Psychopath Free (2015) explains the psychopath’s strategies to control partners.
It’s based on the author’s own experience, plus what he has learned networking and helping other psychopath survivors. Ultimately, this book is a guide to help people who have been -or are- in a relationship with a psychopath.
TPM Note: This book offers a highly instructive first-hand experience, yet victim-framed and lacks scientific grounding
We encourage readers to complement this book with more rigorous scientific guides on narcissism or psychopathy, and to consider self-development to become less naive, more power-aware, and more resilient.
Overview
- Psychopaths feel nothing, but they fake emotions to make you fall in love and hook you in
- It starts with love and idealization, then they turn the tables on you, and then they dump you
- Psychopaths feed on unhealthy needs: cure those, but don’t become a dark person
Notes
Jackson MacKenzie says that getting involved with a psychopath is a dark journey that will take you into depression, rage, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts.
But it will also open your eyes to human nature, society, and your own self.
And ultimately, it will heal you and make you stronger.
Psychopath Free is a book to help you along that journey.
The Author Refers to ‘Psychopaths’ as ‘Manipulative Individual’
The author says that a psychopath is a manipulative individual.
They are completely devoid of empathy and intentionally harm others without any feeling of remorse or regret.
The author says that in psychopaths behave the exact same way as sociopaths and narcissists.
Their relationship, says the author, follows the same pattern:
- Idealize
- Devalue
- Discard
TPM Note: Imprecise and incorrect
‘Sociopaths’ is not an actual diagnosis and while psychopathy factor 1 may include narcissistic traits, it’s also very different from psychopathy factor 2. Many psychopathy factor 1 may not get attached in the first place.
Spotting Toxic People
Psychopath Free has a list of 30 points to spot and recognize toxic people.
Here are the ones that I found most relevant:
- Gaslighting and crazy-making (deny their lies and manipulative behavior)
- Always your fault (you’re too sensitive or crazy)
- Can’t understand you (you’re always explaining your feelings)
- Hypocrisy (high expectations for you that they don’t meet)
- Lying and excuses
- Focus on your mistakes (and ignore their own)
- Selfishness
- Need for attention
- Provoke emotions, then accuse you of being too emotional/jealous
- They have cheering fans that adore them (and exes and potential lovers)
- Encroach your boundaries
- Disrespect you
- Withhold attention (and undermine your self-esteem)
- Expect you to read their mind (if plans changed, you should have guessed it)
- In the beginning, constantly initiate communication
- They seem to be fascinated about you
- Positively compare you to others in their lives, BUT
- Later on, negatively compare you to others in their lives
- Your qualities become your faults (albeit that happens to “non-psychopaths” too)
- Cracks in their masks (fleeting moments when they look completely different)
- Easily bored
- Surrounded by former lovers and potential mates
- Pity plays and “poor me” stories
- Push/pull (showering of attention, then ignoring you)
- Sacrifices on your end, but little on their end
- Early humble and sweet appearance turns to arrogance
For more on spotting toxic people check out this article:
Or read on dark psychology:
The Psychopath Relationship Cycle
The relationship stages with a psychopath follow a pattern of three stages.
1. Idealization Stage
In the idealization stage, the psychopath makes their target believe they have met the love of their lives.
The author calls it “love bombing”, including constant praise, make you the center of their world and constantly texting first. He is just making that stuff up to hook you in.
The psychopath will try to convey a few key feelings to strengthen his hold on you:
- We are so similar
- We have the same hopes and dreams
- We share the same insecurities
- You’re so beautiful
- I’ve never felt like this before
- We are soul mates
Once you are fully hooked, the psychopath moves to the second stage.
TPM Note: No strong evidence was found for narcissists ‘Love bomb’
As leading narcissism researcher Keith Campbell states in his book. Love bombing also doesn’t jibe well with personalities who prioritize power, since it gives power away.
2. Devaluing Stage
The first step of the devaluing stage is testing.
The psychopath wants to make sure that you are fully under his spell.
He might go radio silence for a few hours and days when he was previously always texting you.
Or he might use dirty words in bed to test your reaction.
When you react, he will say he was just busy and imply that you’re too needy or jealous.
Of course, he orchestrated everything on purpose.
During the devaluing stage the dynamics change: he is not chasing you anymore. Now you are chasing him.
You start to be afraid that he might be losing interest, that he might be pulling away.
The threat of breakup is indeed always in the air after the idealization phase.
You are terrified of that possibility and will try your hardest to be on your good behavior, walking on eggshells.
The psychopath makes you feel that it’s you who is ruining everything, and you start believing indeed that you are too needy, jealous, and “not good enough” for the psychopath.
You crave his approval.
You hope that if you can only change your behavior or if you can only prove to him how good you are, then he will love you again the way he used to.
The psychopath will actively funnel your internal fire.
He will use a few tried and tested techniques, including:
- Gaslighting (lie and then deny his lie; make you jealous and accuse you of being crazy)
- Silent treatment (letting you stew on your own bad feelings)
- Triangulation (joke with an ex, flirt with someone new)
TPM Note: This denotes target dependency and low self-sufficiency, not just ‘psychopath strategies’
It’s a two-way streets. It’s neediness that co-contributes to ‘making you fearful for the relationship to end’. The other person’s manipulative tactics rely on that foundational neediness.
3. Discard Stage
Eventually, the psychopath will dump his victims for a new and fresh target.
MacKenzie says that they will do it in the worst way possible.
If you’re traveling to see them, they will dump while you’re in transit. If you’re going through a tough time, they’ll probably dump you right in the middle of it.
They will jump right to the next target, leaving you a mess while they go about happy and carefree.
The author says they will make it a point to hurt you and to show you happy they are now.
Why?
MacKenzie attempts his own explanation:
Why They Destroy You
They destroy because psychopaths are obsessed with winning.
A psychopath at the same time despises weak victims who beg while at the same time enjoying their power over them.
Their obsession with social dominance also wants to make sure they are getting a better partner. And what’s the best way than to harm and impair the previous ones?
And, finally, they hate you.
You remind them of what they don’t have: love and empathy. They feel superior for not having those feelings, but they also must fake those qualities day in and day out.
Gaslighting and Projection
Gaslighting is not always obvious.
Sometimes it’s just about denying a small event or denying ever having said something.
It increases as you drift more and more into a typical abusive relationship.
They will deny the obvious, while you repeat to them over and over exactly what they said. Only to realize though that you sound petty.
They look calm, and you look increasingly nervous and on edge acting, indeed, a bit crazy.
And in case you can present actual evidence, the psychopath will punish you with silent treatment and withdrawal.
Psychopaths’ Targets
Psychopaths settle for targets who don’t truly see their nasty behavior.
And the ones they dump are the ones that catch on their games, even if that means they will act crazy and wild.
Here are some characteristics of the best targets for psychopaths:
- Givers
- Insecure people who find self-worth in taking care of others (co-dependent partners)
- Feel happy to make others happy
- Conflict avoiders (set aside issues to maintain a semblance of harmony)
- Passive-aggressive (people who won’t stand up to them)
- Forgivers (forget and don’t behold grudges)
- Strive to see good in others
- Looking for life-long partners
Psychopaths Put You on the Defensive
The author says that the psychopaths will accuse you to put you on the defensive.
It’s because when you defend yourself, you seem guilty by default. And even if you’re not actually guilty of anything, when you defend your own opinion and assumption start to change.
It’s difficult not to defend sometimes if you are not used to this type of behavior.
How can you not defend yourself when your partner, the one who supposedly loves you, believes you’re a bad person?
Once you’re on the defensive the psychopath can relax and sit back while you bring about your own submission and emotional demise.
Psychopaths feed on unhealthy needs, not everyday kindness
Criticism
This will be a long list of cons because I had quite a few reservations.
However, keep in mind that I am always more critical of (potentially) great and life-changing books and there is much good in Psychopath Free.
Unscientific, Imprecise
The author presents his book as the description -and solution- for a relationship with a psychopath, sociopath, narcissist, histrionic, or borderline personality disorder.
Obviously, these are different personality disorders with different characteristics, different behavioral patterns, and they require different approaches.
Lacks in Logic Sometimes
Just as an example, the author says that an element that makes the breakup so painful is that the next target gets from the psychopath something that you never got.
The author implies that the next target factually, always has it better than you.
But that’s a statistical impossibility because it would mean psychopaths always move towards better and more serious relationships.
Obviously, that’s rarely the case.
‘Victims’ Profile’ Misses the Real Key: Easy Targets (Low Power)
The author suggests this when he says that these toxic dynamics feed on ‘unhealthy needs’. Later, he also suggests that victims may have been passive and submissive for too long.
He is absolutely correct, that was key, and there are more crucial traits that boost the odds of becoming a victim, including:
- Lacking experience
- Naive/idealistic
- Insecure attachment
- High neediness / low self-sufficiency
- Isolated/introverted
- Potentially low sexual market value, few options
These are all symptoms of the same source: the targets most at risk are lower power. Please note that by no means is this to suggest that the blame lies anywhere else than with the perpetrators.
Instead this is an empowering realization, because it also suggests the best solution: boosting mental and social power.
Lists Obsessive Behavior as ‘Typical’
The author discusses the “typical behavior” of a psychopath’s victim, which includes stalking-like behavior. I don’t know how typical it actually is, but it seemed like the textbook’s wrong approach to a breakup.
Psychopath’s Descriptions Are Contradictory
First, it says psychopaths know how to touch you, give you great sex, and have a tribe of adoring fans.
Then it says that in the beginning you pity them and you feel like helping them (note: this seems more aligned with vulnerable narcissism).
Which one is which?
They don’t seem very compatible descriptions, and if it’s two different styles, the author should have made that clearer.
Some Claims About the Author’s Website Raise Questions
The book talks a lot about the forum the author has founded and I checked it out when I first wrote this review. The forum is closed to new members and had this notice:
PF has grown from a small website into a thriving community with millions of monthly visitors
I checked PF’s traffic with a popular tracker at the time, and it wasn’t anywhere near what was claimed.
PROS
Helpful Resource
Psychopath Free has helped thousands of people, and that’s always great to hear.
Some Valid Insights
We always appreciate and value first-hand experienceo on this website (it’s one of our core pillar for accuracy).
Review
Although weak on science and rigor, Psychopath Free offers a valid, first-hand, arrowing experience of an emotionally destructive relationship with a potentially psychopathic or sadistic individual.
While this is no excuse for the abuser, the author doesn’t list the target’s own weakness as a major vulnerability for such predation. One may notice that being a loner, closeted and without prior relationship experience, and potentially with an insecure attachment style, may have created a vulnerability cluster. And it may have sent out ‘exploitability signals’.
That being said, we are happy if this book can help anyone avoid the same experience, or recover from one.
And hopefully our website on personal empowerment can also offer some useful guides.
Start here, for example:
