What I'm Doing, (Maybe Where 🙂 ) & Why
Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 4:59 pm(...)
Rock on, Ali!
Glad to see you're deepening your marketing expertise, I can see how that can pay huge dividends.
Some people say the market for ads+funnels is saturated now and the best time was when Tai first started doing it as almost nobody else did.
Of course when nobody else did it it was "easier", but what many may not be considering is that it's still a rarity to combine great marketing + great leading page + great products. And you can cover that crucial last bit. Plus, develop the reputation to stand above the noise.
As for your friends, great to see the positive change.
Your past friends' behavior and comment were interesting indeed.
It's possible the friend "flexing" was in a way using you, but in a way also proud of you.
I have the same feeling with my father sometimes and his brags about me. I really dislike it. I think it's cheap and turkey-like. But I also got more and more to a point of understanding and letting it be (with the due exceptions and requests to cut the nonsense 🙂. And sometimes, even being happy if I can give him some reasons to brag -and using that as motivation since I like my father, despite that "little flaw" :).
The friend saying "don't leave me behind OK" actually went to the core of the issue for most frenemy dynamics: the fear of what a bettering person means to them.
In a way, it was raw honesty.
Eminem and his crew -the dirty dozen- had a pact that if anyone was going to make it big, he was going to pull the crew with him. Exactly what Eminem did.
Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 5:17 pmStill, the problem I saw with that was the power dynamic.
How does it look when you sit in a room with the heads of this NFT project (which are hopefully all high-value people) and you're the only one who bought their way to the top?
And, add to that the fact that everyone else in the room has the power to pull the rug from underneath you at any time because you've put your financial investment into their hands.
To be frank, it looks like you're the sucker (at least, to me).
In their defense though, they mentioned some things about vetting/screening people before approving the promotions and putting a limit on how many NFTs would be open for purchase on the market (which doesn't make sense, how can the value of the NFT keep going "up and up" if it's going to stop being available for purchase?), but the risks didn't seem worth the reward to me.
And, with my power awareness on that call, I saw this coming.
Now, things are looking bad from the outside for their sales, but they do seem to have a pretty low refund rate so far (only 7% of the total NFTs bought are back on the market trying to be resold).
Let's hope everyone involved in this project comes out of it with a win. I'm still keeping my distance for the time being.
Thank you for the update, Ali!
Very interesting to see what's happening -and very glad you stayed out of it-.
To play the silly prediction game, here's another one: many will come out with a loss.
And it probably won't be those who launched it.
Albeit I'm speaking with little knowledge of NFTs, my current feel is that the "NFT project" is a good red flag of a "less than ideal" influencer / self-help guru.
Thank you for your kind words on the marketing, Lucio!
And, as far as the prediction game, I agree with you, but I'd like to hope that's not the case (I still have some respect for Franzese).
Audiobook for TSS Is Coming Soon
Got this comment from someone I've never met before on my Instagram the other day:
This is a part of what I love about what I do, a total stranger finds your work, gets impacted by it, and becomes a supporter as you advance your mission.
There's something indescribably beautiful about that that I'm passionate about, which brings me to my next topic...
Thinking About the official TPM book on "Frame Control"
And, toying with a few ideas for how to present Lucio's awesome wisdom in such a strict format.
Here's a sneak peek at one of my brainstorms:
Still, it's only rough thoughts for right now, but you all may be getting an official TPM book on frame control this year. We'll see :).
Awesome awesome stuff, Ali, so cool to read!
Facing My Fears...and (Barely) Surviving the Beating
There are two things I've been afraid of since my early trauma at 16 years old.
Joining another social group (out of fear of them hurting/betraying me again) and playing soccer (out of fear of not being as good as I once was).
Fear #1: To Join a Social Group Again
When every friend I had turned their backs on me at my lowest point, I became a workaholic focused on nothing but goal achievement until 2020, thinking of success as the best revenge.
In 2020, the pandemic caused me to switch my focus toward helping people so that if I lost my life to the virus, I would have left an impact on the world.
That experience of helping others eventually resolved my desire for revenge as I felt more joy and pleasure working as a purpose-driven mentor to others. I spent the following years focused on advancing my mission.
At that time, I told myself I didn't want to pursue dating or social group friendships because they'd be a distraction from my work. (And there may have been some validity to that thought process and attitude at the time based on my goals and priorities back then.) But, a few weeks ago my work slowed down, and rather than fill my calendar with more work to do, I decided to take the break this time. The break I hadn't given myself in years.
However, a few nights ago, as I walked on the beach to get some exercise and prayer time, I saw it full of people having fun together on that hot Summer night, partying and enjoying themselves. But, as I saw them, the primary thought that dominated my mind was the power that they'd have to hurt me again if I let them get too close emotionally.
I realized then that I was actually afraid.
I'd been hurt before in my past and that pain nearly drove me to suicide. I didn't want to go through that again, so much so that I didn't even want to risk it.
I went home that night and began to think about how to overcome this limitation that I didn't even realize I'd had.
Fear #2: To Play Soccer Again
At a young age, I'd broken a world record for my soccer skills.
On the field, when I still had my long dreadlocks, some players would call me Ronaldinho.
As I got older, I only improved and became the top scorer on my high school team.
Then, I fell ill and could no longer play anymore.
While I was in the hospital, my soccer coach angrily told the team that I was the best player they'd had (which I only heard about because the parents were there and told my father, who told me). After numerous games of losing without me, the team began to fall apart.
Since last year, I've started getting dreams and nightmares about playing soccer.
Rarely do I have a dream reliving my "glory days" as a competent player. More often I'd be slow and out of shape, impossibly tired after dribbling only a mere few feet, and overcome with the feeling that no one should pass me the ball because I'm no longer fit to have it.
It was more than being a "washed-up" player in the sense of being overrated or outdated. It was being a waste of a player in terms of no longer being worth anything on the field.
I had unknowingly tied my self-identity and ego to being good at soccer and it was costing me in my dreams and nightmares.
After enough nights of this uncomfortable madness, I began to wonder how true it was...how far I'd really fallen from how good I used to be.
Seeking Social Activity
Both my therapist and new health coach are encouraging me to get some social group fun at least three times a week.
The area I live in is more for retirement folks, so there's hardly anyone my age and the only social events are mainly bingo and churches.
But, I did manage to find an adult soccer league in the county yesterday.
And yesterday, I said "enough" and accepted the challenge.
Taking the Leap
The moment I discovered that league and learned there was a game that same day, I decided to go.
It's been six years since I've played any soccer, but a $300+ purchase of gear and a long drive later and I was at the field anyway.
A lady who hadn't even introduced herself to me and didn't know me was quick to give me an order (perhaps because she's a mom significantly older than I am), "Kick the [extra] ball [you're holding] off the field so we can get started."
I turned to her, said, "You can do it," and passed her the ball.
She paused for a moment, seeming confused, then did as I said.
We start the game now and five minutes in, I've found myself with my hands on my knees, out of breath.
"No way I can do this for another hour and a half," I thought to myself.
At that moment, I felt like giving up.
Then, I got the ball.
I tried to dribble through the defenders like I used to, but failed. My touches weren't what they used to be and my speed was too slow for me to get anywhere anyway.
I lost the ball.
When I got the ball again, I tried again, wanting to see if that first failure was just unluck.
I lost the ball again.
This time, my teammates were upset, saying to pass the ball. And another one seemingly particularly upset, said something along the lines of, "He just dribbles around and then loses it."
I thought to myself that they didn't know me in my prime, that I used to be able to do this all the time and I was just struggling for the moment.
I also thought to myself that it wasn't very scientific to draw a definitive conclusion based on only two occurrences. That's not enough trials to conclude a pattern confidently.
But, that reasoning only brought me slight comfort. In truth, I was overwhelmed with feelings of sadness. I began to feel like a failure who should walk off the field, my only encouragement coming from knowing how to restrategize to make up for my new shortcomings: more passing and better off-the-ball movement.
For a brief moment, I notice a teammate or two refuse to pass me the ball even when I'm wide open due to my past two mistakes, but I keep going.
The feeling to walk off the field continues to creep up on me further, but it's a 9v9 game with no one available on the benches. So, if I leave now, my team will be playing a man down for the rest of the game with over an hour and fifteen minutes left to go. And I had a personal moral code against abandoning "my team" even if they didn't care about me.
Now, I'm getting the ball more often and passing it more too. When I get the ball, the positioning of my team is either imperfect or they're marked by a defender, so it's difficult to find an opening. Therefore, I'd sometimes dribble a little bit (still moving safely) to create an opening for a pass and hear an upset, disappointed "come on" from someone who thinks I'm trying to dribble again. In reality, I'm only trying to find my team and I know that. And yet, their comment still manages to bother me.
I decide to give up my shooting opportunities to pass the ball so I can reestablish myself in their minds as a selfless player. (This was a strategic decision to rebuild goodwill and encourage them to pass the ball to me more as well.)
However, at some point, the team captain asks me why I'm not shooting and I tell him straight up, "I don't want to be a selfish player."
He tells me to shoot it when I get those chances. And I consider it. (The only thing worse than being a ball hog is a ball hog who can't finish. So, I don't want to be quick to take those shots only to miss them all and damage my status within the team further.)
We're losing now. It's 4-2 and they're beating us by those two points.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to rationalize to myself with optimism why I'm playing so terribly.
"Their goal is smaller, so it makes sense I'd miss those shots. (We had to pick up a goal from another field and it is indeed smaller in size.) But, then again, even if I didn't play with these goals in my old game matches, these are still the same size that we used in practice, so I can't use that as an excuse."
"Come to think of it, I only did passing for my warm-up, so my shot isn't warmed up yet. None of the shots I take can count as an accurate measurement of my current ability until I've gotten my shot fully warmed up."
"Plus, the field is poor quality with multiple dirt patches."
Little by little, I start to feel 1% better with each valid excuse I gave myself.
And I start to feel marginally better as I argue with myself that, "I'm not a 'good soccer player' (let go of that shit). I'm a player who works hard/does his best."
And to deal with the tiredness, I'd tell myself, "OK, just a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer."
With enough determination, I'm able to continue playing through all of the pain.
The End Result
We won the game, 10-7.
I scored 5 of the goals.
Keep in mind, these were without a doubt the unsexiest goals you'd have ever seen in your life.
And it turns out I truly did push myself beyond my limit because I was bedridden this morning from the pain of the soreness in my entire body.
But, in the end, I did it.
And yet, I still had to tell myself that the final score isn't a measure of the fact that I did it.
The mental, emotional, and physical pain I felt and pushed through is the only way to know that I was truly working hard and doing my best. (And that shouldn't be the measure for every case, lest you fall into masochism—chasing pain for the pleasure of confirmation of progress. But it's the measure that I chose for this one.) And I certainly felt that pain and I did indeed work through it, so I can feel proud of myself for that and that alone.
I made a single friend yesterday as well and acquaintances with everyone else. Not a bad outcome.
The Lingering Consequences
On the drive home, I was still in emotional pain from the experience as well as when I got home.
It hurt me the way that people had talked to me (and about me) as if I was a garbage soccer player (which I already was beating myself up about earlier on in the game with my fixed mindset, so I really didn't need my own team banging down on me harder like that).
I figured that the antifragile ego worked so well in getting me to push through the emotional challenges of the growth mindset (even telling myself at one point that if I totally fuck up this entire game, it's only day one and I'll be better tomorrow), that I tried to use it to deal with remembering the things they said.
But, I didn't work at all. And the emotional pain of their negative judgment still remained.
Then, I tried the nihilistic mindsets I'd developed, reminding myself that not only do they not care about me (so it doesn't matter) and I choose to love them all anyway, but that none of it actually mattered—the game, their words, and even them.
And I immediately felt a lot better.
So throughout this painful journey, as strenuous, enduring, and draining as it may have been, there was still the added benefit that I finally discovered how the antifragile ego and nihilism can work together (at least, for me).
One handles the internal growing pains. The other handles the external social judgment.
Enjoying the Benefits
The main reason I was so out of shape is that I haven't done any intentional exercise in over half a year (if not longer).
Plus, my diet has consisted of fast food for the past few weeks, the day before yesterday's meal being a large meatball pepperoni pizza and cinnabons.
So, now that I got that exercise in yesterday, I feel more energetic and alive today.
And as far as rewarding myself for the effort of undertaking yesterday's grueling fire (which I just thought to do as I'm writing this), I'm still thinking how I want to celebrate it :).
Awesome story, Ali!
Great write up, all of it.
The initial title got me worried but it was a great part of the whole thing :).
Few notes I jotted down while listening to it (yeah, Read Aloud, great tool 🙂 ):
- Glad you're taking some time off
- Glad you're thinking about "getting out there again"
- The importance of "good first impressions": the reason they didn't pass the ball when you were open is probably less because you lost it before, and more because of what doing your thing sub-communicated about your support for others (as you later acknowledged)
- Tasking the woman back: eheheh, that was a good one and a good laugh
- Smart strategic thinking all over, including the "making up points as a team supporter"
- The challenge of running a lot, totally get it: while I used to play almost everyday in the teens, at uni I didn't move at all. When we went to play after years that I hadn't ran, my belief about myself was still that of being one of the fastest and most enduring guys on the pitch.
Boy was that a tough awakening :D.
I still pushed like crazy and ran a lot, but the day after I was in real physical pain and moving was painful. And lasted for days. before that I couldn't even imagine that someone, especially a 20-something, could be in pain for running too much - There are no unsexy goals, you owned that 🙂: another good laugh there. One of my favorite players was Filippo Inzaghi. The reason? Because he got as far as he got while being technically poor (just like I was 🙂 and because of his love of the game. ALL his goals were unsexy. But he loved scoring so much, that he still managed to find a way. That's the real hero to me. Unsexy is the new sexy 🙂
- Awesome to hear about the nihilistic mindset to the rescue. I think I agree: it's a fantastic "cover your downsides" mindset. May not be the best to make you "happy", but it's fantastic to deal with the challenges
Thank you for the kind words, Lucio!
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 27, 2023, 12:32 pmAwesome story, Ali!
Great write up, all of it.
The initial title got me worried but it was a great part of the whole thing :).
Yeah, maybe should've added it was a mental beating in the title :).
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 27, 2023, 12:32 pm
- The challenge of running a lot, totally get it: while I used to play almost everyday in the teens, at uni I didn't move at all. When we went to play after years that I hadn't ran, my belief about myself was still that of being one of the fastest and most enduring guys on the pitch.
Boy was that a tough awakening :D.
I still pushed like crazy and ran a lot, but the day after I was in real physical pain and moving was painful. And lasted for days. before that I couldn't even imagine that someone, especially a 20-something, could be in pain for running too much
Exactly, and now that I've had that tough awakening, if I want to get better, it's going to take quite some training and exercise to get back into shape :).
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 27, 2023, 12:32 pm
- There are no unsexy goals, you owned that 🙂: another good laugh there. One of my favorite players was Filippo Inzaghi. The reason? Because he got as far as he got while being technically poor (just like I was 🙂 and because of his love of the game. ALL his goals were unsexy. But he loved scoring so much, that he still managed to find a way. That's the real hero to me. Unsexy is the new sexy 🙂
Aha, thanks, Lucio!
Update:
Wanted to update that old post on my LinkedIn connection.
I think there was not enough reasoning provided and it led to some confusion/misunderstanding.
The story was not necessarily an example of "accidentally making a mistake because I didn't know better". It was a case of "purposely making a mistake to build my antifragile ego".
I remember seeing a "motivation video" about "breaking up with your girlfriend to use the pain as motivation for gains in the gym".
The idea was really stupid to me and, of course, I was never fully convinced that the creator was serious.
But, it's basically what I did, pushing a break-up with a LinkedIn connection and friend for mental gains.
And it's a moment I'm now exploring more and introspecting on since it was a case of taking the antifragile ego too far in the hopes I'd feel better (have higher self-esteem) in the end.