Quote from Power Duck on August 28, 2023, 4:12 pm

Deep thanks to both of you Lucio and John.

That day I successfully solved an extremely cynic mindset I had fallen into some time ago, in part it was thanks to those realizations. I'll answer with detail to your responses as soon as I can. Summer college exams are right around the corner.

Cheers.

P.S:

[Reminder] to post about this, in more detail.

Quote from Power Duck on August 29, 2023, 11:45 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 26, 2023, 6:34 pm

Hello Power Duck,

First, I want to say sorry to hear that man, it always sucks to hear of a child that was not treated well.

And on the other hand, there is also the part of me that wants to share with you the very un-common take that I'm actually glad you're going through this (albeit it may be a bit painful at times).

It's not just a "rediscovery" and learning.
It's an awakening.

I remember when we were kids there was this "challenge sweet".
The challenge was that it tasted awful at first, but that if you stuck with it, then you'd get to the sweet part.

I see this similarly: you go through this and it's painful.
But you're also healing AND empowering yourself mentally and skill-wise as you learn.
And this second part is much bigger and better for you.

And there's probably a new phoenix/eagle you rising from the ashes.

Again, deep thanks Lucio for the kind words and for the encouragement.

And on the other hand, there is also the part of me that wants to share with you the very un-common take that I'm actually glad you're going through this (albeit it may be a bit painful at times).

It's not just a "rediscovery" and learning.
It's an awakening.

.......

I see this similarly: you go through this and it's painful.
But you're also healing AND empowering yourself mentally and skill-wise as you learn.
And this second part is much bigger and better for you.

Totally agree with that. Pressure makes diamonds.

Funnily enough the more one aknowledges and accepts that is alone and doesn't need others to be happy (not saying he should go the lone wolf/social outcast path), the stronger he becomes.

However not properly dealing with this can lead to resentment and mental illness. There's no better quote to describe this than this one:

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

Cheers.

Quote from Power Duck on August 29, 2023, 11:55 am

Quote from John Freeman on August 26, 2023, 9:12 pm

Hello Power Duck,

first my apologies: I read your last post and first responded to it. I was not happy with what I wrote so deleted it.

I now read your earlier post. It sucks it happened. I think that if your brain unlocked these traumas I interpret it as you’re now ready to face them.

All the healing you’re working on right now will result in you feeling generally better in a near future.

Much respect to you and heartfelt greetings from me.

Deep thanks John, and no worries about deleting the response.

All the healing you’re working on right now will result in you feeling generally better in a near future.

Yeah. It has been rough lately, however all the effort is paying off. Shadow work and self acceptance/love are helping me solve my issues.

Cheers.

Quote from Power Duck on August 29, 2023, 8:06 pm

Note: Just realized Im afraid to be high power as I think I could offend others/come across as rude even if there's power protection. 

Talking to a guy above myself in rank about something thats up to my (debate club) department to decide. 

Power Duck: this has to be done this way, this that way,..... If you think something could be done in another way feel free to tell me .:).(This is unnecessary, ended up editing the message and deleting the smile)

If I feel uncomfortable while being high power/dominant I'll bear with the feeling.

Quote from Power Duck on September 2, 2023, 9:21 pm

While reading the tasking part in office politics. I saw one of my most used self defense techniques while in my asshole phase. That is using humor to go meta in a dominant fashion:

X: Power move

Power Duck: look at this guy, he thinks he's talking to his cousin. (Done while smirking as if saying, I'm joking)

It also made me remember how being dominant feels. And how to put myself in a "dominant state". It consists in saying that response aloud in a confident way, and in a "bad boy" manner.

Playful, direct and daring are the words that better describe it. I also used to get emotional spikes each time I was dominant in this way.

 

Quote from Power Duck on September 6, 2023, 1:22 am

So finally, I've decided to start doing cold approaches.

My plan to be able to confidently cold approach women is to first: be able to have a chit chat with anyone I see in the street, plus improving my game and learning more from SU.

TO DO LIST:

1. Have a 1 min conversation with a random person, you have to go out of your way, stop them and ask them if they have a moment.
2. Have 2 min conversation with a random person.
3. " 3 min conversation.
4. Have a 1 min conversation with a random person that isn't alone.
5. " 2 min conversation with random person that isn't alone.

Once you are able to have a random conversation with any stranger and are studying enough SU:

1. Have a 1 min conversation with a random girl, again you have to go out of your way, " ".
2. " 2 min conv.
3. " 3 min conv.
4. Have a conversation with a girl you consider attractive. If the conversation goes well, keep talking and finally ask for number.
5. Keep doing cold approaches/talking to random people.

You can explain to people that your intention is to practise having random conversations/beating nervousness while talking to strangers. The reason is intended to both make you relax a bit and so you don't creep out the other person.

If you see that you have difficulties having chit chat, you'll have to improve on that.

Starting tomorrow.

 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 6, 2023, 8:58 am

Rocker on Power Duck!

While I agree that baby-stepping can be a great approach, my very own personal take is that if the "challenges" are too different (or too extreme), it may not be super helpful.

For extreme, I remember the PUA technique of doing something extremely (stupid) in public to overcome social anxiety.
And for different, I mean talking to guys.

To me, stopping a guy is a lot more unnatural than stopping a girl (when your ultimate goal is to find some dates).

Based on that, I'd first at least ecourage one to consider cutting the detours, and starting right away with what furthers his goal (in this case: talking to girls).

BUT...

That's only my personal opinion.

If you feel this approach helps you better, you probably know better (and curious to see if it will work well for you, and wishing you so).

Quote from B on September 6, 2023, 10:21 am

I join Lucio in saying:

Rock on Power Duck!

Huge huge move which will undoubtedly mark a significant forward step.

Very interested in reading your experiences with this and sharing ideas.

Quote from Power Duck on September 8, 2023, 11:39 pm

Thanks to both Lucio and Bel for the encouragement!

Already talked to one person doing this, however I'm going to follow Lucio's advice: talking to girls instead.

I've seen ToddV advice on how to get rid of approach anxiety and I think it's good, it's definetely way less weird and more effective than stopping random people to tell them you're talking to random people to become more confident. Also the progression is more natural.