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What I'm Doing, (Maybe Where 🙂 & Why

Ali: Crazy to think of the different ways PU has brought what's left of my family closer. I love this. Thanks everyone.

Very happy to hear about how your family is getting closer!
I could probably employ the same strategies and concepts too.

It was especially interesting to hear him "Express" how he feels because, being the "rough, tough Jamaican" that he is, he rarely ever does.

I have a good Jamaican friend in London.
Now I can understand the "rough, tough Jamaican" behaviour sometimes.

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Ali Scarlett

Doing My Best To Develop More Patience with People (Along with More "Learner's Empathy")

The other day, someone reached out to me by accident thinking I was someone else:

The issue is that the whole lot of her business partners could end up sending me text messages thinking I'm someone else. That could be annoying, but it's also not the end of the world.

When I communicated that, she said, "You are a kind person."

In PU's career module, Lucio said that "thank you's" can turn "well-done" judges (which are status-taking) into positive, "thank you" judges (which are value-adding).

Yet, this didn't feel like one of those cases because of how separated the messages are. It wasn't, "Okay, thank you for you kindness." It was, "You are a kind person." And, if I had received her negative judgment, the opposite of that easily could've been, "You're not being a very kind person." And, who is she to judge and assess my character? We don't even know each other.

The thing was, I didn't feel annoyed at all reading her message. Her overall approach felt very caring (the "sorry", "hope it doesn't bother you", and, finally, a "thank you").

It reminded me of something Lucio said before:

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 11, 2020, 7:43 am

...to classify [behavior] as a "power move", one does not necessarily have to be conscious about it.

And doesn't even need to be super smart.

She didn't do it consciously, but it's still a power move.
And to tie back to your previous post: that's where awareness of power dynamics helps you. You know what's going on, and you can select the best behavior for the situation.

It felt like her "you are a kind person" was more to express her gratitude by giving a compliment she thought would build me up. And, I've made that mistake in the past before (ya gotta remember, I wasn't born a naturally charming George Clooney, and I'm still making mistakes to this day :).

Her warm overarching approach made me feel like being patient with her and helped me empathize with not always knowing the right thing to say. (After all, she didn't exactly come across as the power-hungry "I'm out to push you down" type.)

All that said, I wish she would've judged my approach and not me. It was out of place given that we're complete strangers to each other.

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Lucio Buffalmano

Hello Ali,

Your analysis is good, and your personal feeling is fair.
Personally, I wouldn't have taken this one personally. More like shrugged my shoulders, maybe smiled, and thinking "she's a bit off".

However, the reason why I think she acts "weird", is that it might have been the "hook" for a possible scam.

I'm aware of a recent scam in online dating where:

  1. women flaunt a lavish lifestyle
  2. explain their income with X scheme / skills / plan
  3. invite men to invest in their X scheme

There is plenty of psychology and power dynamics to make the men reach the 3rd step, but that's the bare bone process.

We can't be sure this was the case, but my "Mach-radar" was flickering orange-warning signals already :).

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Ali ScarlettMatthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Hi @lucio

I wanted to ask you if you would be interested in us exchanging whatsapp or telegram numbers, as sometimes I get my hands on digital material, links, webs, etc, related to power and similar topics, and I may send it to you, if you are ok with that, through that medium.

I think it's the second last message that is a bit weird. It kind of alludes to a multi-level marketing scheme.

I usually have a lot of business partners, maybe the secretary saved the wrong number, I hope it doesn't bother you.

This implies one has so many business partners that one doesn't interact often enough with each of them.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 5, 2021, 7:35 am

Personally, I wouldn't have taken this one personally. More like shrugged my shoulders, maybe smiled, and thinking "she's a bit off".

Yea, when my phone dinged from her message and—seemingly out of nowhere—"you are a kind person" is what I read from a complete stranger, I thought, "Oh, wow, OK, yea, that's (certainly) one way to start a conversation."

And, could've been a scam, hadn't thought that far, but it would explain her approach :).

Quote from Stef on July 5, 2021, 9:18 am

Hi @lucio

I wanted to ask you if you would be interested in us exchanging whatsapp or telegram numbers, as sometimes I get my hands on digital material, links, webs, etc, related to power and similar topics, and I may send it to you, if you are ok with that, through that medium.

Hey Stef, if you want to make a post to Lucio about something unrelated to this journal thread, all good, simply put it in its respective thread or start a new one, please.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 5, 2021, 12:32 pm

I think it's the second last message that is a bit weird. It kind of alludes to a multi-level marketing scheme.

Are you referring to the "OK, thank you"?

I thought it was alright, felt like she was saying "thank you for taking this well, I know this situation is/could be a bother for you".

Matthew, was there something else you noticed?

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 5, 2021, 12:32 pm

I think it's the second last message that is a bit weird. It kind of alludes to a multi-level marketing scheme.

I usually have a lot of business partners, maybe the secretary saved the wrong number, I hope it doesn't bother you.

This implies one has so many business partners that one doesn't interact often enough with each of them.

I didn't really structure my message very clearly.
I should have put the quote first:

I usually have a lot of business partners, maybe the secretary saved the wrong number, I hope it doesn't bother you.

I thought that this statement was kind of suspicious.
It implies he works with a lot of business partners at a distance.
So I thought maybe he is looking for affiliate marketers or multi-level marketers rather than an equity partner.

I am taking a wild guess here.

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Lucio Buffalmano

Quick note:

Let's keep in mind the general rule of thumb:

Those who chase, take

Plenty of exceptions of course but, in general, anyone with anything valuable -including his/her time- does not message random numbers for chats or for anything that might be win-win.

And if he/she does a mistake, there are few chances they'll go much further than a "sorry for the mistake, all the best!"

That second long message of hers, even before you read the content, already breaks that general rule and already flashes into "Mach-scanner".

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Ali ScarlettJM
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I confuse this thread with Lucio Journal, my bad, anyways it was just a yes/no question, I will repost it somwhere else.

Right When I Thought It Was Over...I'm Dragged Back In

I'd been working with Amazon since June 8 to remove the fake copies of my book off of their national and international websites.

They dragged their feet on it until finally:

It felt great to read this message. Best of all, I double-checked and they held up their end of the deal.

So, imagine my disappointment when I found my book being distributed on other platforms by more thieves:

This person didn't only use my book description like the others did, he read through my positive reviews and compiled the ones he wanted to add to this fake book description.

This really makes me realize the takers out there in the world who are willing to create manipulative, value-taking win-lose situations if it means getting what they want.

Annoying to say the least.

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Matthew Whitewood
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