Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Feedbacks & clarifications
In this thread, you received some top-notch feedback from advanced folks, including from an actual lawyer that, if you had consulted privately, might have cost you more than paying for that paint job.
From a social exchange point of view, you're indebted.
When you ask again, you go further into debt, and people are far less likely to want to answer again.
So before asking again, I recommend you first reply and thank the people who have given their time to answer you -it's not just etiquette, it's life effectiveness-.
You're a Power University alumnus, and this is one of the basics.
I don't know if when you enrolled the lesson on social exchange was there already.
But if it wasn't, I'd recommend reviewing it (there is no point in learning stuff without applying it, and it's a huge pity when that knowledge makes real-world difference).
Quote from Ali Scarlett on April 10, 2022, 3:13 amYou know, Lucio, it might be easier to share your goals (healthy nutrition, freedom, and ease of implementation) with a nutrition consultant and then craft your own "Lucio diet" based on their feedback and recommendations.
There's an old saying:
Lincoln: “If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe.”
Rather than testing each diet for 30+ days (testing each tree for which is the easiest to cut down), you can spend more time doing due diligence on who's the best nutrition consultant for your needs (finding the sharpest axe), and then move forward in a way that both meets your goals and does so in the fastest, most efficient way possible.
Short feedback for myself on this post:
Maybe, in the future, it would be more respectful to preface a (potentially seemingly obvious) idea with something like "if you haven't thought of it already" because it's more power-protecting/face-saving and, maybe especially so if they did actually already consider it and chose to go a different way.
That was GREAT feedback, Ali.
As a matter of fact, I believe that my style of "work on your own, trust yourself above the "experts"" has held me back big time and cost me in speed and efficiency in my own self-development -and it will likely keep doing so unless someone reminds me with a good old "wake up slap"-.
In the specifics of nutrition, I don't think there's anything that beats your own testing.
BUT, if I will want to test anything new going forward, I will now truly consider hiring a nutritionist -thanks to you-.
Edit:
BTW, I had totally missed that post, or I'd have replied / liked it.
Opened the journal clicking on the latest update and it went straight to Kevin's post and didn't think of scrolling up.
Finally, to end this conversation, albeit that post was great, you're also right. In many situations, it's best to approach a similar feedback it with a power-protecting disclaimer or "BTW frame", which is more power protecting.
Not only it's better at maintaining rapport, but it's also more persuasive.
OFF-TOPIC (on learning and development)
Luckily, there are also advantages to that "trust yourself, find your own way" approach.
One, you grow your own expertise.
Two, you're less likely to fall prey for gurus that are as likely to get it right than you are.
And three, you're more likely to find novel approaches. TPM wouldn't exist if I had put all of my trust in what were the "social skills" experts of the time.
BUT, one can combine both approaches: trust yourself, and hire one -or a few- expert(s).
OFF-TOPIC (on learning and development)
As per social exchange dynamics, I think you can be more effective in getting more input if you acknowledge the input already received.
For example, in this thread here on forums, I shared something and when there was no acknowledgment, it feels that the contribution was in vain -or, worse, that I was in a sucker's trade for having taken time to write, and then ignored-.
Now on this other thread here where you ask about manifestos, I'd wonder: that's an interesting topic, but if I contribute again, will it again be ignored?
Because the more I give without acknowledgment, the more of a sucker I become -and who wants to be a sucker?-.
A reply must not necessarily be positive, and can also be super brief.
Even saying why it does not work or why it's not helpful is better than silence, since it's a way of saying "I acknowledge the time/contribution and take some time back to reply".
Hey@lucio I see how this could be interpreted as lack of acknowledgment, but this was not my intention. I had my main site implode (bless WP and a mix of plugins) and had to replace it on short notice. The guy I hired got covid, and the site was down for far longer than I want to admit. Then I got my children on a weekend where I was not supposed to have them. Perfect storm. I queue potential posts on my notetaking tool and post only say 20% so this is why I posted twice in a short time, without engaging with the people answering. I've more stuff I've learned since and I'll post it as soon as I have to fulfill the TPM request of 'trying to answer your own question' (which I think is a wonderful request).
All good, all good, my bad if I further added to the grief with my note, obviously it wasn't my intention :)
@bel, thank you so much for your post in this thread.
You added to my thoughts and built on my original idea, but with a twist. I needed that twist, and your post fixes the main issue with my original post.
I forgot to communicate that I'm suggesting these power moves as potentially damaging in one on one or group scenarios.
Lucio made a note that the context is important, which I agree. It was my mistake for forgetting to note that I'm looking at the potential of these power moves within a more face-to-face socialization background, and your comment helped clear that up.
This is a feedback note for me to remember to communicate better moving forward.
Thank you again, Bel.
Quick note.
I'm not going to tag the user because I think she's here more for dating than for general social skills and power dynamics (and for selfish reasons as well: I want to use this as a learning opportunity, but also to keep it brief).
On this thread on introductions, the user asks a question.
Questions should be posted in the appropriate section, so I ask:
May I ask you to post that question in that dating section (you can simply copy and paste it).
My "may I" is power protecting, as if to say "do this favor to me", rather than a much more disempowering "you're using the forum wrong, please comply to the basic rules".
And "you can simply copy and paste it" is there to show that it will be very easy for her.
Her reply:
Quote from Bowden47 on June 13, 2022, 12:43 amNo problem 👍
Where's the issue with that?
Well, it's nothing major, but... Think about it.
What does "no problem" subcommunicate?
It subcommunicates that someone inconvenienced you and that you are not going to hold it against them.
The blame is on the initial asker, and the person saying "no problem" is holding the power and is kindly letting them off the hook.
"no problem" confirms she's doing a favor to me, and takes no ownership of the mistake.
On a forum, I'll let it slip.
If it were in person, I'd say something like 'thank you, here we do introductions, and questions about dating go on the dating topics. Now that we clarified that.... ".
That would re-frame the situation as "you misused the forum, thank you for correcting it (and now that you know the rule I expect you to stick to them)".
Hi guys! I just found this thread and I loved the idea. I'm fully in. Now that I've read more of Power University, I'm feeling more comfortable to venture a little bit more in the forum and chipping with my own thoughts somewhat more frequently - some threads are, I feel, still too advanced for me. In theses cases I don't usually respond, but I read and try to take in what I can.
If you guys have any feedback on the way I express myself in the forum, I would much appreciate it. It's a huge opportunity to learn, and it also helps me to contribute better.
In my personal life, I'm well aware that sometimes I tend to speak in a way that annoys people, and PU is helping me enormously with that. It's expected that some of it also happens here, but it's all unintentional. I'm here for the win-win.
Yeah, this thread is a goldmine for self-development indeed.
And so far, you come across as pretty awesome Kavalier, value-adding, socially well-adjusted and smooth, and quite smart too.
But no pressure for going forward: personal freedom and power is also in not letting positive impressions restrain you, so feel free to fuck up, add less value, be less adjusted, and to say some dumb things from time to time as I also sometimes do :D.
