Spotting a player can be easy… Once you have a bit of experience and know what to look for.
And most articles I have browsed around the web have no clue as to what to look for. But worry not, I got you covered :).
- Leveraging Players’ Psychology
- Questions to Spot a Player
- 1. Ah, what do you know about women, you’re a guy
- 2. My ex was such a player. He knew the game, he slept with more than 15 women
- 3. My girlfriend met Mr. Perfect. She won’t sleep with him so he’ll be serious with her
- 4. I don’t know, you seem like a guy who would hurt women..
- 5. I think there are two types of men: long term, for serious stuff; and short term, to have fun. You look like short term
- 6. How Do You Spend Most of Your Time
- 7. Are you a player?
- Types of Players
Leveraging Players’ Psychology
To spot a player, you have to understand the psychology of a player.
Player is indeed more about a state of mind than about the act of bedding women.
And that state of mind is underpinned by a common thread:
The most inveterate players, those who play out of a drive and lust for women are all proud of their “player status”.
They are proud of their “skills”, their love for women, their female knowledge or, more crudely, about their partners’ count.
And pride is what you need to leverage to spot a player.
Questions to Spot a Player
Direct questions won’t work every time.
A few players, some of whom are very high quality players, will tell you very openly that with them it’s all about a roll in the hay and no more.
But many will hide their true status.
The best way then is to lure him out.
Remembering that he structures his ego around women, you need to put him in a position to defend his “honor”.
You must provoke him to prove his worth.
Here are a few great ways:
1. Ah, what do you know about women, you’re a guy
You are prodding his pride here. Provoking him by implying he doesn’t know women.
If he defends his female knowledge, he’s a player.
2. My ex was such a player. He knew the game, he slept with more than 15 women
Say it with a little disdain.
The boring guys will tell you “poor you”.
The good guys will be interested in how you felt.
But the player?
You just aroused his competing instincts. Now he won’t wanna come second to your ex.
And that’s how you will catch him.
If he laughs or at looks at you with a smirk and asks “oh why, is that a lot?”, then you know he’s a player.
Only as briefly as a few years ago I wouldn’t have personally resisted this question either and would likely ask back “and do you think that’s a lot?”.
3. My girlfriend met Mr. Perfect.
She won’t sleep with him so he’ll be serious with her
This is just an example of a dating question.
The idea here is that you indirectly broach the topic of seduction, dating and dating strategies.
Possibly, you might even ask more directly “a guy’s opinion” on what a girlfriend of hers should do with a guy she is seeing.
If he starts talking at length about it and if he sounds like he knows a lot about the topic, then there are two options:
- He has been around a lot (he is or was a player)
- He is studying the topic (he is or wants to be a player)
4. I don’t know, you seem like a guy who would hurt women..
Now notice that many guys here will reassure you they are for real. And that they don’t hurt women.
But that’s not how players act and think. They don’t think in terms of “not hurting” and “taking care”.
They think in terms of giving and “sharing adventures”.
And they will tell you about “giving” whirlwind romance, “giving” passion and great sex.
Or losing themselves in the moment with you.
Tell him that sentence. Then start digging deeper within his answers. It won’t take long till you get to his “player’s honesty time”.
See here an example of how that looks like from the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”:
5. I think there are two types of men: long term, for serious stuff; and short term, to have fun. You look like short term
That’s exactly the player’s mentality!
You just did three things when you say that.
- Stroked his ego
- Gave him a great reason to come out (ie.: position himself as “for fun”)
- Make him feel like he can be honest with you
Chances are he will jump on the chance of coming out and he’ll want to actually prove that he’s short term material.
Once he does that, it’s your call: enjoy the night, or drop him.
6. How Do You Spend Most of Your Time
This question is not for the real players but for the guys who simply end up behaving like players.
These guys might be marriage material… In the future.
But right now they don’t have time for women. They might enjoy women, but his priorities are different.
If all he’s doing is work, if he has no time for anything outside his passion and goals.. He might see women the way James Bond does. A good distraction.
7. Are you a player?
You’ll be surprised to see that, contrary to what most other sources online say, many guys are open about it.
This can be either because they validate their ego with women, or because they are high-level womanizers and don’t need to lie.
Read more in Signs of a Fuckboy.
Types of Players
Let’s use the definition of player as:
A man who sleeps with more women than most other guys
We can then differentiate players in four different categories:
- Opportunity player (they have the chance and take it)
- Love for women player (Casanova types)
- Validation player (sleep with women for ego validation)
- Sex addicts
Players, per se, does not say much about the overall quality of a man.
Some players can be high quality men, while some other players have little to offer.
Players Are Vocal Minority
There are no official statistics, but I’m pretty confident players are a minority.
Most guys indeed do not have very easy access to women, are not hell bent in retching up lays and are not slaves to women’s beauty the way Casanova was.
But though they’re a minority, with their skills and charm they also make up an important part of the dating scene.
Since they approach more and interact more with women, you get to see and talk to them more often than you do with normal guys.
That’s why an underestimated way of spotting a player is to ask yourself how did you meet him.
If he came up to you, if he seemed confident and unafraid, then chances are higher that he is a player.
If he was an old friend, introduced by a common friend or is part of your social circle, then chances are lower that he is a player.
Learning how to spot a player is a great skill to learn and it will immensely improve your dating efficiency.
If you’re not yet looking for “the one” or for a serious relationship, then you need to worry less about spotting players and you can simply enjoy the experience.
But the more you want to get serious, the more this skill will come handy.
This post provided you with 7 proven questions to spot a player.