet women, and even drink (responsibly and with an iron rule of never driving after drinks).
Later on, your girlfriend will not be a party girl.
And your best friends, if the constantly partying ones keep drinking all the time, will be guys who are also into self-development and leading good lives.
But it may help to have gone through that different phase with different types of men and women.
Boom! Thanks Lucio, for me this is golden advice.
I've been thinking about your response and I do think it's the best course of action to solve those "cravings".
I've always thought that hooking up and going to parties=being shallow, but it's very likely this is a thought that stems from sexual manipulation to make men commit and keep the power in the woman's side, as well as kind of a rejection of popular trends since I was treated badly by the popular kids (who followed those trends) in highschool.
Parties and pubs are one of the best places to hone power skills, easy to access and lots of sexual competition there. Also a player phase would be useful to acquire the skills and awareness to choose and keep the best mate. Well, that and an abundance mindset, a man with lots of sexual options isn't usually well considered from mainstream media (most of it being woke and sjws), but it's precisely those men which men admire and (usually secretly) women want.
Thanks again.
P.S:
About alcohol I don't like it very much and since there's a big open night club in the city I can take the bus :).
P.S: (2)
This past week I've been getting to know more college mates intentionally, most of them party, so although they aren't very high quality, it seems like it was a good idea. I'll find a way to get into a group and party with them every now and then.
