This article is not specific to sexual touch.
This article deals holistically on how to touch women.
By the end of it, you will improve your general way of dealing with women and touching women (which also includes romantic touch and sexual touch).
How to Touch Women
Many men touch girls the wrong way: as if girls were their male pals.
It’s usually not the best way to make those women feel cherished and… Well, feeling like women.
And when you treat women like your guy friends, well, that’s also when you enter straight into the friend zone.
There are four major categories of this so-called “male touch”, which we will also refer to as “bro-touch”:
#1. Quick Touches
The Pointed Sisters sang the following lyrics about their dream lovers:
I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want somebody who will spend some time
That song might be more than 30 years old, but a few things in human nature change very slowly. and, pun intended, touching women slowly is one of those evergreen.
Hurrying and quick movements belong maybe to a magician’s slight of hands bag of tricks, but they have no place in the world of sexy, sensual and romantic.
How to touch girls, then? Slow.
A nightmare of many women is out of control men who jump on them too quickly, move straight to their vagina without any warm up, and then pound them rabbit style only to finish, again way too quickly (here’s happening to Carrie in Sex and the city).
By moving slow before the actual sex, you communicate you’re one of those men who’s been around and is in no rush. One of those men The Point Sisters talked about and who can spend some time warming up and reveling in the pleasure ;).
And it’s the same for social situations. Quick movements communicates you’re nervous, and quick pats on someone’s back communicate you want to break the hug and keep some distance. And the quicker one pats, the more uncomfortable he feels and the more a-sexual he wants to keep the interaction:
#2. Back-Handed Touches
The palm of your hand is the inner part of our hands. It brings the external world inside, it’s warm and welcomes people in.
Touching people with a full open palm is a sign of deep connections.
Guys avoid it often with other men for fear of looking too chummy, too close and… homosexual. So they go for the back hand to show distance in a misguided effort to look “super heterosexual”.
The problem with that is that touching someone with the back of your hand is also cold and distant.
Indeed, if you think of the nonverbal message of “whatever, I don’t care”, how do you do it? With the palm of your hand or with the back of your hand? Of course with back of your hand:
And we use the back of our hand to push things away, or to say we don’t want to have anything to do with certain people.
It should already be obvious by now why you don’t want to use the back of your hand with the woman in your relationship or for the woman you’d want in your relationship.
#3. Nagging Touch
Nagging touch is used in two occasions:
- friendly jokes
- when you’re trying to get someone’s attention
In the friendly case, you look a bit childish. Can be not too bad, but childish behavior is rarely sexy or romantic.
When you’re trying to get someone’s attention though it’s even worse. It communicates that their opinion matters hugely, that it’s more important than yours and that you are having troubles being heard. None of those say great things about you.
If you really need to interrupt her instead, just hold your finger high, touch her, or start speaking (and then apologize and explain why it was so urgent for you to interrupt).
#4. Bro Touches
Bro greetings are all those ways of greeting someone that men use, mostly among themselves.
- High fives
- Fist bumps
- 10 moves handshakes
- Clasping hand and touching shoulder
Try to remember someone using those.
And lemme guess, it was rarely women, right? Men mostly, and often young men.
And that’s exactly why you don’t want to use them with your woman.
Why They’re Terrible Ways to Touch Girls
You will notice that all these ways of touching girls are the same ways that guys would use with their male friends. But how would you feel if a girl escorted you out of the door with her hand on the small of your back? And if she took your hand like in the below picture?
A bit weird, right?
It’s because she’d be treating you like you would treat a girl. And it’s the same if you treat her like you would treat your best friend. Basically, when you overdo the bro touching you are:
- Slightly offending her
Because by treating her like a male friend you are negating her sexuality as a woman. And you are nonverbally negating the possibility of you two getting together, which takes us to our next point:
- Communicating (awkward) friendship
If you wanted to be sexual with her, you are drastically reducing your chances when you use any of the above mentioned bro-touches. Those are the fast way ticket into the dreaded friend zone.
If you already are in a relationship, it’s great if you two can be lovers and friends at the same time, but that doesn’t mean you should negate her female gender and sexuality.
When To Use The Bro-Touch
Who should you be using these bro-touches with, then?
Well, ideally, you would have a limited use of them with anyone, your guys friends included. Mostly go for it in locker room situations and when you’re half naked or a bit too physically close for comfort.
Quick motions, back hands and nagging touch I rarely see the need for.
If some men are your friends, don’t shy away from real hugs when you meet them and don’t be afraid open palms touches.
Men who are comfortable with their sexuality aren’t usually too scared of looking gay. It’s guys with lots of sexual hangups and closeted homosexuals who are often most afraid of looking like one (and it’s not bro-science, check “Reaction Formation“).
Look at the Godfather and notice: it’s all open palms. Even slight caressing. And is he worried about and looking gay? No. He is communicating that he cares, and that he takes care of the people around him, men included.
The Power of Touching A Woman
The biggest takeaway for you from this article is this:
- Treat women as women, not like your guy pal
- Slow down your touches
… And you will become a more attractive man.