Women: when asked about contential socio-political issues, stay noncommittal

#1 · May 15, 2020, 7:33 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on May 15, 2020, 7:33 am
This technique will make you more feminine (and demure).

I have observed it in action technique a few weeks ago.
And after she used it, I immediately liked her more (as I described in this forum entry).

How It Works

When someone asks you about a deeply divisive topic, you must find a socially polite way to avoid answering.

The best way to avoid answering is to say that you have some opinions -so you don't look dumb-, but that you prefer to keep a good atmosphere and don't want to create rifts.
That's inherently feminine because it prioritizes the group's cohesion and harmony over taking a personal stance or, worse, showing off.

Alternatively, you can provide an answer, but avoid taking a strong position towards one side or the other.

When you take a strong position, you always look like an extremist.
And potentially, like an angry extremist, which rarely works well in dating.

Take for example "what do you think of Donald Trump".
If you say you hate him, people will think you're an opinionated left-wing. Mayne the extremists in that table might like you more, but they're usually a minority. And if you sound angry while you say it, trust you'd lose even more points.
If you say you like Trump instead, well.. I guess you can see how that can easily backfire.

An Example

We were sitting in a mixed group table.

And the topic was "sexism in Korea".

Curious as usual, I wanted to know the people's opinion (spoiler alert: most men say there is little or no sexism, while most women say there is a lot :).
There was one girl though who hadn't spoken up, so I asked her:

What do you think about the topic. Do you think sexism is real in Korea, or that it's an issue?

She said she would prefer no to answer because the topic creates confrontations

So while most everyone in the table was happy to take sides, she called herself out, preferring to strike a note for balance and harmony.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't premeditated by her, but I can tell you that I immediately liked her more. And I'm pretty sure she gained lots of points in most men's eyes on that table.

Summary

This technique works because it goes at the core of one of the feminine traits men are after.

It will not be good for women who want to climb hierarchies at work, or if you are a driven alpha female who wants to come across as strong and dominant.
But this is the dating section, and in dating demure beats powerful 8.5 times out of 10 (the estimate is purely mine, but you get the idea :).

This technique will make you more feminine (and demure).

I have observed it in action technique a few weeks ago.
And after she used it, I immediately liked her more (as I described in this forum entry).

How It Works

When someone asks you about a deeply divisive topic, you must find a socially polite way to avoid answering.

The best way to avoid answering is to say that you have some opinions -so you don't look dumb-, but that you prefer to keep a good atmosphere and don't want to create rifts.
That's inherently feminine because it prioritizes the group's cohesion and harmony over taking a personal stance or, worse, showing off.

Alternatively, you can provide an answer, but avoid taking a strong position towards one side or the other.

When you take a strong position, you always look like an extremist.
And potentially, like an angry extremist, which rarely works well in dating.

Take for example "what do you think of Donald Trump".
If you say you hate him, people will think you're an opinionated left-wing. Mayne the extremists in that table might like you more, but they're usually a minority. And if you sound angry while you say it, trust you'd lose even more points.
If you say you like Trump instead, well.. I guess you can see how that can easily backfire.

An Example

We were sitting in a mixed group table.

And the topic was "sexism in Korea".

Curious as usual, I wanted to know the people's opinion (spoiler alert: most men say there is little or no sexism, while most women say there is a lot :).
There was one girl though who hadn't spoken up, so I asked her:

What do you think about the topic. Do you think sexism is real in Korea, or that it's an issue?

She said she would prefer no to answer because the topic creates confrontations

So while most everyone in the table was happy to take sides, she called herself out, preferring to strike a note for balance and harmony.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't premeditated by her, but I can tell you that I immediately liked her more. And I'm pretty sure she gained lots of points in most men's eyes on that table.

Summary

This technique works because it goes at the core of one of the feminine traits men are after.

It will not be good for women who want to climb hierarchies at work, or if you are a driven alpha female who wants to come across as strong and dominant.
But this is the dating section, and in dating demure beats powerful 8.5 times out of 10 (the estimate is purely mine, but you get the idea :).

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#2 · May 17, 2020, 9:08 pm

Thank you for this it's very helpful!

Counterintuitive for empowered Generation Y women, but that's what makes it even more helpful.

Maxim Levinsky has reacted to this post.

#3 · May 20, 2020, 4:48 am

Quote from Tina on May 17, 2020, 9:08 pm

Thank you for this it's very helpful!

Counterintuitive for empowered Generation Y women, but that's what makes it even more helpful.

Yes, good point.

For many Generation Y grown up in the West it might feel like they're being too submissive, or betraying their friends, their "female affiliation", or whatever society says is "right" for women to do.

The way I see it, the beauty of life is that you can choose your behavior, and that behavior does not stick forever and does not (wholly) define you.
So you might selectively choose to be less assertive in certain situations, and then dial up the assertiveness in others -at work, for example-. All the more power and control to you when you can fluidly adapt.

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