Getting your ex back is easier than getting a completely new partner.
This article does not necessarily recommend you should try to get your ex back.
But by the of this post, you will learn a reliable system to win your ex back.
- How To Get Your Lover Back: Overview
- Why This Works to Get Your Ex Back
- Should You Try to Get Your Lover Back?
How To Get Your Lover Back: Overview
My name is Lucio.
I am a man, so this article takes the point of view of a man getting his girlfriend back -or, as more often was my case, an unofficial lover-.
Some steps can apply to a woman who wants to get back his boyfriend, but I believe this article is best tailored for men.
When Is It Official You’ve Lost Your Lover?
When does it become “official” that your girlfriend, lover or fuckbuddy, however you call her, is not “yours” anymore?
Well, when she tells you so for sure.
But communication won’t always be so direct.
When she does not go along with your plans of meeting up without proposing an alternative, that’s already a strong sign you are losing her.
A second time that she avoids making concrete plans, then you have already more evidence than you can possibly need.
Therefore here is the rule: two times that she is not forthcoming about meeting up, and she is (almost) officially an ex.
1. Understand there’s a problem
If your ex doesn’t want to see you anymore, there is a problem.
And if you want to get your ex back, it’s time to go into problem solving.
2: Address the problem directly
Needles to say, if you just keep trying to meet you will only push your ex further away.
And if you leave the issue unaddressed, you only allow it to fester and grow.
The best thing you can do instead is to address the issue right away.
Simply tell her you’ve noticed a change and you’d like to know how things are on her side.
This is very confidence communication and how people with a secure attachment style communicate.
Notice notice that right away, I take the pressure off.
You don’t wanna meet?
No big deal!
I want to make sure she knows I won’t lash out, go crazy or have any negative feelings towards her.
This way you let your lover free to open up and, of course, she will start getting more positive feelings about you.
3: Show calm and understanding
When your ex lover tells you what’s the issue, you text that you’re cool with it and that you understand.
Don’t try to convince her that she’s wrong (yet) and don’t push for a meet (yet).
4: Empathize with your ex (pressure off!)
If she shows an emotional side, or if she discloses some issues she’s having, that’s the perfect moment to empathize.
Empathizing will bring the two of you closer again, and getting some loving vibes is a great way to get your lover back.
5: Offer support
Support is the bread and butter of good relationships.
And it’s the first step towards renewed intimacy.
Of course you want to get your lover back to give her some sexual support as well. And she wants it too, don’t worry.
But if you were previously lovers, the sexual part is implied. There’s no need to text flirt here, no need to make silly wink wink or to tell her what you’ll do to her.
That’s more likely to make guys horny. And sometimes women too, but it’s too risky.
Show instead there’s more on your camp.
This is especially important if your ex lover is distancing herself because you were too aloof (avoidant attachment style).
6: Turn the tables
Don’t make the mistake to try to get your ex back right after empathizing: it’s too early.
Now you will let the pressure off instead.
And the vacuum will give her a chance to come to you.
Alternatively, even higher risk, higher rewards, is to bid her farewell.
This is step here is the time of real reckoning: make it or break it. But as Casanova said, love is not for the timid of heart :). If she comes to you, chances look good.
If she leaves it there (for now) you must do the same.
Notice there are 3 positive signs that my former lover was changing here:
- Yeah we’ll have it (good but not enough)
- Always you offer words of cheer (a compliment: getting better)
- Give me your positive energy (good enough to strike upon)
How does that old cliche’ go? Oh, right:
Set them free. And when they come back they’re yours
Albeit that can certainly happen, women won’t usually make full U-turns and ask you out.
That’s why, at the first major signs of change, you gotta strike to get your love back into her.
Propose a meet, but don’t be timid.
Ideally you want to re-enter her life by bringing that old whirlwind of passion back.
So propose something highly suggestive of sexual chemistry.
Any meeting is better than no meeting.
But of course, if you can make it to your place (or her place) chances are higher that you will get your lover back the way it should be done: with fireworks.
I could have taken the beer outside here and I think it would worked well.
But since I don’t have much time to waste, I aim higher:
Why This Works to Get Your Ex Back
Well, let’s recap what this post to get your lover back shows her.
- Attuned to her feelings and quickly recognize something is going on
- Addressing it confidently and openly
- Cool if she doesn’t wanna see you again..
- .. But can still give her great sex
- Together with emotional support
- And will still be cool whenever she wants to look for something more serious
That’s a rare breed there.
Of course chances are she will be suckered again into your web, you smooth fu*ker.
Which takes us to the next point:
Should You Try to Get Your Lover Back?
In my case here, I had gone traveling for half a year while we were seeing each other.
We had had a great time together as unattached adults and I felt things were cool enough we could safely reconnect.
Otherwise I would advise to try to get your lover back only in specific cases.
If she broke up because you couldn’t give her the committed relationship she wanted, than let her go (unless you’re ready to give it now). If she was deeply in love, also let her go.
If you were deeply in love, best not to.
Winning your ex back is easier than winning a new girlfriend over. The flame was there, so it’s more about rekindling than starting it from scratch.
If you are dealing with a girl you are not yet sexual with and who has stopped replying to you, check what to text to make her reply. If it seems hard to meet her, check getting dates with flaky girls.
Or best of all, check the complete guide on texting, from 1st text to date under the “speed learning” section.