You already know the basics of how to handle cockblockers, but not all interruptions are created equal. The strategy that works for a clueless friend will fail against an aggressive one-upper—and could sabotage your entire interaction.
This is the definitive guide on the taxonomy of cockblockers. We start explaining what exactly is a cockblock, and then break down 9 distinct types.
Cockblocker range from the Jester to the Power-Aware, and we provide you with the exact, scenario-specific strategy needed to identify the threat and secure your interaction without losing status.
Contents
What Is A Cockblocker
A cockblocker (or cockblock) is a person who intentionally or unintentionally interrupts a sexual or romantic pursuit, making it difficult or impossible for the initiator to succeed. This interruption, often called cock blocking, can range from a clueless friend delaying a conversation to an aggressive rival actively sabotaging an interaction.
1. The Clueless Friend
First of all, is the clueless friend.
You know the guy.
You are getting along with a girl, you flirt with her; she responds; everything says it’s all about the two of you… But the third wheel just stays there.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker
The clueless friend is easy to handle: you just gotta take the lead and let him know, as directly as it’s needed, that “you two”, such as “you and the girl”, are going somewhere and that you two—you and him—will catch up later (more like another day).
The day after, call him and apologize that you had to do it.
If he’s a good buddy, he will understand.
2. The Jester
The jester cockblocker will come in with high energy, crack jokes, ask opinions, and potentially engage in lots of touching with both you and the girl.
These are the sometimes pick-up artists who are following “high energy” models as espoused by early pick-up theory (Mystery Method, The Game) or RSD-style schools.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker
To handle these cockblockers effectively, you have to form a non-written bond with the girl that says “it’s the two of us, enjoying this clown”.
When the guy cracks a joke, look at the girl, not at him.
Don’t get too drawn in by his stories and jokes. Keep your body pointed towards the girl, and if she does the same, you’ve got this.
Then keep talking to the girl only, and if she replies looking mostly at you, she’s telling you she wants to be alone with you.
If the jester doesn’t get it, move her away with an excuse.
You can simply tell her or ask her if she wants to move somewhere else. For example “hey, do you want to go refill a drink” or “hey, shall we go check the dance floor”.
If she nods, put a hand on the joker’s shoulder and say “alright man, that was fun, pleasure meeting you”.
It’s also possible to do it the other way around and first tell the jester that it was nice meeting him, then invite the girl to move.
It’s very dominant, but it’s also more risky, and it gives more of your game away.
You also come across as more defensive while sending a very strong “I like you” signal before she commits to anything.
3. The Teasing One-Upper
This is a specific type of joke that can put most men in a bind.
There is a video on YouTube where a guy named Barron describes this exact situation:
His technique is to go over the top in a joking way.
I disagree with it.
It gives the cockblocker way too much importance and power, and he is following the cockblocker’s lead.
When you try to “outdo” the cockblocker, you also end up looking like a social climber, and by now you should know that’s far from optimal social behavior.
Where most people trip here is that they feel like they need to answer verbally—or, worse, physically—to the tooling man.
But that’s not the case.
Here are two big takeaways for you:
- You don’t need to reply to everyone
- Not everyone is worth your time and effort
How to Deal With This Cockblocker
Don’t engage him.
You don’t need to be confrontational about your refusal to engage.
You can even give the cockblocker a slight nod as if to say “I heard you, and I’m acknowledging you (but not going to give you full attention with an actual reply)”.
And then you can actually use him to strengthen the bond with the girl.
Like this:
Tooler: Hey man, you trying to pick up this chick, go ahead, ask her out, how’s your schedule Jane, this guy’s interested
You: (look at him and nod slightly, possibly even smile and say “hey man” then turn to the girl while pointing your finger towards the guy) funny guy here
Why is this move more powerful?
Because it obeys the law of least social effort.
The cockblocker bent out of shape to trip you.
He’s trying to get your attention and manipulate you, which is a high-effort behavior (and possibly motivated by fear).
When you try to outdo him, you put in even higher levels of effort.
Not good.
And you forget about the girl.
Terrible.
When you don’t engage him instead, you communicate that he’s not worthy of your time. Much more powerful.
4. The “Are You Two Together” Cockblocker
Have you ever had someone ask a girl you’ve recently met if you’re together?
Handling that question is not easy when you’re not (yet) together, but you’re interested, and things seem to be going well.
It puts you in a bind: saying yes is possible only if she’s dying to be with you. Otherwise, it communicates that you want her so badly while she hasn’t decided yet.
And that will sink your chances.
Saying no is slightly demeaning towards her, and it communicates that he’s free to intrude.
And if you don’t reply, you let the awkward silence linger, which reduces both yours and the girl’s social status—but mostly the man’s status as he should be the leader—and makes it painfully obvious you are not together.
Which is exactly what happens in this scene from The Breakfast Club:
Sporto is losing the most value because he is the man and he is not taking charge. He is also allowing a bad situation to fester, and women usually blame the man in these cases.
Bender, the “bad boy,” is not winning either, but he’s managing to destroy the romance between the two.
A better answer by Sporto here would have been to deal with Bender’s attack by dealing with his behavior or his motives, not with his words, which answer within his frame of reference and leave you stuck in a double bind.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker
If a cockblocker barges in and asks the two of you if you are together, you want to answer with something noncommittal, but without saying “you’ve just met” or anything that sounds demeaning to her.
A good option is to exit that frame and say that the two of you are talking and getting to know each other.
Then move back to the girl and cut him off.
If you two are already close, you can use this occasion to move her away with you.
If you are not yet close, watch how she reacts to your handling of the intrusion, as that will be a great test of how much she likes you.
5. The Fake-Friendly Cockblocker
The friendly cockblocker is insidious.
He leverages our inborn tendency to be friendly to people who are friendly to us (Cialdini, 1984).
However, don’t fall for it: he’s trying to trick you and ruin your interaction. Sometimes it happens to me with people who use Italian stereotypes in a seemingly friendly way to interrupt my conversation.
Like raising their voice with “ciao bello” and doing some Italian hand gestures.
This might seem friendly because they recognize your culture and are giving you lots of attention.
But don’t fall for it, it’s the opposite of friendly, and they’re acting way too dominant if they’re interrupting your previous conversation.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker:
A great way to handle this is by acknowledging them with a slight smile, but no more.
Don’t follow their high-energy lead, and you will come out of it much stronger.
Then stay focused on the girl.
6. The Socially Aggressive Cockblocker
There are many ways to be aggressive.
For example:
- Barges in and starts talking without being invited
- Tells you she is not free
- Come in and hug her as if to mark territory (even though he’s just a friend)
The correct mindset here is that if your girl is still there talking and engaging with you, other men don’t have the right to cut you off.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker
Whenever possible, don’t engage the cockblocker at all.
Either raise your hand as if to say one minute, or slightly turn your head and say “hey, wait for a minute, man”.
Example: the white-knighting cockblocker
Some years ago, I was at a club.
I was talking to a black girl, and she was happy to talk to me.
Suddenly, a big “jealous friend” (or maybe a friend of the guy she was supposedly seeing) butted in in a confrontational way.
I can’t recall exactly what he said; it wasn’t a quiet environment.
But I turned my head halfway between the girl and him and said loudly and sternly “I’m not talking to you, man”.
That stopped him in his tracks, which also suggests that attitude often overthrows size.
Pyrrhic victory, though: that also stopped my interaction with the girl.
The problem with using aggression against aggression is that it will likely sour the interaction.
And it mostly only works with cockblockers who don’t know the girl.
If the cockblocker and the girl are friends, it will force her to pick the friend over an unknown guy because sticking with you would ruin their friendship.
And, again, women are conservative and are more likely to pick a guy from their social circle over a stranger.
Social mastery is about using the least amount of force possible to get your desired outcome.
Better Strategy: Recruit Her Help
With an aggressive cockblocker who happens to be her friend, I recommend you recruit her help to handle him.
In the example above, you can ask her “do you know him”? If she says yes, then prod her to handle him by saying “All alright, cool, can you tell him it’s all good here?”.
Move Her Away From The Confrontation
If the cockblcoker doesn’t know the girl and you successfully used aggression against aggression, seek to move her right away.
You want to look like you’re “protecting her” and want to move away from an unpleasant interaction.
If you stay stuck there, she will likely excuse herself and abandon what looks like a nasty and dangerous environment.
7. The Physically Aggressive Cockblocker
Look at this scene from Scarface:
A mistake many men make here is to think they need to fight for the girl.
That’s a typical male mindset applied straight to women.
But since men and women are different, that does not always work well.
There has likely been some physical competition among men for women in our past as a species, but evolutionary psychology, together with real-life observation, shows that violence is rarely conducive to seduction or sleeping with girls.
You shouldn’t have to fight for a girl who likes you.
And if she didn’t like you to begin with, then you’re fighting for nothing, and you’re better off moving on to a girl who actually likes you.
How to Deal With This Cockblocker:
A better course of action here?
Tell the girl to follow you somewhere quieter.
If she follows you, she wants you.
If not, she might prefer the guy, or she might enjoy seeing men battling for her.
I’m not telling you necessarily to back down, but I am telling you that you are going to lose power vis-à-vis her, even if you win against him.
Even if you were to win, you’d end up being the powerless one because she just played the “contest game” on you, and that makes her the prize of the relationship.
Also read:
8. The Power-Aware Cockblocker
This is the rarest breed, and they’re potentially the most dangerous.
They come in and ignore you.
Most guys would naturally try to get his attention, and right there and then, they lose.
If a guy ignores you and just talks to the girl, it’s paramount that you ignore him as well.
If you try to get a man’s attention when he’s given you none, you basically acknowledge him as a higher value.
And 99 times out of 100, you’re toast.
Avoid laughing at his jokes, too, or you risk looking lower value:
Don’t laugh at his jokes, or you risk looking lower-class. Just arch your lips up if it’s good, and that’s it
How to Deal With This Cockblocker:
What you must do when a man butts in and ignores you is to do the same as he does and only engage the girl.
She will then be the one to choose.
You must be wise about it, though.
Avoid looking like you’re vying for her attention, which puts you in the chasing and power-down positions.
If he is trying to get her attention, let him while you avoid over-investing: he is actively devaluing himself.
Talk normally, and if she engages you more and looks at you more often, then get into some slightly more personal topic that will make it obvious this is about you and her.
For example: “oh I see, I had a similar experience actually, how did it feel for you when… “.
Alternatively, you can flirt with her.
Touch her arm while saying with a smile “And I bet you’re always flirting with that handsome boss of yours, aren’t you“.
If she plays along with you, you are effectively cutting each other out, which is perfect for your seduction.
