There are many ways to invite a girl home from the date.
The very direct one from the picture above is not necessarily “wrong”, but it’s also not the most effective.
So in this article we review the best techniques and processes to take a girl from the date, to your place.
- 1. Invite Her After The Last Venue (“Nonchalant Technique”)
- 2. Invite Her While You Walk Away (“Positive-Pressure Technique”)
- 3. Seed During Date, Recall The Seed As A Ruse (“Seed The Pull Technique”)
- 4. Drip-Feed The Invite During The Date (“Breadcrumbing Technique”)
- 5. Invite Her As You “Happen To Walk” By Your Place (“Surprise Technique”)
- 6. Avoid This: Never Explicitly Tell Her, But Walk Her To Your Place (“Shock-Surprise”)
- Don’t Over-Sweat The “How”
1. Invite Her After The Last Venue (“Nonchalant Technique”)
My personal favorite together with #2.
In simple terms, you invite her home after you left the last venue -which is also the first venue if you’re doing one-venue dates-.
Here’s the process.
- At your last venue say “shall we go” when you’re ready to go and after a high: a “high” is any positive exchange you had.
Say it with an intonation that is 30% question and 70% statement. Think of “a question that’s not really a question and with one answer only: yes”. Leave it at that, don’t add any details. See Seduction University for the intonation.
- Start walking: if your place is in the same direction as your destination, start walking
- If your place is in the opposite direction, invite on the way out of the venue or right outside the venue (whichever is most natural).
- On a high say “hey, do you wanna come over just 5 minutes” at this stage, lighter topics are better than heavier ones, but go with anything that feels good. Then, on a high, say “hey, do you wanna come over 5 minutes”.
- If she says “yes”, you say “cool”, and then keep on talking
- If she asks “where”, you say something like “I’m staying really near, we can go for a quick drink”
- If she says she’s not sure, up to you, but it’s probably preferable to at least nudge again
- If she says “no”, you may say “are you sure, I could show you X”. If she says “no” again, you say “cool, OK”. If she can stay longer, go to another venue as it’s best to spend more time together after a no. If she says she must go, you say “cool” and walk her back
- Walk towards your place and be ready to carry most of the conversation
Many ways of inviting home can work well.
But I prefer after you’ve left the last venue because in that stage she’s not sure what’s going to happen, and she’s looking for leadership.
And if you had a good time and/or if you displayed good traits, she wants to stay longer with you.
It’s the perfect situation to invite her, lead and have her want to follow.
If you propose it in the first venue instead it becomes a more rational choice.
The vibe while you’re sitting is more about mutual assessment, and many women don’t want to be known as the girl who says yes on the first date.
For real-life example see SEDUCTION UNIVERSITY
2. Invite Her While You Walk Away (“Positive-Pressure Technique”)
To make this work you invite her:
- After the last venue
- While walking towards your place and her transport back home
- While she’s still not sure what you’ll do next
This is especially effective when:
- It’s a great date
- You have a good chemistry
- It’s still early
Why is it good in those cases?
Because all of them are leverage for you and (positive) pressure on her.
When you’re close to the metro or to her car all those elements heap up pressure on her because it’s either she goes home early and interrupts the good time or she comes to yours to keep enjoying you and the evening.
In a way, it’s a Machiavellian ploy.
However, it’s a victimless Mach ploy -or even a value-adding one-.
So it works like this:
- Walk towards the metro stop without saying anything about next plans
- If she asks where you’re going you remain non-committal, something like “lemme think of something”
- You stop or slow down by the metro, the sub-communication being “you can either go home now, or join me”
- Say “hey, do you wanna come over 5 minutes”
Alternate versions include not slowing down, keeping your pace, and delivering that line as you approach the metro.
Use momentum & “path of least resistance” with a “more to come” vibe
To execute it well the vibe MUST be that you’ll probably spend more time together during that same evening.
Or, at least, it’s still not sure what’s going to happen.
That’s crucial because if she’s already made up her mind that she will go home, then your chances plummet.
If her mind is made up to back to hers, coming home with you feels like a big change. All sorts of questions will pop up and, women being risk-averse, chances she’ll stick with the pre-planned and safer option.
People in general also tend to go for the path of least resistance, not for the change.
So if the vibe is that “the night is young, we’re having a good time and we’ll spend more time together”, then the momentum when you pop the invite works in your favor.
So this approach won’t work well if her car is parked far away, or if the metro is in the middle of nowhere.
If that’s the case, then walking away from the city sub-communicates that “the night is ending”.
It works great instead if her car or the metro are in the middle of the city and/or nightlife.
And it works even better if you went to some side street for your date and walking back feels like “going back to the city” (another reason why good logistics and living in the center is helpful).
For real-life example see SEDUCTION UNIVERSITY
3. Seed During Date, Recall The Seed As A Ruse (“Seed The Pull Technique”)
“Seeding the pull” is a concept of the early pick-up artist movement.
When it comes to inviting a girl home, “seeding the pull” means:
To open conversational threads about anything noteworthy, good, or interestg that can be had, seen, or enjoyed at your place and to use them later on as ruse to invite her home to enjoy that noteworthy thing
The seed also provides women with “plausible deniability”.
Such as, it protects her from feeling slutty because, on paper, she’s just coming for that interesting thing you mentioned.
So, in simple terms, this is seed:
- Say during the date you got something interesting at your place
- When the date is nearing the end, invite her to see that interesting thing
So if the man in the picture above seeded his wine cellar, he would recall that information when it’s time to invite the girl home.
And he would say something like “hey, wanna come over and check the wine collection”?
An example of the second part of the seeding technique:
Capote: wanna come back to my place and see the Ross Bleckner?
Capote Duncan most likely talked about his Ross Bleckner painting at home and, if it went particularly well, she said she love Bleckner’s work.
Then, when the date is ending, instead of saying “do you want to come back to my place”, he invites her to “see the Ross Bleckner”.
The ruse provides her with plausible deniability and helps to “erase” the association between going to his place, having sex, and “being too easy”.
Should you seed the pull?
Yes, it certainly won’t hurt and it often helps.
I don’t consider it a must and if you execute #1 and #2 well it won’t hurt you to omit it.
Still, if you wanna be even more on the safer side, seed it.
Remember the rule though:
- Make it natural
- Seed something true -no puppy you don’t have or skyline cityview at the first floor-
- Keep it simple and short, don’t overdo it
- Ideally, tailor the seed to something she likes
PRO Tip: Tailor The Seed
The best ways to seed anything is to follow the golden rule of “what’s in it for her” and tailor it.
So from the example from the initial picture, the man wouldn’t necessarily volunteer that he has a cellar home, but he would try to find something about his place that appeals to her tastes.
And if the topic of wine comes up and she says she loves wine, THEN he’d jump on that occasion because it’s tailored:
4. Drip-Feed The Invite During The Date (“Breadcrumbing Technique”)
The breadcrumbing technique consists of dropping various hints of pull during the date.
The hints can be in various forms, ranging from questions, to statements, to screens.
Whatever you use, the goal is to reach the final invite that it feels not like a big step, but like a foregone conclusion.
Todd uses and teaches this technique.
Here’s an example:
Todd: Are you innately a trusting or distrusting person
Her: I would say trusting (…) I would hope so
Todd: are you a trustworthy person
Todd is screening and checking how open she is to going back with him.
And he very indirectly suggests a pull home with the “trusting” topic -a common thought for women when it comes to going back to a man’s place-.
And he makes it more obvious right after:
Todd: so at some point, not right now, maybe later this evening or in the future I felt as I wanted to open up like and like tell you about myself, you’d be a worthy recipient of such information and trustworthy..
Her: lock it in
Dragging Out The Words
Besides spreading the invite over the date, you can also drag out the words by talking…. Slowly… As If… There Were…. Suspension Marks…
Why would you do that?
By dragging out the words and remaining vague you can read and analyze her reaction before you finish and commit to the invite.
The goal is to complete the invite only if you are sure you’ll get a yes. If you spot reticence instead you haven’t fully committed to the invite and you can still either drop it, change topic, or deny it was even an invite -you know, she was getting those “strange ideas” about things you weren’t even thinking about it-.
Ultimately, the goal is to forestall the risk of a “no” and avoid losing power.
Notice how Todd speaks in the video:
Todd: there is one place I’d take you but it’s like…
I want to know you…
better first… Kind of
Todd is hoping that she will jump in to fill the pauses and either sdk more about this place, or reveal her willingness to go.
Which happens a little later:
Todd: that’s the way, like… I was actually as surprised… I was surprised to find it’s like…
Her: where is it
Todd: it’s close, but… How do I know I can trust you. How do I know that you won’t like… You know… Steal my kidneys and you know… Sell them on the black market on something
Now Todd hopes she will volunteer reasons why she’s trustworthy enough to go with him -ie.: that she will qualify to him-.
A clever and high-power approach, if she qualifies.
Issue is… Many women have some basic power awareness and few will jump in. Only the ones who are either chasing hard, hyper-sold, or clueless will do it. And those, you can probably invite anyway without dragging it out.
The other issue is that you can sound gamey and tentative, and you don’t generally want to come across gamey and tentative.
5. Invite Her As You “Happen To Walk” By Your Place (“Surprise Technique”)
Geographically, with the “surprise technique” you deliver the invite rather in front of your place.
- Keep your next steps vague
- Walk by your place
- Say something like “I live here”
- Give a reason to go up
The reason to go up can be a previous seed, to “show something”, or simply to “show her the place”.
A high-dominance approach is to say that “you want to go up”.
This technique is a step closer to the “trick approach” we discourage below, so it’s not my favorite.
However, it’s not a trick because you haven’t lied about the destination and haven’t misled her.
Plus, she knows where she’s going before walking in.
And finally, one of the few guys I can vouch for after having seen him in action uses this approach, and it works great for him.
So if you like it, feel free to go for this one or at least try it out.
6. Avoid This: Never Explicitly Tell Her, But Walk Her To Your Place (“Shock-Surprise”)
Let me say this first:
Yes, there are ways to never make the invite explicit and make it work.
For example, if you say “let’s go watch a movie”, you don’t necessarily need to add “to my place” as that can be implied.
However, the less explicit you are, the easier it is to be misunderstood and deliver a jolting, negative “shock surprise” (plus, the way some dating coaches teach it is a manipulative trick).
And if she misunderstood, even if she liked you, you risk losing a lot of points.
This is exactly the shock surprise you want to avoid:
The other issue with the trick approach is that it’s either she comes in, or the odds of a second date drop to close to zero.
With the other methods, a “no” is not necessarily the end of it.
Whenever she says “no” you can either go to another venue, or cooly reply “OK great, I’ll walk you to the metro then”.
And you can still come across as a high-value, high-quality man.
With the “trick surprise” instead you’ll come across as a sneaky trickster, and that’s quite low value.
My personal experience with it
Albeit I never liked the “take her to your place without ever mentioning your place” approach, I do have experience with it.
I tried it a couple of times and I did it a few times more out of mistake (I wasn’t direct enough and she misunderstood).
A few times it semi-worked in the sense that she did come up.
But my intuition told me it would have worked the same -or better- if I had been clearer from the start.
But I clearly remember two instances where she went straight away to the balcony. When she beelines for the balcony it’s because you’re too low warmth, and she doesn’t trust being at home in a closed space with you.
And that makes sense: why should she trust someone who got her home with a sneaky trick?
I clearly remember two total failures as well.
Once she refused to come up because she thought we were going to another venue.
And my insistence was the final nail in the coffin.
I then gave it a couple more tries, and finally decided I was done with this approach. It was not only sleazy as f*ck, but also not very effective.
The craziest thing?
When I reported it on the forum to the (many) who supported the approach, they still insisted that defending the lie was the way to go.
They said that I had done it right almost until the end, and it failed because I was supposed to insist more saying that the “the bar” was right upstairs”.
Albeit I totally agree that it may work, it seems to clear to me that it doesn’t work equally well across the board, and with every type of personality.
And I had to wonder what wretched idiots those guys were bringing home.
As an aside, that was when I also started growing a bit wary of the various PUA communities.
Don’t Over-Sweat The “How”
Generally speaking, how you invite her home is important.
Everything is important, of course, and the inviting home is one of the crucial dating transitions.
Still, the date itself and how you come across generally matters more than the actual invite.
So focus more on how you act, talk, and lead during the date, than on executing a flawless invite home.
Purposefully, I tried an experiment with a date that I didn’t enjoy too much and wasn’t concerned about “ruining it”.
And what I did is that I invited her home in the worst way I could and see if it might still work.
Listen up for yourself:
SEDUCTION UNIVERSITY only
Me: (outside the venue, point blank, no smoothing around the edges) do you want to come?
Me: to the hotel
Me: to the hotel
Her: hmmmm but now… OK
That is not an invitation or excuse to be sloppy, of course.
But it’s to put things in perspective: do your best, and do your best to make your invite home as smooth as possible as well.
But perfection is often not required.
This is an excerpt from Seduction University, where we keep the best and most practical content.