As you know, I love psychology and I like to use science for all the articles on this website.
And I was really looking forward to write this article on the psychology of players and womanizers.
By the end of this article, you will know what types of players are out there and what drives and motivates them from a psychological point of view.
Most evolutionary psychology literature (Moral Animal ; Selfish Gene) see humans as maximizers of genes’ reproduction possibilities.
Humans are often seen as being the middle of the male parental investment index, and maximizing the chances of reproduction comes in two forms:
- An easy women to impregnate and abandon
- A woman to be in a relationship with (and grow children with)
That means that most guys, even in a relationship, will have an instinctual drive to look for other women to have sex with (read more on why people cheat).
Especially if those other women are attractive and seemingly easy.
And it also means that most players will also have a tendency to stick to some women. Indeed, the player/relationship guy is a continuum and few, if any, are 100% either of them.
Albeit there’s most always some elements of both player and relationship some men tend to be far more on the right or far more on the left.
Relationship guys tend to provide and invest for their women.
And players tend to be more in first category and not provide for their women -except for good times and adventures, that is-.
Let’s see below the different types of players:
1. Love Women Player
I have loved women even to madness..
The above is a quote from the most famous womanizer of all. And the best of all to epitomize the type of player with a boundless love for women: Giacomo Casanova.
It’s a myth that all players are manipulative and deceptive and it’s not true that all players “only want to fu*k women”.
Casanova type of players will really love you. And love you deep and passionately. But the problem is that “women” is plural. Indeed the next part of Casanovas’s quote is “.. But I loved freedom above all”.
Casanova will remember your for ever, think of you fondly, or even get heart broken when they depart… But they will keep going.
And watch out, this is the kind of player who is most likely to break your heart. Because he will enter into your life with a whirlwind of romance and passion. Something you’ve never experienced before.
And it will be amazing… Until he needs to go for another romance.
Do They Stop?
No, this is the archetype of the womanizer. They will always keep an eye open for other women. And if Casanovas stop, they often won’t be truly happy -and will possibly cheat-.
2. Artistic Players
Life is short, might as well enjoy it
The artistic types love art and beauty, and women are part of that art and beauty.
Some of them have a touch of madness and irrationality, a mean streak… Which are all very alluring in seduction. Some of them have a light sadness about them, a veil of depression, a need to be taken care of -which women love to provide-.
See an example here from Vicky Christina Barcelona:
Do They Stop?
They might, but that might also mean that as they get tamed, they also lose their best artistic talent.
3. Opportunity Player
I’m popular, might as well take advantage of it..
Some guys stumble upon the player’s life because of their lifestyle. They might become wealthy and powerful, or famous or grow very handsome.
They have many women vying for their manhood and… They simply take advantage of that.
Many men in college -at least the attractive ones- are also a type of opportunity players as the environment tend to be more libertine.
Do They Stop?
These are “womanizers by opportunity”, and once they get their fill, they can possibly stop, yes. And if they’re the type of men who want a family, they will stop for sure.
They first need to have enough playing time though.
4. Infatuation Players
Short bursts of relationships
These guys are not notch collectors but more relationship guys.
We could even argue if they are real players, since they tend to stick with one girl.. At least as long as they’re together. And that’s the whole point. These guys are enamored with the infatuation period of love, lasting a max of around 2 years. After that, they’re onto the next relationship.
Do They Stop?
Yes, they can stop. It will take an amazing woman, as Clooney said… And some years of play time. Then, after they’ve stringed a few, they will be looking for a woman they can really get along well with and stop.
5. Thrill Seekers
Life Is a String of Adventures
These guys are adventurers at heart. They don’t put women first like the Casanovas. Women are part of the thrill, but they don’t sweat it too much if they don’t get it and usually don’t get too hooked on women when they get them.
They tend indeed to move to the next thrill, whether the girl moves with them or not.
Do They Stop?
Yes, they can. There are three options:
- A stable woman between thrills
- A woman who goes on adventures with them
- When there are no thrills left or they’ve had their fills
Note that option two can be a but unstable. Women tend to they reach a point in life when they prefer to settle down. If the man doesn’t reach that point at the same time, it could create an issue.
6. Charmer Players
What’s Life Without a Flirt
Some players enjoy the power of their charm almost as much as they enjoy women. They are often also social charmers as well (check The Art of Seduction) and see women as one of the great pleasures of life.
Jack Nicholson is the best example of this category. Notice how he relishes his own power on her, and notice how affable he is with the interviewer as well:
Do They Stop?
Most of these guys do build families, but some fail to adapt to the committed life -and properly respect their women-.
They keep paying flirty compliments to the waitress and throwing sensual smirks at the clerks. Maybe with their wives on their side. Quite disrespectful and childish, we could argue.
7. Big Pursuits Players
A pleasurable break from my other pursuit
This is the James Bond type of players. But also Einstein.
This type of player likes women but he has bigger goals and drives in his life and can’t commit. He’s a bit like the Casanova type, but not as emotionally dangerous.
While Casanova lives for women and romance and falls in love passionately, James Bond usually doesn’t. Which is also part of his allure.
Notice that all players will enjoy the line “I’ll be back”. Another give away for you: players like players’ characters.
Do They Stop?
Yes, they can stop.
That happens when their main hustle becomes not so important anymore. It shouldn’t just be their main hustle that ends though, but their drive behind the hustle as well, or they might look into something else.
This might happen if they:
- Achieve their goal
- Reach a comfortable enough position they’re happy with
- Change mindset
- With a certain age the urge for family gets bigger than their goal
- The woman becomes part of the hustle (ie.: business partner)
8. Validation Player
Whose hole is he filling?
Apologies. If you’ve been reading here, you know I like keeping it classy. But I couldn’t think of a better pun.
The Mask of Masculinity talks about these type of men. They need to sleep and get on with women because that’s how they get their validation.
These type of players have a hole to fill, they think sleeping with women makes them cool. So they brag about it.
It’s the guys who brag (lie) about sleeping with thousands women. Or the Cassanos, Italian football player who laughs talking about his crazy escapedes and literally breaking beds (he says, link in Italian sorry).
Do they Stop?
Some lose their drive eventually and settle down. Some others slow down once they feel they have slept with enough women, and then they are “free” to move on to other life pursuits.
The real question though is if they’re good men to stop with. If their only drive was the validation through women, they might not have much going in their lives. And that makes them rather low quality men.
9. Addicts Players
Sex addicts need women to appease their urges, whether they seduce them or pay them. But this category can also mix sex addicts with substance addicts, in which case it makes these men very low quality partners.
Charlie Sheen, whom allegedly spent millions hiring prostitutes, is an example.
Do They Stop?
Yes, once they get completely clean. When that happens, the woman can actually come to replace the drugs and the crazy life. If that’s the case he will love you above everything else. The woman, in those cases, also comes to be her handle onto sanity and “clean” life.
But be ready to bounce if they relapse, it’s a slippery slope from there and they’ll drag you down.
10. Gold Diggers Players
Gold diggers are more frequently women, but that doesn’t mean no men curry favors for money. They don’t usually make for great partners as they can be very materialistic, self centered and have little skills to live on their terms.
As we have seen labeling everyone as a “player” is a big catch all phrase that means little. Same as it would be labeling a category of women as “who*es”.
There’s a last category of “players”, but that’s so disgusting that I didn’t even want to mention. It’s the the “pig players”, those who abuse their position of powers to get sex. Weinstein was such an example.