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The power / warmth matrix: how to become more powerful, with warmth
People assess others along two variables:
- Power: how powerful is he?
- Warmth: will he use his power as a friend or as a foe?
The two dimensions form a matrix:
People who want to improve usually start with power -especially in individualistic societies-.
That's OK, as long they remember to eventually add the warmth.
They read books like "Why Men Love Bitches" or "No More Mr Nice Guy", and they swing -or try to swing- in the opposite direction.
And, at least for them, it's probably still a step forward in many cases.
But some completely ignore the warmth side.
And they end up somewhat better -works better for men than women, though-, but still extremely far off from their true potential.
The Exception of Effective High-Power/Low-Warmth
Let's not overgeneralize.
In a few, limited cases, really high power might be better off with low warmth.
And that's why Machiavelli suggests princes be feared rather than loved.
However, in such a brief forum entry, let's focus on what works for most people (and check Social Power for those special cases).
And for most people in most everyday life, low warmth makes you weaker.
Plus, there are obvious limitations to the "bitch" and the "asshole" (see my dating articles for more).
The Bitch & Asshole Limitations
When you're high in power and low in warmth, people might respect you.
Even fear you, if you're truly high in power.
But deep down, behind the forced smiles, they wanna see you fall.
As hard as possible.
When you're high in power and low in warmth all your relationships are business transactions, and you'll struggle to develop anything "real".
People are with you because of the benefits you bring, and that's it.
That's not the hallmark of true leadership, which is based on going beyond the pure economic exchange (see: the social-psychology of effective leadership).
Of those who pretend to be your friends, they come in three types:
- Frenemies (they envy and resent you)
- Sychophants (they kiss up for what you can do for them)
- Other bitches and assholes (they enjoy making fun of the "commoners" low in power, but they're fair-weather friends)
The main problem with high-power/lower-warmth is that you make few (real) friends and lots of (hidden) enemies.
And if the occasion arises, people will plot against you and come out chanting to celebrate your downfall.
High Warmth & Manipulation (Ahole in Sheep's Clothing)
High warmth confers a lot of benefits.
Especially for those high in power, since it reduces competition and increases cooperation.
And that's why some more astute players seek to feign warmth.
See for example:
And of course:
Here is our latest example:
He feigned warmth and prosociality while truly plotting and acting like the biggest asshole
Or see all the self-help gurus who are not out to make money, but to help "as many people as possible" -how nice of them-.
Well, what can I say.
I wish I could tell you "fuck these fakes", it doesn't work.
But truly, it often does, and this is actually a good strategy.
The High-Warmth/High-Power Jackpot
It's a good strategy because high-power/high-warmth is the most reliable strategy to achieve life success.
Plus, it provides with high life-satisfaction (which is what the feigning-warmth strategy misses out on).
That is why you see this overarching theme on thepoewermoves.com, be it for intimate relationships, negotiation, or friendships:
- From a position of power, seek win-win
- Sit high up, and seek to bring those around you at your level
- Go for what you want, and seek to align your interest with those you're taking along the way
The theme is always the same: learn the true rules of the game, what works and doesn't work, and seek win-win within those constraints and opportunities.
I invite you to seek both high warmth and high power.
Albeit both can work, hopefully, you'll choose the genuine position rather than the manipulative one.
