I have perused the most popular dating books for women available.
As a matter of fact, I’m not aware of a single major title I haven’t read.
Coming up with a shortlist of the best dating books for women was not easy and some good titles had to be left out.
I will tell you my criteria later, now let’s start:
9. Women Who Love Too Much
Let’s start with the basics.
This is more of a self-help, self-love type of book, but it’s a necessary step for some women in order to avoid scumbags and toxic relationships.
Self-love forms the foundations of any effective dating, and it becomes even more important for relationships.
I also recommend:
- Self-esteem in relationships: how healthy self-esteem underpins healthy relationships, as well as prevents abuse
- Psychopaths: the profiling of a sex predator: a sobering, even shocking analysis of a psychopath’s strategy to procreate, abandon, and control women. Learn this for the red flags and types of men to avoid
Date-onomics is not a dating book in the strict sense of the word.
There are no “place yourself near him” tips or “make him chase” suggestions. But it’s the best book available to link behaviors, difficulty (or ease) in finding a good mate and… Numbers.
Date-onomics is eye-opening, fun, and highly applicable.
And it might have the best dating advice you could ever receive:
- The best way to (easily) find a man is being in an environment with lots of high quality men
Take care of that, and you might not need any further advice.
Quote: “It’s not that he’s not that into you, it’s that there aren’t enough of him”
7. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
Two caveats: while Harvey proposes a 90 days no sex rule, I believe long waiting times are unhelpful.
Steve also caters to more traditional men who want to be providers. He’s right, but it doesn’t apply to everyone.
That being said, Harvey has boatloads of dating wisdom and introduces one groundbreaking concept:
The Minimum Achievement Bar. It says that men need to reach their minimum life goals of income/career before they can fully focus on a woman.
Overall, in his huge bestseller, Harvey provides an effective crossover between actual dating and successful relationships.
Quote: “Women who let him lead win at dating”
6. The Art of Seduction
Different realms that he wisely mixes and combines to back his theories with examples and famous case studies.
I put it “only” as fourth in the best dating books for women list because it’s heavy in theory. And the actual seduction stage is more geared towards men.
But don’t get me wrong: The Art of Seduction will deepen your psychological knowledge of dating like few other books -if any- ever could.
Quote: “Sirens offer the promise of endless pleasure… And a little bit of danger”
5. The Woman’s Guide To How Men Think
A book on how men think… Written by an actual psychologist and couples’ counselor.
Wow, what a rarity.
Add on top of the credentials actual great content, and you know why this book had to be here.
Most women know little about men, and are ill-prepared to be in healthy relationships with men.
This book will help you date with a relationship in mind, setting up healthy dating patterns from early on, so that you can both enjoy a healthy relationship.
Quote: Maybe you’ve seen one of those cartoon diagrams of a man’s brain in which most of the brain areas are labeled “sex.” Those cartoons might be more accurate if they depicted a man’s brain as one giant marketing firm designed to earn the affection and admiration of women.
4. Attraction Explained
Just when I thought “Date-Onomics” was the only source to provide some data and science on female dating, I stumbled onto Viren Swami’s work.
And what a gem it is.
This book will help women cut through the BS of “Cosmopolitan” style advice by sharing what’s been proven to work and what’s most likely to backfire.
Here is one quick tip: “playing hard to get” is more likely to backfire because like begets like and dislike begets dislike.
Also read more on scientifically proven dating strategies:
Quote: “When we play hard-to-get, we give the impression that we dislike the person – and that just isn’t conducive to sparking attraction“
3. Never Chase Men Again
Bruce Bryan focuses on high quality men, and he does a great job at that. He really gets how high-quality men think.
A couple takeaways from this great book:
- Escalate Emotional Investment: when he’s proven his worth, show vulnerability and escalate emotional investment. If he reciprocates, he’s a keeper;
- Don’t move in if you want marriage: men consider moving in a way to test ride or forestall marriage.
And many more great pearls of wisdom await you in “Never Chase Men Again”.
Quote: “Men with a backbone don’t take demands as a sign of quality but as self entitlement“
2. The Tao of Dating
Binazir takes the top spot of our women’s dating reading list for women-focused dating.
I think this is one of the most underrated books in the whole dating literature.
The author has a deep grasp of human nature and understands dating and high quality men’s mindsets.
He shares lots of deep wisdom, some of which includes:
- Fulfillment is a feeling NOT a person (so don’t get hung up on any specific man)
- Don’t play unavailable games: it will mistakenly make you like him less (back justification)
He’s also the only author of all the best dating books for women who says that early sex can gain you leverage if it’s a great, guilt-free experience. And I couldn’t agree more.
Quote: “Respect for female strength does not translate into male attraction“
1. Dating Power Dynamics
The obvious disclaimer here is that I am the author of Dating Power Dynamics and, thus, heavily biased.
But I wouldn’t have written a book if I didn’t believe I had something unique to share.
That uniqueness combines looks at dating both from a male and female point of view, because both perspectives matter.
The analysis and advice in Dating Power Dating are equally grounded in science, with hundreds of papers references, and personal experience, with real-life examples sprinkled all over it.
That way, you learn what truly works.
Dating Power Dynamics does not sugar coat things to pander to the readers. But it provides you with real tools and strategies to become a more effective dater.
Whether you want more sex or a relationship, you will learn the best strategies to get them.
Quote: “negotiating a mate is not that any other negotiation. The product you’ve got matters. But the good negotiators polish the product, present it well, engratiate the other party… And they get more.
Same for dating. Learn what men want, market yourself accordingly, play often, play well… And you will win.
Good Dating Books for Women
Outside the “best of” list, but still books with some wonderful information and advice:
- The Power of The Pussy: a bit more focused on the friction and sexual conflict between men and women than on pure dating strategies. But good on tackling the basics and thumbs up for exhorting women to date more and give more men a chance rather than complaining and rejecting all men off the cuff.
- Why Men Love Bitches: this one is the female equivalent of “No More Mr. Nice Guy“, and it’s a good read for women who are too nice. Just don’t make the mistake of going to the opposite end and becoming too abrasive, because that doesn’t work. Also watch out for the feminist undertones, because feminism can give you power outside of dating, but not so much dating power
- Fuck Him: takes some leaves out of the above two books, but with a more collaborative frame which I think is far more helpful to both date well, and start good relationships
- Get the Guy: this book takes a lot of male dating advice and repackages it for women. Sometimes, that doesn’t work too well. But some other times, that’s exactly what women need to do more. Starting from the mindset of taking a more active approach to their dating lives
The Criteria for The List
To make the cut in this dating books reading list I had a simple rule: there shouldn’t be any major advice which, in my opinion, could work against women.
For example, the popular concepts of making him chase, invest and wait for sex as long as possible do sometimes work.
But, depending on the individual and the environment, they equally often backfire (they work better with low-quality men and avoidant men, -and you don’t want either).
So I scrapped all books that only focus on those aspects.
Another popular concept is that of being a highly independent woman. That’s very popular among female writers and feminist-leaning authors. But as good as it sounds on paper, there is plenty of evidence that it doesn’t work well in dating -and telling other women to be strong and independent is a form of female intra-sexual manipulation-.
That type of advice makes you an effective gal at work and life, but purely in terms of dating opportunities, it can be a double-edged sword.
So I eliminated the dating books that don’t accurately flesh out those concepts (also see: successful women dating).
Yet another popular concept is that of playing lots of dating games.
And you should play some games.
But too many of them, and too many win-lose games drive away the higher quality guys.
So I skipped all books that focus too much on win-lose games. And you should scrap those, by the way:
The books in this list instead all share one thing in common: top dating advice for women with little or no downside.