Conversation Casanova is a good dating book for men teaching readers how to talk to women in order to bond with them and seduce them.
The Conversation Casanova system is based on sexualizing the conversation and moving beyond small talk to truly get to know your conversation partner.
NOTES
About the Author:
Dave Perrotta says he wasn’t a natural at socializing, making friends, or talking to women.
But he craved more, and he actively sought improvement until he got so good that he decided it was time to teach what he had learned (based on the book itself).
The Casanova Mindsets
These are the core mindsets you need to get better at conversations and seduction:
- I am responsible for my life and my circumstances
- I am enough. I don’t need the approval of someone else to feel complete: when you focus on approval, you live by other people’s standards, and you relinquish control (see next paragraph)
- I have a mission and purpose in life, and women are not my #1 priority
- All women are attracted to me until proven otherwise
Some women will be into you. But they will not come out and tell you. And sometimes, it’s difficult to read the signs, whether she’s into you or not.
To fix that problem, simply assume that all women are attracted to you. That will also lead to more attractive behavior from your side, and some women who were on the fence will actually like you more.
Overcome the Need for Validation
This part was by far my favorite in the whole book.
The need for validation is one of the most important and yet least discussed aspects of seduction.
Perrotta says that most men subconsciously feel like they are not enough and that they need something external to complete or “make them better”.
Writes Perrotta:
Once you score a date with the girl, you’ll want to bring her back to your place. Once you bring her to your place, you’ll want to have sex with her. Then, you’ll want to tell your friends about it and “show her off.”
That will be nice and feel good, but the good feeling will wear off. Soon, you’ll want more.
You’ll want to experience this feeling of approval again, and you’ll need other women to fill the need. You’ll need to keep trying harder to impress your friends and your parents.
The cycle will never end.
When you focus on other people’s approval of you, you are living by their standards, not yours. You are relinquishing control of your life and your well-being to outside sources.
How to Make a Great First Impression
The tips basically all relate to projecting powre:
- Slow down your speech rate: most guys talk too fast, and slower is more attractive
- Avoid jerking, speedy, or anxious movements: or anything that looks like fidgeting
- Use the “sexy smile”: with one corner of your lips higher than the other (and avoid the big, toothy smiles)
- Adopt good posture: and strong body language
- Give strong eye contact: and avoid darting your eyes around
Learn the exact how to in:
How to Have a Good Early Conversation
- Make an “assumption statement” at first: for example, instead of “what do you do”, you can say: “you look like an artistic type, are you a designer or something” (something that Mark Manson in “Models” also recommends)
- Ask a closed-ended question first: for example: “where do you come from?”
- Then follow-up wit an open-ended one to build up: “oh cool, how is it like there?”
- Then share a comment, your own experience, or how you feel about it
How to Bond and Relate
Perrotta says that to bond and relate you need to help people see you as “the same”, as opposed to as “the other”.
He then goes on to describe the most common conversational mistakes people commit and how to fix them.
He recommends avoiding making too-contentious opinions early on and letting the girl talk more (I agree).
Also read:
- How to bond and relate (with plenty of examples)
You Must Genuinely Love Women
Dave Perrotta says:
In order to be truly successful with women you need to become a man who loves women.
I think that in this era of red pill, we need that type of reminder.
Also see:
Conversation Tips
- Ask for her number or to see her again at a high point of the interaction
- Imply that she is hitting on you: this is something I used to do a lot but that over time I drastically reduced. It works though, and it was a good reminder that I can also restart doing it a bit more often
- When talking about yourself, realize that it’s about signaling value (focus both warmth and power)
- Among your qualities, do include “appreciation of beauty” and vulnerability
TPM Corrections
“I know this is really random” opener
Perrotta presents four different types of openers.
“I know this is really random…” is how he sets up his direct opener. It was a rather common one in seduction communication, and it almost went mainstream.
However, I never liked that type of opener.
Perrotta advises readers to slow down on that “reeeaaallly”, which further draws attention to how random your interaction is.
But that also makes it far less natural, and whenever possible, I prefer to make my interactions seem natural and effortless.
This isn’t based just on opinions: I used it a lot, and for me, it didn’t work nearly as well as other types of openers.
Grabbing her contact info with the “I know this random…”
Same as above.
When the girl is in a rush, Perrotta recommends you grab her contact information with the following sentence:
I know this is random and we literally just met, but you have a really fun/interesting vibe. We should grab a drink this week or next.”
Again, I wouldn’t draw attention to the “randomness” bit.
The rationale for doing that is that you “pace her reality”, as the early PUA called it, and that you show emotional and social intelligence.
But it also somewhat shows low standards: you “literally just met someone” and you already want to hang out? Ideally, you want to exchange contact when there is some interest or when she qualifies a bit.
The “you have a really fun vibe” is a form of qualification, but it could be better, in my opinion (for example, it’s better to ask a question to make her qualify and then use her answer to qualify her).
Alternatively, I prefer to be more honest and say “you seem the kind of girl I like”.
The “fun vibe” just doesn’t feel genuine to me.
The “agree and amplify” technique is jester-like
Perrotta mentions women’s shit tests and recommends the “agree and amplify” technique to pass those tests.
For example:
Her: “I’m too old for you…”
You: “Oh, I know. I’m just a boy trying to find his place in this big world. I’m no match for a sexy, mature girl like yourself.”
The “agree and amplify” technique can work in some situations. But often, it doesn’t. It’s because you remain within their frame, which gives them control.
Plus, you are following their lead.
Also read: frame control and how to properly use frames.
PROS
- Highlights the importance of prosocial qualities
Dave Perrotta is one of the few, if not the only, authors I remember to highlight the importance of prosocial traits.
Most authors focus on being more of an asshole, or on being more dominant. There is a place for both of them, but prosociality is what makes the difference between a non-pro social dominant man that high-quality women reject, and a dominant man women want more and more in their lives.
Props to Perrotta for delving into such an important yet underrated aspect of seduction (and socialization in general).
- Very good on many of the basics
Conversation Casanova puts together many of the main basics of good conversation, and it’s equally good in highlighting
Review
Conversation Casanova is a solid book for beginners because it covers many of the basics.
Because it focuses on the basics, more advanced students of the social arts might find “Conversation Casanova” to be OK, but not to break lots of new ground.
A few times, I disagreed with the advice -see the “cons” section above-.
But overall, I agree with most of what Perrotta says. We also have had a somewhat similar trajectory, so I can understand Dave’s own drives and motivations.
Finally, even as a non-beginner, there were also a couple of important reminders, plus a good new nugget of wisdom I took away and which I will be implementing.
Check out the best dating books for guys or once you’re ready to be a proper seducer, check out Seduction University. All these processes worked great for me, and I’m short and bold:
