Dominance, much like leadership, plays a crucial role in dating success.

Research shows men’s dominance can sometimes outweigh physical attractiveness in influencing dating success.

At TPM, we know this because we’re the most visited website on power dynamics, helping thousands of men to become more successful, assertive, and positively dominant.

Let’s start:

1. Master Interpersonal Dominance

Interpersonal dominance includes any dyadic interaction among people.

Research in evolutionary psychology highlights that human attraction involves both female selection and male competition in the form of dominance hierarchies.

Green is dominant, red is submissive

Dominance is important in both approaches.

However, the most effective strategy in modern dating is to disregard direct male competition and focus on man-to-woman interactions.

The author’s successful experience attests that you can date many women you want, without directly competing against other men.

How to Master Interpersonal Dominance

Interpersonal dominance includes the basics of a high-value man:

• Confident nonverbals
• Confident social behavior
• Confident speaking

And its opposite, eliminating low-confidence and submissive signals.

In our course we also share examples of dominance dynamics between men and women.

1.2. Show Your Dominance With Social Pressure

Principle:

⚖️ The more distress under pressure, the more power you lose

So keep your composure.
And don’t be afraid sometimes to heap some pressure.

🔎 Example:

However, remember to balance intensity with warmth on first approaches.

1.3. Win Power Showdowns 

Power showdowns establish dominance hierarchies through escalations.

Some are obvious and easy to spot.
But are smaller or covert and men miss them because they require power intelligence.

Imagine this dialogue:

Her: (haughty look, turning away) You’re so into yourself <— 📣 🟰 ‘You trying to be the prize‘

Him: Me? I’m so into myself? (turns to her, gets closer, louder but smiling) <— Counter-attack, dominance with warmth

Look at you, with the slim fit biker jacket, (reaches out to her scarf) the Italian scarf, the coiffed hair (touches her hair)
Yeah, nice try (pats her head) <— Babying power move & ‘benevolent sexism’

Her: (lowers her eyes, smiles) <— Please by the compliments… And that he ‘won’

That’s a date of mine, and a little later she followed me to my place.
I’m fairly confident this was the turning point on the way to bed.

2. Display Mental Dominance

Intellectual dominance is an underrated, yet crucial aspect of dominance.

Research indicates that intelligence is a highly desirable trait, especially for long-term relationships.
And narcissist researcher Keit Campbell lists ‘mental domination’ among the strategies narcissists pursue to maintain the upper hand.

So critical thinking, logic, and knowledge help.

But explaining things, influence, and frame control matter more.

🙋🏼‍♂️ I used to say “Do you want me to correct your English?“
To position me as the ‘spoken language authority’

2.2. Emotional Dominance

Including:

• Calmer under stress
• Resilient self-esteem
• Stable, fewer emotional swings

🙋‍♂️Lucio’s Take: Don’t say ‘I love you’ first

Lucio:
Seeking emotional closeness signals less experience and more to gain from the relationship.
And that’s lower value.

It also feels less masculine.

Albeit it’s unpopular advice, I’d advise a close friend that he -and the relationship- are better off if she is more emotionally invested.
Both in internal states, and external signals -hence: don’t say ‘I love you’ first-.

2.3. Mentor / Father Figure

Him: You don’t need comfort food with me :) <— Dominant, but value-adding dominance. And adds ‘:)’ for warmth.
Her: (loves it)
Him: You’re safe under my guidance <— High confidence, protective dominance. Adds ‘:)’ to take the edge off
Her: (loves it)
Him: Give me your contact and let’s make it happen
Her: (gives her number)

Both helpful frames for older men.

3. Social Dominance

Any aspect of dominance related to groups or social classes

3.2. Social Status Dominance

Women prefer higher status men (Buss, 2016).

Highest-status men in ‘dominance hierarchies’ monopolize women’s interest

So present yourself well:

• On upward trajectory
• High-status background
• Respected by other men -ideally with alpha potential

3.3. Benevolent Sexism

Benevolent sexism frames men as higher status than women.

Research shows some women like it because it combines dominance and warmth.

Example with a power move:

Bond: Dink, say goodbye to Felix
Dink: What?
Bond: Man talk (turns her around and pulls a power move)

To do this effectively:

• Do it in private, or at least avoid coworkers and family
• Do it with warmth, as if joking with a mischievous child

🙋‍♂️Lucio’s Take: She likes it IF you’re cool

Lucio:
Long ago I was seeing a (declared) feminist.

I wanted to pull a ‘pimp move’ and put some notes on the inside of her corset, telling her to go get drinks.

She complied.

But my friend, astonished and copying the move, got slapped.

Similar moves are good tests to assess characters.
⛏️ Example here (alumni only)

4. Romantic Dominance

Romance is a man’s job and a gift to her.

👉🏼 Execute a ‘seduction power move’ to make her swoon

Women remember first kisses more than first sex (Gottman, 2016).

Bring wine to a picnic, walk to a sunset view, passionately kiss her while capping her face/neck area.

Love the romance but also lead it.
You’re both a player and a conductor. Only she can get fully lost in it.

5.  Financial Dominance

Some financial power moves:

• “Where are you staying, I’ll send you a car”

• “Where’s your dream destination?
  I’ll take you there”

Many men do this wrong, trying to impress and financially over-extending otherwise modest resources.
That’s simping.

To do it well, you must spend like money means nothing to you and never to win her affection.

In short, to do it well you must be wealthy.
Otherwise, skip this.

6. Physical Dominance

The full spectrum of body movement and body contact.

While some resources focus on sexual prowess, physical dominance is much larger.

And must start with the basics:

6.2. Comfort With Touching

For example:

• Give her your hand to stand up
• Lightly touch her on a high point
• Lead her with your hand on the small of her back

⚠️ 7. Sexual Dominance Escalations

❗ These require advanced calibration, consent, and mutual trust. Always prioritize her feelings of safety ❗

NEVER TRY THIS:

We dig deeper in private spaces.

⚠️ 🛠️ Dominant Moves

Beginners skip these.

❗She must like you, and feel and know that she’s safe ❗

These are some advanced moves that men can use during escalation WITH warmth, consent, and mutual attraction:

1. Grab her neck
   • From behind when kissing or hugging
   • Frontally during sex
2. Pick her up, move to bed
3. Take her hand, walk to bed
4. Nudge her in a horizontal position
5. Increase intensity, overcome by lust, before pulling back
6. Pin her hands above her head in bed while you pet or remove clothing
7. Bite her (lightly!)

👉🏼 Be extra warm after a dominant escalation
To frame it as a good experience with a dominant, but kind man
⛏️ Two examples here (alumni)

Well-executed dominant escalation is attractive.

And shorter men can use it to rebalance dominance with taller women.
🔎 Example:

Him: (escalated dominantly)
Her: (swoons and chases him)

*note: she used a poor expression, it was safe

7.2. How to Be Positively Dominant: Add Warmth

• Step back between bouts of physical escalation if she isn’t ready
  • Lighten the mood
    Ie.: Tease, talk, or share interesting stories about yourself
  • Go hands-off and distant to show you’re not going to be all over her

• Display care & warmth
  Ie.: Forehead kiss, hug, light make out, caressing

• Tell her something nice
  Ie.: What you like about her

• Talk about your common history to frame it as romance
  Ie.: How you met, what you thought of her, etc.

• Share interesting but reassuring trivia about yourself
  Ie.: Your family life, your mother, your female friends

• Reframe win-lose into win-win
  Ie.: If she says you only want sex, say that you like her and want her to be happy

• Verbalize your next dominant move to prepare her, prevent guilt, and get a green light
  Ie.: “I am going to pin your hands now and remove your panties” <— ⚒️♟️ If she strongly objects, wait. If she says nothing, proceed

And most important:

👉🏼 Verbalize it’s safe!!

With a reframe example:

Her: You’re pushing me <— Take your hint! You’re overdoing it ❗

You: Wooo, don’t say that.
I just like you, but I want you to know 100% that you’re totally safe here, OK? <— Let her reply and confirm! ❗

Dominance and kindness combine the best of lovers and providers.
The lover excitement, and the provider’s kindness.

See a real-life effect of combining power and warmth:

Her: Behind the thirst for sex, you’re a gentleman

8. Sexual Dominance In Bed

Some dominant moves in bed:

How To Be More Dominant In Bed

• Lead the ‘position changes’
• Spanking
• Lead her inside an alley
• Tell her to tell you she loves your d*ck <— 🙋🏼‍♂️ Not my style
• Consume her, display an “animalistic” side
  Ie.:
  • Overcome by sexual lust, bend her against a desk
  • Undress her

Example of the effects of ‘ravishment’:

Him: (escalates and undresses her the moment they walk inside)
(…)
Her: I feel quite unreal

Careful with ‘telling her to tell you she’s yours’: it’s lower power and semi-toxic
It sub-communicates you want her to be yours, but she should want to be yours.
Same with ‘tattoo my name on you’.

8.2. Stay In Charge – Don’t Let Her Lead

Some women enjoy physical strength games.

She might for example wrestle you, or take charge of the escalation.

She’s rarely leading to sex, though.
Women only lead to sex with men who played coy all along, not with men who lost their leadership.

So you must either win or, I recommend, sidestep that game altogether.
⛏️ Example here (alumni)

I don’t know who started this old trend but it wasn’t a dominant man

🔎 Example: Teasing For Your Sexual Domination

Some women tease men to take sexual charge.

If the man acts on those signals it ends in lots of moaning and requests of harder pounding.

Example:

Her: (coquettish attitude) I’d like you to leave,
so I that can take a bath <— Hints at naked body

(puts perfume)
(stares him down) <— Challenge
(walks away) <—- Forces him to follow
(laughs at his outburst) <—- Covert attack at his manhood

Him: Shut up, pushes on the bed, escalates

But note that when women tease men to dominate them, the power rests with the woman.
Or, at least, she feels in charge for orchestrating the reaction and him re-acting.

To regain power after intimacy, he must have her come to him.

8.3. Predator-Prey Frame

Not the greatest example as alcohol had its effects, but compared to toothy smiles at the company party, it stood out:

Her: What a sight.
It has something sexually aggressive, as if you’re a wolf and I an innocent sheep

An intense, unblinking gaze can feel threatening with strangers, but in the right context and after comfort is established, some women experience it as highly seductive.

9. Dominant Relationships

Dominant men naturally resist women’s ‘domestication attempts’, and maintain power and attraction in relationships.

9.2. Provider Dominance

Some authors confuse any “providing” for submissiveness (‘beta males‘).

This is a limited view because the dynamics are different for high-status and dominant men.

🔎 Trump/Melania example

Trump: I’m not gonna be doing the diapers.
(…) She’ll be an unbelievable mother. <— Judge power move
(…) I’ll be, you know, making my deals. <— His role is to make money for luxury lifestyle

Also read:

• Provider and Lover Sexual Strategies
• Lovers, Providers, and Friends

And of course:

• Alpha f*cks, beta bucks

Positive Dominance vs. Pathology

Male dominance in dating is most important for short-term mating (Brown et al, 2022).

But excessive dominance can become repelling in long-term dating contexts because women fear it can turn against them.

The solution is simple: men must combine dominance with warmth, use it within win-win frames, and ensure she feels safe.
Indeed, research suggests that positive dominance is most attractive. And it remains attractive in long-term contexts as well.

This is important for women, and especially women asking us ‘how to date dominant men‘.
They may confuse positive dominance with value-taking dominance. And their attraction for short-term can turn into long-term toxic relationships with an abusive man.

This is a preview of Power University, where we help men become positively dominant—earning men’s respect, and women’s attraction.