How to Make Her Fall In Love: 14 Proven Steps

cartoon of girl with heart-shaped eyes
woman in love kisses her boyfriend

How do you make a girl fall in love with you?

It’s simple: be a high-value man.

Really, if you’re generally working on becoming a high-quality man, most women you date will fall in love with you.

But if you want to take it to the next level and really steal her heart like nobody before, then keep on reading.

1. Start With The Basics: Be A Cool Guy

The basics are your 80%.

Do these, and most women you date will fall in love with you:

  1. Be high value
  2. Be higher power than her
  3. Date high power, mind the basic dating power dynamics
    1. Make sure you’re not chasing, giving too much while taking too little, etc. etc.
    2. Be slightly less available than her
  4. Lead (resolutely, but in a collaborative, win-win way)
  5. Get to know her well, bond and connect, stay curious about her and her life
  6. Have your personal life priorities, passions, friends, and goals you’re pursuing
  7. Be a good lover, find time for good and/or passionate sex with her, make her orgasm if possible
  8. Maximize oxytocin, maximize skin-to-skin contact after sex, hug often
  9. Do quality time together -quantity helps as well of course, but focus on quality over quantity-
  10. To sustain love move the relationship forward, grow together, or take on new challenges and do new experiences together

That’s it.

If you’re in Power University, you already have all the tools to make women fall in love with you.
And you follow the straight line seduction and processes we set here you’re also dating well.

All you have to do is to eventually find one who likes you enough to start dating you.

Target selection

cupid shoots arrow to make a girl fall in love

Obviously, women differ.

Both in terms of personality, and how they relate to you.
And it’s easier to make some women fall in love than others.

These women are more likely to fall in love quicker and harder, and easier to remain devoted to you:

  • Lower value women: people tend to fall harder for higher sexual market value partners, so everything will be easier if you “date down”
  • Lower socio-economic class women: the qualitative lifestyle jump make falling in love easier
  • Younger and/or inexperienced women: tend to be more idealistic and have lower defenses, plus everything is new and exciting for them and the power/leadership gap is larger


You can make most women fall in love.
And I’ve personally been with women who were more attractive women -not that difficult anyway :)- and, even when I was not much experienced, still fell in love hard.
So albeit unrealistically high standards are an issue for many, we’re not recommending driven men to “date down” because you can get both: awesome and loving women.

What we do recommend though is to pick women who:

  • Like you: women who appreciate and like you tend to be more loving, devoted, and even kinder
  • Appreciate your qualities: same as above
  • Have good interpersonal chemistry with you: getting along well makes for better quality time together, which is an important element of falling in love

2. Lead (Ie.: Be an “Eagle Leader”)

man leads a woman taking by her hand
Picture by Eric Spiegel, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Your leadership is crucial to make women fall in love.

Egalitarian dating wins you virtue-signaling points, but male leadership wins your women’s hearts.

And the type of leadership that best makes girls fall in love is based on:

  • Safety and trust (win-win leadership): love is based on letting go, abandoning herself to you. And she cannot let herself go unless she feels safe, consciously and subconsciously. An edgy man or an asshole can lead into the bedroom, but it’s difficult for her to let go when she doesn’t also feel safe. So warmth and comfort are also crucial.
  • Control over the environment: once she feels safe with him, she must also feel safe with him from the world. This is one of the reasons why your place is the perfect final location for love. It’s safe, you safely came back from the outside world, and everything is fully under your control.
  • Intellectual / mental leadership: since falling in love is a psychological and mental product, she must feel he is also “mentally” leading and higher power.

Many of our processes and strategies are based on hitting these crucial notes.

3. Do Memorable Dates (Ie. “Total Dates”)

We call them “total” because they contain all the ingredients that make women fall in love.

  • Connection & bonding
  • Personal disclosure
  • Fun / silliness / playfulness
  • Great food / wine
  • Great intimacy
  • Romance

“Total dates” are one of the best ways to make girl fall in love because they are simple, easy to replicate, and reliable.
All you have to do is:

  1. Have a great dinner: ideally, go there hungry and make it a feast
    • At home, generally preferrable
    • At a restaurant where physical proximity is possible. Some privacy is also ideal (ie.: Japanese places with your own room)
  2. Have a little special reason or make it feel special: “feel” comes first and you don’t really need a reason. But if you want to add a reason, can be a small celebration -celebration of life or of you two if there is nothing-, a topic you want her opinion on, or a “special food” you can talk about (in my case: pecorino, parmiggiano, olives, mozzarella, etc., etc.)
  3. Romantic environment (candles, wine, etc.)
  4. Background music
  5. Have an (emotionally) safe, intimate, and romantic time
    • Personal disclosures
    • Deeper conversation
    • Intimacy between meals
  6. Sprinkle joviality and good mood

Most of the times when women professed their love to me was either during “Total Dates”, or when having a good time with a bottle of wine.

If you have developed a “seductive environment“, then your total dates take place there, with the full experience on.

You can do bigger and longer “full dates” on weekends, in which case you can combine with the inebriation and/or full-day technique.
But shorter middle-of-the-week ones are also fantastic.
They punctuate their duller week with romance and love, and make you stand out even more.

Keep doing total dates during the relationship, turning them into an intimate ritual of pleasure for you two.

4. Penetrate Her Mind

man hypnotizes a woman

Falling in love is, in good part, a function of “mental real estate”.

Such as: how often she thinks of you, plus in what terms she thinks of you.
To be “important” in her life, even negative feelings and thoughts will do. But since we’re aiming for love, devotion, and generally value-adding influence, you want positive thoughts and associations.

Once you’re setting up those positive associations, you want to “activate them” as often as possible because neuroscience shows that the more often a neural pathway fires, the stronger that association becomes.

In simple terms, you want to develop a positive association between you and positive feelings in her mind, and fire up that association as often as possible (without chasing or being taken for granted).

So your goal is to:

  • Make her think about you: strike a balance between texting & meeting enough to be top of mind, without overdoing it so that you get taken for granted. To maximize power of repetition and personal power let her come to you slightly more than you seek her out
  • Make her think positively about you: generally being high-value and uplifting is enough
  • Create more positive associations with you: experiences, great dates, inside jokes, plus all we teach here creates positive associations
  • Extend & repeat those associations over time: or what we call “thread expanding” in power dynamics. Keep on reading

One simple way of recalling and thread-expanding on positive associations is to create inside humor and stories, and to ping her with positive associations.
Ideally, it’s things you:

  • Laughed about
  • Inside stories, jokes, and fantasies you created
  • Funny things you both self-disclosed about yourself

A simple and effective ping is a day-after picture after a “Total Date”.

You still want to be strategic with your pings and not be always available.
But a good reminder is: ping a woman who’s not into you, and it’s chasing. Ping a woman who’s dating you and about to fall for you, and she’ll swoon.


text example of how to make a girl fall in love with you
It was an obligatory ping. She brought lots of food and then took one sandwich back home and left one to me. And she said “we’ll eat it tomorrow and think about each other”. That’s self-pinging, and you must jump at those opportunities

She’s bored at work, and then gets a picture of you reminding her of the great time.

For more “dark psychology techniques“, see Seduction University.

5. Romance Her (& Yourself)

painting of a couple on a gondola

There aren’t many women in the world who don’t enjoy -or dream- of romance.

Romance can work any time, including pre-intimacy.
But, generally speaking, it works better after you’re already together, or when you’re courting over a few dates (as opposed to one-date intimacy approaches).

There are a thousand ways to romance:

  • Candlelit dinners:
  • Flowers: a good friend of mine broke a few women’s hearts without even trying. He’s naturally incredibly thoughtful and kind. He’d bring flowers on first dates, make gifts, care about her, and even make gifts to her family. Then, he’d ask me why women got so attached to him, or “how can one have sex with no string attached”. He didn’t realize he was acting like a perfect boyfriend
  • Gifts, especially personalized gifts for her that include art and poetry
  • Romantic music:
  • Slow dance
  • “Stereotypical” romantic activities & moments, don’t underestimate the power of the “romantic cliches”: they have become cliches because they worked. So yes to boat rides, picnics, trips to Venice, gazing into each other’s eyes, etc.

The best way to romance is to enjoy the romance yourself.
As we said a few time, you’re both a conductor leading and an actor enjoying the play.

An example of romantic dance:

Him: this music, this place, isn’t it perfect. Will you dance with me (gives her his hand)
Her: (faints)

Of course it’s a TV show so they exaggerated the reaction. But moves like these do make girls fall in love with you.

6. Create “Us Bubbles”

I was once sitting on a bench with an ex of mine in our early dating stages.

We were in front of a little park, nothing special, with people walking by and one dog playing around.
We sat, looked at the world around us, and commented on it.
For example, I remember the dog was strangely slow. I pointed it out to her and we both focused on it. I made some fun of it, saying the dog in his mind was so fast and furious. We turned it into a little story, and both laughed.

After a while, she literally commented:

Her: Oh my God, it feels like it’s only you and I in the world

That’s the “us bubble”.
And that’s when I knew for sure she was falling in love -or more like “plunging”-.
If I wanted to thread expand and cement that moment I could have taken her hand, said “it is only you and I, baby”, and then kissed her romantically.

Family Guy has a good skit on the “bubble” feeling:

A bit too “social climbing” in this video example and he’s not exactly leading, but it’s a good scene to understand some of the underlying dynamics.

To be more eagle-like and higher quality you want to avoid pushing people down so badly.
You can laugh at people, but it’s more “laughing for fun” around your crazy stories than “laughing at them” and pushing them down.

Good ways to re-create the us bubble:

  1. Sit somewhere where you can watch the world around you
  2. Sit close and next to each other
  3. Make your place secluded, or at least without people beside and around you. This is helpful to make her feel safe to relax and let go
  4. Observe, comment, & create storylines: the feel is you two, watching the world, but “from the outside”, “from the vantage point of your own world”
  5. Self-frame you two as “better”: this is where some social climbing can be accepted. If you see some boring people, or even better, some boring couple, say it. Comment on it. That self-frames you two as “a better couple”, in a class of your own
  6. Alternate jokes and sharing personal stories, this mixes light-heartedness, “us bubble”, and emotional disclosure. A powerful cocktail. Preferably keep the stories light and entertaining
  7. Ask probing questions, so you alternate fun with getting to know her more deeply. “Weird” questions work great here, but calibrate to the woman. For example, when watching the dog you might ask “would you ever eat dog meat for one million” and that works great with more open-minded women, but backfires with more empathic and PC women
  8. Be politically incorrect: the bubble works best when she’s free to be raw and fully honest. Lead her there by being yourself on the politically incorrect side
  9. On a high, kiss her: women often remember the first kiss more than the first sex. Kiss her passionately, and you’ll cement the “us bubble” in her mind forever

The “us bubble” can take place in many situations and locations, including clubs.
One good way to replicate it though is in the morning, after you’ve spent the night together. That caps the date and ends on a high, leaving her with sweet feelings and memories of you.

“Us bubbles” are also the perfect time to create “inside stories & jokes”:

7. Create “Inside Stories & Jokes”

Inside jokes and stories are jokes and stories that would make little sense to most people, but that are meaningful or funny to you two.

It’s anything that she can talk and laugh with you, but you only.

As a rule of thumb:

The more inside stories and jokes you have, the more special you -and you two- become.
And the more inside stories and jokes you have, the more mental real-estate you’ll occupy.

This is part of what relationship researcher John Gottman refers to as “shared meaning”.

Every time anything in her life reminds her of that inside story and joke, she’s reminded of you.
And how you only would understand what she’s feeling (how powerful is that!).

Some examples:

  • Fun stories or fantasies you laugh about

With the whole world she discusses logically -and boringly-.
But with you, she can step into a new world.

  • Politically incorrect inside stories

With the whole world, she’s “proper”, with you, she’s “real” -how good is that!-.

  • Personal disclosures (that you turned into an inside joke)

She doesn’t disclose her personal things to anyone else.
Only with you.
Bonus points if it was something that bothered her and you managed to turn into a positive and/or something she can now laugh about.

  • Fun things about you two

Maybe she likes pandas. And you make fun that it’s a sexual thing, and it becomes an inside joke.

Every time she sees a panda, she thinks of you.

  • Shared meaning and stories about other people

For example, you can come up with nicknames for people in each other’s lives.

Bonus points if it’s politically incorrect information.
For example, with an ex of mine, we used to laugh about her sister being the prototypical virtue-signaling feminist.
Nothing mean, but imagine that: we made fun together about her sister. That almost automatically makes you closer to her than her sister.

And a technique that probably deserves its own sub-chapter:

7.2. Do Something Crazy & Memorable

How “crazy” it needs to be to help her fall in love depends on the woman.

But for most women, it barely is anything crazy at all.
Sneaking a bottle into a cinema to watch a romantic movie might be all you need.

Doing something “sexually risque'” is also good.
For example, sneaking into some building for sex or oral sex, or for outdoor sex.

8. Get Inebriated Together

couple in love having a glass of wine together

Love is about “letting go”.

And inebriation helps to let both physically and psychologically.
Some alcohol is particularly helpful when she was already feeling something for you, but was afraid of showing it.
The inebriation helps and frees her to experience them fully, amplify them… And often even communicate them to you.

There are many advantages and techniques around inebriation.

One of them is the “freedom to brag”.
Generally, we don’t recommend bragging or anything that feels “forced” when displaying your personal value.

And that makes sense, right?
If you do, you come across as try-hard and like you’re trying to impress her. And that’s low value.


The beauty of getting inebriated is that when you’re inebriated you get a pass on almost anything.
You can brag a little, you can open up about what have been difficult periods in your life without coming across as negative or with baggages (and then quickly transition to happy topics).
The stark contrast of vulnerable sharing, and then back to laughing and enjoying life makes it all the more memorable.

Other techniques to make her fall in love with you:

  • Talk about your exes, how attractive or cool they were, and that increases your preselection and her attraction
  • Dig deeper into her past without looking jealous, because you’re just sharing stories
  • Sing and act silly, stoke her “motherly instincts”. What would be “childish” becomes “fun and lust for life”, while still maintaining the overall frame of “high-power” and “effective in life”.
  • Revisit the story of your romance, how you met, what you truly thought of her, ask her what she truly thought of you, and grow closer without looking cheesy or defensive

You can also combine inebriation with the “full day together” experience -as a matter of fact, we recommend it-,

Some of my great love experiences -and some of the easiest to replicate- have been with wine.

  • Smuggling wines into theaters as a student
  • The opening story in Seduction University, chaperoning through the Eternal city and punctuated by dinner and wine
  • Picnics and wine
  • Romantic home-cooked dinners at home with wine (“Total Dates”)

9. Giver Her A Whirlwind Romance

man takes a woman on a boat trip to make her fall in love with him

A whirlwind romance is a seduction that either:

  1. Happens very fast, out of attraction and chemistry, not easy to replicate systematically. But long pauses and eye-gazing work. Sometimes, evening opening her and just looking at her for a few seconds can stoke chemistry and attraction
  2. Takes place over several consecutive hours going through different places and emotions (“perfect days”, see later)
  3. Takes place over several dates closely spaced together
  4. Move from first meeting to talking of love and starting couple life at breakneck speed, see Seduction University

9.2. Fast Dating

If you’re going for several dates, having those dates closely spaced helps create a “whirlwind romance” feeling.

Some good fast dating:

  1. A quick coffee or bite
  2. A dinner date
  3. Doing something fun
  4. Cooking at home

The key to make her fall in love during the process is the feel that you two are going to be together (or that you’re destined to be).
When that happens, sex becomes secondary and she can be “yours” before sex even happens.
In between, you will send texts, pictures, check-in on each other, and care for each other.

This works best with women who are very interested in you and with women who are more conservative.

10. Do “Perfect Days” Together (full day romance date)

There is something magical about spending a long time together while passing through several different places and situations.

The popular movie “Before Sunrise” that we use as an example of bonding and connecting is the story of man and woman spending a day and night together.

snapshot form the movie "before sunrise"
“Before Sunrise”, one of the most romantic movies in recent history, leverages the “full day together” technique

And albeit it’s a niche movie, I’ve seen more than one woman share a snapshot from that movie in their Tinder or social networks profiles.
That’s because, deep down, they dream of something similar happening to them.

The song “Perfect Day” also references the arch of a full day together (and you can add it to your playlist, by the way):

Just a perfect day
1. Drink sangria in the park
2. And then later, when it gets dark / We go home
Just a perfect day
2. Feed animals in the zoo
3. Then later a movie, too
4. And then home
Oh, it’s such a perfect day
I’m glad I spent it with you
Oh, such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on

How to set up “perfect days”

With a picnic example:

  1. Meet early
  2. Have a coffee outside, talk about the day ahead and what you can do -and be excited about it, which is most often emotionally contagious-
  3. On the way home shop for the ingredients –PRO Tip: get some “special treat”, something you can talk and explain about-
  4. Go home and, if possible, get intimate
  5. Lay on the bed for a few minutes hugging -say “5 more minutes and then we go”
  6. Prepare the picnic
  7. Rent a bike or a car to the location (can be a mini-adventure on its own)
  8. Rent a boat on the lake
  9. Start drinking the wine on the boat
  10. Go set up the picnic
  11. Play your playlist with a boombox
  12. Do one song you, one song her, and you both share the memories and associations you have of those songs
  13. Sing on the songs. If you’re not good, say:
    you know, it’s funny, usually people who love something are good at it, right? Like you love X, and you’re awesome at it (build her up, qualify her, show you appreciate her) And it’s like that for many things about me as well (display value). But singing, man… I love it, but I’m SO bad at it (laugh, display antifragile ego and the ability to laugh at yourself) Once at… (share story related to singing)
  14. Walk around the park still passing the wine to each other
  15. Admire some panoramas, see if you can squeeze another activity, or maybe talk to some random people
  16. If you’re interested in longer-term and family, watch children play
  17. Have outdoor sex if you fancy that. If you do it, take her hand while you lead her off the path and around a bush
  18. Go back home, get intimate if you feel like, then fall asleep in each other’s arms -perfect day done, swooning almost guaranteed-
  19. Let her sleep over, or get her a taxi home (avoid public transport: it requires effort and concentration and wakes her up from the dreamy, magical state)
couple on a romantic picnic

11. Have Sex (Ideally, Orgasmic & Multi-Orgasmic)

If sex helps bonding and orgasms help to bond, multi-orgasms bond the most.

Being her “best” can be the cherry on the pie of your awesome personality, and make you even more the best package she’s ever had.

This works mostly for orgasmic women and sexually liberated women. And less well for non-orgasmic women, low sex drive women, or more sexually repressed women.

11.2. Do Slow & Longer Sexual Sessions

Slow sex making is great for making her fall in love.

Best of all if you gaze into each other’s eyes.

12. Take Her Out In Luxury

man and woman on an expensive yacht

The “luxury experience” is a high-reliability shortcut to make women fall in love.

And it isn’t even about materialism.

It’s about the display of power and the indirect display of life effectiveness.
Almost all women are wired to fall for that.

It doesn’t work nearly as well for women who are born into luxury or used to it, but it works with most other women.

Even women who are used to a comfortable lifestyle can fall in love when taken to “the next level”.
Said Italian men’s dream-woman Manuela Arcuri on her fling with the sheik:

Our relationship lasted around one year, it was like living a fairytale. I was in love
On a background of dream travels, luxury hotels, and gifts of all kinds

This method doesn’t necessarily need “top of line luxury” though because “next level” is relative.

I remember when I was living in Prague in a very large room centrally located right beside the metro.
Great top location, BUT it was in a shared flat and with barely OK furnishing (including Ikea crap). Truly nothing “great”.
But to a student I took back and who was originally from a village, it seemed a lot. She asked how much I was paying, I glossed over and let her imagine as I smiled (remember: avoid talking of hard cash, it’s crude). She literally covered her mouth in excitement and a little later started escalating on me.

13. Persuade Her, Change Her Mind

Women tend to fall in love when they’re with a man who is:

  1. Effective in life
  2. Effective with people
  3. Skilled at frame control, mostly used for win-win
  4. Persuasive

Sure, being able to fix a leaking pipe is part of being “effective in life”, and it’s a great skill.
But what women truly evolved to lust after is men who can make other men work and do things for them, or for the collective. So one of the most important -if not the most important- ways of being effective in life, is being effective with and through others.

And that’s leadership & persuasion, power competence, and high-level social skills.

You display those both by going through life events together and, even more, directly with her.

For example, while discussing something, if you can persuade her without turning it into a frame battle and “me VS you”, just that by itself often make women fall in love.

Strategic Persuasion & Frame Control

See Seduction University.

14. Uplift, Guide, Mentor

This is where seduction overlaps with general self-development.

Women fall in love when their partner is “so good” that he takes several important roles in their lives.

For example:

  • Spiritual guide
  • Career mentor
  • Social strategist advisor to help them solve and improve relationships and workplace politics.

Or, you might have guessed it now, a father figure.

14.2. Use positive psychology for “therapist transference love”

Many women (and men) are:

  • Stuck into negative thought patterns
  • Focused on the negatives
  • Over-reactive to life events and others

That can seem like small stuff when you’re past it, but it can make life miserable.

It’s invaluable when you can step in and help them be happier and more optimistic with some basic “positive psychology” guidance.

It’s not uncommon that you can become a “therapist figure”, and then love is all but guaranteed.

One example we shared in the relationship module of PU:

text example of a woman falling in love with the positive psychologist technique

Repeat that a few times over, and she’s deep in love.

This is an excerpt from Seduction University, where you find the most practical strategies and examples

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