The Rational Alpha Male Mindsets: Post-Red Pill

This article’s core notion is that the “red pill” should only be a phase in men’s development.

If you are going through a red pill phase, keep this in mind:

To be the best version of yourself you can be, you must eventually move beyond the Red Pill.

That means that not everything red pill must be discarded -quite the opposite-.

But it means that there is a final transformation and stage to reach.
And to reach that phase, you will have to soften, change, amend, or even discard some common or core Red Pill beliefs, approaches, and attitudes.

This post helps you get into the mindsets of the men who have moved beyond The Red Pill and reached a higher stage in your personal self-development.

So let’s start:

Attitudes Towards Women

The views on women are the most significant differentiator between Red Pill men and post-Red Pill men.

Red Pill Mindset: Women Are ALL Bad & Manipulative (AWALT)

At the heart of Red Pill toxicity is the view of intergender relationships as adversarial.

The Red Pill sees women as:

• Morally inferior to men
• Irrational and less intelligent
• Naturally manipulative and conniving
• Acting always and only on self-interest, which in turn never intersects with male interest

This is an example:

Some men joining the Red Pill were victims of Madonna-whore mindset.
Before they used to believe all women were Madonnas.
But then something unexpected happened in their lives, they join the Red Pill, and now they swing in the opposite direction, happy to justify their anger with the “all women are like that” mantra (ie.: “all women are natural whores”).

They become highly mistrustful of women, and while sometimes mistrust is good, John Gottman’s research showed that protracted mistrust and constant suspicion of other people’s motives leads to loneliness and early death (mostly common in men).

Alpha Fucks, Beta Is Fucked: The Race for Holy Grail Alphaness

Red Pill men believe that “the truth” is depressing, but it also presents opportunities for those who become “alpha males”.

Alpha males don’t get manipulated: betas do. Alpha males get to do whatever they want.
In Red Pill’s common black and white thinking, it’s either you fuck women by being an alpha, or you get fucked by being a beta.

Again, we go back to the black and white thinking of the Red Pill community. 

Of course, “alpha fucks beta bucks” is not wholly wrong.
But the concept, in its extremization, ends up being a distortion of reality.

Indeed, the two middle categories are far more common than the extremes the red pill describes:

• Beta fucks: a non-stereotypically alpha male who gets sex, relationship, and children within a committed relationship

It’s probably far more common for the beta male to raise his own children than it is for the alpha male to fuck a bunch of women and father lots of children without providing anything.
And it’s especially rarer with high-quality women.

So some betas -the beta fucks- are not always and necessarily a total loser, but they’re getting something out of their commitment.

• Alpha fathers: an alpha male who commits and/or provides financial support for the woman/women they have sex with.

And there are plenty of alpha men who do commit. 
Because I don’t know where you live, but where I have been living, it’s mostly the lower quality women who end up as single mothers-.

Many of the smarter women I’ve seen aren’t too keen in letting themselves get impregnated and abandoned.

Also read here:

The Science of “Alpha Fucks Beta Bucks” (Facts VS Myths)

Post-Red Pill Mindset: Women Are The Female of The Human Species, With Their Pros, Cons, Some Baseline Shared Traits & Some Personal Peculiarities

High-quality men are not naive.

They know that:

• Interests can diverge: while some male and female interests overlap, they can also diverge with time, and in some important aspects
• People manipulate

And they know that women manipulate.
And some women more than others also:

• Play dating games
• Can play nasty and manipulative games
• Tend to control and “domesticate” men in relationships

Female Domestication: How Women Control Men & Relationships

Post-Red Pill men know that there are general and fundamental tendencies in women, men, and human beings in general.
In that sense, “AWALT” applies to both women.

But they’ve traveled and experienced enough to know that, on top of those AWALT common tendencies women, just like men, women vary wildly in their tendencies to cheat, take, and manipulate -or to be faithful, giving, and straight-.

They have experienced women who played dread games, who texted them to meet up to celebrate their new “single lives” after they had been hooking up for a month, and women who lied and deceived. 

And they have experienced women who want simple lives, craving for 1:1 attachments and a man to take care of.
As a matter of fact, they worried for those women when they themselves weren’t willing to commit.

They wanted to help those women become “badder”, more like male assholes equivalents. They thought that was the best way to help those women, to insulate them from the pains and realities of lives.
In a way, they wanted to make those women more Red Pill.

Then they saw those same women get exactly what they wanted with some other men who wanted the same thing that they wanted.
A loyal, collaborative, and mutually supportive relationship.

Here is one example:

I worried she was too into me. 
And too nice, too submissive, too “good”.
Dropping gifts in my mailbox, preparing expensive dinners, showing up at my door within 20mins when I told her I got fired (and while I was having another woman over…).
I wanted to expand her options, increase her negotiation power… Make her more like me.

But it’s not what she wanted.
I came to realize that she truly was a “church, home, work” kind of woman, looking for a man to revere and serve.

Now she’s doing the same she was doing with me, with a man who wants the same and was doing the same back to her.

Turns out, seeing her happy, giving it her all to someone else, and making that man’s loyal companion… I wonder if I wasn’t the one who was wrong all along.

That’s the topic for another discussion, but the point here is: Post-Red Pill don’t jump to conclusions based on general tendencies, but focus on getting to know the woman they are interacting with.
They know some women make for (much) better partners than others, and that’s why they want to know who they’re dealing with.
And, as good rational thinkers, do, they are careful not to generalize one single bad or good experience to the whole population.

Attitudes Towards Seduction

Often men enter the Red Pill after a heartbreak or following the momentous self-admission that they are not doing well with women.

The Red Pill promises solutions for both, so the sale is easily done.

Let’s see how that turns out to be.

Red Pill Mindset: Spin Plates, Be An Asshole

At the core, this is what Red Pill seduction looks like:

Women chase unavailable assholes.
Become one.

And while there is certainly some truth in that, it’s also a limited view of what works in seduction.

Men starting with the Red Pill often seem to seek self-validation through the “N-count”, or the number of partners one has had (validation-type womanizer).
And there is nothing wrong with seeking lots of partners, the author here has been through it, too.

What’s more debatable though is the rampant objectification of women, called “plate” after Rollo Tomassi’s popular “The Rational Male” book/blog.
Objectification can also be OK, especially during sex, and can be attractive to women.
But continuous personal-objectification can lead to a loss of feelings.

See an example here:

Since women are de-humanized, it’s only natural that game in the Red Pill degrades into manipulation.
Enter mind games such as or “triangulation” and “dread game” rather than, say, seduce her with your leadership.

Also read:

• Asshole dating strategy
• How to be a “good asshole”

How to Be A Good Asshole

Post-Red Pill Men Mindset: Women Are One of Life’s Pleasures 

High-quality men might also see seduction as a game.

But it’s an interaction like many other human relationships, and it’s not based on the idea that one party is wicked and another party good and honest.
High-quality men can thrive in a world of shades of gray, and appreciate women with their flaws and, sometimes, because of their flaws.

Some high-quality seducers enjoy the feelings and emotional side of seduction.
They appreciate or prefer seduction in the Casanova style rather than asshole game or the robotic style of PUA.

And they believe that it’s also more effective: true whirlwind romance is an intertwining of souls where physical ecstasy overlaps with romance, in an emotional tango resonating into eternity.

This is the type of seduction I’ve preferred, and it’s what misogyny and “asshole game” will never provide.

Masculinity Ideals

What does it mean to be a man?

That’s a major topic of both the manosphere and the Red Pill, where the emphasis is on “being an alpha male”.

Let’s see what it means:

Red Pill Mindset: Be Alpha Or Be Fucked

First rule to being an alpha male:

1. Be an asshole

Of course, the most famous “gurus” deny that, and yet, that’s exactly what it is about.

Again, don’t get me wrong, some men are too nice (also see “No More Mr. Nice Guy“).
But the cure is in becoming assertive and high power, not an asshole. An asshole is less effective than an equally high-power collaborator.

Red Pill philosophy is about overdoing the traits of ass-holishness, and they end up ditching the traits that can make for collaborative relationships (more on it later).

It’s the exact same mistake feminists encourage women to do, by the way.
Women read equivalent books such as “The Power of The Pussy” and “Why Man Love Bitches” with the intention of becoming stronger.
But they often just become angrier, more argumentative, and bitter.

Alpha Males Against Feminazis

One of the reasons why many Red Pill men are misogynists is because they feel under threat by women.

In a way, it’s understandable.

Women are getting better education, earning more, driving their own cars, launching their own companies and, on average, taking on roles and occupations that have been traditionally male.

And they are even “trying” to make it seem like it’s normal and perfectly feminine to do so.
Argh!
How are men going to feel about that?

This is what Rollo Tomassi, a popular Red Pill author, writes about women “invading” male spaces:

(…) women are inserting themselves into male space in order to enforce the dictates of feminine social primacy

This is the mindset of men who feel like their masculinity is under siege by the “feminine”.

Why do men feel backed into a corner?
Well, think of it this way: if women also aspire to traditionally male values such as “camaraderie”, “entrepreneurship”, “grit”, “courage” or, God forbid, “honor”, what’s left for men to define themselves as men?

Some men, fearing an assault on their spaces and seeking differentiation, get pushed more and more into extreme positions.
Enter, toxic masculinity.
Male values become more extreme, including violence, the denial of feelings and emotions, and the refusal to form partnerships with “these women” who make them feel less of a man.

As they get pushed into extreme positions, men also fire to cover the retreat.
The advancing women become “undatable”, “desperate and alone”, “feminazi” and “unworthy of a true woman”.

The alpha male, the Red Pill ideal, is a mythic figure who stops the female onslaught.
Romantically, he makes women swoon and go back to their submissive and kitten-like selves. At work and in life, he shows women they can’t truly compete with a “real” man. And in the gym, he shows women a man is naturally stronger.
Strong, powerful and unassailable, this is what every Red Pill man aspires to.
For the pussy-starved men, this is their dream-self who slays like nobody’s business. 
For the angry ones, this is the man who will serve revenge on a silver platter.

There is a name for this tendency, and it’s the:

• Identity leecher: someone with a rather mediocre life who derives pride and self-esteem not from what he does, but from what his group of reference does 

You can see an example of identity leeching here:

The Yoke of External Imposition

There is nothing wrong with wanting to move towards an ideal.

But one of the issues is that the “alpha male ideal” is externally imposed by the community.

“What it means to be a man” for Red Pill men becomes an external imposition of rules of conduct.

Whenever you accept an imposition of what it means to be a man, whether it comes from the community, your woman -or even yourself-, then you place a yoke on yourself.

The external party controls your yoke with some powerful tools:

• Belonging: abide the rules and you’re one of us, disobey and you’re blue pill
• Shame: abide the rules and you’re alpha male; disobey and you’re beta male blue pill

And of course, the judge yoke of being “good enough” or “not good enough”.

Shaming is also a tool used by women to control men, and it works the same way:

You don’t conform to my description? Then you’re not a “real (alpha) man”. That’s how control works.

Post-Red Pill Mindset: F*ck Your Standards, I Make My Rules

High-quality men answer with a big “fuck you” to anyone who tells them what a man ought to be.

They don’t like external impositions because they’re content with themselves to the point where they don’t need a group to prop up their ego and self-image.

If they meet a strong woman making lots of money they don’t necessarily feel threatened because they don’t link their self-esteem to either money or career.
If she bench-presses more than they do, still not threatened, because they don’t link their ego to “strength”.

Most of all, enlightened men don’t put themselves any pressure on having to be “alpha”, hitting the gym, “slaying women” or whatever any external authority commands for “being a man”.
High-quality men are freer and more resilient because they use more flexible guidelines instead of steadfast rules.
They don’t attach their ego to any specific trait and they embrace complexity instead of black and white.

If they’re on their asses, they’re not even afraid of crying in their room. They know they’ll get going soon anyway.
If they are developing feelings for a woman, they don’t necessarily try to fight it because that would be a “one-itis” and “one-itis are for betas”.
And if they’re hurt, they don’t try to suppress it. They sit with the hurt because they know that, as Ray Dalio said, pain + reflection = growth.

They might even hold dear to that pain, but instead of letting it fuel their hatred like many Red Pill men do, they use it for personal growth (something yours truly routinely does):

Attitudes Towards Others

How do the two relate to others?
In diametrically opposed ways:

Red Pill Mindset: Push Others Men Down to Feel Better

The Red Pill is a huge game of social climbing.

“Alpha male” and “Red Pill” are social currencies that afford or remove status within the Red Pill community.

The community, like most other ideology-based groups, is set up to reinforce the beliefs of the community and to prop up the ego of its participants.

People who are not in the Red Pill are blue pill, and inferior.
That already makes the members feel “better”, as they can point to someone who is “worse”.
And it keeps the community stronger with this unwritten promise: we tell each other we are “better”, stay here and you get to feel better.

There is also an internal struggle for status, of course.

Since the community’s brownie points are delivered based on adherence to “red-pillness” and “alpha-maleness” values and traits, well.. You guessed it, many men are busy proving how alpha and red pill they are.

This leads to social climbing, a common but nasty, and rather low-status behavior that people adopt in groups.
I specifically addressed manosphere social climbing in “alpha male posturing“.

Post-Red Pill Mindset: I’m Aiming High In Life, Could Use Some More Company Up There

Top men don’t push people down. 

Why should they?
They’re at the top already.

It’s only those in the middle and at the bottom who push others down to climb up. 
High-quality leaders look at men squabbling for status and think of the  “crabs in a bucket” analogy. And they have no interest in entering that bucket.

Albeit high-quality men don’t engage and don’t waste time assaulting and ridiculing people below their level, they also know how to effectively maneuver around the threat and come out on top.
That’s what makes them high quality, after all.

Ultimately, when they like someone or when they have enough time for the effort, seek to bring people higher, not lower.

The same mindset applies for those who aim to go high, even while they’re still climbing.

Views On Romantic Relationships

Part of the manosphere encourages men to fulfill their “obligations” and care and provide for women and families.

Jordan Peterson for example encourages men to stick with one woman, and the “protector” is also a theme in the classic book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover“.

But the Red Pill is different.
They say that only works outside of Western society where “hypergamy” is still under control.
It does network in the West, though.
It doesn’t work anymore with feminists, easy sex for women and, of course, divorce law stacked against men.
Let me say that, in this case, I partially agree with the Red Pill here, and I’d definitely caution men to be careful around marriage.

But of course, the Red Pill takes it to an extreme, and just can’t seem to fathom there can be such a thing as a happy relationship.

Red Pill Mindset: Relationships Are Way Too Dangerous

Remember that the Red Pill sees:

• Intergender relationships as a tug war
• Women as inherently wicked and manipulative
• The playing field stacked for women to win

So relationships for the Red Pill are naturally hard.

Navigating relationships is not about synergy, chemistry and a team working together.
It’s all about him -and his alphaness-.
He must remain alpha at all times, never “break frame”, show power over the woman and keep her in check via “dread game”.

It might come as no surprise that this leads to toxic relationships, possibly abusive relationships and, overall, to plainly terrible relationships (no wonder most Red Pill men are single).

See this example of a man who swallowed the pill and became completely paranoid:

Indeed, even if they want a relationship, it’s difficult developing one for men schooled in Red Pill philosophy.
The whole Red Pill philosophy stands in contrast to successful relationships.

Because assholes, bad boys and dark triad manipulators can pick up women, but they can hardly form good relationships and struggle with a high-quality woman.
High-quality women have higher self-respect and more options, and they’re more likely to bite the bullet and pull the plug, even if they’re still hooked.

But it’s easier to keep hooked women with self-esteem issues.
This is why some men seek to decrease her self-esteem by lowering her value.
That makes the men feel more in control and decreases the chances she’ll leave or cheat.

You can see it in action in “combative relationships“, or take a look at this example:

Red Pill-schooled relationships are toxic because they are built around his fears.

Fear cheating, fear of getting hurt, fear of her “female hypergamy” and fear of being found out for not being as alpha as he’s trying to show.

There is a name for this mindset and personality, and it’s the:

• Fearful defector: to be so afraid of being cheated, that he either avoids the game altogether, or approaches the game with a mindset of “I’ll cheat first”.

Red Pill Relationships and Ego-Threat

A woman leaving someone for another man is a big blow for anyone.

But it’s particularly destructive for Red Pill men.
For Red Pill men, that would mean that they found “someone more alpha”. Which, in turn, means “they are not alpha enough”.
And since all their ego is built around “being alpha”, they fold like a castle of cards.

See an example here:

See the pattern?
These are all different manifestations of the same fear: that there is someone more alpha out there.

The Folding Alpha: One Example

BTW, I dated a girl once who left her former boyfriend for me.

This genius loved to go old-school alpha male on her with things like “shut up woman”, “go to the kitchen woman”, etc.
The girl once took a cigarette from her friend and went to puff one. He took it from her lips and threw it away in front of everyone because he “wouldn’t allow her a single puff”.

When she left him, he went into a tailspin.
On top of the typical promise of beating the new boyfriend up, he also cut himself.
And please note that I am saying this while I actually felt for the guy. But it says a lot about the “strength” behind “alpha male controlling behavior”.

Post-Red Pill Mindset: Win-Win Is Possible, So It’s Either Win-Win Or Nothing

High-quality leaders know a few truths about relationships:

• Understanding women is crucial for relationships
• Picking the right woman is crucial for relationships
• A focus on oneself must find a corresponding focus on team-effort
• Relationships, like good negotiations, entail accepting influence as well

Not all high-quality men must want or settle in a relationship, of course.
But if they do, they screen their partner hard and aim for win-win.

From the get-go of dating, they like to see win-win mutual investment. They give, but with the expectation of receiving the same back.
And if they don’t see anything coming back, they are happy to cut ties.

They know people can slip and while they always leave the door open for possible cheating or future breakup, they don’t stress about it.
And they know that, if they picked a good partner, a good chunk of what happens is within their control. 

They tend to be leaders of their relationships, of course.
These guys are generally leaders, and good leaders.
And it happens naturally and, most of all, it’s not confrontational leadership because women are happy to elect high-quality men as their leaders.

This is what my girlfriend sent me during our relationship:

Those are not the messages that assholes tend to receive. 

And these are the messages that ex-girlfriends send to men who are value-adding leaders:

This was years after we ended. But positive leaders are rare, and women often miss them.

Of course, needless to say, the collaboration we endorse on this website is smart collaboration!
You must pick the right person to collaborate with (not everyone is), and you must make sure to keep that relationship collaborative.

Also read here:

• The enlightened collaborator

Attitudes Towards The PC-World

The Red Pill holds some views that society disapproves of, or frowns upon.

The same is true for high-quality leaders.

However, they have very different attitudes towards the gap between their beliefs and society’s beliefs.

Red Pill Mindset: I Can’t Believe How Stupid And Gullible People Are!

Red Pill men spent vast amounts of time and effort reading, sharing, and commenting on what their nemesis are doing.

They like to attack, ridicule, or laugh at feminists, liberals, blue pill men, or society.

The ridiculing serves to make them feel better about themselves to strengthen the group and, partially, for social climbing (ie.: “look at me how better than those idiots”).

There is nothing wrong with analyzing others and, sometimes, a bit of venting and ranting is also OK and might even be therapeutic (I did in this post on Scandinavian bathrooms).
But it shouldn’t take too much of your time.

Post-Red Pill Mindset: It Is What It Is, I Don’t Want to Change Everyone’s Mind

High-quality men are too busy with their lives to get lost in discussions of “how things ought to be”.

If there are a lot of feminists these days in the west, that’s how it is.
They might be curious as to why more women are feminists today, but they will not waste time complaining about it.

Post-Red Pill men think that if you waste too much time talking and discussing the turkeys, you tend to become more like the turkeys.
And they prefer soaring with the eagles.

Also read this foundational article of TPM’s philosophy:

• The Ubermesch: how enlightned self-interest keeps you focused on what you can control only, and away from b*tchng and complaining

Enlightened Self-Interest: Making of The Ubermensch

Politics

Personal political orientation will tell you a lot about people.

Red Pill Mindset: Long Live The Strong Man

Red Pill members long for the strong man.

That’s because a large portion of red pillers belong to the authoritarian subset of political conservatism, which focuses on hierarchy and obedience (Sapolsky, 2018).

The strong man, of course, reminds them more of the dream end game of alpha-maleness.
The strong alpha male seeks to centralize power, silence the competition, reward other alpha males and punish the weak. That seems fair to most red piller because, as Miller and Kanazawa point out (Miller & Kanazawa, 2008) conservatives are more likely to fall for the naturalistic fallacy -ie.: what’s natural is good-. 

So Putin, a known kleptocrat, is a true alpha male, while Obama was a weak ass feminized man.
Obama also gave the Red Pill more ammo to complain about the “declining West” and fawn upon foreign lands where societies (apparently) still respect “true men”. 

That’s why a good chunk of the Red Pill is happier with the new American strong man, Donald Trump.
As a matter of fact, the Red Pill officially endorsed Trump:

There was disagreement here, but the post was still upvoted by 82% of Reddit users.

I can see these dynamics with my own readership.
Yours truly gets quite a few critical messages whenever he criticized Trump: 

As we’ve mentioned, there is a strong overlap between Red Pill beliefs of “alphaness”, “power” and “control” and what Adorno referred to as “Authoritarian Personality” (Adorno, 1950) and what Lakoff calls “strict father morality” (Lakoff, 2008).

The red pill, albeit it presents itself as an apolitical movement, is actually naturally authoritarian, and leaning towards conservatism.

Post-Red Pill Men: Strong Men Can Either Be Much Better Or Much Worse

High-quality men can be liberal or conservatives.

They might be against immigration, wanting to keep their guns, or prefer low taxation because they’re rich (for the record, I am against “open doors” immigration policies, would like to own a couple of guns, and prefer low taxation).

But they seldom fall for the allure of the strong man.

Deep down, they instinctively know that weak egos seek refuge in groups and charismatic leaders, while strong men seek to carve their own paths.

Red Pill Mindset: Group Above Individuals

Red pillers focus on genders.

Inherently, that puts a heavy focus on groups.

And when you focus on groups, “belonging” and “pride” come next.
Some of those guys tend to see the group of “men” as an extension of the self.

They recognize themselves as “men” first and foremost, and any win of men against women is also their win.
See the same example we saw earlier:

This guy -and the many who upvoted him- have this issue:

1. They project their ego onto the group 
2. They have a confrontational approach to gender relations
3. They have a fragile ego

Hence, it’s “men VS women”, and a win of any man, is also his win.
And any loss of any man against a woman it’s his loss, his demasculinization.

This is not to say one should “drop” all his identities and sense of belongings. Quite the opposite: they are important.
But it does mean that one should pick his groups of belonging smartly, not go to extremes, and always remember that the individual comes first (“healthy individualism”).
Read more here.

Also read:

• Drop the need for groups

Post-Red Pill Men: Individuals First

More enlightened men embrace self-empowerment.

It’s the empowerment of the individual.
And with that comes the tendency -and ability- to look at individuals first, rather than groups.

And that opens the doors to exceptions and to exceptional men and women who raise above the average.
Funny enough, those high-quality men and women often share more similarities between them, than with the average people in their respective genders.

Feedback From The World

How the world sees you does not define you.

BUT…

it can provide important feedback.

As someone said:

Either you’re the only one seeing the truth and you’re about to make history… Or you’re a fool.
And I’m afraid that, more often than not, the odds are higher that you’re a fool

Lucio Buffalmano

Red Pill Mindset: They See Us As Misogynists Because They’re Not Red-Pill, Their Opinion Doesn’t Count

Most non-Red Pill people tend to agree the Red Pill is misogynist.

The Red Pill says that it’s the blue pill world only that says that. But to paraphrase what someone said: 

When everyone thinks you’re a misogynist, it’s either everyone’s wrong and women truly are terrible, or you’re actually a misogynist.

The final answer is up to you, but one should always consider the possibility of being wrong.

Post-Red Pill Men: If People Bring Good Arguments or If 80% Agree On Something, I’ll Truly Ponder That Feedback

Since post-Red Pill men purged much of their anger, they get along better with others.

Still, they get some flack from the extremists, since they’re not extremists (anymore).

But that’s a good sign.
Usually, you want to see some angry comments from both sides:

And from those more extreme in the manosphere side:

I got several of those in my mailbox as well, both feminists, and red pillers.

Here’s my rule of thumb though:

If you’re discussing sensitive topics and you’re not getting some flack from the extremists, you’re either playing it too safe, or you’re an extremist yourself.

However, luckily, you get little flack, since while you reject the extremists, you can recognize the good points from both.
On average, you get respect from the moderates on both sides:

Test Yourself!

Now comes the fun part.

Time to test yourself.

Look at this video and think of how you would react:

Done it?

Here is how our two archetypes of men would react:

Red Pill: That’s An Alpha

Well done, she had it coming. 

He chased in the beginning and that was beta and blue pill.
But when he enforced the rules, that was truly a dominant alpha.

And she will go back to him because he’s alpha.

This analysis is not wholly wrong. 
But that’s also not how high-quality men think.

High-Quality Man: That’s Some F*cked Up Relationship

What a toxic dynamic.

He seems like a high-value man, but not fully there yet.

He chased in the beginning, he allowed her to pull him into abusive behavior and, most of all… What the hell is he doing with that drama queen?

Time for him to find a better woman. 

The Stages of Moving Beyond TRP

1. Denial – What a bunch of hating misogynists, this ain’t real
2. Anger – This can’t be real, but some of it makes sense… Women and society have truly taken me for a ride!
3. Deep Diving – OK, let’s see what else makes sense and how I can use it
4. Depression – Damn, the world truly runs on self-interest
5. Self-identification – I’m a Red Pill man, and feel superior to others because of it 
6. First Post-TRP Awareness – Wait, I am becoming angrier and more bitter. I’m not really gaining much here. Is there something better?
7. Post Red Pill – There are exceptions to the general rules, society and women are complex, and win-win are possible

Only liberals, free-thinkers, individualists, and non-authoritarian conservatives will reach 6 and 7.
The authoritarian conservatives are more likely to remain in the red pill.

Do men “have to” go through the red pill?

No, not necessarily.

First off, only some men need a Red Pill-type wake-up slap.
And it’s the men who grew up with a “blue pill” worldview, including an overly naive approach to life and people.

Not all men grew up blue pill or naive, though.

The author for example always recoiled at hearing red pill gurus talking about “harsh cold realities”.
I never felt they were neither harsh nor cold, and they all seemed common sense.
I never believed that women, just like men, were either particularly good, trustworthy, or necessarily faithful.
And I always thought and believed that women, just like men and just like any other animal, seek to maximize their returns. So to me, hypergamy always felt like “man, is that even surprising or news that women seek what’s best for them”?

So when I first met the red pill I didn’t see many “truths”, but I saw instead a lot of the anger, frustration, finger-pointing, b*tching, and barely hidden misogyny.
That didn’t help me empathize with the men who “needed” some of those harsher truths, so I never wrote for that type of audience.
I write for an audience that is either already at a more advanced of, important an audience that can skip the red pill.

And that’s a crucial point.

Because it’s probably best for most men to learn the basic dynamics of female and human nature from different sources than the pill.
Sources that contain the same -or better– wisdom, but without the anger, bitterness, resentment, misogyny, shady gurus on top, and more angry men around you.

Be Like Water

Being Red Pill, by definition, is self-identification.

Once you belong and identify with a group, your reality is almost automatically distorted.
The Red Pill reality, even moderate Red Pillers, is tinged and filtered through the colors of the group.

I invite you instead not to define yourself with anything at all.

Imagine there is no countries, sang John Lennon.
No group to conform to, no nationality to die for, no gender to defend (or to defend from).

That’s somewhat a scarier place because it demands a high tolerance for uncertainty. 
But it’s a freeing place.

I never define myself.
I don’t even like adjectives.
Sometimes people tell me I’m “confident”, as in these feedback sheets from a speech I gave:

5 years ago, I would have thought “awesome, I’m so cool”.

Today, I’m getting closer and closer, finally, to thinking absolutely nothing of it.

Today I willingly avoid taking ownership of any adjective or definition.

“Confidence” does not define me.
I know that sometimes I can be confident, sometimes I can be scared shitless and still look confident, and some other times I won’t even be able to hide my fear, stupidity, or incompetence.
And I’m totally cool with that.

There is power in refusing definition.
No ego equals no target and full control.

Bruce Lee said it first, Robert Greene made it one of the laws of power:

Be like water.