This is my recommended reading list of the best relationship books based on what I have reviewed so far.
It’s a perfect reading list if you are short on time but are keen on improving your relationship.
Just a note: don’t put too much emphasis on the position: any relationship book on this TOP 10 list is sure to be life… Ehmmm, a relationship changer.
Which is pretty much the same anyway, plenty of studies show that the biggest
To get the summary, click on the link “summary” on each book.
12. Not Just Friends
by Shirley Glass
Summary | Kindle | Print
Not Just Friends is actually about cheating and affairs. Some statistics seem to point out that cheating happens, sadly, in around half of relationships.
If that weren’t a good reason enough to learn and research how to prevent affairs, Not Just Friends will greatly expand your knowledge on love, passion, and emotional attachments.
A must-read.
Quote: Affairs are traumatic for the cheated partner, and should be treated as such.
11. Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay
by Mira Kirshenbaum
Summary | Print | Audiobook
Mira Kirshenbaum’s book focuses on helping you decide whether to stay and work on your relationship or break up.
However, it ends up providing much more than that. As she goes through the core questions you should be asking yourself, she also highlights what are the central elements that make relationships too good to leave (or too bad to stay).
A really outstanding book and a must-read to overcome any hint of ambivalence you might have.
Quote: “when distance is safer than closeness, you don’t have a relationship”.
10. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
by John Gottman
Summary | Kindle | Print
Gottman debunks a big myth here: that there’s little arguing in strong relationships. He goes on to explain the different types of relationships that different “arguing personalities” form, telling the readers what works and what doesn’t.
All are based on years of observations and research. Fascinating, fascinating stuff.
Quote: “It’s not about how much you argue, it’s about how you argue“
9. Women Who Love Too Much
By Robin Norwood
Summary | Hardcover | Audiobook
This will not be relevant to everyone, BUT, for those for whom it is relevant, it’s a potential life-changer and life-saver.
I wish there was a similar book called “men who need too much love”. Unluckily, there is no such book (yet). Luckily, Norwood covers that part as well.
For more on abusive relationships, please check:
- The psychopath’s approach to dating and relationships: a sobering and shocking read, really
- Types of abusive men
- Why Does He Do That: a book profiling abusers
Quote: The choice is yours. If you choose to begin the process of recovery, you will change from a woman who loves someone else so much it hurts into a woman who loves herself enough to stop the pain.
8. The 5 Love Languages
by Gary Chapman
Summary | Kindle | Print
The “5 Love Languages” is the biggest seller of them all on this list. As a matter of fact, Chapman holds the record of the biggest-selling books of all the relationship genres.
The “5 Love Languages” is a very simple book that shares a very simple concept. But let’s not confuse easy with important!
We all have a favorite language to share our love, says Chapman. And if we don’t use the same language as our partner, we are failing to communicate and understand love.
Definitely, something we should be aware of!
7. The Tactical Guide to Women
by Shawn Smith
Summary | Amazon
Albeit written for men, the focus of this book is what all relationship books should start with picking the right partner.
Pick the right partner, and you’re already halfway through a successful relationship.
Quote: “If I’m scaring you about marriage, good. It’s a momentous decision”
6. The Woman’s Guide to How Men Think
by Shawn Smith
Review (removed) | Audiobook
Women think they know better about relationships.
But, in truth, most women know little about men and are ill-prepared to be in healthy relationships with men.
This book helps women learn about men so that they both can enjoy better relationships.
Quote: Maybe you’ve seen one of those cartoon diagrams of a man’s brain in which most of the brain areas are labeled “sex.” Those cartoons might be more accurate if they depicted a man’s brain as one giant marketing firm designed to earn the affection and admiration of women.
5. The Man’s Guide to Women
by John Gottman
Summary | Kindle | Print
I can already hear some guys chiming in: “why is there a book on men understanding women, but not one on women understanding men?”.
Well, first of all, I have added that type of book to a second revision.
But this one still features higher because Gottman’s research shows that men play a bigger role than women in determining the success -or lack thereof- of a relationship.
In a way, that empowers men. On the other hand, very few men understand of women (and relationships) work.
Worry not, The Man’s Guide to Women is here to fix that.
Quote: “relationships are 90% of your life’s joy. Or sorrow. Which one is up to you“
4. The APA Handbook – Vol. 3 Relationships
By Various Authors
Summary | Amazon
We just had to have at least a science-based handbook in here.
Frankly, it’s not the best book on how to succeed in relationships.
That’s not the goal.
The goal of this handbook is to provide an overview of the available empirical evidence on relationships.
And to gain a good understanding of most topics, you often need to look at the available evidence on that topic.
Quote: “Additionally, social exchange perspectives (e.g. , Thibaut & Kelley, 1959) suggest that individuals seek the “best” mate they can attain on the basis of the limits imposed by their own mate value, which leads partners who have similar “market value” to pair up”
3. The Oxford Handbook of Infidelity
by Todd K. Shackelford, Tara DeLecce, et al.
Summary
While The Oxford Handbook of Infidelity focuses mostly on infidelity, infidelity is a crucial topic and risk when it comes to relationships.
As with any cooperation, it’s always important to be careful of potential risks of defection.
For some, this may be a needed wake-up call.
Quote: The forces that drive people to seek new mates are in a continual battle with a socially endorsed ideal of lifelong bonds (…) Despite the best efforts of many well-intentioned individuals, innate inclinations often overwhelm the imperatives imposed by marriage or partners’ strong intentions of fidelity. We humans simply are not evolved to remain with one partner exclusively and indefinitely. When we nevertheless do so, it is often with frustration and resentment.
(…)
In an era with long life spans and permanent marriages, love’s relative brevity tends to lead to disappointment. Romantic love almost inevitably fades within a few years, leading to diminished commitment and broken vows
(…)
The prevailing expectation of monogamy, which appears difficult to uphold considering EDI rates, causes individuals to feel devastated when infidelity occurs (Campbell et al., 2012; Coontz, 2005).
We believe monogamy is certainly possible here.
But it may present important challenges in many Western countries that have become more liberal.
Also read:
2. The Oxford Handbook of Evo Psych & Romantic Relationships
by Justin K. Mogilski, Todd K. Shackelford, et al.
Summary | Amazon
Another handbook in our top 3.
If you’re looking for advice on how to make a relationship work, skip to #1.
if you want to learn about relationships and why they exist… Look on further.
This is the true #1 at the time of writing to explain the true dynamics of dating, love, and relationships.
As with any evolutionary texts, the most naive folks here should expect some “harsh truths” about human nature.
BUT there is also plenty to be optimistic for, including what this quote represents:
Quote: Despite the often too prevalent perception of a war between the sexes in the social sciences (see special issue of Sex Roles, e.g., Vandermassen, 2011), to a large degree interdependent reproduction promotes cooperation rather than confict (Buss, 2017; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007)
1. Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work
by John Gottman
Summary | Kindle | Summary
Dear reader, honestly… Every single book on this list could have been #1. They’re just all so good.
In the end, I went for The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work as it seemed to give a greater overview of what works and what doesn’t.
Again, all based on years of observation and empirical research.
All you have to do is apply the information to your relationship and enjoy the big rewards.
What’s not to love?
Quote: “Spend 10% of the gym time on your relationship and you get 3 times the benefits“
Recap
Human relationships, including, intimate relationships, are one of the main determinants of a happy life.
Relationships also weigh heavily on our health and our longevity -probably more than all the biohacks so popular these days-.
Yet, it’s exceedingly rare for people to approach them systematically and as an improvable skill.
This list of best relationship books is here to buck the trend: grab these books, learn what works, and improve your relationship -and your life-.
